Christmas is the most wonderful time of year, and I’ve decided to compile another annual Gift Guide because that’s just the kind of guy I am…helping you fucking peasants…find amazing gift ideas for you and yours…whoever that may be…maybe just for you…because I can’t imagine anyone loving your depressing ass enough to invite you to Christmas celebrations…
shad
If you have been reading the site, you’ll know I fucking love Christmas, I listhanden to Christmas songs all year round, I also let girls sit on my lap all year round and ask them if they’ve been naughty or nice…

So this post…is the post of the year…the most meaningful i’ve got…TAKE IT ALL IN…

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Our first gift idea is the gift of style, because anyone who is well dressed, unlike me, presents and packages themselves to the world as someone worth fucking or fucking with. It helps in business, in dating, in everything…and I may be unemployed, I may be a degenerate, I may wear sweatpants three sizes too small…but I know how important looking good is if you want to get what you want out of life…assuming what you want out of life is more than just herpes/booze, or other low level easy to acquire things like me…

This is a solid fucking gift for yourself…

New trendy outfits delivered to your door every month.
But don’t get too attached.
Get 50% off your first month! Enter Code DRESSME50 at checkout.

GET IT!!

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I have the worst fucking hemorrhoids in the world, some days I can’t even walk, it’s been years of drinking, eating shit, and sitting on the fucking computer as a fat man…so I know the pain that is Toilet Paper…no matter how soft they get those chemical filled things…so I’m a shit and shower kind of guy…but I did used to bang some married chick who had a Bidet, prior to my Hemmies, and I used it and thought, nice an asshole shower…without a whole shower…Brilliant…

I’ve also seen and wanted Japanese Toilet seats forever, but they are unaffordable, so when this product landed in my inbox…it was a no brainer…

I am going to be buying everyone I know at least one of them…it’s the gift that keeps giving…everytime your friends take a shit they’ll be thinking of you….

Stop smearing sh*t around with toilet paper after taking a dump. The TUSHY butt wash will rinse away all those excess dingleberries with a precise stream of fresh water and clean your chocolate starfish, no matter how gnarly the poop. Treat yourself to a TUSHY butt wash. Get one for your bros for Christmas, bless your Great Aunt Miriam with a TUSHY for Hanukkah, and maybe even one for your girlfriend’s house for those massive dumps after holiday feasting. For only $69 and 10 minutes to install, any boring old toilet can be transformed into a pooper’s paradise. Seriously, wiping your ass with TP sucks. Snap a TUSHY on to any toilet and appreciate the magic of having a bidet butt-washing oasis only steps away. Aunt Miriam will thank you.

Stop wiping with toilet paper, start washing with TUSHY

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A monthly package for his package, the gift that keeps coming, that keeps the cumming cumming…because we live in an era where jerking off is normal, there’s so much fucking porn out there and everyone is jerking off 4-5 times a day, when not fucking, because let’s face it, girls don’t like fucking you…and I am sure that applies to everyone you know…

This is not just a gift for your lonely on the holidays self, even your married friends who don’t want to fuck their wife, your dad who doesn’t want to fuck your mom and really any dude who wants to jerk off better with a drawer of jerk off tools, the monthly jerk off tool treat…will appreciate you…so make it happen today.

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Roll it up, all natural….because Each wrap is hand selected and inspected to ensure that it has all of the properties for a great roll, with a slow even burn every time. Handmade and all natural which makes each wrap is completely unique. These wraps provide a light airiness to your smoking with minimal to no taste…

Everyone and their grandmother smokes weed, so why not give them the healthy shit to roll it up and smoke it up with..

A great gift, a great stocking stuffer, a great time….

All Smokers who still like to actually smoke like they’re supposed to…will be into this…so get them what they want…see more at @TRASROLLINGCO

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Glasses to better see pussy with….I mean I say that because I am a voyeur and use sunglasses to hide where my eyes are actually staring…the pussy…and these glasses are amazing because they are made of wood for my wood…

It’s a fact that you can’t have enough glasses. Glasses make you look cool. Cool makes people want to fuck you. Think of any icon from any era, rockstar or celeb and they have sunglasses, sometimes they even wear them at night, or indoors…because sunglasses just make fucking sense..

So you should give anyone you like, anyone who needs a little cool in their life, some glasses like this, they’ll appreciate…

Just look at them, they are awesome…

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Brooklyn you go hard, or in this case soft, with some of the most comfy looking Christmas themed Jammies to rock out the entire holidays, or if you’re like me, your entire life…because I don’t remember the last time I wore pants that didn’t have an elastic waistband. Sure, there was a time where I thought not wearing jeans was really fucking trashy, like a homeless person, but then I outgrew those jeans and said fuck it…I choose comfort…

These guys don’t just do sweat pants, but since sweats are all I wear, that’s where I’d be looking, or what I’d be asking for as a gift…and that’s what I’ll be giving my damn self….

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Support your 2nd Ammendmant Rights…..

Anyone who is a human knows the beauty that is firearms, except maybe those pussy liberals who have never gone out there with their gun to shoot things, whether in the woods, or the desert, at a target or a clay pigeon…

I don’t hunt, I don’t kill, even if I think some people should be killed, but I know guns are fucking awesome, and bullets are power, so rock that on your neck or give it to your friend…it’s the less hippie approach to the shark tooth or piece sign…

Show off your balls people…

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Don’t Smoke, Vape.

Weed is going to be legal in Canada in a few months, so get the head start on equipment to get high, because getting high, even when legal will be as fun as it’s always been.

I may not smoke weed, but everyone I know does, and I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t appreciate getting a premium vape product…to smoke like it’s the fucking future…since it is the fucking future…

I am a believer that anyone you get this for…will be happy enough to let you fuck their sister, let’s just hope you don’t gift your brother…figure that math out coal miner.

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Inhale your Vitamin B…..I am an unhealthy fuck, and I know I would be happy to get a gift of health and good times bundled together, if I smoked that good good…

So give the gift to you or to yourself and take your fucking vitamins to stay alive longer…the right way…while smoking that good good…

Do not fall into the arms of the evil pharma companies who want you sick, dying, to make them money…you are their bottom line…

Get a boost of Vitamin B while doing what you love….Thrive while getting high..

This is the future of those Flintsone chewables…get it.

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Get Clean Piss! Or give the gift of Clean Piss, because everyone’s got that brother, cousin, uncle, dad, skeleton in your closet that you don’t want your mom and dad to find out about, that comes from medicating the good good, despite what society wants you to be doing…so trick the fucking system if you can…TRICK IT…with this amazing product…tis the season for drug free piss…on your crackhead self…

Whether you want to help someone get on track, pass that job interview, not get kicked out of school, keep the parole officer happy, we all know someone who can use it…

Prime Stocking Stuff, Make dreams happen…

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Posted in:Gift Guide|SFW|Xmas