DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2016

31

May

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

I am out of jokes…I guess they are like cumshots and eventually dry up….but the nice thing is that I’ve morphed into a joke…my existence is a joke…and that alone becomes more valuable than any clever play on words about sluts…that makes people laugh…I call it really committing to the joke that it no longer exists…

Everytime I am face to face with a girl and I crack a joke, they just look at me awkward, maybe even scared and I realized that what may have been laughable in the 90s…is just terrifying when it is pushing 50…

It was memorial day, I saw a lot of tributes to your freedom and soldiers with bikini pics…so I went out to a bar in Canada and tried to convince girls to call me Johnny Depp so that I could throw my phone at them…

Not one of the girls laughed…maybe it was because they were a group of liberal arts lesbians….or maybe it was because I am just not that funny..

The good news is that there are always going to be tits.

Here are some morning links…

Girls Tugging at Clothes
CLICK HERE

Man is Very Mad at his Neighbor’s Cable
CLICK HERE

Melissa McCarthy Porn….I mean…In Ghostbusters…But Someone Jerks Off to This…
CLICK HERE

British Reality Whore
CLICK HERE

Amber Heard Laughing to the Bank
CLICK HERE

Kirsten Dunt EROTICA
CLICK HERE

Some Whore with a Surfboard
CLICK HERE

Anyone Else Jerking Off to These Amber Heard Pics
CLICK HERE

French Prankster Vs Hospitals
CLICK HERE

Search Party – Stupid Comedy Movie Trailer
CLICK HERE

J.Cole Makes Beats on the Bus
CLICK HERE

Asshole Driver of the Day
CLICK HERE

Wolverine Kill Count
CLICK HERE

Posted in:stepLINKS

2016

31

May

Kylie Jenner Memorial Day Bikini Party of the Day

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Kylie Jenner is fucking garbage. I know it’s not entirely her fault that she was raised in this shit, exploited at a young age and doesn’t know better….and I know this is all probably a well calculated joke to her that allows her to really love all the attention she’s getting and all the money she makes doing virtually nothing…but the mangled body that looks like she’s stapled flesh onto herself – in efforts to look cute or hot – and not like the fat chick she is is just odd…freak of nature at 18….and it’d be nice if her and her family self destructed…yet we still feed into the garbage…despite hating the garbage…because it looks and acts like garbage…GARBAGE>

Posted in:Kylie Jenner|SFW

2016

30

May

stepLINKS of the Day

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It’s Memorial Day…why am I doing the links?

Oh right…because I am Canadian…and even if I wasn’t Canadian…I am anti social and hanging out with people, even in bikinis, would be very tedious and boring for me – and I’d rather be on my couch looking at my wall – because that’s really living..

Luckily – dream girl Marlena Posa is taking over my snapchat – applying suncreen…so follow that – she’s in a bikini…

I am going to try to convince the girl gardening across the street to wear shorter shorts to make watching her from across the street more enjoyable – she’s married – and will appreciate the male attention – they all do..

Drink hard – as you celebrate fallen soldiers – the way they’d want you to…or the way they’d be celebrating if they didn’t die because they were forced to join the army because they couldn’t afford college out of High School…

Here are stepLINKS…

Memorial Day Weekend – Bikinis
CLICK HERE

Jane Fonda to Remind You of When You Jerked Off to Jane Fonda
CLICK HERE

Barbara Palvin’s Short Shorts in Monaco
CLICK HERE

Bieber Sucking Lewis Hamiton’s Bottle is Very Fucking Gay
CLICK HERE

Lego Ghostbusters Weirdness
CLICK HERE

Largest Bonfire in the World
CLICK HERE

So Many THigh Gaps
CLICK HERE

Alicia Vikander in a Bathing Suit
CLICK HERE

Pregnant Megan Fox in Leggings
CLICK HERE

George Clooney – VS – The Pope
CLICK HERE

Kaley Cuoco’s Boyfriend of 2 Months ALready Moving In Because Rich Actors are Needy as Fuck
CLICK HERE

Wheel of Fortune Tie
CLICK HERE

Mercedes Driver – Pissing Off Ambulance Crew
CLICK HERE

Emily Ratajkowski – Birthday Whore
CLICK HERE

Donald Trump’s Hair Meets His Police Escorts
CLICK HERE

Throwback Rose McGowan Naked
CLICK HERE

Terrifying Tattoed Chick named Jamma Lucy’s Tit Popping Out
CLICK HERE

Some Low Level Celebrity’s Lower Level Sister in a Bikini Top
CLICK HERE

Guy Catches Chipmunk Stealing Food
CLICK HERE

Pixie Lott in a Bathing Suit
CLICK HERE

Flat Earthers are Debunking Space X
CLICK HERE

Patrick Schwarznegger’s Girlfriend is a Model
CLICK HERE

Adele’s New Home
CLICK HERE

Girl Cuts Line – gets Pick Pocketed
CLICK HERE

Great White Shark Cage Swimming in South Africa
CLICK HERE

Alcia Vikander White Bikini Slut
CLICK HERE

Memorial Day – America Dreams
CLICK HERE

Chloe Grace Moretz Cameltoe
CLICK HERE

Child POrn Charges of the Day
CLICK HERE

Disgusting Chrissy Teigen Braless for Attention
CLICK HERE

Rubiks Cube VS Hydraulic Press
CLICK HERE

Jennifer Lopez – Bikini Top
CLICK HERE

Some Brit Reality Star in a Bathing Suit
CLICK HERE

View of a Landing Jet
CLICK HERE

Some Comedian Was With Johnny Depp when he threw the Phone – Says Amber Heard ins a Whore
CLICK HERE

HUGE TITS!
CLICK HERE

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From stepSMUT!! LINKS BELOW ARE VERY NSFW!
================

Random Tumblr Porn – Chosen By Me
CLICK HERE

Lindsay Pelas – Tits
CLICK HERE

Upskirt Walk
CLICK HERE

Classic Pinup Tits
CLICK HERE

Sluts in the Shower
CLICK HERE

Slut Loves Chicken Pee Soup
CLICK HERE

Golf..
CLICK HERE

Nasty Bitch and her Dildo
CLICK HERE

Cam Show of the Day
CLICK HERE

Lollipop Pussy for the Yeast
CLICK HERE

Naked Selfies of the Day
CLICK HERE

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The Best Damn Vape Ever
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Get a Damn Male Masturbator – Its Time To Let a Machine Jerk You Off
CLICK HERE

Need To Find Drugs Near You?
CLICK HERE

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Posted in:stepLINKS

2016

30

May

Britney Spears is the Memorial Day Queen of the Day

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This is the hottest Britney “the mom years” Video ever…

Like the homecoming queen, or the prom Queen, or the Queen of England, or the queen at the drag show doing its make-up – Britney Spears is Everything..and this video she posted is what makes her the Memorial Day Queen..

It’s a little slow motion, pull out of the pool and beach yourself in a bikini….

She is our forever girl. She’s forever. She is always. Not just on Memorial Day and not just someone we’ve left in the early 2000s, she’s iconic and immortal…even when she falls a apart….and for that she is a spirit to us all…just not her family, she’s a puppet to them…that’s how the afford the pool…

Let this video inspire you…for a better tomorrow…and that you may need to be a medicated sculpted hunk of muscle and flesh to really be careless and free…or maybe you just need to be rich and Britney Spears to really not give a fuck…or maybe we can all be like this…so girls….get in your fucking bikinis…

This is what everything is about..EVERYTHING..

Posted in:Britney Spears|SFW

2016

30

May

Kate Hudson’s Used Old Lady Mom Ass in a Bikini for Memorial Day of the Day

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Kate Hudson is some whore who has a pretty impressive ass considering it has been violated since she was young by everyone in Hollywood – thanks to her being the cute daughter of Goldie Hawn, before she was able to leverage that family connection to star in her own movies and make her own stupid money…leading to more and more people wanting to fuck her…including, but not limited to Owen Wilson who tried to kill himself over this ass when he was in some tormented rock bottom…something I’d never do if I was Owen Wilson…not that I am Owen Wilson, but that would be a funny twist in this site’s existence if I was…and this was my hobby where I got to blast celebrity sluts that I hate for wronging me or some shit…but unfortunately…I’m just a deadbeat who hates on these girls because why the fuck not…they’re not all that great…and we can’t fuck them…and therefore should hate them…it’s our right…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Kate Hudson|SFW

2016

30

May

Topless Vanessa Paradis for Johnny Depp’s Passion of the Day

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Vanessa Paradis and her Daughter the hottest Lily Rose Depp are going public by saying that Amber Heard is full of shit and her Domestic Abuse claims are just a whore trying to get attention – even though Depp probably did get mad at that cunt, I mean she totally manipulated him with her pussy – for whatever reason and she represents his weaknesses…because everyone besides him saw her agenda..that she’s still trying to manipulate by coming across as the VICTIM…

I am convinced – she punched herself in the face, and even if Depp threw a phone at her, she likely deserved it and is getting paid better than any of her acting gigs for this hustle…

What better way to celebrate a win for everyone but AMBER HEARD the hooker, that some Paradis tits recently published in some magazine…

Posted in:Vanessa Paradis

2016

30

May

Charlotte McKinney’s Bikini Selfie of the Day

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Charlotte McKinney is such a whore…but she’s shameless and she knows that the stars aligned in making her big tits go viral when the only viral she probably thought she’d ever have was the herpes she got back in College during Spring break, but in the back of her mind, you know she would look at other big tits and think “my tits are just as big, therefore I should be as big”…

I don’t know if she gets paid, I know she’s rich and her dad is some Tax evading Bahamian who finances her life with his “jewelry” business…so she took her trashy rich kid with access to a magical place…we call Los Angeles where big tits get on TV and that’s pretty much all she’s accomplished…but with big tits, puberty was the only thing she needed to master and clearly she tit..

What I am saying is that people, you and me and everyone between LOVE big natural tits…I blame breast feeding…

Posted in:Charlotte McKinney|SFW

2016

30

May

Bella Hadid Working It while Barely Working of the Day

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Sometimes, the bootleg rich kid sister is in some attention seeking pics…that are worth staring at…thanks to her hard nipples…on her fake tits…that I don’t mind looking at…because she’s used her family money for plastic surgery instead of donating it to charity…reminding us of the vapid existence all these self involved pigs have…

Here are some more of the pics…UPDATED – Pics…

Posted in:Bella Hadid|SFW

2016

30

May

Josephine Skriver – Science Experiment for The Edit of the Day

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Josephine Skrive is some whore that was created in a lab…thanks to some narcissistic god complex Marine Biologist dad, all mad scientist and funded by Victoria’s Secret in some country where CLONING is legal…created this creature of greatness in a test-tube…using a surrogate lesbian womb…raising her like she was human and not some freak experiment gone right…

Well, like all experiments…her genetic modification has allowed her to be the model of the year with the most hype – because real humans are so flawed, we need designer humans…

I guess things are good for now, but eventually like an car, parts will start falling off, possibly starting with her vagina, but maybe it’ll just be some weird cancer from fucking with NATURE….but until then…here she is looking good for THE EDIT…

I wish some of the hookers I have been with were more genetically modified, than organic and grown in the dumpster they must have crawled out..but I guess money buys happiness and better women…

Posted in:Josephine Skriver|SFW

2016

30

May

Jennifer Lopez – Bikini Top at a Club Despite Being Old of the Day

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Jennifer Lopez reminds me of a stripper I used to get lap dances from on the weekly….because I am a married man and having a connection with a set of 50 year old tits that had no business being in the strip club – not because she was fat – but because she was old. but that were still in the strip club – giving lap dances like it was still the glory days – because people like me appreciated her hustle…

She reminded us of the good old days, she thought she was still in the good old days, she brought 90s stripper to life, she didn’t make us feel like a creep grabbing her olde tits because she’s been down that road so many times – rather than some 18 year old doing it to live the hip hop life..she felt familiar…not good – pretty soft actually -but familiar…

Like Jennifer Lopez, she was weathered…but reminded us of when our lives were younger and better, so they just kept her coming it, it didn’t harm anyone, and she didn’t realize all the young people laughed at her, because the money still flowed in and guys still grabbed her tits, giving her the illusion she was still what she was…

No one around J.Lo will tell her to shut the fuck up, they all want to make money off her, or do make money off her, so no matter how desperate she is, she’s still J.Lo…with her loyal fans….milking it so hard she’s killin’ it…and not in a good way, as her body slowly kills itself with aging…because she’ old…yet still at clubs in bikinis…it makes no sense – but it happened…

She’s so old…hosting clubs – this is so weird…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Jennifer Lopez|SFW