DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2015

09

Apr

Sofia Vergara Nipple of the Day

Possible drug lord, or daughter of a drug lord who supplied all of hollywood with their cocaine…because hollywood fucking loves cocaine and as a thnak you they made her the highest paid actress on TV…Sofia Vergara…who I guess could just as likely be really good at seducing men with her massive tits…is in Vanity Fair…or some other magazine…shot by the legendary Annie Lebovitz….and apparently..who happens to be the photographer who hired the photographer who shot for me when I was in Maxim Magazine in 2007 when I was at the point of maybe becoming relevant, only to fall off the fucking map…as her assistant….making me feel really emotionally connected to both her lesbianism and Sofia Vergara, since it’s practically as if she shot me…right?

I don’t know why I am making this about me, I should make this about Sofia Vergara, the tits, who’s nipple you can see in the bath, because Annie the Lesbian likes bath tubs, she’s used them before in shoots…namely with Whoopi Goldberg…in what scarred me in my youth…because Whoopi Goldberg is a monster…

Anyway, I posted the cover yesterday…and here are the rest of the pics…because people love Sofia Vergara, maybe because only Hispanics watch network TV, or maybe becaue girls over 30 watch network TV and wish that their life turns around at 40 like it did for this one…she’s like an aspirational guide…to middle age…maybe there’s still hope…bitches everywhere…

Posted in:Sofia Vergara

2015

09

Apr

Haley Joel Osement Pretending To Have His Period of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know if you remember the “I see dead people’ kid who I think was even nominated for an Academy Award….who for at least a year or two was celebrated in the movie business by being in all kinds of movies…only to have hit puberty and fallen off the map…like so many childstars before him…because cute can turn to weirdo ugly real fast…

Well, I have this theory that he got a sex change when he hit 18, because he knew that if his tits were big enough, or if he posted enough bikini pics, dudes would care about him…as a her…

You see, tits get hits…so he rebranded himself as EMILY and now he’s pretending he has his period..because as a trained actor from a young age…he knows how to commit to a character….his parents beat it into him when they secured his first gig…

Posted in:Haley Joel Osement

2015

09

Apr

Lots of Models By Collier Schorr for Document Journal SS 2015 of the Day

No Comments »

Collier Schorr is a photographer….who took pics of these models: Daria Werbowy, Freja Beha Erichsen, Joan Small, Katlin Aas, Astrid Holler, Zlata Mangafic, & Andreea Diaconu….for something called Document Journal….which seems like it is some “fashion” industry…uptight…dramatic and intense magazine…that I am only featuring because of the nipples…because I am like the Free the Nipple Movement, and have been officially since 2004…because I hated that GOOGLE and corporations didn’t advertise on nipples, so instead of making millions on the interent…I took a stance and posted the nipples, only to be called a porn site, even though it was just nipples and the real porn was happening in advertising executive’s offices…

That said, I don’t know who the nipple belongs to, I just know there are 30 pics to get the nipple, which is a lot if you’re lazy like me…and not even worth it because it is just nipple, but I’m going to post it anyways…because #nipple.

Posted in:Collier Schorr

2015

09

Apr

Alessandra Ambrosio’s New Lookbook of the Day

No Comments »

Alessandra Ambrosio is a mom, who I guess is also the face of her own brand called ALE, up on some Jessica Simpson shit, hoping for the billion dollar pay out for doing little no work, but being able to sign off on designs her 30 something year old ass approves of…because she’s a model and is on top of the trends…that’s why this campaign looks like Coachella back in the Lindsay Lohan at Coachella days of 2006….Because in Brazil, like Wisconsin, things are a decade behind when it comes to style…but here is her catalog anyway..

I would like you to note how she is not in a bikini, or lingerie…which is kind of her thing…and I would like to make it clear that I don’t approve of any girl reinventing herself by putting more clothes on than we’re used to…

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio

2015

09

Apr

Izabel Goulart Fitness Erotica of the Day

No Comments »

A video posted by Izabel Goulart (@iza_goulart) on Apr 7, 2015 at 3:19pm PDT

I like that Izabel Goulart has finally embraced her fitness porn for what it is, porn…because there is nothing that anyone can really take out of this to apply to their everyday life in efforts to get a healthy body like hers…but instead we can jerk off to it, thanks to her being a long, thin, lingerie model, in the skimpiest fucking shorts and a bra…humping the air like some kind of goddess sent from heaven with the powers to use her vagina to touch the fucking sky…so that GOD can get up in her uterus…it’s a Catholic from Brazil thing…I mean that, or she’s showing us how she can use the ceiling fan to trim down her clit..

Either way…it’s hot.

Posted in:Izabel Goulart

2015

09

Apr

Brianna Olenslager is Naked for Paul Beattie of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know who this photographer PAUL BEATTIE and I don’t know who this model who I follow on instagram named BRIANNA OLENSLAGER … I just know that they are part of the new, DIY movement…where models don’t need agencies or magazines anymore…and photographers don’t need to get paid anymore…they just need instagram…to add to their portfolio…it’s enough of an excuse to do a topless shoot..

And for someone who spent the better part of the 90s nad 2000s to get girls naked…this right here..is magic to me…

I call it naked for free…in hopes of launching a career and getting noticed…but still naked…and I like it.

Via Sticks And Stones

Posted in:Photos

2015

09

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Fitness Continues of the Day

No Comments »

There was a time where Lindsay Lohan was the most interesting tabloid star in Hollywood…she was never the most interesting actress, because she never actually worked, I mean she did Mean Girls and a few other things, but other than that, low level celebrities are more prolific and probably better paid than her..

Then she fell apart, starved herself, turned to drugs and partying and pretty much medicated herself to the point where my stalking her tits, became me betting on when she’d be found dead like Amy Winehouse or all the other dead celebs that have happened…

And now…she’s on a fitness kick, which is so fucking weird, but I guess an addict will replace bad addictions for good ones…but it seems pretty fucking bullshit, considering she’s lohan…and posting these fitness pics like a fitness instagram account is jokes…and jokes make me smile…but more importantly….so do her tits..

And throughout it all…she’s always had great tits…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2015

09

Apr

Fat Woman Doesn’t Like When You Mess With Her Man and Other Videos of the Day

No Comments »

Chinese Food in Memphis

Just a Kid and her AK-47

Tree VS Chairlift

Robbery of the Day

Some Kids and Their Guns…on Instagram…

Impatient Driver of the Day

Posted in:stepNEWS|Videos

2015

09

Apr

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

No Comments »

Some of the fattest girls I know eat carrots…

Here are some stepLINKS in the morning/afternoon, I don’t know I like to sleep…that’s why I don’t have a job and drink all night.

CLOROX SENT OUT A RACIST TWEET
GO

Girls Love Sports
GO

Kid Takes On Federer
GO

Latest Deadpool Pic Takes a Jab at Marvel
GO

Twin Peaks Have Got David Lynch’s Back
GO

How ISIS Uses Social Media
GO

Lucy Hale in Shorts!
GO

Sarah Silverman Cries for Women’s Rights and Pay Equality…
GO

Dad Pranks His Daughter
GO

Daredevil’s Red Costume
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2015

09

Apr

Willa Holland in a Bikini for Instagram of the Day

No Comments »

Willa Holland was the younger sister on The O.C. A show I used to watch because it allowed me to pray on young college girls when I was in my mid 30s and not really anything an 20 year old would want to have sex with – at least not on the surface, but the second I dropped some “Latest episode of OC” knowledge

She was also on Gossip Girl…which was from what I’ve been told The O.C. in New York…but I didn’t watch that one, I was too old to seduce girls when it was on the air and my penis just didn’t work at the same level….it was just creepy.

Now she’s on Arrow, a cheesy filmed in Canada show….all because she got her start because she hung out with Steven Spielberg when she was 7….

Her stepfather, and we love stepfathers was Brian De Palma, sounds normal..I mean I guess like anyone else, the girls who make it are already rich and connected, their moms are hot enough to suck dick, or they are hot enough to suck dick…it’s funny that that stereotype is true..

Now she’s in a bikini.

Posted in:Willa Holland