DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2015

06

Apr

Doutzen Kroes Pumps Breast Milk of the Day

Doutzen Kroes, ex Victoria’s Secret model, who was recently fired and mom of Two…with some DJ you know probably fucks college girls around the world…every chance he gets…is probably going through some kind of crisis now that her contract wasn’t renewed…

She was the last wave of Victoria’s Secret models who make serious bank being Victoria’s Secret models, as models now do shit for a hell of a lot less, and think just how many followers being a VS model would get you on social media…totally worth the trade…

The people at VS aren’t idiots..I mean sure they are probably horrible people who exploit asians to make their shitty, cheesy products, but they aren’t idiots, and know they can get so much more reach for so much less than a Doutzen…

So she’s calling paparazzi, trying to get seen…and more importantly, she’s doing parenting right..by posting the best parts of it to social media…Lactaction..

Milk filled tits are good…

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes

2015

06

Apr

Victoria Justice Titty Jiggle of the Day

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Victoria Justice is another tween star who isn’t a tween, but pretends to be on TV, which gets all the dads forced to watch this shitty content excited enough to either fuck their wives to make more annoying kids to fill up our society and get in my way…or jerk off in the bathroom to remind them how pathetic their lives are…or in some cases…to molest their daughter’s friends…think of it as punishment for making him watch shitty TV show…

That said, the people at Disney have not only figured out the way to not get kids they have casting couches with to talk…but to also market these kids to pervert dad’s everywhere…and I guess that involves bikini pics on social media…and most importantly slow motion boating videos…on social media…where you can really see them child star bounce in her step…

Either way, clever.

Posted in:Victoria Justice

2015

06

Apr

Lara Stone for Marie Claire of the Day

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Lara Stone is a model with massive tits and a tooth gap, who at one point in time I thought was hot, because she is hot, and has great big tits and a tooth gap…but who became very fucking ugly, when her marriage to some ugly, yet relevant at the time comedian happened, where they went on honeymoon and she wore a bikini, only to sue everyone who posted the pics, even though no one actually gave a fuck about Lara Stone in a bikini, her honeymoon…she was just being a cunt about it..

I mean at the time, she had countless nude shoots you could reference and a bikini pics was like who gives a fuck, throwaway content, even if it was on her special day that clearly ended great for her…

Well, now that she’s single, she’d back to modeling, and in modeling, she’s showing her tits, but not in a topless way…but in a see through shirt way..which apparently, has the same affect..and that’s NIPPLES!

Good times, even though she’s awful.

Posted in:Lara Stone

2015

06

Apr

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ass in a Bikini of the Day

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Gwyneth Paltrow was in a bikini…

As someone who never found Gwyneth Paltrow hot, this is not very exciting to me, but I figure a 40 something year old, hollywood raised rich kid, who thinks she’s a talented actress, because no one told her acting requires no talent, and who has been able to turn that acting into dating musicians and living a very rich and luxurious life, filled with her trying to preach all that she’s learned on her journey….showing off her ass in a a bikini, even though bikinis should have an age limit in both directions…is hot to at least one of you motherfuckers…and I’m hoping it’s the one motherfucker who actually reads this site…because without you, I am nothing…literally…hi dad.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:gwyneth paltrow

2015

06

Apr

Bella Thorne Bikini Pic of the Day

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Everyone is interested in Bella Thorne and not for the same reason as people are interested in most gingers, you know to point and laugh at them, and question whether they are human, or monsters sent from hell, that in the middle ages would be left in the woods to fend for themselves….only to create a breed of super strong…scary..fair skinned…weridos..

But because she’s young, on TV, hot, and has a great ass, thanks to being young and on TV…and like all girls who are young and on TV, we can safely assume she’s been whored out to the world by her parents since she was a kid, and in turn knows how to give great head…it’s like some kids learn how to ride a bike from their parents, other kids learn how to make cookies on Christmas…and others learn to suck dick to live out mommy’s dremas, because working sucks and lviing off the creature from her uterus…just makes sense…

Either way, she’ll be 18 soon enough, I predict people will still care about her then…and in the meantime, you can always google one of her sisters, who didn’t quite make it on the celebrity train their parents threw them on, and instead became a hipster nude model..giving us hope the younger sister follows in her footsteps when the time comes…because these bikini selfies are a preview…of what I can only assume will be good.

I mean the “get wet” thing…just crazy…

Posted in:Bella Thorne

2015

06

Apr

Kylie Jenner’s Butt Shot of the Day

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Teens…especially spoiled LA rich kid teens are always showing off things their spoiled brat asses get…from cars, or luxury vacations, or their parent’s private jets or boats…and in this case…she’s showing off her spoiled brat ass, that has been rumored, and rightfully so, for being a fake ass, as everyone is doing them these days…even at 16 or 17…because there’s a surgeon on staff, a mother who doesn’t care and just wants her kids to be as hot as possible, and a moral compass that has been tampered with at an early age thanks to being whored out…as well as a lot of money, a tranny father all while being watched by white trash America…so much pressure…a weak person could explode…and I guess if sat on wrong…so could her ass implant…

Posted in:Kylie Jenner

2015

06

Apr

Nicola Peltz Instagram Whoring of the Day

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Nicola Peltz was in Transformers, where she played the Megan Fox character, probably because her billionaire father was friends with Michael Bay, or maybe they were business partners, or met at some rich person event where he offered to finance one of Bay’s movies in exchange for casting his daughter….

I am sure when she got that birthday present she thought “This is it”…”I’ve made it”…like she was Gigi Hadid, and the paid for by her daddy job would open a lot of doors…but instead…it’s just got her instagram whoring…ass shots every wheree…because people are perverts, social media makes you relevant, and ass shots on social media…makes your social media relevant…

It’s a very simple formula…you’ve probably masturbated to..

Posted in:Nicola Peltz

2015

06

Apr

Lindsay Lohan is in a Waist Trainer of the Day

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I guess Lindsay Lohan posting a couple of fitness pics from the gym wasn’t a big enough April Fools joke…a few days after April Fools, hell she’s Lohan, I’m surprised she even know what April Fools is, you know in that cloud if delusion she lives in…

Or maybe she liked the attention it got, so she took a cue from the Kardashians, and pretty much every “Not Quite a Kardashian” on social media, you know the video vixen girls who get ass fat transplant surgery and other insanity…for no reason other than Kim Kardashian…

Because posting pictures of her “Wait Training”…one of the most ratchet things in recent years a girl can do…is ridiculous enough to get people talking…and I guess she wants people talking…when all she really needs to do is a sex tape….

Shit would be as big…if not bigger than when the other Leathery fame whore Shauna Sand had a sex tape…I mean she is or was Lindsay Lohan after all…

Here’s some other weirdness she’s involved in…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2015

06

Apr

Ava Sambora in a Bikini in Bora Bora of the Day

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Ava Sambora is Richie Sambora, who just got in trouble for threatening to kill his assistant ,or girlfriend, or who the fuck knows…he’s in Bon Jovi, rich as fuck and was married to Heather Locklear, the model actress but most importantly, the rock groupie in the 90s, which ended with more than a case of herpes, but a marriage, a divorce settlement, and probably a pretty exciting life, that ugly girls never get to experience….

Well, it also ended with Ava Sambora, who is a young model, 16 or 17, that has been producing some pics on her instagram from her trip that she went with both parents on in Bora Bora…that involve a 16 or 17 year old in a bikini, and although having sex with 16 or 17 year olds is illegal…as is erotica featuring 16 or 17 year old girls, unless you’re Victoria’s Secret in the 90s, or the producer of Blue Lagoon….you shouldn’t look at this sexually, but instead cross reference it to any girl you’ve got with who has been over 20, because that’s usually around the time they all fall apart….

All this to say, I wonder how many other kids he has floating around the world thanks to groupies, but more importantly, I predict a lot of good things to come with this celebrity kid…thanks to social media…and daddy issues and all that having too much access to money, and parents too into themselves to pay attention – I beleive…

Posted in:Ava Sambora

2015

06

Apr

Plus Sized Models in Lingerie to Celebrate Overeating on Easter of the Day

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The world is getting fatter and fatter, so if you’re a marketer, you’re probably better off using fat chicks, now that they are the norm instead of the overly skinny chick that no one can relate to…at least not fat chicks…

As someone who has historically hated fat chicks, mainly because I married a fat chick, who got fatter and fatter as the years went on, to the point where I have to wiper her ass so that she doesn’t stain or already stained couch…I have a reason for it…

Fat, is the slow suicide, that we all know will end in premature death, but in my wife’s case, it is not premature enough…

SO instead of encouraging fitness, or health, throw in the fucking towel, and say “Love your body, we’ve all gotta die sometime, why not enough your time here, eating cake, because you can thanks to lingerire that fits”…

Now, I’m not against fat girls, they fuck the best, suck the best, and are easy…and availbale…because they hate themselves even when they celebrate themselves…in what I can only assume are lies..

If anything, this video and campaign is kinda porn to me..and I have never really been a BBW kind of guy…I guess when everyone is fat, you just need to accept it…and jerk off to it.

The models include: Ashley Graham, Marquita Pring, Candice Huffine, Victoria Lee, Justine Legault and Elly Mayday photographed by Cass Bird.