DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2015

09

Mar

Katherine Heigl in a Bikini of the Day

Katherine Heigl is a sloppy pile of dumpy shit that I don’t really understand why she became famous in the first place, but I guess these things happen when you scam properly…or she fucked the right people…or she was hooked up…

Now she’s posing in a bikini, and not looking like the sloppy pile of shit I usually see her as, because I guess she’s decided to lose the baby weight she was rocking before ever being pregnant…or maybe she’s figured out her angles…for social media…or maybe she uses a Kardashian app before updating her page…

All this to say, that she’s the kind of girl who was celebrated for her tits, up on some Kate Upton level of shit, because America is tit obsessed and forgets to look at the rest of a girl when showing off tits, but she’s never really been naked or if she has I’ve blocked it out thanks to her gut…

So here she is in a bikini, hiding that dumpy ass, because it makes her better than way…not to mention she’s a mom, and this is appropriate mom behvior, you know raging by the pool with no baby in sight….

Posted in:Katherine Heigl

2015

09

Mar

Lucy Hale Has Nipples of the DAy

No Comments »

I don’t really know who Lucy Hale is because before today, when she revealed that like many girls, she has nipples, I didn’t find her very hot, and I don’t bother with ugly girls, they hardly exist to me, except when I am having sex with them, because ugly girls are the only girls I have sex with, but this ugly girl, doesn’t realize she’s ugly, thanks to being on TV, which means that even in being an ugly girl – she would think she was too good for me – and in all honesty, she probably is, I’m pretty low level..but you get what I am saying…

She was the winner of a reality show. She’s on Pretty Little Liars, a massive show….now releasing a country music album…look at her now…cocky as fuck…riding the wave at the top of her game…like nothing can go wrong, but it probably will…it always does…

She is probably surrounded by a bunch of people who give her as much attention as possible, probably her parents who are cashing in on this one….but what the fuck do I know…I don’t really know who Lucy Hale is…

To See The Rest of the Pics CLICK HERE

Posted in:Lucy Hale

2015

09

Mar

Willa Holland in a Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

Willa Holland was the younger sister on The O.C. A show I used to watch because it allowed me to pray on young college girls when I was in my mid 30s and not really anything an 20 year old would want to have sex with – at least not on the surface, but the second I dropped some “Latest episode of OC” knowledge

She was also on Gossip Girl…which was from what I’ve been told The O.C. in New York…but I didn’t watch that one, I was too old to seduce girls when it was on the air and my penis just didn’t work at the same level

Now she’s on Arrow, a cheesy filmed in Canada show….all because she got her start because she hung out with Steven Spielberg when she was 7….Her stepfather, and we love stepfathers was Brian De Palma, sounds normal..I mean I guess like anyone else, the girls who make it are already rich and connected, their moms are hot enough to suck dick, or they are hot enough to suck dick…it’s funny that that stereotype is true..

I forgot she existed, the world clearly hasn’t…and here’s some of her in a bikini for instagram…a good way to be reminded..because she’s got a hot little body…

Posted in:Willa Holland

2015

09

Mar

Lindsay Lohan Selfie Smut of the Day

No Comments »

It is really unfortunate that Lindsay Lohan doesn’t matter anymore. She was so fun and accessible. Her tits were great and I really felt she had what it took to win an Oscar, because let’s face it, it doesn’t take much to win an Oscar, acting is a joke and if you think otherwise, you’re just buying into the lie that is Hollywood, to justify the big pay days….

That said, this magical creature has graced our lives, has miraculously not died yet…she hasn’t even really been in all that many movies…but I think she still matters, and not just to the men she’s given herpes to, but to every one because she’s Lindsay Lohan…and that’s all anyone really needs to be…

I figure she’s posting this titty pic for attention, but if she hired me as her free publicist, I could have her 1000 other ways to get noticed and only 50% involve gaping….and all involve selfies…so I guess she’s part of the way there….which is more than we can say about other aspects of her career.

All this to say. I think I am in love….this is a til death do us part situation.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2015

09

Mar

Zoe Kravitz Bathing Suit Round-Up of the Day

No Comments »

I kinda hate Zoe Kravitz. She’s just some Lisa Bonet x Lenny Kravitz, rich brat who has decided she’s a fashion model, or fashion icon, because the media wrote about how cool her style was 10 fucking years ago, because the media loves celebrity kids especially when they are rich kids of Jewish rockstars and light skinned bitches from the Cosby Show you may have masturbated to, cuz she was the most accessible black girl for white America to accept, before Halle Berry… in that black doctor who wasn’t just called the doctor cuz he was a drug dealer and lawyer who wasn’t just representing herself in court in their fantasy household…not that you remember the Cosby Show. That was 30 years ago…unless you have been following the Bill Cosby drama, in which case you may be…

Not that it matters…

The reason I kinda hate Zoe Kravitz is that when she peaked during her she blocked me on twitter and that’s just rude, a personality trait typical of cunty rich kids who have people everywhere stroking their ego cuz of who their parents are, but still behavior I hate.

Here she is in a bikini, looking better than ever…seriously…but probably a horrible person…but then again, what the fuck do I know….

Posted in:Zoe Kravitz

2015

09

Mar

Naked Women’s Rights Protesters for Women’s Day of the Day

No Comments »

There’s not better way to celebrate women, or International Women’s Day, thank with nudity, because if there is one thing I know that I love about women, it isn’t their nagging, or their feminist women’s right bullshit, but rather their exposed vaginas and tits trying to get ahead, get attention, prove a point, or get pregnant to lock down their man…

I mean, feminists hate me, they think I objectify women, while anyone with a brain knows these bitches just objectify themselves…they could be doctors and lawyers but instead become nude models…trying to get famous…hate the system…

Here they are protesting abortions…

Posted in:Videos

2015

09

Mar

Kate Hudson is a Hard Nippled Mom in Shorts of the DAy

No Comments »

Kate Hudson is a terrible person….at least that is what I would assume, seeing as I have never met her, and have no idea what her deal is….I just like to judge girls pushing 40 on her having run through so many celebrity cocks….being the cute daughter of Goldie Hawn, who you can assume that in her teens was at all the exclusive parties ripping coke, and taking cock, and getting pregnant by older men…only to have their kid…before leading Owen Wilson to killing himself…or at least trying, despite what Zoolander fans wanted him to do…

She’s not all that hot, but she’s got a great ass and she looks good now thanks to breeding at a young age. She’s not all that talented, but she knows the right people, and knowing the right people is all you need. She’s made a ton of money acting, all because she’s Goldie Hawn’s Daughter…reminding us that acting is really a joke and once you break into the scene, you’re good.

She’s been linked to a lot of people, one would call her a slut…but not me, because I like girls who fuck a lot…not for their herpes, or because it means they are better at fucking, but for their inability to control themselves…because they are easier for me to finger when they have 2 drinks in them….

All this to say, she’s showing some cleavage, she looks good, whether she was a mom or not, and over analyzing her vagina and all it has been through, or her career..or even that she lead Owen Wilson to suicide….can’t take away from that…I’m a fan.

Posted in:Kate Hudson

2015

09

Mar

Bella Thorne Does Nylon of the Day

No Comments »

People love Bella Thorne…I don’t know if it is because she’s actually hot and amazing, or whether it is because she’s 17 and historically, at least in the last 10 years of doing this site, I’ve seen an upswing in interest in 17 year old girls, even when they aren’t hot, because America is really against under 18 year old girls fucking, and dudes are genetically coded to like under 18 year old girls, for whatever evolutionary reason, even though under 18 year old girls are annoying as fuck…

So what happens is that the PR teams know to slut the girl up, but not in a way that will get them arrested for sex offence…as a built up to her 18th birthday, that for all I know could have already happened, leading to pantsless pics in magazines that a huge audience will focus on, because pantsless teens excite them, and being excited increases her stock value, and her increased stock value leads to more jobs and more money, making everyone in her sideshow family of weirdo hippies fed…as she’s the only one who is really earning in their “traveling” and “performer” family I call just parents whoring their kids for money…because it’s better than working…I mean why else have kids…right…

Here are some of the pics..

Posted in:Bella Thorne

2015

09

Mar

Adriana Lima in Vogue Eyewear Campaign of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t think there’s anything really exciting about Adriana Lima. She is an old, even washed up Brazilian model who made it in the early 2000s and now gets overpaid to spend a day getting her picture taken…two decades laters…

She is known for her lingerie and bikini half naked modeling, but I guess now that she’s expired, they’ve decided to put her in sunglasses…which as it turns out may cover up her haggard over 30 year old, probably botoxed face…and mom body…but clothed makes her a hell of a lot less interesting than when she poses in lingerie and bikinis, even if her in lingerie and bikini body isn’t as good as it used to be…I’ll still look at half naked over whatever is going on here…

I have no idea why I feel this is important to post, because I don’t..it just kind of happened.