DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

04

Aug

Chloe Moretz is 17 and in a Bikini Bikini of the Day

Chloe Moretz is not exciting to me. She’s some 17 year olds in a bikini, but I don’t really need to tell you that, because you comic book nerds have been masturbating to her since she was 11 because she was in a superhero outfit and I guess that outfit overrides the fact that you’re a fucking creepy fucking pervert…so maybe these bikini pics won’t excite you because they aren’t “Action figure” enough for you…or maybe they will excite you so much that you won’t be able to leave your house for a fucking month, not that you ever do, you’re too busy in your RPG video game and these pics have nothing to do with your social awkwardness, they just compliment it…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Chloe Moretz

2014

04

Aug

Nicki Minaj Anaconda Promo Twerk of the Day

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Nicki Minaj loves her ass. I guess it’s made her a lot of money, or maybe it gets her a lot of attention, because she milks it harder than the farmer milks the cow it is big enough to belong to…

I mean I can only assume this big ass generation of girls and guys who love those big ass girls…have been sending Nicki Minaj praise over the internet, because every chance she gets, she puts the ass out there…

Maybe she was fat growing up and none of the white boys in her white community cuz she’s white and this hip hop thing is an act to sell to white girls…but now she’s embraced it because it is in trend…

Or maybe it doesn’t matter because I am all about her exploiting her fat ass, cuz girls with fat asses bring me job, at least when it comes to staring at said asses…I am always up for a good twerk in skimpy shorts video to bring me very very low levels of joy.

Posted in:Nicki Minaj

2014

04

Aug

Hayden Panettere’s Pregnant in a Bikini of the Day

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Hayden Panettiere is pregnant in a bikini. Call me old school but I am a firm believer that if you’re pregnant – you should not be in a bikini, but rather hiding out so that no one gets the wrong idea about you. More importantly so that we can try to forget you were ever pregnant – instead of having it burnt into our minds…with whatever the fuck this weirdness is….

All this to say, I don’t really like Hayden pregnant or not pregnant – and I don’t really like pregnant girls in general, especially not half naked, maybe my biological clock has ticked…and the idea of knocking a girl up disgusts me…even when I’m not the one who knocked them up…

The world is doomed, it’s so easy to not make babies…and still be cummed inside…Get it together Hayden…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere

2014

04

Aug

Gigi Hadid’s Thong Bikini in St Tropez of the Day

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Gigi Hadid. Daughter of Mohammed Hadid – some billionaire real estate developer who has some really powerful friends like the guy who owns Guess, because that’s how rich people function – they keep their 1 percent closely tied together – while making the 99 percent their fucking slaves…..so she was cute enough to use in campaigns, then she got passed around to other agencies, and now she’s in St Tropez, because that’s where all the cool kids, rich kids, exclusive kids summer…and she’s wearing a bikini that from this angle…isn’t so hot, but maybe I’m a just a hater and I should learn to love all asses…of all sizes and socio economic classes – no matter how rich or egotistical they are or how many times their dad jerks off to them because he made them and he jerks off to everything he’s ever made..including but not limited to – his silly botox smile…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Gigi Hadid

2014

04

Aug

Irina Shayk Offends Natives in Vogue Brazil of the Day

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Irina Shayk wore a headdress for a Vogue shoot, because mocking Indians (feathers not dots) is so fashionable these days, especially when you’re a Russian Mail order bride who only exists because of strategic prostitution…

I mean she’s not necessarily the most cultured of people, she’s an immigrant and I am sure the idea of natives or white people stealing their land forcing them to make Casinos and sell contraband cigarettes, doesn’t really phase her. She’s more into planning her next penis to put in her vagina…because so far…it’s made all these dreams a communist russian never expected to come true…come true…

I am sure she’s not the one styling for Vogue brazil, I don’t even know if natives would be offended by this…I just like to think it’s all her fault because it makes it so fun…even though she’s so hot…and wins all conflicts…

Posted in:Irina Shayk

2014

04

Aug

Amy Adams for Love Magazine of the Day

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Amy Adams is in the recent issue of LOVE MAGAZINE that shared a cover with Kendall Jenner, which is probably depressing for an Academy Award nominated actress I’ve never really heard of, but people seem to dig, even though I think she looks like shit, but maybe that’s jus the nature of this photoshoot, you know a little grimy, that’s the look they are going for, because she’s an actress and actresses can take on any role…or maybe she’s just not that hot…

The point is that it has that voyeuristic, creepy American Apparel vibe…that makes you feel like you’re with a bunch of silly girls acting silly thanks to the drugs…playful and posing like a bunch of crackheads…and for some reason that is far more erotic than something glam and pristine. I like dirty and run down…it’s all I know….thanks to sex with discounted women…something we all know Amy Adams isn’t but plays up nicely when in fashion magazines. That’s why she gets paid the big bucks.

Posted in:Amy Adams

2014

04

Aug

Sofia Vergara’s Bikini Bottoms of the Day

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Sofia Vergara posted this picture of her in bikini bottoms – wearing the most ridiculous heels possible because they lean her out – make her seem sexier than she is – when the reality is she’s pushing 45, is a mom of at least one, and despite maintaining a hot body until she fucked the right producer to land the right show to be at the top of the food chain…but this right here is smoke and mirrors…living the luxury life…but rocking’ angles, so many angles and filters…to make you think she’s still as hot as she once was…as hot as she needed to be to seduce all the people who hooked her up…and really I don’t care what she looks like under a spotlight – with flats and no filter or make-up – with her belly hanging over her bathing suit…I care about the content she’s producing of herself for the internet…because that’s what I get to look at…

Now I am not a fan, but I like that she gives so many 30 year old failures hope….that if they sleep with the right people they could be her too…cuz sometimes it takes being a failure at 30 to really realize what is important….

Posted in:Sofia Vergara

2014

04

Aug

Hannah Lyne for Dave Hauserman of the Day

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HANNAH LYNE is amazing. I know absolutely nothing about her or these pics by David Hauserman . I just know she’s topless in the kitchen, wearing hot little panties, covering herself with dish soap, in a maternal, domesticated woman I wish I was married to because I am a slop and so is my wife, and this girl is fucking a dream…kinda thing…I mean sure, naked girl, half naked girl, in a cool looking kitchen is nothing revolutionary…I mean I’m sure you’ve dreamt about it at least once…but this Hannah Lyne is….I am a fan…even though I have no idea who she is.

Posted in:Hannah Lyne

2014

04

Aug

More Jillian Murray Amazing Bikini in Mexico of the Day

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My dreams were answered last week when I posted bikini pics of what I consider a goddess sent from heaven, not polluted septic water Mexico, in her bikini…Jillian Murray….not because she flew into my arms and we started a life together because that’s what we are meant to do. It’s all part of being soul mates…and not because she had a movie premiere from her new horror movie and I was invited…but because she retweeted me…which may not be love, marriage, sex, a blow job, or even a hand job…hell it’s not even holding hands…but when you don’t leave your house, have friends, interact with people…it feels like it is…

Jillian Murray is amazing, still in her bikini, probably with another man, breaking my heart…all while I love every second of it…thanks to that hot fucking body…I don’t mind sharing something that isn’t mine…I also don’t mine licking the screen even though the people around me in this starbucks seem to…

Posted in:Jillian Murray

2014

04

Aug

Lily Collins Covered in Mud of the Day

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Lily Collins is one of Phil Collins’ many kids, who I don’t really think used Phil Collins to really get ahead in life, because he’s a touring Rockstar in the UK, and she was separated from him as a little kid, forced to live the life of luxury with her mother who was some socialite from LA before marrying Phil Collins….

I wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t seen much more than a check from the guy since she was 5, but that check helped the family afford a good life and good friends, and thus connections with good casting directors, producers and etc.

I don’t know anything about her, or really care about her career, or her personally life. I am much more into staring at her shit covered ass…not because I am into scat…but because there is something magical from a girl from an affluent privileged life…smearing her own feces on herself like some bi-polar episode…those are serious daddy issues…

Unless of course…she’s just rolled around in mud…in which case…less exciting but still involves staring at her ass…which is good enough for me to stare at…because every ass is…seriously, it doesn’t need an IMDB page or a hit making parent…it just needs to be half naked…

Posted in:Lily Collins