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2014

27

May

Jessica Simpson in a Bathing Suit for Instagram of the Day

The key to not looking so fat – is making your shoulders look massive…

This reminds me of so many 50 year old waitresses I’ve met at various diners across america, really skinny, strong legs, with a barrel belly and big shoulders and arms…making for a weird boxy beer drinking body, that is built from all the running back and forth to and from the kitchen carrying heavy trays of food….

It’s not attractive, just middle aged and white trash, which I guess Jessica Simpson is despite being rich as fuck for being a fashion icon, and pop star ….

I mean if it wasn’t for her creepy, gay, stage dad who had dreams of being a showgirl as a little boy, dreams he channeled into his eldest prized hen, the only real reason he’d ever stick a dick in a vagina…that worked…she’d probably be working a diner too..

All this to say, weight watchers contract made this happen, otherwise she’d be 300 pounds, and now she looks like all the women I try to bang in Florida…which I am going to go find right now

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2014

27

May

Miley Cyrus Giving Herself a Cameltoe of the Day

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Miley Cyrus jacking her unitard, leotard, whatever the fuck this article of clothing that touches her tits, asshole and pussy, that she’s shoving inside her on stage and sharing with her fans, and followers…is the kind of preaching I like…I mean there is so much a girl could do with a huge audience, that could be thought provoking, positive, or inspiring….I mean she has the power to meld the minds of all these idiots into doing good. She could tell the world to do one nice thing, or to donate a dollar to some cause….but instead she’s like “i’ll just give myself a cameltoe”….like a real fucking dancing monkey…and the funny thing in all this is that I love every second of it…

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2014

27

May

Charlize Theron Esquire UK of the Day

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Charlize Theron in her bra in Esquire brings me back memories of when I was first introduced to Charlize Theron, when she was a broke ass LA living, South African hooker/model, whose mother killed off her father and sent her to America with a 6 month visa to get work… she had an agency who couldn’t afford a pot to piss in…but there were so many rich men around her in LA that could save her….and I guess they did…but before they did she did Playboy….

It was an era when Playboy mattered.

Now it’s just some ghetto low level internet porn shit that doesn’t get any of these girls work, but instead, it gets no one work…like the death on your career, that will put your playboy bunny tattoo to good use…since it’s the only place that will hire your stripper ass…

Posted in:Charlize Theron

2014

27

May

Gigi Hadid Hot for Front Row Magazine Photoshoot of the Day

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Gigi Hadid apparently upgraded from one tween popstar to Bieber, because the rumor is that she’s on the beach or on a yacht with him, but the fact is that she’s rich as fuck thanks to her billionaire father to begin with, and really only needs Bieber to leverage her modelling career, which is hardly a modelling career… To date she’s done Guess for free, she’s done Sports Illustrated for free. Now she’s doing this magazine for free, because it’s not about the money assholes, she’s got enough of that…it’s about the exposure and publicity and maybe even the big penis…becaue I guess in Hadid’s case she has it all, she’s a little princess, and if she wants a Bieber…she gets it…

Who cares….I prefer her nude “work” …

Posted in:Gigi Hadid

2014

27

May

LeAnn Rimes Bikini Pic for Twitter of the Day

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LeAnn Rimes and her friend decided to take a pool bikini selfie from the back side…and i’m not really sure why….I mean obviously, it’s in attempts to show off their old lady, housewives with Botox, getting freaky on memorial day asses, and really the one on the right is pretty good, and amazes me for not having cellulite, but it’s still weird, because old ladies aren’t supposed to act like this, this is college girl behavior…let’s save it for the college girls…

Posted in:Leann Rimes

2014

27

May

Sara Sampaio for Revolve clothing of the Day

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I guess this is some BTS Sara Sampaio for Revolve clothing shit that involves her making stupid faces…grabbing tits…having other people on set grab her tits..and the whole thing is pretty erotic…it makes me want to buy a motherfucking Revolve clothing tits…

She’s portuguese, but unlike all Portuguese people, she’s not a fisherman, she’s been in a bunch of magazines and has been put in line as the Adriana Lima replacement for Victoria’s Secret, when her contract dies off like her sex appeal already has…

I’m into this campaign..but maybe I am bias, since I snuck into a party at the Revolve Clothing Malibu beach house and they were all very nice to me as I drank their free liquor..

Posted in:Sara Sampaio

2014

27

May

Ashley Benson Bikini Selfie of the Day

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Ashley Benson posted a pic of her tits in a bikini…laying down, which in the event you have tits, is the worst way to show off those tits, since laying down tits, are usually not optimizing your otherwise big tit tits..

As a fat man, I get that laying down makes you appear thinner in the rest of your dumpy midsection for pictures, but when your tits are the highlight of who you are….and when your tits are all that matter, despite your huge acting career thanks to a huge show and silly movie…you’d think this would be more topless nipple…

I prefer her Pretty Little Liars Shoot

Posted in:Ashley Benson

2014

27

May

Carmen Brundler for Marks and Spencer Lingerie of the Day

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You’ve never heard of Carmen Bründler, but her last name is fun to say…it makes me feel like I’m on some weird german tour of the fetish club, where the fat leather clad dominatrix is explaining her signature ass penetrating move…which may be where the marketing people at Mark’s and Spencer’s found her. I mean Berlin has been a hot bed for British executives on some sex tourism vacation for decades, because where else do you find these models who aspire to get half naked, all egotistical and narcissistic, unable to really use their brain for any other reason but getting half naked, since the money is good and the work is easy, not to mention it gives them that stamp of approval that they are hot enough and that they matter…not that they needed that stamp of approval, they already knew they were amazing, that’s why they decided to make a career out of that, to share it with you…

Posted in:Carmen Bründler

2014

27

May

Ashanti in a Bikini of the Day

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You want to know what’s better than Ashanti in a bikini for instagram…

Ashanti in a snowsuit…

The reality is, I am all for these thick girls. I find them fun to look at. I love seeing white girls with fat asses and thick thighs celebrating themselves half naked because black guys celebrate them, and thus white suburban guys celebrate them. I love seeing them whore out in tight clothing or half naked in the club..

It’s some comical fertile as fuck clown shit…and Ashanti’s owning it. I can’t hate it. Because self produced half naked shoots are the bane of my existence…

Posted in:Ashanti

2014

27

May

Stefani Schober TItties for Fashion of the Day

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Stefani Schober looks like a 13 year old fat girl who just went on her first Family vacation to the Bahamas on some shitty cruise…you know the kind of girl with her hair braided on the beach while wearing a t-shirt to cover her pasty white middle american belly…at least that’s what her hair is telling me….

The rest of her is telling me that she’s’ pretty fantastic…and that’s really only because he’s showing her tits…for what I assume wasn’t even a paying job, but rather an editorial shoot, that she hopes takes her to the next level of stardom…and It would be negligent for me to not encourage this behavior…

Posted in:Stefani Schober