DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

06

Nov

Nina Agdal for Calvin Klein Underwear of the Day

I usually laugh at Nina Agdal and her bikini modelling body because she has a weird shaped head, something you perverts probably don’t notice, because you’re too busy looking at her photoshopped vagina /tits…

I make genius jokes that if they were said by a celebrity, you would all laugh at, but because they are written by me, you don’t even notice…

You know comparing her to the retarded kid who used to work at the pharmacy I worked at…who got paid at a discount because it was a work program and he was only 1/2 human according to the system…saying since magazine sales are down SI had to get creative and find free talent…

Well in their marketing of her, because she may be this year’s cover girl, she’s been lent out to other companies, like Calvin Klein Underwear…where they managed to make her head look less full of water…but her ass…looks like it’s being sucked into her asshole…in some really fucking weird angle…unless this is what her booty actually looks like, which may not turn you off, or make you not want her to shit in your face…but that is not necessarily the hottest shit ever…at least not what I’d expect from a bikini model cover girl…but I guess since Kate Upton ate and shat out that title…all credibility is thrown out….

Here is her modelling she probably made a lot of money doing…

Posted in:Nina Agdal

2013

06

Nov

Doutzen Kroes Instagrammed a Sext of the DAy

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2 Weeks ago Doutzen Kroes posted a picture of her husband, some black DJ from Ibiza or some shit, jerking off to her mom ass putting on a webcam show, like some low level web cam girl trying to pay her rent without getting a real job, in what is offensive as fuck, at least to me, and should be flagged and deleted off Instagram, even if there’s no spread asshole in the pic, because we know what’s going on, and no one wants to see this married couple on the road missing each other….it’s the fucking worst…

This pervert shit I call her trying to keep his balls empty so he doesn’t fuck groupies like he fucked her when she was a groupie…even though we all knows he does…it’s part of knocking up a Victoria’s Secret model…you have no choice but to find other relevant pussy to stick your dick in….

Either way, it happened…

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes

2013

06

Nov

Courtney Stodden’s Official Statement of the Day

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I’m going to let you motherfuckers sit on this one for a while, take it all in, so that you really understand what’s going on in the world of Child Bride Courtney Stodden, who is debatably in her 40s….

After two and a half years of marriage, Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated. This is a mutual and amicable decision that they’re making together. As you know, Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at nineteen, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult — with the freedom to explore her independence. Doug supports Courtney 100%. The two will share custody of their precious pup, Dourtney, remain living in the same house [for now] in separate bedrooms, and Doug will be co-managing Courtney’s career.

“We love each very much, want for each other’s happiness, and will continue being the best of friends for life”. — Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden

They will be ok guys…don’t worry…and I expect great things from her, she has her whole life ahead of her, and dudes everyone be warned, don’t fall in love with a young girl, they will use you to get ahead and break you in two…along the way…but sometimes…like with Courtney Stodden it is worth it.

My life goal has just become…making Stodden love me…we are a great American love story waiting to happen…I just regret ditching her Halloween party as invited to..that was capitalizing on the rebound fail number 1…but I will bounce back…

This whole thing is ridiculous, in a good way…

Posted in:Courtney Stodden

2013

06

Nov

Some Drunk Dude…Pissing in a Garbage Can of the Day

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The best thing about being drunk is if you’re a mayor of a Canadian city you can blame it for your crack smoking, if you’re a pervert you can blame it for cheating on your wife / fucking a fat chick…you can blame it on your DUI…it is really the answer to all your problems and people accept it as a valid excuse because they’ve been drunk too…

In this dude’s case, it’s the reason he got to pee in the garbage can at a convenience store…something I am sure at least one of you wanted to do…but wasn’t drunk enough to do it…

Liquid courage baby…it’s our life line…

Posted in:Videos

2013

06

Nov

Freakish Lindsey Wixson for Eres Paris 2014 of the Day

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Lindsey Wixson is some top model, who I am sure is a very lovely lady with lots of fun and happy things to contribute to a conversation because being a top model has put her in fun and crazy situations and taken her to fun and crazy places and made her a lot of fucking money…but for some reason her fame or success in modelling makes no sense to me…because as far as I’m concerned she looks like a freak…just a weirdo face designed for a horror movie…that I am putting up anyway,..cuz we are in the tail end of Halloween…and you know somewhere someone is still passed out in a ditch in costume…not ready to accept Starbucks introducing the Holiday collection already…but more importantly I’m doing it cuz she’s in a bikini…and trying to understand her face…is some mind melding puzzle you retards could probably use as a brain exercises….

Lindsey Wixson
Freakish Lindsey Wixson for Eres Paris 2014 of the Day

Lindsey Wixson is some top model, who I am sure is a very lovely lady with lots of fun and happy things to contribute to a conversation because being a top model has put her in fun and crazy situations and taken her to fun and crazy places and made her a lot of fucking money…but for some reason her fame or success in modelling makes no sense to me…because as far as I’m concerned she looks like a freak…just a weirdo face designed for a horror movie…that I am putting up anyway,..cuz we are in the tail end of Halloween…and you know somewhere someone is still passed out in a ditch in costume…not ready to accept Starbucks introducing the Holiday collection already…but more importantly I’m doing it cuz she’s in a bikini…and trying to understand her face…is some mind melding puzzle you retards could probably use as a brain exercises….

Posted in:Lindsey Wixson

2013

06

Nov

Cats in Tights of the Day

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This is probably the most insane thing I have seen today…which isn’t really saying much because I just woke up…but it is saying something because I am so desensitized to think anything is insane means it is really fucking weird…and putting your cats in tights..especially if you are a dude and going out and buying the tights…seems on some level kinda sexual in a horrible way…and on all levels creepy as fuck…but I am pretty happy it happened because it’s ridiculous looking…

TO SEE MORE OR TO PARTICIPATE CUZ YOU ARE WEIRD CLICK HERE

Posted in:LOLZ|SFW

2013

06

Nov

Stefania Ferreira For Limonada Beachwear of the Day

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Stefania Ferreira is a model I am going to assume is Brazilian because of her name and after 10 years of doing this…I realize neither her name or her country of origin really matters to any of you perverts…you just want to be tipped off to hot girls who get paid to post half naked…even if half naked is supposed to be something sacred for their husbands’ eyes only…but I guess that was in a pre-internet time when girls were still ladies and not spreading their vaginas and smearing it on everything they could to get more and more famous and more and more money to buy more and more useless shit….to feed their egos…

I still don’t mind staring at them even if they have no soul..

Posted in:Stefania Ferreira

2013

06

Nov

Kylie is the Last Underage Kardashian for the Mom to Exploit of the Day

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I don’t really give a fuck about 15 year old Kardashians who are being bred like the farm animals we can safely assume they are into being fame whore brats who manage to make a lot of fucking money in the process…I mean there are so many of them…how can they not be their own little enterprise…

But it seems like everyone is excited at the fact that one turned 18 and the mom didn’t waste any time put the heat on the last standing underage one she could squeeze in before her devil uterus shut down operation in her fame-whoring quest….Because underage girls get noticed by perverts…always…and that shit creates loyalty for life…

Cuz now the little one is posting slutty pics, that could just be her being jealous of her older sister’s porn career, her other older sisters porn offers now that she’s 18, so she’s trying to establish her own porn future…here and now…and you love it…sicko

Posted in:Kylie Jenner|SFW

2013

06

Nov

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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Sexting a girl you’ve had sex with who doesn’t like being reminded she had sex with you is always a lot of laughs…when they tell you they are going to file for a restraining order.

Here are some stepLINKS…

Kylie Jenner Legs
GO

15 Celebs Who Don’t Age Cuz They Are Robots…
GO

Guy Falling Asleep at Work
GO

Gymnast Girl and Her Handspring Nut Shot
GO

Royals / 2Pac / Beck Mash-Up with Foam
GO

Meanwhile in Russia…..
GO

A Whole Bunch of Selfies
GO

Courtney Stodden Official Statement
GO

Girls Who Think THey Are Nerds for Wearing Glasses
GO

David Arquette’s Knocking Up Bitches
GO

Some Random Model Posing
GO

HOT HOT PUSSY PARTY
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2013

06

Nov

Catie is the Babe of the Day

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Show NSFW Content

Her name is CATIE …She’s 19…American and pretty much perfect to look at and more importantly in her career choices..that involve her showing off just how much she likes her music…a lot better than any girl has ever liked me…or the things I do to them…but in my defence they are usually drunk or passed out by the time we get to the topless part of the night…while Catie…just does this on her own and is amazing at it…or at least amazing to look at while she’s at it…these glamour shots may not change your life, but I would like to divorce my wife to marry.

TO SEE MORE OF MILA GETTING WAY MORE HARDCORE CLICK HERE

Posted in:NSFW|X-Art