DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

07

Oct

American Apparel’s Insane Artist Tee of the Day

The Ardorous X American Apparel Period Power Washed Tee is officially one of the weirder, yet more amazing things American Apparel has done, because I am a fan of the vagina, and in the last 10 years, I have produced vaginas on T-shirts, and 7 years ago…I’ve even recruited readers to draw their vaginas and describe them in 10 words or less..and I am a just a fan of vaginas in general…they are my happy place…and fun to look at and play with…so I am all for a mainstream brand…doing a shirt like that…it’s actually pretty fucking awesome…even if periods are disgusting to me…except during a pregnancy scare..then they are my best friend…

GET YOURS NOW

Posted in:stepFASHION

2013

07

Oct

Scarlett Johannson Esquires Hottest of the Year of the Day

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I don’t know about these arbitrary, random, pulled out of their ass, paid for by their publicist lists, but I am sure I’ve posted about this so many times before, whether it is People’s list, or any list, I just know the number one slot is died into a big advertiser, like a movie that’s coming out, or a just because the media are whores and do what they are told by the powers who control the news….

So I know that Scarlett Johannson isn’t the hottest shit out there, she’s old, divorced and was never the hottest shit out there, even when she was at her prime…and I assume so does Esquire…because that’s why they shot her from the head up…

IT’s almost offensive how dumb we think we are, but even more offensive that they make lists like this in the first place, everyone knows there is no such thing as the hottest girl…in the world…and if there is she’s probably in Russia or in the third world…not getting paid millions to get into a pair of SPANX on set of some shit movie…

But I’ll post the pics anyway…because that’s what they want me to do.

Posted in:Scarlett Johannson

2013

07

Oct

Miley Cyrus Hot on the Today Show of the Day

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While I was sleeping, Miley Cyrus was On the Today Show …and by the loos of the pictures, the whole thing looked pretty amazing…

In the event you didn’t know, she is in New York, thanks to doing SNL, a show that you’re probably as surprised as I am still exists, and the most insane thing in all of it, is that I was in a ghetto ass hotel room in New Jersey, on my last stop before death, because I feel like Jersey is where people go to die, and I happened to watch parts of her performance…even though I haven’t seen SNL since the 80s…and never laugh at any of their jokes they put out on the internet….

Well, it turns out that Miley saved me from the New Jersey suicide I was planning, she gave me new hope in the world, with her young fun energy, that is totally calculated, and put together, even if it is seemingly designed to make her look like she is falling off the fucking rails, when clearly, she’s a Disney kid and trained for this…it’s just another role for her, and everyone is fucking talking about it, it’s making everyone involved money, and she’s really cute with her massive mouth, as long as you watch her on mute…It’s impossible to hate her, and if you do, you’re just a negative piece of shit..but it’s very possible to get turned on by her and her skinny little body and non-existent white girl twerking ass…because let’s face it…she’s fucking awesome…I am a fan…even if everything she’s doing, especially that tongue shit, is annoying..I mean this is pop music..it’s meant to be horrible…and this babe does horrible so fucking well…if I was Billy Ray, I’d have an Achy Breaky incest baby running around the basement…because based on her mother I think it’s safe to say anyone could be the father…

Here’s a clip of her performing – if you care…sounding like Lana Del Rey….because that’s what being fabricated pop is…but who cares she’s in short shorts..oh right everyone cares…

TO SEE ALL THE CLIPS FROM SNL – THE HOMIE PUT THEM UP HERE

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

07

Oct

The Most Horrible Tragedy of the Day

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Three days ago…the most unthinkable thing happened somewhere in America…and we have the security footage of it. I am going to warn you it is gory and possibly the worst thing you will see all year…because it involves something we hold so dear to us, getting murdered in the most violet of ways…making me wish I was there to either try to superhero these motherfuckers, and try to save them all with my mouth, or at least be there to help clean up the horrible wreckage…preferably…with my mouth…

If you don’t like that…here’s a Russian Wedding party….that you will like because Russia is amazing

Posted in:Videos

2013

07

Oct

Pink in a Bikini in Mexico of the Day

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Last week, Pink wore a bikini…it took me 3 days to process it, try to understand it, and really figure out if what I felt was a homosexual experience, you know falling into some “is this a dude” folder in my sexuality…but the truth is I don’t mind a sturdy women if that women is sturdy due to fitness and muscle mass and not being born with balls…the fact is that a fit girl can fuck better, she can ride the deadness in your groin longer…and she can usually use her muscle control to squeeze your non-existent penis in ways that make it feel like it’s more substantial…sure broad shoulders, massive back, can be a little weird when banging from behind, especially with the short hair, but as long as there is a vagina, no matter how big that clit is, rather than balls…it’s ok…you have my permission to enjoy these…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Pink

2013

07

Oct

Karlie Kloss Nipples for Self Service Magazine of the Day

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Karlie Kloss is some 7 foot tall model who would be convenient to use to get things off a high shelf or even to use as shoulders to prop yourself onto at a concert so you can see over the crowd if she had enough strength in her to support your weight from all that starvation these models do….

She’s posing in Self Service magazine, and I think you can see nipples, especially if you have a good imagination…and nerd vision that sees nipples in everything…

Posted in:Karlie Kloss

2013

07

Oct

More What Happened in Vegas Pics of Claudia Romani of the Day

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Last week, my friends at VIDHUNTR met up with Claudia Romani and convinced her to walk around on the strip in a bikini…because she’s a bikini model…it is Vegas…and you’re supposed to act a little wild and crazy…. I POSTED THE VIDEO …but here are the rest of the pics…of her hot ass looking hot…which is what you should be focusing on…because hot ass is just so hard to come by in this high fructose fast food nation we live in….we have to go to the fields of Italy to find booty unscathed by genetically modified, factory made, crap….

She looks amazing….and like a lot of fun!

Posted in:Claudia Romani|SFW

2013

07

Oct

Carmen Electra in a Bikini in Hawaii like it was the 90s of the Day

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I like to make fun of old women holding onto their sex appeal and youth as hard as they fucking can, from more plastic surgery than what they had in the 90s to make people care about them in the first place….but I understand her pain,..it’s like people only cared about you cuz you were hot, it was your one marketable skill and the only reason you got work, so seeing yourself age is some scary shit, that could bring on anxiety and fear…that you’ll never work again and that people will laugh and tease your narcissistic ass, because that ass is all she values herself with….but it turns out that even at 100 years old…she’s amazing…the kind of mom who isn’t a mom and that is probably the main reason she’s still amazing…I would like to stepfather the children of…I mean..seriously..these may be staged, obvious and even pathetic on the surface, but I got no complaints when it comes to girls getting half naked…ever…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Carmen Electra

2013

07

Oct

Nina Dobrev Posing with an Obama Care Song of the Day

4 Comments »

Nina Dobrev is a Canadian, and in being a Canadian, I guess she’s decided to take it upon herself to pretend she understands American politics, like so many other people before her, because that’s democracy, even the dumbest, uneducated, misinformed fuck is allowed to vote…so she got her shirt off to promote #gotcovered, which may be obnoxious in so many ways, but taking off her shirt was not one of those ways…any excuse to get anyone to trying to fit in by stripping down…whether it’s politics or drugs…works for me….now if only I knew who this Nina Dobrec chick was…

Posted in:Nina Dobrev

2013

07

Oct

Azealia Banks Walks OFf Stage After Being Hit in the Head of the Day

1 Comment »

Her name is Azealia Banks, you probably don’t know her, she’s a girl rapper like Nicki Minaj only more hipster accessible and people love her. You know the kind of girl who was getting some success so Miley researched her hustle to copy what she does in efforts of being the hollywood rich as fuck version of Azealia Banks….

Well someone through a can at her when she was performing the other day, and she walked off stage, and this email was sent to me a few times, because I guess not everyone appreciates Azealia Banks and probably think she deserves this more than the fame she gets, while I say, save the throwing of things at stage for people like Katy Perry, who can’t sing, yet insist on singing…and leave Azealia Banks alone….

Posted in:Azealia Banks