DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

03

Jul

Ireland Baldwin Paddleboards in a Bikini of the Day

Ireland Baldwin, I see teen pregnancy in the near future….that or a horrible break-up that stems from her being cheated on, because all young guys get bored of a nagging bitch when they want to get out there and fuck as many willing girls as possible…with equally if not more famous parents…who are as hot or hotter…propelling her into a downward spiral that brings up repressed memories of her dad and where he went wrong…officially making her broken….

The same kind of broken that will lead her to out there to get as much revenge as she can on all the men in her life by inserting as many penises as possible inside herself…

It happens all the time…and I’m looking forward to it, but for now, it is a blissful young love, first love, probably the virginity poppin love, that they think will end in forever love with marriage and shit but that won’t cuz at 17, it all comes crashing down…it always does…just like a girls metabolism..

Here is the happy July 4th trip documented on instagram….and yes, looking at pics of a 17 year old couple when you are a grown man is creepy as fuck…here are the pics anyway.

Posted in:Ireland Baldwin

2013

03

Jul

Christina Aguilera May Be Getting Fit, But Her Ass Is Confused of the Day

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Christina Aguilera reminds us that making fun of a fat bitch, works.

It is something that parents at school and the media call bullying, something they are aggressively campaigning against because a few gay kids and a fat weirdo killed themselves, making it a fucking national crisis, despite it being part of human nature, and even seen in the animal world, with primates and shit, but we’re civilized and need to keep our shit talking or telling people they are inadequate to our fucking selves, or else we will get arrested…

Bullying works…and if it didn’t, why would this pig be hitting the gym daily, cuz clearly she was into being fat, and even tried to take ownership on it, before it became too much for her to handle, and I’m not just talking about the elastic waistband of her pants, I’m talking her soul…

So now she’s getting fit, but her ass is in a state of confusion, as it bounces around in leggings trying to figure out what it all means, is it meant to be fat, or round, or flat, it just doesn’t know what’s going on, and for some reason I find it fascinating to stare at.

Follow X-Tina’s lead, choose life, not diabetes.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
#cyberbully.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Christina Aguilera

2013

03

Jul

Doctor’s In Russia Have Good Bedside Manners of the Day

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Apparently, this anesthesiologist from Russia was on a 36 hour shift. He was checking up on some post-surgery when this patient started running his mouth off.

Instead of sucking it up and knocking the patient out with meds, you know “accidentally” giving him too much to survive, he punched the guy in the face and chest, which to me is better than killing him, but still funny, because doctors aren’t supposed to do that…not even in Russia, where the men are stronger and can handle this kind of thing…or not…because apparently the patient died after this….I guess punching someone in the chest right after bypass surgery isn’t good for them…

Posted in:Videos

2013

03

Jul

Anna Ewers for Vogue Brazil of the Day

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This shoot of Anna Ewers, a model you’ve never heard of, but like because her name rhymes with Sewers and Sewers turn you on as they are bursting with bodily fluids from strangers everywhere…your favorite.

The pics are not very exciting, I mean it’s almost shitty amateur shit you’d expect to see in the weekly flyer in the back of the local newspaper…even if it is for Vogue..some prestigious magazine that is not supposed to fail…even if they fail every month by not getting these eager models trying to get ahead spread eagled like shit was Penthouse in the 70s…

But shitty shoot or not, Anna Ewers, who is one letter away from Sewers carries it nicely, mainly cuz I want to have sex with her…but in her defence, I want to have sex with all things with a vagina, no matter how gross said vagina is. It’s a bit of a problem…a problem I’m dealing with one vagina at a time. Sometimes two…If I’m lucky or can afford it.

Posted in:Anna Ewers

2013

03

Jul

Courtney Stodden’s Silly Implants are Funny of the Day

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I’m ready for Courtney Stodden to be the next FARRAH ABRAHAM BACKDOOR TEEN MOM …because you know when you start out your celebrity, no matter how low level it is, as a teen bride, even if it is a lie…and you’re really an ex hooker in her 30s…and you blossom into a comic character of a girl…who must be broken to do this to herself..you know the big stupid tits and fake everything, trying to be a sex symbol…the sex tape is not far off. YAY. I’m ready for it.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Courtney Stodden

2013

03

Jul

Ali Stephens for Glamour France August 2013 of the Day

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Ali Stephens is some 22 year old tall model from Utah, who was discovered shopping in Salt Lake City. She has pretty much worked with ever major designer and company…but I’ve never heard of her, but even if I have, I don’t remember her, because one man can’t be on top of so many women I’ve never met, especially when I have much better things to worry about, like getting as drunk as possible, leaving any morals or values at the door, to fully embrace poor decision making…not that I have any morals or values, but you get what I am saying, and that is that Ali Stephens looks alright for Glamour France…but she’s not very topless enough to make it truly fashion or French, but I’ll post it anyway, cuz you can’t go wrong with some tall skinny girl dressed in silly costumes in various poses, especially when at least one of those pics involves a bikini top…yes my life is that pathetic. But Ali Stephens, her life is awesome…She’s at the top of her game…

I don’t know if these are all pics of her, I have facial recognition blindness, but if they are, this magazine really milked her as hard as they could…one magazine shouldn’t have this many pics with one model..

Posted in:Ali Stephens

2013

03

Jul

Kelly Brook Shitty Upskirt of the Day

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Kelly Brook is known for her AMAZING fat tits and fat ass Glamour Model who spent the last 20 years of her life getting topless in pictures in efforts to make it…but I know her for her VAGINA STICKING ITS TONGUE OUT AT US WHILE COVERED IN HER ABORTION …one of her weirder shoots that I guess was her way of saying “I’m 35, I was pregnant, but I still have another round in me, and I’m not gonna let this baby get me down”…in what is almost tribal or insane….but then again, maybe I am wrong…and maybe her abortion was a miscarriage, a well planned miscarriage…right as her career peaked..

Well, apparently she doesn’t mind showing her panties, which isn’t that shocking, considering she doesn’t mind showing her labia…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Kelly Brook

2013

03

Jul

Samantha Gradoville Modeling Some Lingerie of the Day

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Samantha Gradoville is an American model who is getting more and more famous because every once in a while, Fashion needs an American girl, especially when she doesn’t look like the typical American…

She’s put in serious work, if by work I mean she’s been TOPLESS for fashion HERE , HERE , and HERE

The kind of hard work I appreciate because it isn’t work at all but as long as we pretend it is, we can convince chicks to participate in this kind of sleaze…

Posted in:Samantha Gradoville

2013

03

Jul

74 Year Old Arrested with Felony Assault of the Day

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The story goes like this, this 74 year old women was asked to leave, she didn’t get up as fast as the cop wanted to her, so they arrested her, because like 74 year old women, she was a total threat to these Texas cops…I mean she could bake him cookies that make him fatter and knit him a sweater all his friends laugh at…I mean she’s 74 fucking years old asshole.

Here’s the cop’s statement:

She attempted to resist by grabbing the chair, not standing, and pulling back from me. We broke her hold of the chair and got her up and as I escorted her up the gallery steps Trooper Hall released her. I was escorting her by the arm up the steps by myself and she continued to try and pull away from me. At the top of the stairs, she spun and slapped my face with her open hand and told me to let her go. The intentional slap to the face by Northington was offensive and I was currently wearing a State Trooper uniform…At this point i spun her around and
proceeded to handcuff her for the assault. While trying to handcuff her she continued to resist by pulling her arms and attempted to twist away from me…Ms. Northington was transported to Travis County SO without further incident..

Ridiculous….

Posted in:Videos

2013

03

Jul

Ashley Benson in her Bikini Top of the Day

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If you want to see Ashley Benson in a bikini, showing off her body that is not all that great, which is probably why she’s only showing off from the base of the titty up in her instagram pics, you can always rent Springbreakers, the shittiest movie of the last 5 years, where all the girls looked like shit…even though it had the most hype around it, all because it attempted to show Disney Stars sluttier in movies than we are used to, which isn’t that hard, considering prior to Spring Breakers, the sluttiest any of them got was eating fucking ice cream cones or pretending to have sex with Beiber, except for that Vanessa Hudgens slut, that one got naked in horribly planned, 5 o’clock shadow nudes that were about as erotic as a doctor’s exam, and not even a good doctor’s exam…

They were some Christian friendly shit and now they are this…and I don’t find it interesting, cuz once you go slutty, bikini clad, having threesomes, you never go back, you can only go forward, meaning these pics should be her gaping asshole…it’s what makes sense…bikini tops are just too fucking Disney for this one…

Posted in:Ashley Benson