DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

29

Apr

Jenner Sisters In Their Bikinis for the Paparazzi of the Day

It’s funny that it is legal for a mother to whore out her teen daughters for the media via the paparazzi they probably brought on vacation with them.

I know it isn’t as bad as whoring them out to random men for sexual favors to help pay the rent, at least not in theory, according to society norms, but I have a feeling that the damage this does, will equally fuck them up, as if they were being whored out like whores, because ultimately, you are a product of your environment, and when you realize you’re opportunistic cunt mom is making you jump through hoops to fill her own egotistical needs, dreams and bribing you by giving you anything you want, it’s as empty as when it happens in the gutter. That’s why rich girls are just like stripper trash, just in nicer clothes and hotel rooms.

I guess I shouldn’t care about the mental capacity of these demon children as they run around in their demon family, but they are in bikinis, and the skinny one aspires to be a Victoria’s Secret model, you see it’s good to raise them like this, they have such depth to their dreams and potential to contribute to society.

Idiots.

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Posted in:Kendall Jenner

2013

29

Apr

Oh Shit! Miley Cyrus Was Let Out of Her House of the Day

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Miley Cyrus has been allowed out of her house. Oh shit.

And she’s gone wild. Oh Shit.

I assume that’s what happens when you are the caged money making animal at the zoo, that is finally let out of the cage to explore what the world they were always kept away from, because the world is a scary place, and the cage is safe, and where we keep our money making animals.

You know, she’s high profile, has fans, the paparazzi would rip her apart now that she’s single, something my penis would like to do to her vagina, if it was only more substantial.

Her sheltered life filled with handlers sometimes gets pushed aside, you know cuz she is the money making animal and she calls the shots, and I guess this is the evidence of that whole =”This is my life, and I just want to live it and be normal” rebellion…..that I like to call the gateway to falling off the fucking deep end.

You can’t steal her life fame. You hear that.

Oh Shit.

Now let’s do a low key, low profile, parking lot photoshoot to really not get noticed on this incognito, attempt at integrating into society like a normal….hustle….

Oh Shit.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

29

Apr

Amanda Bynes Not In My Kid of Gym Clothes of the Day

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I usually prefer when girls go to the gym dressed in booty shorts and a shorts bra, you know to really not let any clothing get in the way of their deep fucking squats, so that after they are sweating and digusting, I can pretty much make out their entire vagina and ass definition, because you know what it turns me the fuck on. Almost enough to join a gym, but that would be crazy.

Amanda Bynes, despite her level of awesome, doing her Andy Kaufman crazy fuck with the public through twitter because they talk about her, would do better if her gym clothes were a lot less Muslim. I mean shit, she looks like this OCD woman who I see walking around my apartment who wears 8 layers of clothes, a hood, a scarf to cover her face, gloves, like she’s Michael Jackson and allergic to the sun, and they’re very little erotic in that.

I mean Bynes has a body that needs to be more scandalous, but I’ll still try jerking off to these, you know to challenge my jerking off skills, next leveling it.

Posted in:Amanda Bynes

2013

29

Apr

Claudia Romani’s Bikini for the Paparazzi Overload of the Day

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A lot of people don’t know this about me, including Claudia Romani, but Claudia Romani is my girlfriend.

I know I keep the identity of the girls I make sweet love to secret, but I figure, if I’m posting pics of her that the paparazzi take, you have a right to know that we are in love, sure it’s only on twitter, and it might be a dude she pays to run her social networking, and it may only be one sided and hasn’t got to nudity, grinding, or sex tapes yet, but that’s ok…I like to take my time with my low level internet fantasies, to let the blossom into a magical thing….

Twitter, or all social media is the gateway to pregnancy scares, abortions, and breaking up marriages. It’s the new picking up at a bar, or a back alley…..

What a lot of you may not know is who Claudia Romani is…well either do I…I figure let her past be her past and her future be my future, you know, cuz that’s how romance work.

I just know paparazzi follow her, she’s got a great ass, and all the blogs talk about her like she matters, so she may matter, but as far as I’m concerned, her best work is going to be having sex with me….even if she doesn’t know it yet.

I’ve already got her fully clothed sexting me from the gym, next step, spread ass. It will happen and I won’t involve any of you in it.

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Posted in:Claudia Romani

2013

29

Apr

Game of Thrones Sex Scene of the Day

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I don’t watch Game of Thrones but apprently, this bitch, who I am not going to bother figuring out what her name is, getting naked is a big deal, a big turning point in the story, a story that doesn’t matter. That I don’t understand, people I find Sci/Fi and fantasy the fucking worst thing ever, but people everywhere are embracing it….

But I guess when sci/fi fantasy, although weird, awkward and makes me uncomfortable, smells like stale semen a jar in your mom’s basement, you know with all those dragons and fairies and trolls and shit, hot girls generally aren’t into cuz it just screams virgin loser sword fighting at lunch in some weird fucking warzone at the park, with people just as weird as him, is ok if it’s a 45 second clip with a naked bitch in it….

If you’re on your mobile phome – this clip should work.

Posted in:Game of Thrones|HBOobs|NSFW

2013

29

Apr

Glamour Model Jess Davies is a Topless Supergirl of the Day

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Jess Davies….so much to say about Jess Davies…but none of it matters because Jess Davies doesn’t matter. She is an interchangeable topless model, who is just trying to stand out amongst the other topless models, so that she lands a soccer playing husband as a retirement plan, because it’s better than working as a strip club waitress. She may have daddy issues, stemming from him not loving her, or loving her too much, and really I don’t need to analyze the psychology of a topless whore getting paid to be topless only because she gets topless and not because of her beauty, but more because of her bra size. I am here to see a cheap attempt to make nerds cum to pics of her and I have a feeling it is totally working….all dressed like supergirl and shit…enough to lock a socially awkward motherfucker in the bathroom for at least 5 minutes too overly excited too last even in masturbation. Making these pics worth sharing.

Posted in:Jess Davies|NSFW

2013

29

Apr

Aubrey O’Day Instagram’s That Ass of the Day

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I forgot Aubrey O’Day existed. I tend to do that when it comes to fat piggish girls who don’t know when to shut the fuck up because they don’t they they are fat or piggish because they are fucking rappers. You know, just an annoying vapid idiot who should have never been allowed on TV, or on camer, or in music, or whatever it is she does besides hooking and being some trashy fake titty fat assed slut.

But the good news is that it looks like she’s been working out, which I guess makes for a better fucking time when it comes to looking at her, since there is nothing worse than a fat chick with an ego posing half naked, but when sad fat chick is looking a little fit, anything goes, not that Aubrey O’Day should be celebrated, just stared at and cummed on like all whores deserve, now that she isn’t making me sick to my fucking stomach.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day

2013

29

Apr

More Miley Cyrus for Elle of the Day

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I think I posted some of these Miley Cyrus for Elle pics, because I am the unofficial Miley Cyrus Fan Club, where all we do is Miley all the fucking time, like we were brain washed into this shit thanks to her bra-less, hairless, hormone therapy making her look like jailbait into her 30s ways.

These pics may not be all that hot, spread asshole, or fun, but you know what, to me and my delusion Miley Fan ways, they couldn’t be any fucking better.

That’s all I have to say about that…I’ve said too much.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

29

Apr

Ashley Benson’s Busty and Tanning in Cancun of the Day

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Spring Breaker Ashley Benson is pulling a Tara Reid and taking her movie character of being part of the perpetual, bikini clad, vacation party, and turning it into real fucking life, because here she is in Cancun, the gateway to a life filled with traveling the world, doing drugs, dancing half naked, and pretty much having an awesome existence, until she turns 40 and realizes she’s fucking 40.

Or maybe, she’s just on vacation, but why Cancun, America’s college frat sewer, filled with shitty hotels, shitty parties, and date rape.

She’s got money now, she could be anywhere, but she chooses here.

I guess the real question is why I’m analyzing the travel plans of some low level celebrity, who wasn’t even that great in her dirty bikini for Spring Breakers, and she wasn’t even great in her threesome scene, because the movie was ultimately not great….when I should just be lookin at her bikini pics….cuz she looks better now than she did then….and I guess I’m into self improvement as long as that self improvement is about her bikini body.

Seriously, them titties are hot.

Here’s her keek.

Posted in:Ashley Benson

2013

29

Apr

Kelly Osbourne in her Bikini of the Day

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Remember when Kelly Osbourne almost died on set of some show she’s on a few months ago. It looks like the only thing that died was her sex appeal, no wait, that was always dead, maybe a product of being raised by her gothic parents, but probably more a product of being made by her gothic parents, with broken DNA thanks to hard fucking drug use. But I guess the starving herself and trying to be skinny thing is over, maybe the fainting was from starving herself, and doctor’s orders are to eat cake, something it looks like her fat ass has been embracing.

All this to say, the bikini was a horrible idea, she needs to plan better vacations, like one that involves a snow suit.

She scares me.

What a dump truck of a spoiled brat, but the good news is there will always be a man horny enough, or gold digger enough to bite the bullet and bang her and I guess that’s what matters.

#Cyberbully

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Posted in:Kelly Osbourne