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2013

09

Jan

Cindy Crawford Gives Me Boners of the Day

I wonder if I will ever get over the time Cindy Crawford and I exchanged glances, and like a scene from a movie…the world stopped for a second as the sound of angels singing filled my ears and a sparkle shined off her smile and eyes….in what was the closest thing I’ve felt to God…and I went into that union of our souls…not giving a fuck about her…I was always into the one who ended up with David Copperfield…but this babe just sucked me in…all 50 year old mom and all…

So seeing her back on the model scene…posing and looking at the camera like she’s calling my name to find her and hard cuddle her…you know shower her with love…and fill her menopause up with my seed….is glorious….here are the pics.

Posted in:Cindy Crawford

2013

09

Jan

Jeisa Chiminazzo Hot for La Perla Lingerie of the Day

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Jeisa Chiminazzo is some major model who started prostituting herself for fashion when she was 13….because something all these Flordia Sex Offenders haven’t learned is that if you tell a girl you’re recruiting her as a model…instead of just taking pics of her showering..you won’t get arrested…in some double standard shit…when both are equally creepy as fuck…

Either way, she’s not 13 anymore….she’s from Brazil, she’s 27, she’s been in SI, she’s walked for Victoria’s Secret…and now she’s the tits and ass for La Perla….a lingerie company that’s a little sexier than it’s evil corporate counterpart…or at least sexier in their catalog shots…and she’s perfect…

I would totally sing her love songs outside her bedroom window to make her know I care…if I knew where her bedroom window was…but more importantly…if I wasn’t lazy as fuck….no girl is good enough to get me off this here couch….Here are the pics…

Posted in:Jeisa Chiminazzo

2013

09

Jan

Alice Goodwin Topless for Zoo of the Day

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Alice Goodwin is a Glamour model who is so fucking important that she’s got her own wikipedia page…a wikipedia page that reads like a short novel of accomplishments…you know one her uneducated ass could probably understand if it was in front of her…and she could see past her tits…a problem all girls should have when it comes to reading…or really doing anything…”Sorry sir, by tits are in the way, I can’t do my homework, but I can show you my dance moves”…..cuz ultimately, she’s accomplished nothing but nude pics in a bunch of UK magazines….which I guess is more than I can say for myself…and not to mention taking your shirt off is the easiest kind of work…I do it for free at least once a month on shower day and I’ll tell you if I was offered 100 dollars an hour to do it…I would…so I guess in a lot of ways…me and this Alice Goodwin are the fucking same…..

Posted in:Alice Goodwin|NSFW

2013

09

Jan

Danielle Sharp Does the Topless 360

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Danielle Sharp is some busty UK Glamour model doing one of the most genius concepts in Glamour Model content production….and that is the 360 degree turn…you know so we can all see her from every single possible angle she has to offer…putting herself out there like some slab of meat…in what a creative team of PhDs, doctors, engineers and the worlds best minds probably came together to come up with this concept…”Ok…so we’ll shoot her in 40 pics…each pic a different shot of her turning in a circle…so we can animate it and people can think she’s doing ballet in front of them….you know cuz shooting her from the front and back isn’t enough”….I’m talking some Nobel Prize winning Pulitzer shit….allowing me to see that she is in fact a sex doll I want to purchase…because she gets it…look at all of me….that’s all we fucking care about when it comes to her….the only sad thing in this is that they didn’t make her touch her toes.

Posted in:Danielle Sharp|NSFW

2013

09

Jan

Hilary Duff Does Some Shit I Like for Twitter of the Day

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As a 400 pound man I don’t know shit about this fitness shit….I just know that whatever is going on here with Hilary Duff is something I am into…or at least into watching her do it naked….but instead imagining her naked…which is probably better cuz that body may have started to bounce back a bit from the pregnancy – but I’m not sure her vagina has….I guess we could ask her billionaire heir and pro hockey playing husband but he’s probably too busy hanging out in his team lockeroom ready for his team to get naked now that Hockey is back on the ice…get it…cuz jocks are all gay…exactly…

Posted in:Hilary Duff

2013

09

Jan

Doutzen Kroes Victoria’s Secret Catalog Shots of the Day

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Doutzen Kroes is a mom to a 1/4 black baby and she’s fucking hot enough for me to stare at in a bikini or lingerie for Victoria’s Secret in these catalog shots…which isn’t saying much…since any girl…fat or not is hot enough for me to look at in lingerie for a catalog…because half naked…fat or not…is always better than not looking at shit that is half naked…it’s pretty fucking simple logic…and if anything the fact that this babe is a DJ slut, party slut, groupie….turns me off..mainly because she’s not groupie-ing for me…much like every single girl in the world…you jerks….

Here are the pics…

Posted in:Doutzen Kroes

2013

09

Jan

Miley Cyrus is Scandalous of the Day

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Miley Cyrus posed in bed with Taylor Swift’s recent ex-boyfriend who was hardly a boyfriend but a guy she was fucking for 2 months after fucking some other guy for 6 months cuz Taylor Swift is a fucking hooker slut who just markets herself as a typical girl…who’s had 40 cocks already and she’s hungry for more…

I think it’s safe to say that Miley was mocking Taylor Swift…because she probably hates that lie also….but maybe we’re just reading into it too much…and that fact that I am posting this doesn’t lie in that I am interested in the gossip element…but rather in that fact that Miley gives me boners especially when in bed….in selfies…I’m just bummed it’s not a sex doll she’s riding like a sybian til she squirts.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

09

Jan

Irina Shayk for Agua Bendita’s 2013 Catalog of the Day

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Irina Shayk looks good in a bikini. I am glad whatever mail order bride company she was signed to had the concept of selling her to a famous athlete who needed a babe who couldn’t speak english to front as his girlfriend…cuz it’s opened so many doors for her that has lead to me being able to masturbate to so many pics of her…not that I masturbate…but I do with my mind…you get what I’m saying…she’s awesome…

Here’s a video of it….

Posted in:Irina Shayk

2013

09

Jan

Models in in Yamamay The Sexy Calendar 201 of the Day

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I figure a day is not a day unless it is marked on a Calendar….especially a Calendar with hot babes I’ve never heard of….including but not limited to Ariadne Artiles, Laura Sanchez and Irina Sharipova….just joking….Calendars are fucking stupid…and so is the concept of days…especially when you are a drunk…because they all kinda blend into one another….then it’s Superbowl….then they all blend into each other then it’s summer….it’s a fucking joke…and the fact that people still produce these things makes no sense to me…especially when most motherfuckers have smart phones….here are the pics anyway…

Posted in:Ariadne Artiles|Irina Sharipova|Laura Sanchez

2013

09

Jan

Lisa Snowden Modeling Bathing Suits of the Day

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Lisa Snowden is a 40 year old TV presenter from the UK who may or may not have been a model in the past…and this is one of her photoshoots…that I can’t really figure out whether it was shot in 92 when she was in her 20s…cuz all models looked 40 back then….or if it was shot recently and this is her rockin’ 40 year old body…with big old titties in some weird as fuck high waisted panties….but ultimately…I realize…it really doesn’t matter…..they are pics of her half naked and whatever stage in life it happens in…I’ll still fucking stare…cuz this guy right here…he’s totally into tits.

Posted in:Lisa Snowden