Kate Beckinsale is the 300 year old vampire from the UK who has been sucking the cum of the youth to keep her youthful for a long time, it’s a different kind of vampire, where the human blood is young cum….a premise of a shitty porn I should have written 20 years ago so that I’d be retired in the Florida Keys by now.

Anyway, she’s got a skinny tight body and not just for an old lady, but for any lady….we’ve assumed it’s from anorexia, over fitness, drug addiction, body dysmorphia, giving into the pressures of being a famous hot chick that has a nerdy fan base that expect her to be a skinny hot chick will into her 70s.

So when she posted a perverted old lady at the home dancing in her underwear because she has dementia and still thinks she’s in her 20s working at the burlesque theatre in Missouri….a dude made a standard “did you dance your ass off” joke….you know the one, it’s what you ask a flat assed girl in the bar when dancing to get her to sit on your face via the NEGATIVE hit…..you know the “I will prove you that my ass is perfectly fine, sir, because appeasing the male and being validated by the male is what I am wired for…..so let me sit on your face, master”….

Anyway, Beckinsale got defensive in the comments, told the homie that the reason she’s skinny is because her dad died, her stepfather died, her mom got cancer (GET ANOTHER SHOT IDIOTS)…..and that she had to play the role of someone who lost her father because she’s about 60 years old and her parents would likely be the “Should already be dead age”….

So all the stress lead to her sucking dick so hard, so deep, it burned a hole through her esophagus….or maybe it’s the post nasal drip from the bad cocaine…or maybe it’s GERD…or maybe it’s COVID…

All this to say, she was puking up blood on cocks….and survived, despite the hospitalization, which is probably less embarrassing than the hospitalization a girl I know had because she took a dick too big for her and it split her cooter up into her asshole like birthing twins…forcing a government funded labiaplasty…

FUN, but not as fun as all the inspiration quotes she’s posting to her instagram story, the kind that make you KNOW bitch is crazy….

Not to mention, being defensive for having the body of an 18 year old who hasn’t quite hit puberty yet at 70 is nothing to be defensive about, small asses on skinny chicks can be a great time in part because skinny chicks, especially in their 70s are really easy to fist, no fat to get in the way of the direct line to the uterus, or where the uterus once was when she was still fertile.

Posted in:Kate Beckinsale