DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Ozempic Katy Perry Finds the Only Audience Who Likes Her of the Day

Rita Ora in a Bikini of the Day

Jenna Ortega’s Ceiling Eyes Beetlejuice Promo Erotica of the Day

Dua Lipa in a Bikini with Balloons of the Day

Julianne Hough is a Mormon Gone Wild in a Tight Dress of the Day

2011

Jan

Ali Landry in a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

The Doritos Girl still has it 12 years later…..

This is what she was….

And this is what she is now…The only unfortunate thing in all this is the reality that 99% of bitches don’t age this well, it’s like some cocktease fantasy to all of us wishing the slobs we married kept the same body they had in their 20s, if anything this is not a beacon of hope but a source of anger, but the good kind of source of anger that you can hate masturbate to – which is kinda like hate fucking only all by yourself…weirdo…

Posted in:Ali Landry

2011

Jan

Angela and Amber Cope Showing Off Tit of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are the Cope twins, two bitches I’ve never heard of but who are apparently pro Nascar drivers, something I can only assume is a novelty act for ratings, because Nascar is about as classy as professional wrestling, and this kind of pussy is coveted by the redneck hicks who race the shit cuz it reminds them of the strippers they meet on the road, marry and have families with and reminds the redneck hick fans of the pussy they can’t ever have cuz they work shit jobs to support their fat wife’s bulk toilet paper purchases at Walmart….you know how it is….

So here is one of the twins showing off her fake tits cuz that’s her hustle and what stripper lookin trash like her are paid to do…

Posted in:Amber Cope|Angela Cope

2011

Jan

Lily Aldridge in Her Bikini for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

3 Comments »

Lily Aldridge is a Victoria’s Secret Angel who I have kinda heard of. Not because she’s famous and not because I keep track of who Victoria’s Secret hires to walk their fashion shows or star in their boring catalongs and not because I keep track of the people who marry the members of Kings of Leon band but because I am in love with her sister.

It’s not real love because love doesn’t exist and I have never actually met her. It is a love that came over the internet after being friends on facebook since she was 15 years old, you know in an attempt to befriend her when she was young so that when she turns 18 it’ll be natural progression to bed me…I hardly ever talk to her anymore, but when we did it was glorious and that’s good enough for me….because if I did ever try to kidnap her and make her my child wife like she was that Smart kid, I’d be totally distracted at family functions by this sister of hers, cuz I had no idea just how pretty fucking magnificent she is….

Here are her pics, hard at work.

Posted in:Lily Aldridge

2011

Jan

Victoria Silvstedt Subtle Bikini Pics of the Day

2 Comments »

I always try to figure out why people bother with Victoria Silvstedt, she was playmate of the year in 1997. I don’t even remember 1997 so why the fuck do I remember this plastic twat turned hooker to billionaires…washed up…insignificant…hot bodied but old and tired..and then I remember it is because she’s a talent who saves the world with her songs….

You know a real creative genius ready to inspire and bring joy like she was a contestent on American Idol or Katy Perry…A real voice of an angel that brings chills up my spine cuz I feel like she is channeling a higher power or something…

What a fucking joke. I hate this fake busty trash. Here she is on the beach being irrelevant, useless and making me hate myself for posting her doctored face…..

Here she is in her natural virginal white…to offset some of her life choices..

Posted in:Victoria Silvstedt

2011

Jan

Venus WIlliams Booty Hittin’ Balls of the Day

2 Comments »

Not a day in my life goes by without me thinking about a big round black woman ass, sure I don’t necessarily love when that ass is attached to a pro athlete, because there’s something about female pro athletes that makes me think they are more into having their clits jerked off, like dudesbecause of the whole trading in their vagina’s for muscles after years of hard training thing, but a round ass in tight pants seems to have the ability to make me forget….plus it’s not like Venus Williams is her monster sister…and tennis is probably as dainty a pro sport a girl could be into, so this round black ass has some redeeming factors you will notice if you can get past staring at the mom’s fat tits….

Posted in:Venus WIlliams

2011

Jan

Winona Ryder’s Big Tits Spilling Out of Her Shirt of the Day

4 Comments »

I always forget that Winona Ryder is busty….that’s probably because I always forget who Winona Ryder is….but I know that there are a lot of you obsessive 40 year old losers who still jerk off to Edward Scissorhands or Beetlejuice like it was still 1992…cuz they just can’t let go….maybe it is because it reminds them of a time when they still had hopes and dreams, when they were young and excited about what life had to offer, before realizing just how much it actually sucks, or maybe they just like jewish celebrity tits that grew old with them….I don’t fuckin’ know or really care….I just know she is spilling out of her shirt….for old times….not that it matters…or that it’s really that interesting….unless you are a diehard fan who just can’t move on with your life….

Posted in:Winona Ryder

2011

Jan

More Hot Amy Winehouse Fake Tit Pics of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know what I love more about Amy Winehouse….Her tits, or the fact that she got fake tit to distract the public’s attention of a drug overdose she was hospitalized for…it was like bitch was dying, brought in and her publicists were like “ok, how are we gonna spin this, we’ve already used exhaustion, I know, let’s get her fake tits then send her to the caribbean for 6 months to get fucked by black dudes, it’ll just be a matter of time before this all blows over”….

I think what I love the most about her is how damaged she is, despite having all that fucking talent and capacity to be bigger than fucking life, but instead chooses to self medicate and destory every opportunity, a quality I look for in all my hired girlfriends I get with an hour at a time….

She’s just all around amazing and I can’t pinpoint where my love for her stems from, I just know I want to smell her all over…

Here are some more pics of her, I posted the Amy Winehouse Topless Pic of her this weekend, cuz I am quick like that, but sometimes it’s nice to see the build up to the nipples, so here you go….

Posted in:Amy Winehouse

2011

Jan

Victoria’s Secret Summer 2011 Catalog of the Day

No Comments »

Victoria’s Secret released the pictures from their summer catalog and as expected it looked like every single other photoshoot they have done the last two decades, because I guess they have a winning formula, but more importantly because they know we’ll look at it under any circumstances and they don’t need to invest in big concept photographers, they can get away publishing pics taken by local kids with their cell phones at each of these beach settings and we’d still try to jerk off to it….so here are the pics, no different than before, exactly as expected, like an old friend you’ve come to know and trust to help you cum…if you know what I mean..

Posted in:Victoria's Secret

2011

Jan

Alleged Elena Vesnina Sex Tape of the Day

8 Comments »

[REMOVED BECAUSE ELENA VESNINA’S LEGAL TEAM CAME AFTER ME, LEADING ME TO BELIEVE THAT THE TAPE HAD TO BE LEGIT]

I don’t watch sports, so I don’t know who Elena Vesnina or Konstantin Korneev is, but I do watch sex tapes, so even if they are with people I’ve never heard of or people I don’t know, I’m down….

I would watch anything have sex, from two dogs in a park, to two elderly people with dementia at the old folks home…I’m a voyeur.

So when this alleged preview was emailed in, I ignored their retarded editing, I ignored their heavy branding, I watched it and don’t feel like a better person for it and either will you, even if you know who Konstantin Korneev or Elena Vesnina are, not that the people in this video are even them….

Down with the Iron Curtain….you commie bastards…

Posted in:Elena Vesnina|Konstantin Korneev

2011

Jan

Amy Winehouse Titties Take Brazil of the Day

26 Comments »

There’s no better way to way up after passing out at 8 am after drinking 3 bottles of wine, half a bottle of vodka and whatever else I could stuff down my throat to ease the pain that is my life, than to an eamil from one of my readers, who amazingly exists and actually has a girlfriend from Brazil who reads the brazilian papers and who saw this amazing picture of Amy Winehouse’s fake tits falling out of her bikini top, possibly cuz they are numb and don’t feel anything anymore, or maybe because she’s numb and doesn’t feel anything anymore, and really who cares as long as it happened…..cuz Amy Winehouse is a fucking dream to me….except maybe for the time I woke up in my stepdaughter’s mouth while she was passed out naked all tight and 18…..what? I’m not her real dad. Who cares….her’es Amy Winehouse, She is in Brazil and she is falling out of her bathing suite and she is Amazing…and I am going to pass the fuck out..

Posted in:Amy Winehouse