I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

12

Nov

Scarlett Johansson Does Wizard Magazine of the Day

I never heard of Wizard magazine but I have a feeling that having a subscription to the shit is pretty much a passport to an underground realm in the kingdom of loser that assures you and everyone you know that you will never reproduce biologically, because you will remain a virgin, despite marrying your computer and an RPG character and all efforts you’ve made to redefine the word virginity in the Dictionary by writing strongly worded letters to the president of Myriam Webster about how you are technically not a virgin because you’ve had cybersex with a webcam girl you paid once and the whole thing was embarrassing because you prematurely ejaculated because you were so shy, and that will keep your socially awkward genetic lineage in your pants and not in the pants of a poor unsuspecting girl who you wish would think you’re a good enough guy even though you’re totally not the usual guy she goes after, you know you’re more complex, with your medieval swords in the basement and your own language you invented on weekend for you and your online friend in Istanbul to communicate in chat rooms without other people knowing what you’re saying…..but she doesn’t know you exist, because no one knows you exist and the people who do know you exist, pretend you didn’t exist because watching you is depressing…

Either way, Scarlett Johansson got involved and brought her tits to the magazine and I am sure there was a massive orgasm in basement apartments around the world the second they finished cutting out the picture of her in geek costume and stapling it to their pillow, the previously housed pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some Hentai bitch with huge tits….

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson

2008

12

Nov

Britney Spears Promo Picture of the Day

Here’s a promo picture for Britney’s new album. It’s like the second coming of Christ for her fans, you know thinking she can pull her whole life back together and bring the happiness she once brought to their lives through song back, it’s really a pretty selfish hope for her to get better, but who really gives a shit, because like Christ, the idea of her having a comeback is a myth.

It’s something totally fabricated by a record label in hopes to make some motherfucking money, so that they can run the small towns across the world and molest little boys without being questioned, like they were Lou Perlman and sure, I may not be an optimist or a religious man, because I am too realistic, but Britney Spears fans, like a religious people believe in miracles that just aren’t possible.

Sure she’ll sell records and have some hits, but she’ll crack again and here is some photoshopped pictures to perpetuate the lie that you will all be sold when her new album drops that this comeback is the real deal and all those who aren’t on board will burn it hell, the same hell that houses whoever edited these pictures cuz shit doesn’t even look like her…..

Posted in:Britney Spears|Promo

2008

12

Nov

Kelly Ripa and Her Dance With the Knicks Dancers of the Day

I won the lottery today. FUCK ALL OF YOU, I QUIT …..it’s a pretty fucking amazing day, considering I never win shit in my life and today I took my 1 dollar scratch and win to the store to get checked out and the bells rang on the machine. I dropped to the ground praising the real Jesus for putting me through this struggle, only as a test to live until this day, where I can take my money, throw my computer out the window and fly far away, change my name so my wife can’t find me and spend the rest of my short life sitting on a beach with local women massaging my feet while drunk, that’s when I came to and found out that I only won a dollar, so in reality, I only broke even and didn’t actually win shit, but it was a good start….because for the first time in my life I didn’t actually lose….

I guess that’s kinda how the people who watched Live with Regis and Kathy Lee the Kelly Ripa Edition this morning feel, they got to see her trying to live up to her 12 year old girl body and hip hop dance with the Knicks dancers, to some pop music, with some skimpy outfit on, showing off her really skinny body, making the Knicks dancers look fat, but since her tenth kid, has gone through some hormonal change leaving her pretty much titless, making the whole thing a beak even situation….not too good and not too bad…just nice and balanced….enjoy….if you can see past the shitty quality of the weird Ripa fan’s video….

Here’s another part of her training…

Posted in:Dance|Kelly Ripa

2008

12

Nov

Gay People Beat Up Old Ladies of the Day

I was just sent this video at some Prop 8 gay marriage conference where some old lady showed up with a cross protesting against the protest and the gays stomped the yard out her cross. They are such a violent people, to think all these years I thought gay people were hair dressers and actors who were in touch with their emotions, cried a lot, threw its when they didn’t get what they want, and most importantly have all night anal sex orgies with other men, when in reality they are just a group of thugs who attack crazy ucking ladies. I heard that they weren’t mad at her antics, cross or protest, but couldn’t believe she wore that shirt with that skirt…..

Speaking of Gay marriage, I was talking to a couple friends the other day about incest and we were wondering if with this new prop 8 law, that isn’t going to be passed, but provided it was passed, will men from the same family be allowed to gay marry each other, since they can’t make flipper babies, like incest marriages of the past. I guess it doesn’t matter now that that fight is over, but it’s just something to think about….

Another thing I don’t get is why the fuck a homo would want to marry his partner and have the princess fairy tale wedding he always dreamed of as a little girl, when being gay was all about not being married. Guys never want to get married, gay or straight, we only o it because we are pressured to and the whole history of gay, involved married dudes would tell their wives they were going bowling with the boys back in the 50s, when they were really playing with other balls, so the whole gay marriage thing makes no sense to me.

It’s an old story….but here’s the video of the stomping going down…I hear they are already working on the musical version of this.

Posted in:Gay People

2008

12

Nov

Lindsay Lohan’s Gone to London With Her Lesbian Penis of the Day

Since Lohan is out of work and got rejected from Dancing With the Stars, a show that helped revive the careers of her idol Tatum O’Neal, she’s decided to optimize her free time and piggyback on her lover’s career and by getting booked to host parties in the same cities Ronson is DJing at. According to Ronson’s myspace, she’s hitting up London the next 2 days, then moving onto Dubai and India over the next week. I am sure the Arabs and Hindus will approve of this union. I hear they already have a crotchless burka made for Lohan and a traditional male costume for Ronson, because like California, those Arabs aren’t down with queers.

I am just shocked at the uprising they cause when leaving their house, heading to the store to by treats for Lohan to suck on during the flight to keep her from screaming, and hitting up the airport. The chaos that is their life is so unbalanced with how boring these girls actually are, but I am posting the video because I like the way their handler yells at the paparazzi to move….

Here is the event invite:

The Directors of Dolce london cordially invite you to the party of the week.

Lindsay Lohan Exclusive London Party

American actress, Model and Pop Singer, Lindsay Dee Lohan hosts party at Celebrity Haunt Dolce London for her British friends. The “Mean Girls� actress and the sister of super producer Mark Ronson , Samantha Ronson fly into London for a brief visit. The alleged couple hit the headlines this summer when it was rumored that Lindsay Lohan requested her pal Samantha Ronson to play Katy Perry’s hit song I Kissed A Girl during a DJ slot in Los Angeles. The choice of song, which features the lyrics “I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick�, drove the onlookers wild.

Music from DJ Sam Young and Tommy Crane

If anyone is in London tonight, I want you to get into this event and egg this bitch for me and by egg I mean murder, but I’m not allowed to say that, otherwise the police will come knockin’ and we don’t want that, not to mention, she’s done enough murdering her own career, that if anything, me and Lohan are fighting this Lohan fight together….

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|London

2008

12

Nov

Lydia Hearst Gets Naked for Magazines of the Day

So Lydia Hearst just won Best International Model or some shit and I love her. She is the heir to some old money empire that is seemingly being hit by the financial crisis because they just dropped their Teen Cosmo title or some shit because teenage girls already know everything they need to know about sex this generation and don’t need some magazine to guide them, so I am sure that had little impact on her trust fund that has been set up for her so that she’s set for life a bunch of time over…..but she still manages to keep things cool.

I don’t really give a fuck about her money, because money doesn’t impress me, ever. Sure I get excited when I find a 20 in my wife’s purse, but that’s just because I am a hurtbag and like beer, so having money just puts more pressure on a person to impress me by proving you aren’t vapid little attention craving whores like Paris Hilton because you can be, and instead go off and do things for yourself even though you don’t have to. Because if I was a trust fund kid, I’d be globetrotting, sipping cocktails by the pool an orchestrating insane stunts to entertain myself…..like building shit just to blow up, or shooting the hired help with random weapons, because I can….

Maybe she’s cool cuz her mom broke free from the empire and married her bodyguard after sympathizing with some kidnappin’ bank robbers a bunch of years ago or maybe it’s cuz some rich kids aren’t total cunts….but I do know that getting naked in magazines for the sake of “fashion” is not something she needs to be doing, but something she’s doing out of the kindness of her heart and not or the money. She wants to do it and seeing a girl naked cuz she wants to be not because she has to be is something refreshing after spending a few too many nights with whores who wanted to be anywhere but on my dick.

What it comes down to is that more girls need to take this giving approach, because showing me your tits doesn’t mean you need something in return and I am tired of not being able to afford lap dances and want them for free…. I am just waking up, give me a couple of hours to warm up….here’s Lydia Hearst and her tits…

Posted in:Lydia Hearst|Magazines|Naked

2008

12

Nov

Obama Cat Fight of the Day

So I have this black friend and he always goes for white girls and when I asked him why, a bunch of years ago, he told me because black chicks are fucking crazy. Now I don’t know that many black girls, because the Haitian ones always give me attitude, like in a “what the fuck you lookin at this beautiful fat thing” kinda way, so it’s made it hard to get close since most black girls here are Haitian, but I did manage to get within 5 feet of one this weekend because I accidentally bumped her. and she threw her pack of cigarettes to the ground and came at me like I had just cast some voodoo spell on her, or maybe even like I was coming to pile her onto a boat to help build the new world and not get paid for it……

Now, I know that this sounds extremely racist, like a night club that doesn’t let black people in, or maybe like how the KFC has bullet proof glass around the cash, because they know the kind of crowd they attract, but it’s not, it’s a socio-economic issue, poor girls are angry and angry people fuck shit up, especially when your boyfriend fucked another girl on the side and you run into the herl in the hallways of your ghetto school….

Go-bama!!

BONUS – Watch This Snuff Lookin’ Video of Girls Wresting on a bed in their lingerie….
GO

Or this one….

Posted in:Cat Fight

2008

12

Nov

The Guy from Everybody Loves Raymond Attacks the Paparazzi of the Day

The paparazzi are such little bitches. You think a guy who crawls into people’s sewers and hides in closets, hedges, or watches people from a van outside, after spending a week following them, in a borderline criminal way, would be a little more gangster. But I guess they know the second they “harass” or provoke the celeb, they lose their job, the celebs have grounds to sue and all the fun is over for everyone….

So Brad Garrett the big guy from Everybody Loves Raymond, a show that makes me want to kill myself and that you hopefully have never watched, tried to fight the paparazzi, because they are annoying and broke some asshole’s camera.

Now I am not a famous person, but if I was recognized at my coffee shop by the girl who works there this morning, probably because I go there often, but it was good enough for me, because her ass is amazing even if her face isn’t, but I would do everything I could to fuck with these pricks without breaking the law. I’d accidentally throw paint at them, or hire a guard dog to follow me around everywhere I go that “accidentally” gets loose and takes one of them out, sure it would get put to sleep. but it’s a small price to pay for my entertainment, and I’d be rich and could afford a new one. Fighting these bitches is just stupid, punching these bitches, leads to pure headaches, it’s worse than punching your wife or girlfriend, because they are all opportunists who press charges because it makes them money and gives them a bullshit story…

Here’s the weasel who’s camera got broken….he isn’t a violent guy, but he is into harassing people.

And who the fuck cares about what the fuck Brad Garrett is doing, why the fuck are paparazzi on his dick anyway, it makes no fucking sense to me……

Posted in:Brad Garrett|Paparazzi

2008

12

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I dropped my fucking computer when I was wrestling my stepdaughter, there was no mud in the room, but I definitely grabbed some titty and ass, before the computer incident ruined our fun and now the fucking thing barely works.

It’s a Mac and I fucking hate Mac. Not only do they not make drop resistant computers, but instead these bullshit things designed for gay designers with light typing fingers, who actually take pride in their computer and who baby it like the child they will never have, because they are fags, but the whole trendy factor and snobby factor make working on one that much more embarrassing. Not to mention, people think Justin Long and his Mac vs PC commercials influenced your decision in using one, forcing me to work from my couch and not leave the house….

Now I have a Mac because it was given to me. I learned how to use a computer on a Mac at some welfare program years ago, and I stuck with them even when the internet didn’t work on Macs. Throughout the course of running this site, I approached Apple to sponsor me 100 times, figuring a computer can’t cost them more than a couple hundred dollars to make, and they probably have duds lying around their sweatshop in Asia that would work way better than the 1998 version I have. They fucking rejected me because not only do they make a gay product, but they are also fascists…..who are trying to brainwash the world to need them…..Either way, the whole thing is a piss off.

And to think I was expecting my Verteran’s Day to be a real good time. You know, celebrating our fallen soldiers with booze, reliving scenes from the wars in my living room hiding behind the couch trying to sniper my wife with a kitchen knife attacked to a broom handle, then going out to get some veteran widow’s pussy, but instead I just got a broken computer….

The whole Veterans Day thing, only confuses me for one reason, 95 % of people who go to war and die for your country, or my country, don’t want to go. They joined the army because they were forced to, or because they were poor and the Government program to lure their kind to die is better than mopping floors at a dinner, or some shit. They have good benefits and even pay for you to go to University to land a real job when you can escape being a slave to them….so these people we call heroes are just victims of false advertising and are really just poor suckers who had no choice, and who believed it was worth taking a bullet for their country, because they were down on their luck and the government told them that was their purpose, so they died fighting a fight they didn’t start, or want to be a part of, and they got their medals and military burial before their time, and if they were lucky to live, got their post traumatic stress and shitty pension provided the Vietnam Vet I met panhandling was right, so they deserve some respect for saving your ass from being blown up, by being victims of the system…..

Either way, the highlight of my Veteran’s Day wasn’t my moment of silence that I spent eating a donut, or the fact the the Post Office was closed so I couldn’t get my wife’s disability check to spend on fixing my computer, but it was brought to me on Craigslist….

I am a student and totally forgot that I had a paper due on the RISE OF EXTREME RIGHT POLITICAL PARTIES IN EUROPE due tonight by 8pm! If you have a paper that you have done on this topic that is about 7 pgs long (max 10 pages) double spaced (it has to be about the resurgence of the far right, why this is happening, list reasons such as immigration, unemployment, etc., some specific countires, political groups and what is being done to resolve this) I will fuck the shit out of you! Please Please help me out, I am in the middle (photo)

So I emailed her because I like having the shit fucked out of me figuratively, I don’t like actually having the shit fucked out of me because that involves my ass being raped, and I don’t like the way that feels, but she looked like a big enough breasted girl to keep her word…or at least not be new to offering her pussy up to strangers to get her homework done….

I have the paper you want.

She wrote back:

PLEASE NO BULLSHIT
 
My paper is due on the RISE OF EXTREME RIGHT POLITICAL PARTIES IN EUROPE due tonight by 8pm. 
 
If you have a paper that you have done on this topic that is about 7 pgs long (max 10 pages) double spaced (it has to be about the resurgence of the far right, why this is happening, list reasons such as immigration, unemployment, etc., some specific countires, political groups and what is being done to resolve this)
 
This is what i need, it is urgent.

That shit sounds way to smart for me so I wrote back:

So are you going to fuck me? Your picture is blurry and I need another one to really decide if you’re someone I want to fuck before sending you that paper. You must be pretty desperate now, only a couple hours to go, let’s see that pussy talk before giving you want you want…

She wrote back:

arent you that celeb blogger??

Busted….Which sucks…because out of all 10 people who know of my site…one of them had to be a slut I was trying to trick into fucking me. That was the end of that fun and let me tell you this, it sucks being SO internet famous that a cocktease slut on Craigslist knows my site and won’t fuck with me because of it, but Apple and the people I want to know about the site, won’t send me a free fucking computer when I need one, because they’ve never heard of me and because they are greedy pigs and now I am the loser on both fuckin’ ends.

Here are my links…..

Christina Aguilera Gets More Disgusting By the Day of the Day
GO

Lisa and Zoe Are Your Internet Fantasy
GO

Some Kevin Garnett In Game Trash Talkin’
GO

Would You Be Shocked If I Told You Lucy Pinder Has Her Top Off?
GO

Say What You Want About Barack Obama, But Don’t Call Him Colored.
Unless You’re Lindsay Lohan and Are Completely Fucking Clueless
GO

Paris Hilton Kindergarten Crotch Throwback
GO

Candace Michelle Reps Some Company That I Don’t Care About
And When You See Your Body
GO

Adriana Lima Wants to Show You Her Boy Shorts
GO

Lohan Licks Vadge, Wears Flannel and Hates Men, But Just Don’t Call Her a Lesbian
GO

Kid Versus Vending Machine Face Off
GO

Look At Jessica Simpson’s Tits Up Close
GO

And That’s Why You Don’t Ask a Serious Question on a Message Board
GO

I Guess Audi’s Really Are Better Cars
GO

Because It’s Cheaper Than a Tuesday Night Movie
GO

I Hope Stephen Baldwin os Molesting Miley Cyrus Behind Closed Doors
GO

EPIC SKATE FAIL!!!
GO

Because I Know You Can’t Do Much On Your Own
GO

And Now, James Bond Faces His Most Difficult Mission Ever
GO

‘Please Don’t Post This On The Internet
GO

Doutzen Kroes Sure Knows How To Show It Off
GO

Heather Vandeven Is Your Victim to Stalk
GO

Beds Are Made For Stripping Down
GO

Madonna Has Officially Lost Her Fucking Mind
GO

Everyone Hates Ashton Kutcher
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Beatriz Rico is Spanish and Topless
GO

The Runaway Wheel at a Car Race
GO

TRON WILL TRAIN YOU TO THROWDOWN
GO

Hey, Even Boobs Need Their Freedom
GO

Bai Ling Is Doing It For the Children
GO

Chantal Likes to Play With Herself
GO

Get Laid, Because It’s Better Than Not Getting Laid And You Not Get Laid All The Time Anyways
GO

I Almost Forgot How Good Whitney Houstan Looks When Shes Not On the Rock
GO

11 Nude Scenes We Didn’t Have to See….
GO

I Really Want to Slip My Peen Into Angelina Jolie, God Damn
GO

Jayden Taylor = Boners
GO

Can’t Go Wrong With the Girl Next Door
GO

Make Your Own Piece of Ass
GO

Caught in the Act!
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS…..

Some Chick Bring Out Some Tits
GO

Because It’s a Gift That Keeps On Giving That Isn’t AIDS
GO

Stop Gloryholing Dudes to Make Ends Meet, Make Up To 200 Dollars a Day With This….
GO

ENTER THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS, BACKSTAGE PASSES AND TIME WITH THE BAND….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

11

Nov

Jennifer Tilly has Some Fat Tits of the Day

Here is a big set of 40 year old tits on a 40 year old menopausal body. e Nothing like the aging process to motivate me to get off the computer and take a nap because I am not feeling this whole bloggin’ thing today. My brain is muddy and I can’t think of all the funny shit I had planned to talk about today, because I only slept for a minute on the couch because I couldn’t come to terms where my life has gone, much like how Jennifer Tilly felt when she looked at herself in the mirror, having to come to terms with where it all went….but I guess at least she’s got her tits, while I pretty much have nothing. Good times.

Posted in:Jennifer Tilly|Tits