I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

19

Nov

Whitney Port Gets Down With a Crazy Woman of the Day

Scroll through to about 40 seconds, some crazy black homeless lookin’ crackhead wraps her arms around this bitch and starts wailing them around and yelling at the paparazzi. It’s really not half as bad as the shit I’ve had to deal with homeless crackhead people, like shaking hands with their black soot and shit covered hands because they had me cornered and liked what I was saying that they wanted to “give me some skin”, or the time some bum pulled out his long, bleeding, shit and soot covered dick to a group of us when we were drunk, about 10 seconds before going into the entire Puppetry of the Penis catalog of stunts because my asshole friend thought it would be funny to pay a bum a dollar to have him wail his dick out and perform tricks with it. It got a little messy when we offered him an extra 5 dollars to slap it against some random girls face while she was sitting outside the bar with her face between her knees, but that’s just because she tried to get the cops involved, but luckily was so drunk, we just kept telling the cops she was crazy and making shit up.

I am sure there are worse stories about me and the homeless, like the time this totally shaved pantyless 45 year old crackwhore was convulsing in the middle of the street and had a group of people trying to help her during her overdose/crazed fit and I totally got hard looking at the brown crusty shit that was oozing out of her box, and I am not talking about the box that she lives in…. I mean there are other stories because I am one step away from being homeless and the homeless are my people. They just don’t give a fuck about the suburban dream or fitting in, or making a living and being conventional and there have been times where I’ve had sex with homeless girls because they are easy, I’ve made out with them because it was funny, I’ve even fingered them to see if my finger would come out in one piece and while doing it, was pretty disgusted, because knowing how bad I smell combined with how bad they smell, it must have been sick for passer-bys….but that didn’t stop me.

I guess the real tragedy in all this is that this homeless chick didn’t jab Whitney Port in the leg with an AIDS needle and handing her a card welcoming her into the club, or even give her TB, Hepatitis, The Plague, SARS, Ebola or whatever the fuck else is going around the shanty communities of LA, because I figured if she did, it’d be one step closet to the show coming to an end, I mean I was hoping for a plane crash, but offing them individually, is also an option, or if MTV cared about us, they’d just end it and everyone could go to their mansions, develop serious drug addiction because they will realize their meal ticket and 15 minutes that has lasted a lot longer is finally up and they’ll be back to being irrelevant sluts, when we can go back to whatever the next piece of shit being thrown down our throats is…..

Posted in:The Hills

2008

19

Nov

Miley Cyrus is an Excited Teenage Slut of the Day

Miley Cyrus gets all excited about her fame fucking boyfriend, the one who is modeling for Ed Hardy fashion shows and who is an aspiring singer and when Ellen asks her about it, her reaction is so annoying, awkward and obvious, that there’s no way these fag doesn’t fuck her in the ass because it makes him feel like he’s not straying to far from his gay roots and selling himself out to get a career by having to have sex with a 15 year old girl.

Either way, I figured you’d like excitable teenage girls, especially when they are all riled up because they feel tingles in their vaginas as their hormones pour into their Mickey Mouse panties….I just find it irritating because with a laugh like that she sounds like something you’d find in a stable…..

On a side note here’s a video of her dad getting interviewed by the paparazzi yesterday or the day before….listening to their amazing contribution to the video …”For Real?”, “By he-self”, fucking immigrant pieces of shit trying to steal my motherfucking money….

Posted in:Excited|Miley Cyrus

2008

18

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I am working on my non-threatening random adding of people on Facebook strategy, because I figure hot chicks don’t like random adds. So This is what I write:

OMG, I haven’t seen you since high school, I can’t believe facebook brought us together!! What’s new?!

I interchange High School with College, Dance Class, Did you used to come to the Starbucks I worked at, etc, etc, making them feel guilty for not remembering. So far it’s worked every time…and that’s what I’ve been doing the last hour instead of writing something worth reading for this post….

Here are my links…

Because Your Future Daughter Has a Similar Destiny, So You May As Well Learn the Industry
GO

Britney Spears Photoshopped in Another Promo Pic…
GO

How to Scare the Shit Out of Your Room Mate
GO

Scarlett Johansson’s Tit’s Lookin’ Better than Ever….
GO

Preists Versus Monks
It’s Like MMA With the Lord
GO

Aubrey O’Day Has a Slutty Day at the Beach
GO

Sophie Monk Semi Upskirt
GO

Celeb Slutsicles
GO

Let’s Enjoy Scarlett Johansson’s Rack Together
GO

Close Ups of Lohan’s Tits
GO

Marisa Miller is Lookin Kind of Beat
GO

Olga Kurylenko Needs To Take That Little Black Bikini Off
GO

Sofia Vergara G-Sting Photoshoot Video and Should Change Her Last Name to Viagra
GO

Funny Tight Fit Video Something You’re Not Used To, Because Nothing Is Tight For You, Except for Maybe your Pants…If you didn’t get that, I was talking about pussy and your small dick….get it now?
GO

A Throwback to Some Girl and Her Fake Tits
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

30 Movies in 2 Minutes
GO

Just in Case You Haven’t Had ENough Victoria’s Secret in the Past Few Days
GO

Nicole Kidman and a Really Shitty Nipple Slip
GO

Tits Make a Basketball Game So Much Better
GO

As If We All Aren’t Lazy Enough Already
GO

This Monkey Driving a Segway is the Best Thing I Have Ever Seen
GO

Wine Bottle Retards
GO

Sophia Vergera
GO

Lindsay Marie Will Make You Love Jean Skirts
GO

Jon Lajoie is Back!!
GO

Because I Know You’ll Never Get to It On Your Own
GO

Paula Abdul is Losing Her Fucking Mind
GO

Kim Zolciak is my New D-List Celebrity Crush, Because I Like to Aim High
GO

Rosario Dawson Just Made Me Love Her Even More
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Sorry, But I Love Penguins
GO

Man Stroke Women
GO

Fat Guy Gets Run Over By a Golf Cart
GO

Amy Winehouse Brings Back the Hair….And I Just Came a Little…Thinking About Its Smell….
GO

Jessica Simpson’s Lips Look Like They Are Ready for Work
And By Ready for Work, I Mean Being Wrapped Around My Cock
GO

Leeza Gibbon’s Fake Nudes for the Leeza Gibbons Fan Who Always Emails Me
GO

Ryanair and Their Hot Stewardesses Did a Hot Calendar….
GO

A Slut and Her Shotgun
GO

Andi and Elena Get It On
GO

AnnaLynne McCord Makes Eating Disorders Stylish At the Twilight Premier
GO

Ashlet Dorenzo is Ready to Play
GO

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Drama
GO

Throwback Charlize Theron Bikini Pictures…
GO

Blonde Takes a Shower
GO

How the Fuck One of Those Little Jonas Homo’s Landed This Bitch is Beyond Me
GO

Heather Jo Hughes is One of Those Girl Next Door Types
GO

Vagina in Transition
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

You Say You Don’t Need Help, I Say Your Delusional
GO

Light a Fire With Toothpaste
GO

Tired of gloryholing dudes for money? Earn $200/day here instead
GO

BONUS!!

If This Doesn’t Make You Want to Buy a ZUNE, I Don’t Know What Will

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

18

Nov

Christina Aguilera Rocks The Economic Crisis of the Day

I read this article on Christina Aguilera drinking 35,000 dollar snifters of cognac with Martha Stewart and I am a little concerned because maybe this bitch has lost her fucking mind not because she is giving all of us who can’t afford our mortgages on a 35,000 dollar house because we just lost our job a big fuck you, but because she’s hanging with Martha Stewart.

Then I came across this article about how the economy is fuckin’ her like Martha Stewart wants to…..

Back in the summer of 2007, pop star mommy Christina Aguilera and her music executive huzband Jordan Bratman forked over $11,500,000 for the Beverly Hills mansion of addled rock legend Ozzy Osbourne and his extremely ambitious wifey Sharon.

That left Missus Dirrty with an extra house in the Hollywood Hills where she had been living since April of 2003 when she paid around five million big ones to buy a 5,411 square foot Steve Hermann designed residence on Devlin Drive.

In April of 2008, not long after Mister and Missus Dirrty moved into the old Osbourne mansion on Doheny Road, she listed the 4 bedroom and 7 bathroom Bird Street nest for $7,995,000. We’ve heard through the gossip grapevine that several celebs and their mostly superflouus entourages have toodled up the hill for a walk around. However, no big name or deep pocketed person has bit the big bullet

So, like so many other high end sellers with lavish properties languishing on the market, Miss Dirrty and her property purveyor rather wisely hauled out the price chopping machete and hacked the asking price by a gigantic one million clams bringing the asking price all the way down to $6,995,000. Our bejeweled abacus tells us is more than 12% lower than the original asking price. Wow.

Source

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If you didn’t read the article, it says that she lives in a 11.5 million dollars house and owns a 8 million dollar house that is on the market and in hopes of selling it, has adjusted the price to the state of the market by making it more affordable for people, but cutting the price down to 7 million dollars, so all the haters can fuck off, because Aguilera is feeling the burn from the economy too, she’s just a victim of a predator like Martha Stewart, who is running some serious game on Aguilera, knowing that she married a man only a lesbian would marry, in hopes of reliving some of her prison rape experiences with young, Mexican, Cuban, Puerto Rican or whatever spic she is, pussy, just like the Juanita she was married to in prison…..

Here are some more pics of her tits…..

Posted in:Broke|Christina Aguilera

2008

18

Nov

Megan Fox and Her GQ Outtakes of the Day

In GQ’s attempt to not go bankrupt like every other magazine, they’ve gone ahead and released some outtakes from a Megan Fox shoot that went down a long time ago, because they aren’t idiots and know we all want to see them.

You all love this cunt so fucking much it makes me fucking sick. Sure these photoshopped pictures of her are fucking hot, but if you’ve ever read any interviews with her, which you have, since you have them all saved on your hardd rive for masturbation purposes, you’ll know she’s full of fucking shit, has an ego, thinks she’s the next Angelina Jolie and has probably had some work done to look like the next Angelina Jolie and is a product of her PR company trying to make her out to be some kind of sex symbol, when all she really is is some useless slag with shitty tattoos, not talent who is fucking a guy from the original 90210 with a pretty amazing body that I’d like to hate fuck.

Posted in:GQ|Megan Fox

2008

18

Nov

Katy Perrry and Her Tits are Ugly of the Day

Katy Perry is a pig. I don’t care if she’s got tits and that’s her only claim to sex appeal or if she talks about kissing other girls because she knows it is marketable, I have heard her in interviews and she sounds like the type of messy girl who breaks a stool, tries to make out with the bar tender, but ends up making out with some fat dude in the corner, before puking all over the place and running out embarrased. You know the sloppy girl who you see crying at a pizza place after a night of drinking, with a ripped dress, stuffing her face knowing that she sucks at fucking life and that is because she does suck at life and no matter how much she tells me she’s got hot tits, or how often her song bounces around inside my head like a viral infection, we both know that she is the ugly friend nobody wants and no matter how drunk I am, I stay as far the fuck away as I can because despite being easy, she comes with a very persistant attitude and would show up on your doorstep at 4 am begging to suck your dick, which isn’t a bad thing, but can be a pretty fucking annoying thing, because she always seems to smell like french fries and she never really goes away, but she does flip the used condom inside out, hoping to keep you around for the next 18 years, because she’s just that desperate.

Bonus – More Pics of Her Being Ugly….

Posted in:Katy Perry|Tits

2008

18

Nov

We Get It Jessica Simpson…You’re Dating Tony Romo of the Day

We get it Jessica Simpson. You have a fucking boyfriend and you love letting the world know how in love you are by wearing around his Jersey like some obsessed fan, who sucks his dick everytime he roles into town, because we all know when he’s on the road, or not playing Football, he’s not wearing Jessica Simpson T-Shirts around to let the world know, but he may have had his dick sucked by a whore while one of your videos happens to come on in the background.

This is some jock college bullshit from the 70s, where the cheerleader gets to wear the Varsity jacket, while the QB is out dippin his throwing arm in all the honey pots he can, and I know that her little obsession with him to prove to the world that she’s not a failure of a girl who can’t land love and I think it’s all got to do with her little sister got knocked up before she did and now has a complex.

I know that if I had some kind of credibility and saw a girl wearing one of my t-shirts, I’d go along with it, to get laid, but her over-interest in me would make me run the fuck away right after cumming, I guess Jessica Simpson doesn’t really get men, but in her defense, she doesn’t really get much. Yeah, she’s stupid….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Tony Romo

2008

18

Nov

Hayden Panettiere Buys Whip Cream of the Day

When I see Hayden Panettiere getting out of her car holding a can of Whip Cream, all kinds of ideas of what she’s going to do with that can of Whip Cream run through my head. Like is she going to smear it all over her dick and make some hired slut lick it off like an ice cream cone or is she just sad and in the mood to emotionally eat and watch romantic comedies, or maybe she’s working on a new act for the circus she’s auditioning for as a midget clown, that involves a little slapstick comedy, you know some cream pies (not those kinds of creampies) to the face like she’s one of the Three Stooges and the truth is, I really don’t give a fuck because I am scared of Midget clowns and all their silly stunts so I’ll just post the pictures and leave it to your imagination because I just don’t have the answers…..or picture proof you are looking for. It’s all part of being a waste of internet space and taking that role seriously.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Whip Cream

2008

18

Nov

Some Leeza Gibbons for the Dude Who Always Emails Me Asking for Leeza Gibbons of the Day

I have a Spanish speaker who constantly emails me and who has been emailing me the last 4 years asking for nude pictures of Leeza Gibbons. I am guessing he’s one of those weird dudes who doesn’t know how to let go and move on, because I haven’t really heard much about Leeza Gibbons in the last 10 years, other than her stint on Dancing With the Stars, something I didn’t watch, but that this Spanish speaker was really fucking excited about that shit and sent me double the emails that read like this:

caliente!

desnudos?

rápidamente.

Sorry dude, I hate to break it to you for the 200th time, but I don’t have any nudes of Leeza Gibbons, but 1996 was a good fuckin’ year, I used to watch her talk show religiously, got me through some rough times, I credit her for saving my life and for that I’d love to rub one out to her too, but we can’t go back in time to when she was John Tesh’s leggy sidekick, so I’ll just post these recent pics of her, to let you know that despite ignoring your emails because you scare me, I do still aim to please….

Posted in:Leeza Gibbons|Old Lady

2008

18

Nov

Ed Hardy Underwear Fashion Show of the Day

Ed Hardy is the cheesiest fucking thing around. It attracts the cheesiest fucking people and the only good thing about cheesy fucking people is that they dance on bar tables in little Ed Hardy skirts, showing the world their big fake tits in their Ed Hardy low cut shirts and assholes winkin’ at me out of their Ed Hardy thongs, while drinking bottles of Grey Goose with Jimbo’s and chachi motherfuckers, who are also in Ed Hardy everything from head to fucking toe and who think they are fucking rockstars, but don’t realize that they look like total twats, because all their fellow Ed Hardy cult members keep giving them positive attention and props because of their 300 dollar t-shirts that looks like some kind of crazed silk screener threw up rhinestones, sequins, paint, gels and gold foil all over the shit….but I guess the brand’s done something genius, because it’s tricked the lame masses into thinking they need the shit to fit in and it’s become this massively embarrassing movement, that I am sure has made a bunch of people rich as these strippers, 9 to 5 millionaires and Italians have spend their paychecks on the shit, because they think they need it…..

Ed Hardy had a fashion show and it wasn’t as slutty as 99% of the tacky bitches who rock this shit around here, but it’s still worth posting because Ed Hardy offends me even when they get girls in underwear struttin’ their shit….it’s a fucking joke and you’ve all fallen for it…

Posted in:Ed Hardy|Fashion Show|Lingerie|Underwear