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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Sep

Jennifer Aniston is Boring in a Sexy Dress of the Day

3 Comments »

I was at a bar the other night and this annoyingly friendly dude who must have been a lawyer or an accountant or in sales and on vacation bcause he was happy as fuck, dancing around, talking to everyone with a big fuckin’ smile that made me want to punch him in the face. He was with his girlfriend who clearly sent her life in his shadow, you know taking the back burner to him during dinner conversations with friends because his big personality won’t let her get a word in edgewise and anything she says, he discounts and gives his take on it because he’s just that guy.

So dude was dancing around, talking to everyone, grinding with girls all while his girlfriend awkwardly busted her moves she learned at her weekly salsa dance lesson she takes with her friends when the boyfriend is out playing squash or some shit. So dude busts some break dance move and everyone claps and in his excitement from his moment of achievement he runs up to his girlfriend and gives her a high five. She smiles because she’s used to it and has convinced herself that that’s the kind of boyfriend she wants. Someone she can go white water rafting with and high five when they are done. Someone who she can go out to dinner with and high five when he makes a funny joke. Her life was all about humoring him….

About ten minutes after she downed about 10 shots to deal with her inner pain that is the man she is probably going to marry and have annoying kids who they will take to annoying tennis lessons and annoying ski lessons and annoying family trips, the song Cotton Eyed Joe comes on and she drops the dance because I guess it was big when she was a senior in high school, the good old days. Now homeboy didn’t know the dance routine and just stood and watched and tried to smile while she stole her thunder and became the life of the party for once. When I left, I heard them talking and he was giving her shit about wanting to fuck the black guy she was dancing with, but trying to do it in a nice way by telling her that she really came out of her shell for once but that she shouldn’t drink so much because it embarrassed him, when I knew he was just mad that boring little white girl showed a side of herself he never saw and he didn’t like it…..

No Jennifer Aniston, no matter how hard she tries to break out of her shell, and God along with all her friends know how hard she’s tried because of the constant whining, will always be as dull as this girl, the only difference is that the girl I saw can land a boyfriend, even if he’s a fucking cunt.

So despite Aniston being a decent lookin Greek girl because her nose has been fixed and her ass isn’t huge, still sucks and here are some pics to prove it….

Posted in:Jennifer Aniston|See Through|Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Jenna Dewan Bikini Pictures of the Day

3 Comments »

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I don’t know who this bitch is but I do know that she’s in a bikini. I didn’t look too closely at the pictures so I don’t know if she’s worth fucking and the truth is that all vagina is worth fucking. We are all part of God’s flock and that makes each and every one of us beautiful in our own way.

I am running a little behind schedule of all the great things I have planned today, like sitting on my couch. Watching my friend the spider make a nest in the corner of my living room and then watch Youtube dance videos to practice my moves so I become the star of every wedding, bar mitzvah and sweet sixteen I get invited to, which to date have been none, but you can never be too ready.

Word on the internet is that his Jenna Dewan chick is a dance instructor or professional dancer or some shit and with a body like that, I am sure she’s had a solid career as the entertainment at some all inclusive club that I am not on right now, where the local girls dance like fucking pornstars and bend down with their asses in the air for the local dudes to mount them and hump them for everyone to see from every fuckin’ angle, grinding harder then I grind my teeth at night when I get nervous while I try to chime in with my mocking moves that offend the locals because I can’t dance if I wanted to all in hopes of getting some tight spanish ass up against my crotch….

* Access to material has been disabled in compliance with DMCA *

Posted in:Bikini|Jenna Dewan|Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Hilary Duff Leaves the Gym of the Day

5 Comments »

I got a Job Offer. This is the first time anyone has ever offered me work. I think it is spam, the email kind, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s a job offer none the less. The shit’s pretty intriguing because I always wanted to be a migrant worker and feel like I was living in India, stealing american jobs because it’s so much more cost effective. You know like working a call center in India for Dell or Microsoft support so I can sit there and talk to Americans all day, confusing them, making them hold on the line for hours on end and never really giving them a straight answer or helping them out because it is a dream of mine, especially under the hot Indian sun in an overpopulated city and overpopulated office that smells like shit and looks like shit because it is brown.

Here is that job offer…..

We offer a part time job on your computer.

Job Description:

We will provide you with the texts for our employees with the important information and you will
correct the texts as an english speaking person and send them back to us.

Salary:

We don’t have a fixed salary for this vacancy. We will pay you $7.00 for every 1Kb of the
corrected text. You will get paid at the END of each month. Every month your salary will be
different as it depends on your activity.

And here is some Hilary Duff leaving the gym action because she doesn’t need a job and can run around doing nothing all day while we sit here at our computers distracting ourselves from work by lookin’ at her tits, not that I have a job, but you probably do and you probably also like Hilary Duff so here she is…..

Posted in:Gym|Hilary Duff|Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Bai Ling’s Ridiculous Exotic Cunt of the Day

6 Comments »

So here are some pictures of vagina about town Bai Ling at some event with an exotic cat as her date because she likes getting attention and bringing a dude she pays as a date is a lot less extravagent than robbing the zoo or some shit. I don’t even know who or what this bitch is or has done, I can assume she’s some only child from rich Chinese parents, who sent her away because they couldn’t handle her, mainly because Chinese people can’t have more than one baby by law and because she attends every red carpet event like she’s someone important in desperate need of attention, flashing really big nipples, pullin’ out stunts and making a mean General Tao Chicken and her whole act is getting pretty ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous, some guy emailed me one of the most ridiculous emails I have got to date, here it is:

your site sucks dick because of the “of the day” tags at the end of EVERY titled post. Its soooo stupid. Cmon…..use your brain.

Here’s my response….

Thanks for the feedback, I’ll be sure to get on that right away, not only will I start changing my titling but I will also go into the archives and change my archive because some random cocksucker from the internet doesn’t like it.Â

Last time I checked, it was my site to do what I want with it and despite the fact that I would never take the time to email a site with tips on how to make it better according to me because I’d rather be trying to get laid, getting drunk, sleeping, cutting myself like a teenage girl, getting prison raped like you fantasize about and pretty much doing anything but emailing a site to tell them little tips I think they should be doing to be better, I am sure glad you did.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Emanuelle Chriqui is Hot in a Shitty See Through Shirt of the Day

2 Comments »

So I went out drinking last night and ate some really bad chicken or something that my ulcer couldn’t handle and within an hour I felt like my insides were on fire. I ran into the closest public bathroom and the next thing I remember was I was in a hospital bed on an IV and was told that I reacted badly to whatever I ate and that I was found passed out in the bathroom in a pool of blood that came from my ass. I was told I shouldn’t drink, eat spicy food or eat anything that is hard to digest, and the good news is that I didn’t die, despite what doctors have been telling me the last 5 years if I keep up my habits….

The good news was that I used my state of being an invalid with a blood asshole to land another hole because my nurse was a hot little French Girl I wanted to see naked, it didn’t work because french girls hate me, even if they are Morroccan but like Emanuelle Chriqui’s ancestors and the Jewish people as a whole, I am a survivor. I just won’t talk about it for the next 5 decades like they do.

Posted in:Emanuelle Chriqui|Jewish|See Through|Slut|Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Amy Winehouse Has Some Hot Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

If you are wondering why I haven’t posted today, it’s because I went out drinking last night and thought today was Saturday. I was wrong and only realized now. I mean I set my alarm but it never went off because I don’t have an alarm clock to set. I mean my dog ate my homework….The truth is that I did go out, I did get drunk, I did sleep in at the hospital and I woke up to a power failure that was my asshole that crapped out on me last night and bled all over a McDonald’s floor and I could have died like I was Amy Winehouse.

The whole thing was pretty frustrating, but not as frustrating as Amy Winehouse cock teasing me with those big ol’ jew tits that are on the verge of death and her sexy toothless crackhead face that I’d have no problem paying 5 dollars to put all over my balls but she hasn’t realized that she’s not too good for that yet, and probably never will. One of life’s great tragedies is that she is a crackwhore who got away…..

These are pictures of her at a concert this weekend.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Tits|Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Jesus Martinez Is Not Dead Of The Day

21 Comments »

If you are wondering why there are no posts today. Jesus was found in a Mc Donalds’ bathroom in a pool of blood. He was rushed to the hospital and later it was found it was only a food allergy. And the blood was coming from his ass. He is undergoing more tests and should be back later on.

The Dude

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

Comments Off on stepLINKS of the Day

I was bored, it’s getting cold and shitty here, and I was craving to see some real live girls in bikinis. The only place I knew where to find girls in bathing suits was at the YMCA because I had a free pass and they have a pool. So I got there and put on my bathing suit while knowing that I was probably a hugely offensive sight to the resident swimmers but I quickly discovered that being fat and hairy and not deserving of a bathing suit access was pretty fucking common theme at the YMCA pool. I saw some big, old, sagging asses and one chick had the nerve to wear a one piece white suit that was see through when wet so i could make out her saucer sized nipples and small porno bush that I guess she got crafted for her 30th wedding anniversary or some shit and it turns out that hot girls who look good in bikinis don’t spend their time at the local community pool to stay fit, but really old, disgusting ladies do and that in and of itself would have been a deal breaker if I wasn’t such a fucking pervert with no standars and I was just happy that I got to see girls in bathing suits even if they were girls that no one else in the world would ever want to see clothed and I feel lucky for that. Here are my links.

Shauna Sand is Disgusting
GO

Jayde Nicole is Pretty in Pink
GO

The Spiderman DVD Trailer
GO

More VMA Whoredom is Right Here.
GO

Paris Hilton Panty Upskirt
GO

The Horniest Vampires in Movie History
GO

Tony Versus Paul
GO

Some Things Never Change, and I Like That
GO

You Just Can’t Go Wrong With Cheerleaders, Can You?
GO

How Is It That Japan Can Make Even Diarreah Amazing?
GO

Keira Knightley Needs to Eat Some Fucking Food
GO

Solve Your Case of the Mondays
GO

Man, Thos Football Players Really Know How to Get Themselevs in Trouble
GO

How Can Lighting Your Pants on Fire EVER Be Considered a Good Idea
GO

Jessica Simposon’s Newly Country Tits Perform at the Grande Ol’ Opry
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Rollerman’s Breakneck Speeds
GO

Squirel Launch Part 2
GO

Who Says There’s No Such Thing as REAL Sluts Anymore?
GO

I’m No Prude, But Am I the Only One Who Sees a Problem With Small Children Playing on a Penis Slide?
GO

Some Vintage Sarah Palin
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Best Dressed At the VMAs
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Anna Kournikova Goodness
GO

And That’s Why You Don’t Ride Bulls
GO

Jelly Wrestling!! Heyo!
GO

Work Out that Fails
GO

I Gotta Get Myself Down to Florida, Like NOW
GO

Whoa Nelly!
GO

Some Oasis Video of them Getting Attacked On Stage Cuz They Suck
GO

Bar Rafaeli Can Do No Wrong
GO

Find Girls To Fuck, Virgin
GO

God Damn Halle Berry is Looking Good!
GO

Jennifer Aniston Takes Her Washed Up Ass to Toronto
GO

More From the Lingerie Bowl
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Idiot Shoots Himself in the Nuts
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Uhhhh…Keep Telling Yourself That, Sweetheart
GO

Get Some Sex Today! Why Not?
GO

Chloe Dior! Oh My!
GO

Paula Garces is the Throwback of the Day
GO

Introducing the Apple Twins
GO

And Now, The Mini-Me Sex Tape
GO

One of The Homos From Oasis Got Attacked on the Weekend
GO

90210 Catfight!
GO

Way to Go, Fatty
GO

Okay, I Admit It. Will Smith Has Amused Me
GO

Gary Coleman is a Fucking Nut and I Love It
GO

Carla Goes For a Swing
GO

Some Scary Religious Senator Clip
GO

Open a Beer Bottle With a Dollar Bill
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Lindsay Lohan Supports Her Lesbian’s Sister’s Clothing Line Fashion Show With Her Big Tits of the Day

9 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan is a good lesbian, she doesn’t wear bras anymore, despite having massive tits, which is something I’m into right now, but won’t be when she’s a 40 year old lesbian and not just a 21 year old lesbian who looks 40, with tits that hang down to her gut who and who doesn’t wear bras, has a shaved head, rocks some flannel and some construction boots and who loves getting fucked with Dolphin shaped dildoes because penis is the fucking enemy, not that I’ll be alive, or that Lohan will still be a dyke then, but you get what I am saying, even though I don’t.

She stood by her girlfriend at her girlfriends sister’s fashion show proving that this relationship is a good publicity stunt for the whole family, not that she’s actually in a relationship, it’s all just speculation and lies and that pisses me off, so until I see a video of them going lickin’ each other’s assholes, I don’t buy this for a second and will just think of this whole Lohan Ronson thing is a bad joke, because those bitches are playing the media probably a lot harder than they are playing each other’s vaginas.

Speaking of bad jokes, I was stuck on a bus the other day because I wanted to visit a friend of mine who lived outside of town and I don’t have a car. I didn’t realize that there was some kind of construction going on that turned this 30 minute ride into a 2 hour long painful experience, I was sitting in front of some dude who was with some really busty skinny chick who I assume was his girlfriend. The entire ride he kept making bad jokes and observations of shit going on while trying to drop his one liners that were fuckin’ killing me. Every time he would speak, I’d just shake my head in disapproval. He said shit like “what’s a surfer say when he has diarrhea? Squirts Up” and the hot chick he was with would just laugh and laugh….he said shit like “What’s a Chinese guy’s favorite kind of tea? Kar-a-tea” and she was roaring, while I knew that a Chinese person’s favorite tea was Green Tea, thanks to all it’s healing properties and just wanted to punch him in the face for being a fuckin’ loser and cunt punch his girl for humoring him just to see what her box felt like.

I guess that doesn’t matter, but here are those pics of Lohan who is showing off her tits and according to rumors, knows exactly what Sam Ronson’s box feels like.

Bonus that’s Not Really a Bonus – Lohan at the VMA red carpet, lookin’ pretty fuckin’ horrible.

Posted in:Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan|Tits|Uncategorized

2008

Sep

Vanessa Hudgens And Her American Apparel Leggings Trying to Be Hot of the Day

12 Comments »

I don’t find Vanessa Hudgens hot, especailly not in these spandex leggings and I guess it’s because she ruined that whole mystery that made her somewhat appealing by wondering what she looks like naked by releasing naked pictures of herself on the Internet. Now all I see is some ethnic lookin’ muppet acting like an asshole on stage, knowing that her scandal was the key to this whole virginity movement that bores me because I won’t get the chance to see these fuckers fuck up because they are too concerned about their careers and their contracts, i wish I had the same level of ambition because then maybe this site would be worth reading, but instead I am just going to go take a nap.

Posted in:Vanessa Hudgens|VMAS