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Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2008

Aug

Autumn Reeser in a Bikini for Maxim of the Day

11 Comments »

Autumn Reeser was on The O.C. She played someone named Taylor. I used to watch the OC because I had a shitty TV that got that channel for free using a shitty antenna that I made out of a coat hanger I was saving to use on my wife if ever she got pregnant before realizing I didn’t need it anymore because I found out I had fertility issues. I was also going to a college bar every thursday because it was 2 dollar beers at a time when I could afford to get wasted with college kids on 2 dollar beers.. It turned out that the first couple of weeks were awkward, because the girls just saw an old, messy, drunk guy raining on their parade like Lil Wayne Rain’s on the Hoes, all because I didn’t have anything to talk about with them other than their hot perky college tits in hopes of getting invited back to their dorms to watch them experiment with sex and drugs like the shit I’ve read / seen college girls do on the internet. I realized that watching the OC, that aired earlier that night, was a key “in” because they all watched it earlier that night and were hooked and would get excited when shit was brought up, leading to me being accepted in their circle so I made a point of staying on top of the shit and never got to watch them experiment with sex and drugs, but didn’t get beat up by asshole jocks when asking their girl’s dirty questions because I was in. Either way, I don’t remember this girl on the show, must have been after my time, but I do remember Rachel Bilson…..

Speaking of Rachel Bilson, I messaged some random girl on Facebook who’s last name was Bilson and this was our conversation…..

Jesus Martinez
with a name like Bilson, you should be related to Rachel Bilson, otherwise you should change your name, because there’s no real point in having it…..

Rachel Bilson’s Cousin
i am related to her….

Jesus Martinez
are you her second cousin? cuz if you are you can gay marry her.

Rachel Bilson’s Cousin
haha
she is my cousin

Jesus Martinez
Have you ever seen her naked?

Jesus Martinez
You know even as little kids playing in the lake or having bath’s togehter?

Jesus Martinez
What are the chances of you getting me a couple nude pics of her?

Jesus Martinez
Not very likely right?

Jesus Martinez
Like I shouldn’t start writing up a post announcing I have exclusive pics of her right?

Jesus Martinez
There must be something she did to piss you off over the years, maybe you resent her success and wish you were the star in the family….

Jesus Martinez
wouldn’t this be the best way to give her what she deserves….

Jesus Martinez
I guess you’re not into the idea…..

Jesus Martinez
Hello?

That’s when I gave up, I guess we’re no longer friends and that short moment we spent together on the internet, that made me one person away from Rachel Bilson, is one I will hold close to my heart forever.

Here’s Automn Reeser and her Firey hair that her literal parents named her after in her bikini for Maxim, even though it’s my second Maxim post of the day and fuckers aren’t even paying me for this shit, but I am hoping I encourage people to not buy any of their magazines because you can find all the goods here instead of there., it is my attempt to ruin them because I just resent everyone who makes more money than me, which is pretty much everyone.

Here’s a creepy video called Taylor and Ryan – Forever Love – That Made me Laugh….Because Someone Was Creepy/Lame Enough to Waste Their TIme Doing This….

Posted in:autumn reeser|Bikini|Maxim

2008

Aug

Miss Great Britian 1996 in a Bikini of the Day

12 Comments »

Her name is Liz Fuller, I’ve never heard of her, you probably have because you have been following the Miss World pageant your entire life, not because you are a pervert who likes watching girls from every country in the world share one stage as they prance around in their bikinis, but because it was always your dream to be a crowned at a beauty pageant and found it unfair that they wouldn’t let you, just because you have a penis, but every chance you get you put on your mom’s wedding dress, throw on a tiara and a walk around the room, when one of your stuffed animals hosting the event crowns you Miss Universe, you scream with joy and cry while doing a final speech and and walk around the room before your dad walks in on you and yells at you to man the fuck up because boys aren’t supposed to wanna be Miss Universe, they are suposed to fuck them.

Either way, she’s old and she proves that in her bikini selection, because he’s what you see mom’s on the beach wearing to hide their gunts from having one too many kids, even though they only had one kid, if you know what I mean. I feel like this post was like a scenic drive through the glorious mountains inside my brain that are getting deforestationed from all the hard drinkin…..glad you’ve come along for the ride….

Posted in:1996|Bikini|Liz Fuller|Miss Great Britain

2008

Aug

Anna Kournikova’s Ass for Maxim of the Day

8 Comments »

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Here’s Anna Kournikova, one of the better things that has come out of the Soviet since the Cold War. Sometimes I feel like I live in a communist Russia. I have a shitty one room apartment that is more dingy than my whore wife’s period panties that were once white and now, 6 years later, are a weird blue color. I have rationed bread and toilet paper because my wife beats me to the shit, and we don’t have money to buy more. I have no spending money and last week, my wife makes me wear grey prison uniform when I am in the house because I had no clothes and she found it at the vintage store and thought it would be funny.

Today I went to make myself some instant coffee because I am poor and spent 2 weeks worth of spending money last night alone and can’t afford my Starbucks now that my free hook-up decided to move up the corporate ladder and took a job over at a Subway. As I was pouring the boiling water in a glass cup because we don’t have coffee mugs, not even the paper ones I stole from the AA meeting I forgot to write about last week, that turned out to be a depressing party, and the fucking thing just exploded in my hand, like I can’t even make a fucking coffee without God trying to kill me with broken glass and boiling water….

I don’t really know where I am going with this, but here are some pics of Anna Kournikova lookin’ hot in Maxim.

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Posted in:Anna Kournikova|Ass|Maxim

2008

Aug

Selma Blair Bikini Picture of the Day

15 Comments »

I am fucking hurting today, I woke up surprised to be alive because last night was seriously fucking abusive on myself, just look at my stepLINKS post written at 6 am while fuckin’ destroyed, but it turns out that my fast beating heart, dizziness, shakes, pains and memories of stupidities from last night aren’t as hurting as my computer that wouldn’t let me access the blog all day and it turns out that my computer having AIDS, randomly shutting off, crashing and overall sucking dick is not as hurting as Selma Blair in a bikini. In all fairness this is her first job in a long time, she’s almost 40 and she’s supposed to be dumpy lookin’ in this role. I’d still fuck her like the pillow case full of mash potatoes she looks like she’d feel like…

That’s the first post of the day. I hope you liked it.

Posted in:Bikini|Selma Blair

2008

Aug

stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

I drank too much tonight but have to post this shit – so I won’ t talk about the 15 year old gymnastic giril i met or the cashier from Sierra Leonne who had da burned hand and a lot of attitude. Instead I wlll post my links. Cuddles

Tom Cruise is Going to Send Lord Xenu After Angelina Jolie
GO

Reporter Rollover
GO

Katie Price Has Big Fucking Trout Lips, And I’m Not Talking About Her Vagina
GO

Sophia Bush Pussy
Go

Big Foot Exists- Pictures To Prove It
GO

Top 10 Celebrity Lips
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

I Can’t Get Enough of the Retarded Police Man
GO

HOly Shit!! Julia Childs Was a SPY!!!
GO

Keri Russel Pokies
GO

Topless Babes – Your Guess as to Who They Are is as Good as Mine
GO

Longboard Wipeout!
GO

Girls Who Know How to Get the Job Done
GO

Olympic Karaoke
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Blindfolded Blonde
GO

Photoshop Alert!! There’s No Way Jennifer Love Hewitt Got Rid of her Ass THAT Fast!
GO

Bianca Gasciogne Gallery
GO

Asian Schoolgirl Catfight
GO

Teen Lesbian Pool Party
GO

Some Big Ol’ Tits From The Land of the Rising Sun
GO

People Magazine got Ripped the Fuck Off
GO

Did We Not Say Everything We Needed to Say With Maid in Manhatten the First Time Around?
GO

Rumer Willis Tries to Convince the Worl that She Has Talent, and Isn’t Just Another Rich, Spoiled Hollywood Brat.
GO

Jennifer Aniston is a Whore
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Lidsay Lohan Says Her Sister’s Tits Are NOt Implants, Which Basically Means They Are
GO

Now THIS is the Type of Olympic Shit I Wanna See
GO

The Top Ten Gayest Action Movies Ever
GO

Some Butch Rips 21 Phonebooks in Half in Under Four Minutes
GO

Alexandra Ivy is Your Redhead Fantasy
GO

toddler Tossing ia Amazing
GO

The Scariest Pussy I Have Ever Seen in My Life, Next to My Wifes
GO

Xara Diaz = Boners
GO

Jaslyne Gonzalez Needs to Gain Some Fucking Weight
GO

Who Knew Old School Italian Movies Were So Amazing?
GO

Pornstar Tera Patrick in Some Magazine Looking Porn Star-Ish
GO

Jennifer Hudson is Looking Good
GO

Anastasia Angel is the Hotess
GO

Why is FHM a Million Times Better in Other Countries?
GO

Some Chinese Water Technology That I Can’t Really Wrap My Head Around
GO

Jacqueline Doyle is Tasty
GO

Make Homemade Plasma
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Aug

I Comment on Lohan’s Comments About Her Sister’s Breast Implants of the Day

16 Comments »

So Lindsay Lohan made a statement on her myspace about her sister having fake tits and I unfortunately agree with a couple things she said, like that a 14 year old getting implants is insane and even the most opportunist mother wouldn’t allow for that, it’s just an insane accusation and shouldn’t have been taken seriously, I also thing caring about a 14 year old’s tits is a little fucking pedophilic, but maybe that girl shouldn’t wear retarded push-up bras showing off her perky little teenage tits, even she didn’t want people lookin’ or commenting on the shit.

What I don’t agree with is when bitch says that it is disconcerting that people focus on the negative of people’s lives, that we are so bored with our own lives that we need to focus on their life and manifest lies about them, well last time I checked, Lohan was a child star, making more money than she knew what to do with, who was going through some kind of mental breakdown and identity crisis, filling her emptiness with cock and drugs, before deciding she was a fuckin’ lesbian and finding stability with a girl 10 years older than her who can provide the maternal support she never had, and who can’t break her down emotionally like the penis she got herself caught up with in the past.

Her life involved doing nothing but lying on screen, playing people who don’t exist in scenarios that don’t exist all while self-medicating because she was bored, empty, lost and could financially, It was some kind of cry for attention of a spoiled rich kid that was manifesting negativity on herself all because she’s a self-absorbed little cunt who doesn’t realize there’s a world out there other than her own and that she is the center of the fuckin’ universe, so when people come along and talk about her, or other people she knows, she automatically assumes we’re bored with our lives.

The truth is that we’re doin’ ok, even if we’re poor, we still have more stable, wholesome, balanced lives and we just turn to celebrities for a fuckin’ laugh because they are fuckin’ comedy in their delusional ways. They make too much money, are thrown in our fuckin faces over and over again, and are easier targets than people in our immediate circle.

Bitch is a product of the media and not a real fuckin’ person, sure she may have feelings, but fuck them, she sold them when she sold her soul to the devil for a hefty paycheck and should stop her fuckin’ complaining and get some perspective that we don’t actually care about her or any celebs, we don’t want to be her or other celebs, we just want to see you fuckin’ fail and laugh at you along the way, because it’s funny to watch and the truth is you can be easily replaced and we can all forget about you, just as soon as you stop workin and move to some organic ranch to live off your money and to herd shee like the lesbian you’re pretending to be…..

Here’s her joke of a statement that she made….. the only thing interesting about it is that she figured out how to use a computer….

hey everyone..
i just had to share something that came up today and it made me feel a bit sick to my stomach.
so, here’s the visual…
me and my friend Patrick walking into a store, and two paparazzi come up out of nowhere (like usual) and start throwing questions at me…
one of them being, “Hey Lindsay, what do you have to say about people commenting on your sisters implants?”
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my response simply was, “Did you really just ask me that? She is a 14 year old girl, and you are a pedophile!”
i was caught out of nowhere so i didn’t really come up with the proper response at the time.. there’s many other things that i felt like saying, but why give it to a random guy with a camera so that he can make money!
All i am trying to say is, is that, i was raised with a wonderful family surrounding me, of course we have our ups and downs, but all in all my mother taught us to appreciate what we have been given. Nor would she ever encourage, or allow a 14 year old child to alter her body.
i am not judging people that do, but i am just saying that its not something that my family finds necessary to do, especially when you’re not even fully developed yet!
It is hard enough being 14 years old and you have enough insecurities to begin with, then add being in the public eye…
i just find it really disconcerting that people have to focus on the negative and that some people are sooooo bored with their own lives that they need to manifest lies to hurt another person.
in a more positive light…
i got some great clothes from alexander wang and i miss samantha cuz she’s out of town 🙁
have a wonderful day everyone~
til next time..
xx LL

I’m glad she got some great clothes, maybe that empty purchasing will bring some pleasure in her useless fuckin’ life where she does nothing for the greater good of the world, I am sure that 5,000 dollars she spent on a dress wouldn’t have been appreciated by a family of 6 struggling to put food on the table because they don’t even make 1500 dollars a fuckin’ month between them, you irrelevant, greedy, selfish, irrelevant piece of garbage of a whore.

Posted in:Breast Implants|Lindsay Lohan

2008

Aug

Audrina Partridge Makes Bad Jokes in her Bikini for Publicity of the Day

9 Comments »

Audrina is a useless slut and she’s trying to milk all the fame she can by getting in a bikini as often as possible and now she’s taken it to the next level by agreeing to do some kind of joke for that Jew Chelsea Lately’s show where she pretends to be dating a midget. I am guessing shit’s a play on the whole Verne Troyer sex tape shit, or maybe they just think the idea of a retarded looking half-rate celebrity dating a midget is just so fucking funny, because people aren’t supposed to date midgets they are supposed to watch them get shot out of cannons or some other offensive shit that degrades all my midget brothers out there and I take offense to this shit, mainly because it’s a cheap joke and even if it wasn’t a cheap joke it wouldn’t be funny, but more importantly because I hate Audrina and despite having a good set of implants, which is rare, still deserves none of what she’s got including you jerking off to her.

The truth is that when I first saw these pics, I naturally assumed she was with one of her friends she met at her retard and handicapped camp she was sent to as a kid, but that turned out to be false fuckin’ promises and the truth is the she’s just a cunt.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini

2008

Aug

Adrian Grenier and His 3-Girl Rebound of the Day

3 Comments »

[ Images removed in compliance with DMCA Notice ]

In case you didn’t know, Adrian Grenier’s girlfriend was in the car with Shai LeBeef when he had his drunk driving accident, leading the world to believe she’s fuckin’ that little troll’s useless cock, while probably being a huge blow to Adrian Grenier’s ego, because let’s face it, whenever a girl I bang goes with someone fuckin’ lame after being with me, I take personal offense and even think for a minute that maybe I am delusional and maybe this fucker is a step up from me and that I just think he’s a loser because I am jealous that she’s fucking someone who isn’t me, but probably not because I don’t believe in jealousy and what I find lame is not what girls find lame, so in the end it all makes sense and I end up marrying the first fat lonely chick who comes along, because I figure I am older and I don’t want to be alone and that she’s going to always be there for me through thick and thin because she’s older and doesn’t want to be alone either, even though she’s not anything I ever wanted to marry and is probably something I wouldn’t even notice walking down the street, but she’s mine, I’ve settled and this post is depressing me, let me switch it up….

So Adrian Grenier has dumped the LeBeef girl, and was spotted paddle surfing, the gayest sport out there with 3 chicks in their bikinis, and last time I checked, 3 girls on your dick is better than one, so while his ex is out with some Hollywood loser, Grenier’s showin’ her than shit don’t matter and he’s going to make the best of this freedom, you cheating, lying, useless piece of ass who is just trying to advance your own career and it will all backfire, because there’s a lot hotter more talented pussy out there than you.

Posted in:Adrian Grenier|Bikini|Sluts|Uncategorized

2008

Aug

Eva Longoria Has a Nipple of the Day

3 Comments »

Sure Eva Longoria looks like a fuckin’ rat, but she’s Mexican and seeing Mexican girls slut themselves out really makes me feel like they are taking away all the work I have done to give Mexicans a good name in the world. It’s like when Feminists talk about girls like Lohan and Paris Hilton taking away from all the hard work women have done in the world to get equal pay, respect and the right to vote, while these sluts go around discounting their work by being counter-productive as they show the world their pussies and fuck random men to get ahead and have a good time, while teaching young girls that it’s right to let me eat you out, but making feminsts mad that they’re doing it, except I think Lohan and Hilton are doing good and I think Eva Longoria in her see through shirt is just embarrassing and reminds me of my cousins, mothers and neighbors who worked hard to get her the right to be an American and who probably even helped her parents jump the border, giving her the opportunity to be who she is and she just takes away everything they have done by not wearing a bra for a little attention like a little common fuckin’ whore.

Speaking Lohan, at least I was at the beginning of this post, I got word of the hotel Sam Ronson was staying at and decided it would be funny to leave a sex toy for her to use at the front desk. I don’t know if she was actually staying there, but I wrapped up this free toy a company sent me that was shaped like a hand, something I thought wouldn’t offend her since it wasn’t penis shaped and I wrote a note that read

Samantha,

I heard you were in town and figured that you are probably lonely this and let’s hope this will come in “handy”, get it, since it’s shaped like a hand about to diddle…anyway, I’m more of a one-finger kind of guy, this two finger number will do you wonders. Don’t worry it has never been used, unless my wife snuck in and used it when I wasn’t lookin, in that case you may notice some green shit that should wash off easy and a smell of horse piss and death that will probably take a few hours soaking in bleach to get rid of, but in any case I’ll be broken up if you don’t use this on Lohan.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstefather.com

Here’s Eva Longoria, her rat face and her little nipple cheapening the Mexican race a little more everyday.

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Nipple

2008

Aug

Marla Maples Is Trying to Get a Work Out Show of the Day

4 Comments »

Marla Maples called up the paparazzi again because she had a “workout” scheduled on the beach again and she wanted the word to get out there that she’s fit and hard bodied and 40. I can only assume she likes the ego boost she gets when magazines feature her as the hot over 40 beach body or she’s trying to get some initial buzz for a workout or diet book she’s working on, or maybe even a workout or fitness show she’s trying to sell because she needs something to do as spending Donald Trump’s money is getting old and tired for her.

Speaking of fitness, a friend of mine decided to call me up last week and tell me that people who jog an hour a day live longer than people who don’t jog. They just found this out in some controlled research, which I thought was funny, considering it’s such a fuckin’ obvious discovery, they’d be better off spending that money on something like curing aids or some shit, and dude wanted to inspire me to exercise because he’s the kind of guy who quit drinking and partying and found yoga, meditation, weightlifting and jogging as his new high and has lost weight, got his blood pressure own, has seen it affect his everyday life by giving him self-worth and self esteem, structure, energy to get things done and since quitting his old life has turned things around to getting a job, buying a condo, finding a hot younger girlfriend and is now living the yuppie life of going to the market to buy organic greens and natural supplements, going on vacation to places like Costa Rica where he goes on long distance runs in the jungle and white water rafting has quit eating meat and dairy and thinks he is going to live to a hundred, and he wants me to get up on his program to really turn my life around. Well, I got a call yesterday and it was his girlfriend, he got hit by a car a couple days ago and they don’t know if he’s going to make it and if he does, they don’t know if he’s going to ever walk again, so I guess fitness also kills and he shoulda just stuck to living in the gutter with me, cuz if he did, none of this woulda ever happened.

Posted in:Marla Maples|Show|Work Out