My wife is French Canadian and not some Mexican corn tortilla eating man like me and she doesn’t have a penis, from what I’ve seen, but I have to admit I try to never venture down there into her danger zone, but I will say that when she takes a shower, or when I sleep next to her, this dude in the video is what I see, only she’s less motivated to get out of bed than him. I am just posting this to give you a taste of the hell that I am living.
Since my computer has AIDS, I figured I’d post this video of Denise Richards potentially setting her nephew up for a future that has a high risk of AIDS. Not only does she talk to him about her Playboy spread but also brings up her threesome in Wild Things with Neve Campbell and Kevin Bacon and the little dude pretty much admitted to seeing “clips” of it probably when googling his Aunts name.
All Denise did when she had “that talk” with the dude was admit that she is someone who gets naked for money, but she didn’t really get into how it’s wrong to get turned on by your aunt and that it’s wrong to masturbate to images of your aunt dyking out, because family may come first, but family isn’t supposed to make you come at all. That’s the kind of shit that leads you to drugs or suicide.
Either way, from now on, no girl he meets will or gets with will be as hot or as good as his aunt and when he realizes that getting off to your aunt is fucked up, when other kids are going to their aunt’s house for dinner, while this punk is going to his aunt’s house to hide in the closet and jerk off while she’s changing until he gets caught and the guilt of being some freak who can only get turned on by his own family member is going to throw this motherfucker into homosexuality, at least that’s my prediction. It’s one of those all women make me think about how fucked in the head I am and all tits make me think of my aunt so I’ll just stay the fuck away from tits….situation.
This clip is 4 days old, I’m the first to admit I am slow movin.
I have a gambling addiction, I never had one before, but after losing my shirt in high stakes monopoly, I have decided to join my fellow french men and elderly and asians and hit up the local Casino the last 2 days. It’s all part of my retirement plan and so far my low stakes 25 cent horse race betting has lost me 40 dollars, which may not sound like much to you but is like 4000 dollars to the average person. I spent about 24 hours there in the last 50 hours, I haven’t slept much and I am already craving to go but have no money to get me there so instead I decided to post my links, so you better like them because I feel like I am making sacrifices for you by putting them up.
So this may be old news, Supermodel Ruslana Korshunova killed herself by jumping off the 9th floor of her Manhatten apartment yesterday afternoon. They say that it could have something to do with the Russian mob because they are fucking crazy, but it is most likely a suicide from a broken heart. Every Russian that I have ever met has always been a little off, I always blamed communism and the everyman is the working class, with rationed bread, poor living conditions, state issued clothes that everyone wore, like being raised in some kind of prison, but I never went to Russia and it was all speculation. They always seemed willing to hurt other people, but never themselves.
Now I don’t know this chick, but she was fucking successful and maybe she was taken away from her family too young, or maybe she couldn’t adapt to going from a life in hell and poverty to a life of Glizt and Glamor, while all she really anted was her her mother’s home cooked Borshch, but put up with the day to day shit of being a model to not let her family who she was sending her money back home to. Maybe it was drugs or too much pressure on herself or maybe it was a broken heart. But Russians are known to strong and to have no emotions are are too busy getting the job done, training for olympic sports, modeling or doing eveything in their power to get the fuck out of Russia like becoming mail order brides and you’d think that Ruslana was living the dream, but I guess sometimes the only way to stop the demons in your head or your unhappiness is off yourself. Suicide is for pussies, and it’s pretty fuckin’ sad especially when it’s a a beautiful successful girl who had her life ahead of her, and the cast of The Hills or some fat chick who is sad because no one really cares about, because the world has enough fat chicks and can do with one less.
Either way, I feel like I have lost one of my own, not because I am a model, but because I like to masturbate to picture of models. Ruslana Korhunova, RIP Motherfucker.
Geraldo stayed classy by airing footage of her dead body because dude will do anything to get people watching his shit:
Here is Amy Winehouse showing the world that she’s Jewish by rockin’ a Star of David, I figured that she already did a good job letting us all know that she was Jewish by walking around with her droopy, big nosed, Jewish Face.
I think its a little too late for Amy Winehouse to get in touch with her Jewish roots for salvation, because from what I’ve been told, being Jewish is really only good for making money, and getting blowjobs in summer camp and the only thing it is going to do for her is give her a couple extra months, and only if some kind of Jewish guilt cloud hangs over her head making her stop using drugs, but the damage is done and I hear crack has more pull than Moses or whoever the fuck the Jews see as their God, and she’s pretty much already going to hell, even though Jews don’t have a hell, so at this point it’ll do as much for her as that time I rocked a Mercedes hood ornament around my neck in hopes of making chicks thing I had so much money that I didn’t mind ripping off my hood ornaments, cuz I’d just buy myself a new one, which wasn’t very much good, because it didn’t work as magically as I hoped it would.
The good news is that she’s showing some nipple, and nipple, even on a crackhead is still nipple, so enjoy.
As the most incompetent person at everything I set my mind out to do, I can say that I have never been directly responsible for someone’s death in my incompetent ways. Truth is that I didn’t really have a job that would really put anyone’s life at risk, I mean other than being a Valet at a shitty hotel for about 3 days, before getting fired for being too slow, but other than that the only life at any risk was my own for operating machinery when completely wasted on the job or falling asleep, not showing up, and pretty much sucking at everything I put my mind out to do.
I saw this video of a mental ward waiting room and it pretty much blew me away, because 2 security guards, a doctor and a nurse all walked in and out on a dying bitch and did nothing about it because I guess they aren’t paid enough to actually give a shit. I was always under the impression that being in a hospital was the best place to be in the event something went wrong. I would remember I’d get severe panic attacks when in hospitals visiting dying friends because disease scares me and was confident they’d defibrillate or jack my lifeless body up with meds in the event that I was to go down, but then again, I don’t live in the US where poor people are prisoners to a flawed system designed for the rich. That is probably the reason why Magic Johnson is still alive with HIV and every whore I know from the 90s in New York that I used to spend time with and who got the germ are dead. That’s pretty much why I am up in Canada, not because I like it here but because it works for ghetto folk like myself.
It’s a shitty fucking day today, not only did my computer break this weekend out of nowhere and deleted all my files that I have been trying to figure out how to restore all while not understanding geek shit, but the rest of Canada is enjoying their day off because they are celebrating Canada Day which is like Independence Day but 4 days earlier and with a lot less shootings. So all these fuckers are out there celebrating their weird country drinking beer, fucking beavers (the animal not the vagina) and singing the national anthem in honor of Avril Lavigne, Sum 41, Pam Anderson, Mike Myers and all other Canadian celebrities while I sit here watching a video emailed to me claiming to be a mom doing a booty dance while her little kid films her.
I don’t know much, but I do know good parentling and starting your kid up young for a lucrative career is smart, making all the post traumatic flashbacks he gets when he’s a little older and girls he’s banging try to give him a little dance show of their own and all dude sees is the images you see in the video, worth it. Listen to it with the sound on…
Christina Milian was the Rihanna the Beta Version. That was some internet talk since this is the fucking internet. The only difference between Milian and Rihanna was that Rihanna knew she wasn’t hugely talented, so she plays the puppet and sings other people songs, while Milian was the eager cheerleading bitch from your high school who starred in the school play, won the school talent show, organized the school fashion show, was on the Yearbook Committee, was the President of the school Government, took singing and dancing classes on her spare time, got straight As, like making puzzles, had a hot body and was a champion tennis player. Bitch had her fucking hands in everything and just spread herself too thin, something I wish my wife could do to herself, so that I could have sex again.
Either way, here she is looking hot in a bikini, because now that she’s burnt out and not really out there, she has plenty of time to just kick it.
The great thing about Flavio Briatore is not his hot tits, but it is that he proves to the world that no matter how fat you are, or how old you get you can always pull it hot tail if you’ve got a good personality, because girls don’t go for dudes because of the way they look, they go for dudes who make them feel good about themselves. I am sure the fact that dude’s a billionaire has nothing to do with it, because that would imply that his wife, model Elisabetta Gregoraci, his baby momma Heidi Klum and his Nubian Princess Ex Girlfriend – Naomi Campbell were all prostitutes and the truth is he probably just has a huge dick and they all probably have some kind of daddy issues that stem from being thrown into the modeling world at the age of 14 and who the fuck really cares, because he’s got more money and hotter pussy than all of us and he looks like some kind of Santa Claus motherfucker who shaved his beard for the summer and if anything should be some kind of motivation for you to get out there and buy some fucking lottery tickets, because we all know that’s the only hope you have of making it big.
I played high stakes monopoly the other day with a group of Jewish dudes I know, who probably saw me as easy money, because I guess my smell of stale booze and begging to borrow money from them every time I see them isn’t really the sing of a budding real estate tycoon. The truth is I don’t know why I agreed to play, because up until the other day, I found board games embarrassing and something board people in the suburbs do, but I guess I put my pride aside and chose to neglect the fact that I feel like a total asshole sitting around a board with homies just to waste time, and came up with the buy in.
Either way, I ended up losing hard and advise you to never bet on board games. I also advise you to click my links.
Tera Patrick Interview and Gallery for You To Remember The Glory Days… GO
Sienna Miller’s Vagina Has Been Around the Block and Back GO
Catch Phrase Blooper Makes for Game Show Goodtimes GO
Miranda Kerr is Topless In Men’s Style Magazine GO
Pam Anderson Hates Jessica Simpson, and I Hate Them Both GO