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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Jun

Whoopi Goldberg Erotic Moment of the Day

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For those of you who don’t read the site, which is probably all of you, you wouldn’t know that I try to keep track of all things sexual Whoopi Goldberg says on The View because that shit turns me on. There’s something magical about someone who I always thought was a man growing up watching her movies, and finding out that under those loose fitting jeans and over-sized shirt lives a vagina.

It today’s segment, Whoopi talks about how she liked sex with no strings attach when she was single, she talks about her itch getting scratched without having to be in love and just for the sake of satisfying her horniness and I couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky the fucker who got to make out with this rough-faced vixen and slide his hand up her rough-skinned thing to dick into her hot went crotch only to find a hot set of balls.

Either way, don’t masturbate too hard to this one, it is proven to cause emotional trauma and sexual confusion.

Posted in:Erotic Moment|Sex|Whoopi Goldberg

2008

Jun

Lake Bell Does Details Magazine of the Day

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Her name is Lake Bell, I never heard of her, but even if I had, I probably wouldn’t remember because she seems like nothing special. This is her Details Magazine shoot that probably comes with a really interesting interview if you are gay or a fan of Lake Bell, but since all I hear when girls talk to me is the fantasy of the moans and grunts they’d be making when having sex all while staring at their tits, I feel like her actual opinion on things would take away from that. Who cares about how she got into the business when she could be crawling around on all fours, I guess it’s just a question of prioritizing and time management and if she wants more successes should keep her comments for someone who has no choice to listen to them, like her mom, because all we really want is to see her vagina talk.

Posted in:Lake Bell|Photoshoot

2008

Jun

Brody Jenner Gets His Pussy In a White Bikini of the Day

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The thing I like about Brody Jenner is that he realizes no one gives a fuck about him and has gone so far as to brand his entire body with his name as some kind of billboard in hopes that the name resonates with some people and they turn to each other and say “Jenner, that sounds familiar, isn’t there someone on TV named Jenner” causing some kind of disagreement that leads them approaching the motherfucker to settle the bet they are having and sometimes that means vagina gets thrown his way because girls seem to care about that shit more than dudes do.

Yesterday, you saw him with his robot corpse looking plastic surgery ridden mother and his hot bikini model he’s fucking, and here are some more pics of them day 2 only she’s in a white bikini which is pretty much my favorite kind of bikini because they usually are semi-see through while the girl wearing it has no idea and unsuspecting flashing is the best kind of flashing, like all the times I drop my pen at Starbucks to crawl around under the tables when really I am just panty hunting. I am deceiving like that.

Posted in:Bikini|Brody Jenner|Cora Skinner

2008

Jun

Jessica Simpson is Probably Pregnant of the Day

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So someone told me that Jessica Simpson is moving into country because it has more longevity than pop since the people who listen to country are people of routine as they tend to their farms for generations doing the same jobs day in and day out from the age of 6, when they dropped out of school, until the day they die and are as loyal as Rusty, the dog they found in a ditch just outside of town when they were on their way to get feed and a new hinge for the barn door, and they decided to nurse him back to health and raise on the farm with the rest of their animals and who turned out to be a best friend and companion during all the low years when love just wasn’t goin’ their way. I guess it’s also got something to do with country fans not caring what the female performers look like because compared to their toothless haggard and obese wife they end up with, even Rusty starts to look like a natural beauty, if you know what I mean.

Either way, I think she’s moving to country because she needs something more wholesome because she’s knocked up. I ran these pictures by my expert in pregnancy, who is some slut I met at a bar who has happened to have had over 10 abortions and has been pregnant about 30 times in the last 10 years and she seems to think that Jessica is hiding something and that Tony Romo is back with her because of something and that Joe Simpson, who would normally dress her in a bikini is covering her up to look a lot more wholesome because of something.

Everything she does is a career move and that even the biggest perverts I know get thrown off when they get lap dances from pregnant strippers so as of today, she’s either trying to luring in the Christians who think she’s a tramp to buy her new album, or she’s laying the groundwork so that the Christians who can see past her being a tramp but won’t tolerate a slutty pregnant chick won’t turn on her.

So according to me and my team of one slut, Jessica Simpson is knocked up.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Pregnant

2008

Jun

Atomic Kitten Lingerie Pictures of the Day

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You probably don’t know who Atomic Kitten are and that’s ok, because they are a useless UK pop band from a few years ago trying to make a comeback and looking at their lingerie shoot, all I can think about is how much better they would look with masks on. Sure they have fit bodies but their faces take anything good about having a girl half naked and throw it out the window onto a homeless man who ends up burning it in his oil drum to keep warm and cook some expired hot dogs or some shit. I know that didn’t make sense, but it did to me and that’s all that matters.

Posted in:Atomic Kitten|Lingerie

2008

Jun

Lindsay Lohan’s Got Some Hot Tits of the Day

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I was at a friends watching TV and celebrity expert Perez Hilton was on talking about Lindsay Lohan and how she’s not a full dyke, but more of a girl in an open relationship with a girl who still hooks up with dudes on the side but keeps that shit under the radar because it will make her look bad. I figured who the fuck cares about who she’s fucking, since it’s not me, and in my life have never really paid much notice to girls who girls who aren’t fucking me are fucking because it’s frustrating. I’d rather just look at their big ol’ tits and think about them bouncing in my face instead of the face of who they are bouncing for, it’s less abusive to my self esteem that is already pretty much non-existent.

What I do know, is that Lohan has and will remain the only celebrity I would ever kick it with, but that’s just because we’re connected at the soul and you can’t really argue with destiny…

Posted in:cleavage|Lindsay Lohan|Tits

2008

Jun

Kathy Griffin Gives Al Roker a Shitty Lap Dance of the Day

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There are girls in the world who confuse me sexually because they are so fucking repulsive, Kathy Griffin is one of those people. I don’t know why she’s ever made it this far in her career, I hear its gotta do with her comedy that other ugly girls can relate to, but whatever it is, it’s ended up on the Today Show, yesterday.

This is a video of Kathy Griffin giving Al Roker a really shitty lap dance because she claims she will do anything she can on TV in hopes of getting attention and a paycheck, she’s pretty much hanging on with a thread and to prove it makes this really lame attempt at showing the world she just doesn’t care, he life is her craft and she’ll sacrifice it all for content because without her moderate fame, she’s pretty got nothing, which was pretty clear when I stared at her tits and my penis fell off, it could have just been an unrelated coincidence, but I blame her.

Either way, her lap dance is one that I would have asked for my money back if a hot chick did that shit on me, and one that would have ended with me throwing punches if Kathy Griffin did it to me but that’s just because she looks like some kind of demon and it would have just been an act of self defensive. I hope Al Roker washes his pants, because I hear she’s a squirter, especially when it comes to making contact with real men and not the men she sees on TV with her fat vibrator in hand.

Posted in:Kathy Griffin|Lap Dance

2008

Jun

Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

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So the tank Panettiere decided to get out of her regular fridge costume and pretend to be a lady for a night and the exciting thing about being a lady is that they wear dresses that paparazzi usually get their cameras up inside because they are perverts, the less exciting thing about being a lady when you are Hayden Panettiere is that your legs are too damn short to give them a decent angle to make this post worth your time.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is the effort this bitch is putting into showing off some cleavage, I see a serious attempt to have tits and that deserves a high five, like the time Hayden took on 15 dudes in the ring and walked away undefeated.

Posted in:cleavage|Hayden Panettiere

2008

Jun

Kat Von D is Inked Up in a Bikini Top of the Day

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I am still drunk from my drinking demonstration at a the local bar where I managed to outdo myself as I always do just to prove every single person in my life that I will not amount to nothing and I am not a failure. I am a fuckin’ hero to some people and those people are pretty much me and only when I am too drunk to know better.

On the way home I saw this slammin’ body in a spandex white dress that barely covered her banging ass and a pair of patent leather hooker boots that went up past her knee. I realized she was a street whore, but not one that I had ever been with before but bitch looked too good to be giving 50 dollar blowjobs. When I got closer to her she called me over and told me that she had given me a lap dance about 6 months ago and she remembered me because I gave her my email address to make her internet famous, which is a lie I tell all the strippers to get a free song out of them. She also remembered my firm grip that I had on her nipples, but I won’t get into that.

She ended up quickly going into her story about how she got wasted and let her ex-boyfriend tattoo her face and the club she worked at fired her. She was forced to turn to the street but doesn’t have a pimp and is pretty much workin’ freelance and in the last 3 months she’s developed a serious crack habit and that she needed 20 dollars, I was tempted to save her but figured that she got herself into her own mess and could have been doing so much more with her life, like charging business men 500 dollars to go out to dinner with her like a real escort with a body like that would.

Either way, I don’t think Kat Von D did the face tattoo that ruined my stripper turned street walker’s life, but it looked pretty much as shitty as her tattoos do, the major difference between the 2 is that I’d be willing to fuck my stripper turned street whore without a condom before ever considering fucking this Kat Von D chick, but that’s just because I have a feeling this Kat Von D chick has a cock and I haven’t really moved into that kind of thing yet.

Posted in:Bikini Top|Kat Von D|Slut

2008

Jun

Ice T’s Coco Has Some Huge Fucking Tits of the Day

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I hate fake tits but offered some slut I met in the bar the other night a set because she didn’t know I was poor and joking and I figured it’d be a good excuse for her to show me her current tits and I was right. The psychology is simple, she was offended that I offered her fake tits, implying that her tits now were inadequate and she went onto tell me how amazing she is and how every guy she’s ever been with think they are the hottest tits ever and that’s when I chime in with the “If they are so great, prove it” and she did. The unfortunate thing with my plan was that this bitch’s body looked like a sock full of jello and was dumpier than the shrapnel my wife left in the toilet, but I saw nipples never the less and that’s good enough for me.

Here are some pictures of Ice T with the retarded fake tits I can only assumed he financed for his ex-stripper wife, just because they are freakier than that time I dressed like a pedophile on halloween and handed out candy in the park out of a van I rented.

Posted in:Coco|Ice T|Tits