I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

06

Jun

Jessica Simpson is Probably Pregnant of the Day

So someone told me that Jessica Simpson is moving into country because it has more longevity than pop since the people who listen to country are people of routine as they tend to their farms for generations doing the same jobs day in and day out from the age of 6, when they dropped out of school, until the day they die and are as loyal as Rusty, the dog they found in a ditch just outside of town when they were on their way to get feed and a new hinge for the barn door, and they decided to nurse him back to health and raise on the farm with the rest of their animals and who turned out to be a best friend and companion during all the low years when love just wasn’t goin’ their way. I guess it’s also got something to do with country fans not caring what the female performers look like because compared to their toothless haggard and obese wife they end up with, even Rusty starts to look like a natural beauty, if you know what I mean.

Either way, I think she’s moving to country because she needs something more wholesome because she’s knocked up. I ran these pictures by my expert in pregnancy, who is some slut I met at a bar who has happened to have had over 10 abortions and has been pregnant about 30 times in the last 10 years and she seems to think that Jessica is hiding something and that Tony Romo is back with her because of something and that Joe Simpson, who would normally dress her in a bikini is covering her up to look a lot more wholesome because of something.

Everything she does is a career move and that even the biggest perverts I know get thrown off when they get lap dances from pregnant strippers so as of today, she’s either trying to luring in the Christians who think she’s a tramp to buy her new album, or she’s laying the groundwork so that the Christians who can see past her being a tramp but won’t tolerate a slutty pregnant chick won’t turn on her.

So according to me and my team of one slut, Jessica Simpson is knocked up.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Pregnant

2008

06

Jun

Atomic Kitten Lingerie Pictures of the Day

You probably don’t know who Atomic Kitten are and that’s ok, because they are a useless UK pop band from a few years ago trying to make a comeback and looking at their lingerie shoot, all I can think about is how much better they would look with masks on. Sure they have fit bodies but their faces take anything good about having a girl half naked and throw it out the window onto a homeless man who ends up burning it in his oil drum to keep warm and cook some expired hot dogs or some shit. I know that didn’t make sense, but it did to me and that’s all that matters.

Posted in:Atomic Kitten|Lingerie

2008

06

Jun

Lindsay Lohan’s Got Some Hot Tits of the Day

I was at a friends watching TV and celebrity expert Perez Hilton was on talking about Lindsay Lohan and how she’s not a full dyke, but more of a girl in an open relationship with a girl who still hooks up with dudes on the side but keeps that shit under the radar because it will make her look bad. I figured who the fuck cares about who she’s fucking, since it’s not me, and in my life have never really paid much notice to girls who girls who aren’t fucking me are fucking because it’s frustrating. I’d rather just look at their big ol’ tits and think about them bouncing in my face instead of the face of who they are bouncing for, it’s less abusive to my self esteem that is already pretty much non-existent.

What I do know, is that Lohan has and will remain the only celebrity I would ever kick it with, but that’s just because we’re connected at the soul and you can’t really argue with destiny…

Posted in:cleavage|Lindsay Lohan|Tits

2008

06

Jun

Kathy Griffin Gives Al Roker a Shitty Lap Dance of the Day

There are girls in the world who confuse me sexually because they are so fucking repulsive, Kathy Griffin is one of those people. I don’t know why she’s ever made it this far in her career, I hear its gotta do with her comedy that other ugly girls can relate to, but whatever it is, it’s ended up on the Today Show, yesterday.

This is a video of Kathy Griffin giving Al Roker a really shitty lap dance because she claims she will do anything she can on TV in hopes of getting attention and a paycheck, she’s pretty much hanging on with a thread and to prove it makes this really lame attempt at showing the world she just doesn’t care, he life is her craft and she’ll sacrifice it all for content because without her moderate fame, she’s pretty got nothing, which was pretty clear when I stared at her tits and my penis fell off, it could have just been an unrelated coincidence, but I blame her.

Either way, her lap dance is one that I would have asked for my money back if a hot chick did that shit on me, and one that would have ended with me throwing punches if Kathy Griffin did it to me but that’s just because she looks like some kind of demon and it would have just been an act of self defensive. I hope Al Roker washes his pants, because I hear she’s a squirter, especially when it comes to making contact with real men and not the men she sees on TV with her fat vibrator in hand.

Posted in:Kathy Griffin|Lap Dance

2008

06

Jun

Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

Comments Off on Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

So the tank Panettiere decided to get out of her regular fridge costume and pretend to be a lady for a night and the exciting thing about being a lady is that they wear dresses that paparazzi usually get their cameras up inside because they are perverts, the less exciting thing about being a lady when you are Hayden Panettiere is that your legs are too damn short to give them a decent angle to make this post worth your time.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is the effort this bitch is putting into showing off some cleavage, I see a serious attempt to have tits and that deserves a high five, like the time Hayden took on 15 dudes in the ring and walked away undefeated.

Posted in:cleavage|Hayden Panettiere

2008

06

Jun

Kat Von D is Inked Up in a Bikini Top of the Day

I am still drunk from my drinking demonstration at a the local bar where I managed to outdo myself as I always do just to prove every single person in my life that I will not amount to nothing and I am not a failure. I am a fuckin’ hero to some people and those people are pretty much me and only when I am too drunk to know better.

On the way home I saw this slammin’ body in a spandex white dress that barely covered her banging ass and a pair of patent leather hooker boots that went up past her knee. I realized she was a street whore, but not one that I had ever been with before but bitch looked too good to be giving 50 dollar blowjobs. When I got closer to her she called me over and told me that she had given me a lap dance about 6 months ago and she remembered me because I gave her my email address to make her internet famous, which is a lie I tell all the strippers to get a free song out of them. She also remembered my firm grip that I had on her nipples, but I won’t get into that.

She ended up quickly going into her story about how she got wasted and let her ex-boyfriend tattoo her face and the club she worked at fired her. She was forced to turn to the street but doesn’t have a pimp and is pretty much workin’ freelance and in the last 3 months she’s developed a serious crack habit and that she needed 20 dollars, I was tempted to save her but figured that she got herself into her own mess and could have been doing so much more with her life, like charging business men 500 dollars to go out to dinner with her like a real escort with a body like that would.

Either way, I don’t think Kat Von D did the face tattoo that ruined my stripper turned street walker’s life, but it looked pretty much as shitty as her tattoos do, the major difference between the 2 is that I’d be willing to fuck my stripper turned street whore without a condom before ever considering fucking this Kat Von D chick, but that’s just because I have a feeling this Kat Von D chick has a cock and I haven’t really moved into that kind of thing yet.

Posted in:Bikini Top|Kat Von D|Slut

2008

06

Jun

Ice T’s Coco Has Some Huge Fucking Tits of the Day

I hate fake tits but offered some slut I met in the bar the other night a set because she didn’t know I was poor and joking and I figured it’d be a good excuse for her to show me her current tits and I was right. The psychology is simple, she was offended that I offered her fake tits, implying that her tits now were inadequate and she went onto tell me how amazing she is and how every guy she’s ever been with think they are the hottest tits ever and that’s when I chime in with the “If they are so great, prove it” and she did. The unfortunate thing with my plan was that this bitch’s body looked like a sock full of jello and was dumpier than the shrapnel my wife left in the toilet, but I saw nipples never the less and that’s good enough for me.

Here are some pictures of Ice T with the retarded fake tits I can only assumed he financed for his ex-stripper wife, just because they are freakier than that time I dressed like a pedophile on halloween and handed out candy in the park out of a van I rented.

Posted in:Coco|Ice T|Tits

2008

06

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

It turns out that I not only suck at life but I also suck at the internet, but the good news is that these links don’t suck, just the asshole who compiled them for your unappreciative asses does. I am not going to lie, I have been drinking and I feel like the inappropriate aunt who never got married who brings up her abortions, first anal sex experience and how her ex husband like to be pissed at the dinner table everytime she visits, we all know she’s fucking awesome, we just don’t want to introduce our girlfriend’s to them, not that you have a girlfriend. Did I mention I am drunk? It happens.

Click the links…


Homeless Football
GO

Candy Spelling’s Vagina Must Be Shaped Like a Four Leaf Clover
GO

Stephanie Ly is Wearing Purple and I Love It
GO

Nick Hogan is Still Suffering, but Not Suffering as Much as the Kid Who is Going to Be in the Hospital for the Rest of His Life and His Family Who Has to Watch Him Go Through That.
Here is the Cry Baby’s Jail Cell
GO

Petra Nemcova Panty UP-skirt
GO

The 10 Hottest Female Celebrities Who Need a Boob Job
GO

Flex and the City – The Gray One
GO

Natalise’s Music Crap, Bit She is Bangable and That Is All That Matters
GO

Montreal Slags Make Mom and Dad Proud
GO

Insane Chick Fight in Some House That’s Almost as Dirty As Mine Is
GO

I Keep Re-Watching This And Trying to Source the Shitting Sound at the
End of the Clip
GO

Star Trek – The Next Fornication
GO

Teen Girl Make Out Tape
GO

Find Girls to Fuck the Easy Way
GO

Hot Brunette Plays With Herself
GO

Some Webcam Sex For Goodtimes…
GO

Fun At The Mall
GO

Some Jessica Alba Gallery I Though You Would Enjoy Since She’s Decided to Ruin Her Body and Vagina
GO

Karate Match Goes Wrong
GO

Kimmy and Molly Give You a Two For One
GO

Ines Cudna’s DDs Are Au Natural
GO

OVER 24(!) Minutes of Girl on Girl Fun. You’re Welcome, Perv
GO

A Massive Reka Ebergenyi Gallery
GO

Get Help Getting Laid
GO

Charlize Theron Looks Good While Talking About How Marriage Sucks
GO

The Real Dried Up Old Hags of Orange County
GO

Jesus Christ, I Really Hope This Skank Isn’t Pregnant
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Christina Aguilera Defends Going out and Slutting it up in Night Clubs and Getting Trashed While Her Mexican Nanny Watches Her Baby
GO

Mya Luanna is Asian and I Love Her
GO

Taking a Shit At Wal Mart – Caught on Tape
GO

Let’s Learn About Anal Bleaching Together
GO

Shark Feeding
GO

Jessica Alba See Through Top Throwback
GO

More Porn Than Your Greedy Ass Could Ever Ask For
GO

Remember the Office Dude Who Freaked the Fuck Out??
Well Here It Is Again, This Time With Bonus Cell Phone Footage
GO

Construction Worker Payback
GO

Introducing Iga
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Throwback
GO

Drunk Russians Scare the Shit Out Of Me Unless They Are Also Prostitutes, Naked, and Not Russian
GO

I May Be Wrong, But I Think Tiffany Mulheron is Scottish For “Hey Go Get ME a BEer and Then Come Bang Me.”
GO

Awesome Pulp Fiction Spoof
GO

I’ll Take the Whore Combo, Please
GO

Naked Slut You Get to Watch. Its Easy Like That.
GO

Uniform Zone Makes Me Wanna Do the Nasty
GO

Dyke Strippers Caught On Tape
GO

Do the Stripper Work Out
GO

Look Who’s Sleeping With Your Wife
GO

Swingtown Looks Pretty Fucking Good – Now All I Need is a TV
GO

Her Name is Erika Medina and She’s an Uncoachable Slut
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Chick Flashes Her Ass Playing Strip Poker
GO

Some Different Girls Playing Strip Poker
GO

Some Chick Posing Who Should Not Be Posing
GO

Some Dudes Collection
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

05

Jun

Penelope Cruz’s Ass Rockin’ Out in Shorts on Set of the Day

Penelope Cruz brought her nose onto the set of some movie where she walks around in shorts that show off her Spanish ass cheeks. It reminds me of a pair of shorts my wife used to wear around the house only no one would ever masturbate to that shit, they wouldn’t even have sex with it if I paid them and trust me I have tried because I am tired of having all the pressure of having to satisfy her because she is disgusting and I’d love to find a stand in cock to get her off my jock.

I have nothing to say about these pictures, but I am hungover and need fluids and food or I may die. Fuck you poverty for doing this to me.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

05

Jun

Brody Jenner’s Mom is in a Bikini of the Day

Brody Jenner has a mother and she’s got a fuckin’ tight body. I am not sure if it’s a side-effect of the valium popping and an addiction to cocaine like most classy chicks, but I like to think she’s just natural beauty with a rock solid face that cares about her health enough to schedule 4 hour workout sessions with her 20-something personal trainer who she’s fucking and by personal trainer, I mean plastic surgeon.

I kinda feel bad for Brody Jenner, because having a mom this solid is a fucking curse because your first masturbation fantasies take place with a pair of her dirty panties on your face and your recent memories of walking in on her in the shower and that’s gotta fuck with your head a bit, something I am sure you know a lot about since your mom’s tits are bother the first and last set of tits you’ve sucked.

BONUS – Some Pictures of his Girlfriend Cora Skinner in a Bikini, But Why Would You Want to See Her After You’ve Just Seen His Mom, That’s Like choosing cheese in a can to top your cracker instead of the caviar…..you ghetto fuck.

Posted in:Bikini|Brody Jenner|Cora Skinner|Mom