I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

06

Jun

Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

Comments Off on Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

So the tank Panettiere decided to get out of her regular fridge costume and pretend to be a lady for a night and the exciting thing about being a lady is that they wear dresses that paparazzi usually get their cameras up inside because they are perverts, the less exciting thing about being a lady when you are Hayden Panettiere is that your legs are too damn short to give them a decent angle to make this post worth your time.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is the effort this bitch is putting into showing off some cleavage, I see a serious attempt to have tits and that deserves a high five, like the time Hayden took on 15 dudes in the ring and walked away undefeated.

Posted in:cleavage|Hayden Panettiere

2008

06

Jun

Kat Von D is Inked Up in a Bikini Top of the Day

I am still drunk from my drinking demonstration at a the local bar where I managed to outdo myself as I always do just to prove every single person in my life that I will not amount to nothing and I am not a failure. I am a fuckin’ hero to some people and those people are pretty much me and only when I am too drunk to know better.

On the way home I saw this slammin’ body in a spandex white dress that barely covered her banging ass and a pair of patent leather hooker boots that went up past her knee. I realized she was a street whore, but not one that I had ever been with before but bitch looked too good to be giving 50 dollar blowjobs. When I got closer to her she called me over and told me that she had given me a lap dance about 6 months ago and she remembered me because I gave her my email address to make her internet famous, which is a lie I tell all the strippers to get a free song out of them. She also remembered my firm grip that I had on her nipples, but I won’t get into that.

She ended up quickly going into her story about how she got wasted and let her ex-boyfriend tattoo her face and the club she worked at fired her. She was forced to turn to the street but doesn’t have a pimp and is pretty much workin’ freelance and in the last 3 months she’s developed a serious crack habit and that she needed 20 dollars, I was tempted to save her but figured that she got herself into her own mess and could have been doing so much more with her life, like charging business men 500 dollars to go out to dinner with her like a real escort with a body like that would.

Either way, I don’t think Kat Von D did the face tattoo that ruined my stripper turned street walker’s life, but it looked pretty much as shitty as her tattoos do, the major difference between the 2 is that I’d be willing to fuck my stripper turned street whore without a condom before ever considering fucking this Kat Von D chick, but that’s just because I have a feeling this Kat Von D chick has a cock and I haven’t really moved into that kind of thing yet.

Posted in:Bikini Top|Kat Von D|Slut

2008

06

Jun

Ice T’s Coco Has Some Huge Fucking Tits of the Day

I hate fake tits but offered some slut I met in the bar the other night a set because she didn’t know I was poor and joking and I figured it’d be a good excuse for her to show me her current tits and I was right. The psychology is simple, she was offended that I offered her fake tits, implying that her tits now were inadequate and she went onto tell me how amazing she is and how every guy she’s ever been with think they are the hottest tits ever and that’s when I chime in with the “If they are so great, prove it” and she did. The unfortunate thing with my plan was that this bitch’s body looked like a sock full of jello and was dumpier than the shrapnel my wife left in the toilet, but I saw nipples never the less and that’s good enough for me.

Here are some pictures of Ice T with the retarded fake tits I can only assumed he financed for his ex-stripper wife, just because they are freakier than that time I dressed like a pedophile on halloween and handed out candy in the park out of a van I rented.

Posted in:Coco|Ice T|Tits

2008

06

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

It turns out that I not only suck at life but I also suck at the internet, but the good news is that these links don’t suck, just the asshole who compiled them for your unappreciative asses does. I am not going to lie, I have been drinking and I feel like the inappropriate aunt who never got married who brings up her abortions, first anal sex experience and how her ex husband like to be pissed at the dinner table everytime she visits, we all know she’s fucking awesome, we just don’t want to introduce our girlfriend’s to them, not that you have a girlfriend. Did I mention I am drunk? It happens.

Click the links…


Homeless Football
GO

Candy Spelling’s Vagina Must Be Shaped Like a Four Leaf Clover
GO

Stephanie Ly is Wearing Purple and I Love It
GO

Nick Hogan is Still Suffering, but Not Suffering as Much as the Kid Who is Going to Be in the Hospital for the Rest of His Life and His Family Who Has to Watch Him Go Through That.
Here is the Cry Baby’s Jail Cell
GO

Petra Nemcova Panty UP-skirt
GO

The 10 Hottest Female Celebrities Who Need a Boob Job
GO

Flex and the City – The Gray One
GO

Natalise’s Music Crap, Bit She is Bangable and That Is All That Matters
GO

Montreal Slags Make Mom and Dad Proud
GO

Insane Chick Fight in Some House That’s Almost as Dirty As Mine Is
GO

I Keep Re-Watching This And Trying to Source the Shitting Sound at the
End of the Clip
GO

Star Trek – The Next Fornication
GO

Teen Girl Make Out Tape
GO

Find Girls to Fuck the Easy Way
GO

Hot Brunette Plays With Herself
GO

Some Webcam Sex For Goodtimes…
GO

Fun At The Mall
GO

Some Jessica Alba Gallery I Though You Would Enjoy Since She’s Decided to Ruin Her Body and Vagina
GO

Karate Match Goes Wrong
GO

Kimmy and Molly Give You a Two For One
GO

Ines Cudna’s DDs Are Au Natural
GO

OVER 24(!) Minutes of Girl on Girl Fun. You’re Welcome, Perv
GO

A Massive Reka Ebergenyi Gallery
GO

Get Help Getting Laid
GO

Charlize Theron Looks Good While Talking About How Marriage Sucks
GO

The Real Dried Up Old Hags of Orange County
GO

Jesus Christ, I Really Hope This Skank Isn’t Pregnant
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Christina Aguilera Defends Going out and Slutting it up in Night Clubs and Getting Trashed While Her Mexican Nanny Watches Her Baby
GO

Mya Luanna is Asian and I Love Her
GO

Taking a Shit At Wal Mart – Caught on Tape
GO

Let’s Learn About Anal Bleaching Together
GO

Shark Feeding
GO

Jessica Alba See Through Top Throwback
GO

More Porn Than Your Greedy Ass Could Ever Ask For
GO

Remember the Office Dude Who Freaked the Fuck Out??
Well Here It Is Again, This Time With Bonus Cell Phone Footage
GO

Construction Worker Payback
GO

Introducing Iga
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Throwback
GO

Drunk Russians Scare the Shit Out Of Me Unless They Are Also Prostitutes, Naked, and Not Russian
GO

I May Be Wrong, But I Think Tiffany Mulheron is Scottish For “Hey Go Get ME a BEer and Then Come Bang Me.”
GO

Awesome Pulp Fiction Spoof
GO

I’ll Take the Whore Combo, Please
GO

Naked Slut You Get to Watch. Its Easy Like That.
GO

Uniform Zone Makes Me Wanna Do the Nasty
GO

Dyke Strippers Caught On Tape
GO

Do the Stripper Work Out
GO

Look Who’s Sleeping With Your Wife
GO

Swingtown Looks Pretty Fucking Good – Now All I Need is a TV
GO

Her Name is Erika Medina and She’s an Uncoachable Slut
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Chick Flashes Her Ass Playing Strip Poker
GO

Some Different Girls Playing Strip Poker
GO

Some Chick Posing Who Should Not Be Posing
GO

Some Dudes Collection
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

05

Jun

Penelope Cruz’s Ass Rockin’ Out in Shorts on Set of the Day

Penelope Cruz brought her nose onto the set of some movie where she walks around in shorts that show off her Spanish ass cheeks. It reminds me of a pair of shorts my wife used to wear around the house only no one would ever masturbate to that shit, they wouldn’t even have sex with it if I paid them and trust me I have tried because I am tired of having all the pressure of having to satisfy her because she is disgusting and I’d love to find a stand in cock to get her off my jock.

I have nothing to say about these pictures, but I am hungover and need fluids and food or I may die. Fuck you poverty for doing this to me.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

05

Jun

Brody Jenner’s Mom is in a Bikini of the Day

Brody Jenner has a mother and she’s got a fuckin’ tight body. I am not sure if it’s a side-effect of the valium popping and an addiction to cocaine like most classy chicks, but I like to think she’s just natural beauty with a rock solid face that cares about her health enough to schedule 4 hour workout sessions with her 20-something personal trainer who she’s fucking and by personal trainer, I mean plastic surgeon.

I kinda feel bad for Brody Jenner, because having a mom this solid is a fucking curse because your first masturbation fantasies take place with a pair of her dirty panties on your face and your recent memories of walking in on her in the shower and that’s gotta fuck with your head a bit, something I am sure you know a lot about since your mom’s tits are bother the first and last set of tits you’ve sucked.

BONUS – Some Pictures of his Girlfriend Cora Skinner in a Bikini, But Why Would You Want to See Her After You’ve Just Seen His Mom, That’s Like choosing cheese in a can to top your cracker instead of the caviar…..you ghetto fuck.

Posted in:Bikini|Brody Jenner|Cora Skinner|Mom

2008

05

Jun

Paris Hilton is Probably Pregnant of the Day

Paris Hilton seems to have be a little jealous of Nicole Richie because Paris Hilton is a catty little cunt who wants the spotlight on her. She’s gone onto date Nicole Richie’s baby daddy’s twin and now looks like she’s knocked up. I guess this is a miracle from God, not because you’d think all the abortions and STDs would leave her barren, but because it means that the Good Charlotte sister’s don’t actually have vaginas. I remember watching some kind of documentary as a kid about a kid born to a herpes ridden vagina and how it had the shit all over it’s head like some kind of monster and that makes me excited to see the baby pictures, provided she doesn’t get a third trimester abortion when the baby miscarries due to her drug habits, eating disorders and when it realizes who’s womb it’s inside and kills itself.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Pregnant

2008

05

Jun

Heidi Montag’s Sister’s Facebook Pictures of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

I don’t normally rip off people’s facebook profiles because I am lazy and figure it could lead to lifetime friendships with specific people that would be cut short if I burnt the bridge. I don’t have any interest is getting to know Holly Montag, her sister or anyone they know, so figured there’s no damage done.

This is Holly Montag, Heidi’s sister’s facebook profile and despite the pictures being pretty boring and standard, you can tell the kind of drunken college spring breaker this bitch is. She likes to have a good time and make out with her friends and be the life of the party but most importantly has the level of fame Heidi should have and that is that she is only known at her local bar and by her sorority sisters and the guys who fuck them.

So she is cut from the same cloth, born in the same barn, made from the same cum, grown in the same womb and raised by the same unstable mother as one of the most useless horse faced, attention craving whores on TV and this is hopefully a glimpse into Heidi’s future, because I’d rather she be wreckin’ shit back home in Colorado than annoying me daily in California.

Either way, I leave you some inspirational words of wisdom courtesy of Holly Montag and her drunken clubslut depth.

Favorite Quotes:

“Choice, not chance, determines one’s destiny.”

“So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key.”
-The Eagles, “Already Gone”

“I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.:
-Shirley MacLaine

“And our dreams are who we are.”
-Barbara Sher

“The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into maturity.”
-Thomas Henry Huxley

UPDATE – Holly Montag Emailed Me To Take Down the Pictures:

Email 1:

Hey Drunken Stepfather!

What you wrote was pretty hilarious, but would you mind taking my pictures down please? They are my private photos that only my friends are supposed to be able see, and I think you know better…

Thank you,

Holly Montag

Email 2 :

Hello Mr. Martinez–

Well I must say that I’m shocked to find it was one of my own facebook friends that would say such things about me and my fam! First of all, I went through my messages on facebook and did not see one from you…and i have yet to delete one, so I’m not sure what happened there. Second of all, do you have any idea how many people send me messages on a daily basis asking me questions about or bashing my sister? It would literally take my entire day to respond to everyone. I used to allow everyone as my friend and try to respond to each person, but I had to stop and remove a bunch of people a couple of months ago because it became too overwhelming AND you were one of the ONLY people I didn’t know and trust very well that I didn’t remove (I did yesterday though) because for some reason i remembered you being cool. I’m sorry to offend, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t quid pro quo with the extreme you took it to. However, because I thought it to be slightly clever I won’t take offense…as long as you acknowledge that you KNOW I’m not the person you made me out to be…in fact, maybe you should make a sight in my honor to rectify the damage that’s been done. haha no jk, but I hope we’re cool.

Thanks for taking my photos down!

Email 3:

that’s great, very entertaining. i dont care about the bullshit either but i get this kinda of crap all the time when it has nothing to do with me. i dont really give a shit, excpet those are my private pics and you still haven’t taken them down. you know that you do not have my permission to use them and have not licensed them (not sure if you’re familiar with these laws…). i’ve tried to be nice about it, but if you don’t have the pics down in 24 hrs (6/20,10:30am) you’ll be hearing from my attorneys (i have 3 on my staff, please just take them down). no hard feelings. thanks! holly montag

So I decided to do it because the last thing I need is a Montag ruining my fucking life.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Holly Montag

2008

05

Jun

Patricia Heaton’s Got a Pretty Shitty Cameltoe of the Day

Cameltoes are pretty much a given when you’re a mom and that’s just because you lose all control of your vagina and shit’s just loosely hanging making it next to impossible to keep your pants from making their way up in the crack. It’s like the thing’s got a mind of it’s own as each lip falls on either side of the pant seam and the only corrective measure one can take is duct tape.

Here’s Patricia Heaton’s vagina barely eating her pants, but it’s a taste of what’s to come because let’s face it, shit’s just not as tight enough to fight off tight pants anymore.

Posted in:Cameltoe|Patricia Heaton

2008

05

Jun

Jessica Alba’s Ripped Off Her Online Staring Contest of the Day

So someone sent in this video of Jessica Alba doing some kind of staring contest for some website that makes more money than me because I don’t think I’d every be able to afford Alba on webcam for the site, at least not for another 10 years when she slowly burns through her money and can’t land work because no one gives a fuck about her weathered mom body.

I guess that’s the double edged sword that comes with only having a career based on your looks and the fact that every dude wants to fuck you. Sure it’s great while you’re livin’ it and cashing in on something you had absolutely no control over since you were just fortunate enough to be born lookin’ a certain way, but the second you realize your worth is only in your looks and that beauty is fleeting and that you were just an “it” girl for a period of time and not a lifer, and you cut your window in half because you had to go out there and get knocked up, you’ll probably be willing to take any work you can get for reasonable discount prices.

Either way, she does this online staring contest, it’s at least a couple weeks old, but I am posting it just to let people know that the concept isn’t original. Some asian girl’s been staring at the camera on YouTube for a while now and each of her videos get about 2,000,000 views and this is just another example of the little guy getting ripped the fuck off and getting no compensation or recognition for it by the big evil corporate monster.

This is the Girl Alba is Ripping Off:

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Staring Contest