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Jessel Pena is the Instagram Of The Day

Heather Graham’s Old Flat Ass in a Bikini of the Day

Em Rata Gets Called Out for Being a Titty Whore of the Day

Brie Larson in the Great Outdoors of the Day

Sloppy Katy Perry is Rehearsing her Awkward Dances of the Day

2008

Apr

Pink Red Bikini Jog of the Day

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I got a Lesbian show at the strip club with my friend’s money this past weekend. The girls were fuckin’ bitches and money hungry because all these Americans came in with all their money for the UFC fight I didn’t go to and it turns out that American’s don’t have stripclubs quite like these stripclubs. The bitch wanted 40 dollars a song or a half hour for 400 dollars that ends with one of them squirting. I got into a debate about how squirting is a myth and whenever a girl actually squirts she’s really just pissing, so if I wanted to watch a girl piss, I’d just follow a homeless chick around. They told me that it wasn’t piss, and asked if the room smelled like piss, because she had just squirted all over the place and I told them that I didn’t know if it smelled like piss but it definitely smelled bad. They whispered something in French about how I was some kind of asshole who wasn’t going to pay them as much as the last guys tipped them, which was true because after they put on a staged dyke show, licked each others assholes and made me feel awkward because it was so bad and they wanted me to be so into it but I couldn’t perform, something I am used to, I ended it at one song because for another 40 dollars I could buy a couple more drinks that would give me more pleasure.

Lookin’ at Pink jogging in a bikini makes me wonder whether her lesbian sex is as bad as the stripper lesbian sex I saw, or whether she’s actually got a clit and by clit I mean dick big enough to penetrate her partner because without penetration, you’ve pretty much just got foreplay and there’s nothing exciting about that.

Posted in:Jog|Pink|Red Bikini

2008

Apr

Geri Spice Riding a Bike of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Geri Spice looking like a 7 year old on a bike ride with her dad and figured some of you would be into that. It sure beats hanging out outside the park and potentially getting arrested…doesn’t it? You sick fuck.

It’s Summer and all these French sluts are out trying to get healthy to balance out their cocaine snorting, hard drinking, chain smoking and bad eating that leaves their faces about 10 years older than they actually are. Some of them are out on their bikes getting the fucking way while wearing their spandex and sports bras, other girls are out jogging wearing their spandex and sports bras and that’s when I decided that working out in public should be banned for hot chicks. That shit is like watching a fuckin’ porno and I think less rapes would go down if they didn’t let hot chicks into gyms or out in public in spandex. Don’t get me wrong, I love the shit, but that’s all part of the problem. The state should issue treadmills to hot girls to work out at home, while leaving gyms for fat sluts no one wants to fuck because it would make the world a better place and maybe if the hot chicks in Spandex stop making an appearance, so will the fat dudes who think it’s cool to wear bike shorts will disappear too.

Posted in:Ass|Bike|Geri Halliwell

2008

Apr

Michelle Trachtenberg’s Jew Kiss of Death for Passover of the Day

Comments Off on Michelle Trachtenberg’s Jew Kiss of Death for Passover of the Day

Here are some pictures of Michelle Trachtenberg making out with some Gossip Girl motherfucker. I figured this would upset some of you Buffy fans who still masturbate to Buffy reruns and have her pictures printed up and put into a scrapbook you keep under your bed. It’s really just a numbers game since Buffy was designed for losers and so was the Internet and since I have a website and you are reading it, then you are a loser too, possibly one whole liked Buffy.

The good news is that it’s passover and Jews aren’t allowed to eat yeast so no one will be lickin’ your favorite pussy for the next week so you can be happy that this kiss doesn’t lead to her promised land, but at the same time, realize that she’s getting paid to make out with some dude, which to me is total prostitution. I wonder what Moses would have to say about this…..

Yes, I am capable of making really bad jokes.

Posted in:Jew|Kiss|Michelle Trachtenberg

2008

Apr

From the Forum of the Day

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My computer finally died on me, so I am borrowing a friend’s piece of shit. Things always go wrong, so I wasn’t getting my emails all weekend and I was planning on posting this FROM THE FORUM shit yesterday to give you hungover assholes with nothing better to do…something to do. I know that Sundays are the loneliest, most depressing day of the week and what way to make it more depressing than to rock a message board on the internet.

I decided to make a post because I like contributing….

What Would You Rather…..
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Here’s some other shit going on in the forum….

————music—————-

The Killers – Live at Glastonbury
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Jason and the Scorchers – Live
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The Police – Box Set
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James Brown – Live at the Apollo
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SCSI-9 — The Line of Nine
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Cut Copy – Future Remixes
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Interpol – Evil
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South Park – bigger Longer Uncut
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Brian Regan – I Walked on the Moon
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———-porn————–

Hott Asssss
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Random Sluts
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———–Software————-

Wallpapers
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More Premium Wallpapers
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ACDsee Pro for Photographers
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————-e-books————-

The Dream Drugstore – Chemically Atered States
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————-video———–

The Office – COmplete Series
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Posted in:Forum

2008

Apr

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Jennifer Aniston was out in a bikini this weekend and you probably were too, which is a little awkward since it belonged to your sister and you were wearing it while watching porn because it makes you feel pretty. I guess Jennifer Aniston’s sex life involves a lot of porn since she hasn’t fully recovered from losing Brad Pitt to Angelina. The truth is that Aniston looks pretty good but there’s just something about her that makes her have little to no sex appeal. I remember watching Friends in the 90s because it was the only place to find hard nipples on prime time TV, making her like the only girl in your class willing to fuck you amongst a group of other girls a false sense of being hot.

This post is as boring as these pictures but that’s just the way it is when you’re dealing with Jennifer Aniston. The only thing interesting about her is that this Greek ass likes getting fucked because that’s just the Greek way…..and your way cuz you’re gay…way to gay….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

Apr

Fergie Bikini Pictures of the Day

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I met a girl where I meet all the girls I know and that’s at the stripclub this weekend. Strippers always act like they are celebrities, or unattainable, or more important than they are and try their best to avoid having to talk to me and when they do they try to make me feel like I’m lucky to be talking to them, but the truth is that it’s one of the only places where 10 dollars puts that ego aside and leads to me grabbing their tits within about a minute of approaching them. The are just high volume shitty prostitutes that try to convince themselves that they are celebrities and I like to single out the one with the most attitude to use.

Either way, this weekend, the stripper was some fitness bitch who was more acrobatic than the other lazy sluts. She was bouncing off the walls, flipping herself in all ways possible and knew how to work the crowd because she spread her ass apart on stage like it was a cheap porno shoot. She had a hard face from years of smoking, drinking and drugs and her body was fuckin’ tight and she was doing it all to a Fergie song and I thought that I just witnessed some kind of ironic moment, but don’t know what the word ironic means so can’t be too sure….

Here’s Fergie in a bikini from this past weekend with her tight body and hard face….unfortunately she’s not spreading her ass like my Fergie was, but I guess this is as close as she gets….since she’s famous and doesn’t need to do it to pay her rent which is really too bad because Fergie was a drug addicted child star who burnt through all her money and could have either gone deeper into the gutter, but somehow managed to get out that makes us the real losers in this whole recovery shit…

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fergie|Tits

2008

Apr

Emma Watson’s 18 Year Old Sheer Panty Upskirt Pictures of the Day

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Emma Watson turned 18 this weekend and she wore sheer panties to celebrate being legal, because you know that before this weekend there was no way bitch was letting dudes explore her vagina. The fact that she’s got bush is a nice change of pace because I was under the impression that all teenage girls these days were so influenced by porn and Paris Hilton that they didn’t believe in bush, but did believe in brazilian bikini waxes. I guess this Emma Watson bitch is from England and they do things differently there.

I am posting this because I have a feeling half of my 5 readers think they are wizards and dress up in capes and meet up with their other wizard friends on the weekend to cast spells on each other and do other weird shit because girls don’t talk to them and since Harry Potter is probably your instruction booklet, I figured these come in handy when you cast a spell on your penis and turn it into a fire spitting dragon, at least that’s what you pretend it is when it’s cumming all over you because it makes masturbating more relevant to your cause.

Posted in:Bush|Emma Watson|Panties|Sheer

2008

Apr

Tila Tequila is a Video Star…Baby…of the Day

3 Comments »

I spent Saturday drinking all day, because that’s what I like to do everyday. I figure if I am not drunk by 5 pm, I’ve failed, since it’s the only thing I am good at, according to me, according to everyone else, I’m some kind of evil drunk who takes down everything in my path, but since I black out and never seem to get arrested I figure I’m no real threat, unless I haven’t been caught for shit I’ve done and don’t know I’ve done, which is really the whole point of drinking because last time I checked I drink to forget and not to remember.

Either way, I heard that superstar Tila Tequila was going to be at some chachi club that I can’t fucking stand and decided since I was drunk that it would be funny to try to get in wearing my jogging pants and mustard stained T-shirt. I got to the door and couldn’t get through the crown of Ed Hardy shirt, tight jean wearing immigrants so I called a friend who I knew would be at the event because he has a crush on Tila.

Either way, he ended up getting me on the guest list and let inside, but that didn’t stop the harassment, every chick in the place looked at me with disgust and cleared a 5 foot circle around me like this was some kind of dance off while everyone else in the club was crammed together. I approached the area they had sectioned off for Tila Tequila and her friends and got this video of her doin’ a little dance. It’s a far cry from a sex tape but there’s only so much I can pull off with a limp dick, no social skills, a bodyguard tying to keep me away from her and a mustard stained shirt. Enjoy.

TILA TEQUILA DOESN’T LIKE HUGS…

BONUS – Here are some Bikini Pictures from Some Photoshoot of Her Being All Active and Shit…

Posted in:stepTV|Tila Tequila|Tits|Video Star

2008

Apr

Miley Cyrus’ Personal Pictures of the Day

29 Comments »

I love how everyone calls me out for being a sick fuck for predicting that this bitch will grow up to be a slut. They think it’s so fucking twisted to think of a 15 year old being sexually active. I always tell them that it’s Oprah’s fault for getting the idea into my head when she had an episode on these 14 year old high school sex parties. In fact, Oprah is like my god and if that bitch can talk about 14 year olds licking assholes, I think I can too. It’s like she set the bar for me or some shit.

The point is that Miley Cyrus plays this whole girl of God innocent shit, that I know is a total lie and that whenever this bitch is at home alone with a guy watching teenage comedies, she’s the one who grabs his dick over his pants and begs for him to fuck her without a condom because she hasn’t got her period yet and can’t get pregnant…or she’s this wholesome Christian girl who bends the rules by putting cocks in her mouth and ass, keeping her vagina off limits but still finding ways to get off, like a recovering heroin addict who loves shooting up, so he’s taken to shooting coke instead of heroin because he doesn’t consider it really doing drugs because Heroin is that much more fun and cocaine is designer shit for rich girls. It’s like how you don’t think it’s gay to let your best friend give you a blowjob because he’s your buddy, you’re not putting a penis in your mouth and girls don’t really give you the time of day and you’re tired of jerking off.

The truth is when I see pictures like this, I know that I am right in thinking she’s a slut with too much money on her hand and that age doesn’t play any factor in that and I just realize that I was born in the wrong era, because when I was 15, girls weren’t even masturbating yet, they didn’t know what the fuck sex was and the occasional one who did was considered a slut and rightfully, because that bitch gave me Chlamydia.

Either way, here are the Hannah Montana, innocent teenage girl pictures, because according to the hate mail I get, she’s just a little girl with no sex drive, but according to the pictures, bitch looks like she’s ready for sex, loves male attention and she’s letting us know that in a few years, we’ll be seeing a lot more of her and that she’s yet another reason we should love Disney and their creepy producers for breeding these whores like a pimp at the bus station lookin’ for teenage runaways to work under him.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|Personal Pictures|Slut

2008

Apr

stepLINKS of the Day

2 Comments »

I keep getting emails about where I from and what I do. So I thought I’d start my memoirs here. My name is Jesus Martinez. I am from a border town in Mexico and my mom was a whore, but the good type who would fuck you bareback if you paid her a couple extra dollars and we never knew who my dad was because people liked paying the extra couple of dollars. I was fortunate enough to experience her work first hand before she died and I am drunk so here are my links. Goodnight.

Because I Want You to Form a Wet Spot on Your Crotch
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It’s Friday, Which Means You’re Spending the Weekend Alone, So I Thought I Would Give You These
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Rachel Nichols is Scarlett O’Hara from The New G.I.Joe Movie
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He Wants to Bang Abigail Clancy, and So Should You
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Hot Chicks, Rock and Booze
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Some Hot Chicks You Know on the Beach Being Hot
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Tie Bondage Knots, So If You Ever Bring a Girl Home, You Can Force Her Stay Forever
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Aubrey O’Day See Through Dress
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A Helping Hand, That Ins’t Your Own on Your Own Penis
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Hot Meat
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A Sexy Gallery to End The Week Off Right
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Miranda Kerr is All Over the Place These Fucking Days
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You Can’t Get a Real Girlfriend, But You Can Have One on the Internet!!
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Jessica Simpson Can’t Handle Her Booze, Why Am I Not Surprised
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A Bunch of Slut’s and US Magazine’s Hot Hollywood Party
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More Slut’s at the Hot Hollywood Party
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Find Girls To Fuck, Because You’re Real Doll Won’t Last Forever
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Rachel Bilson Lookin’ Good
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Trouble in Paradise So Soon?
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I can’t Decide If These Chicks Are Twins or Not, But Either Way They Are In a Bathtub Together Naked
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Cruz Beckham Flips the Paps The Bird. Way to Go Half Pint
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Bikini Contest
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Caught in the Act!
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Maria Gets Spunky
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Some Porn For The Weekend
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Hayden Panty-Airs in Her Bikini
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Gary Busey is Homeless and So Am I
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Tempting Fate
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Eve is Lookin’ Fine
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If This Happens, I Am Going to Blow My Brains Out
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Sex Sells, And Here’s Some Proof
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Kate’s Playground Painting
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Teri Marie Harrison
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Top 10 Topless Baywatch Slut Scenes…
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Dexter Gordon
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Some Toy Car Driving Into Pussy
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The Russian President is Splitting with His Wife for this Slut
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In an Absolut World All Penises Would be 8 Inches
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Some Webcam Girl Named Asian Bubble Doing Her Webcam Thing
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Carl Jr’s Promotes Burgers the Right Way
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Polygamist’s Have 1 Eyebrow
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And MORE Miranda Kerr, But This Time She is Naked
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Michelle Rodriguez is a Delicate Flower of a Man
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McDonald’s Newest Mascot?
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Sexy Kittens
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FROM PHOTOBUCKET

Some Girl in her Lingerie
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Some Tit
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Some Slut Showing Her Pussy on Cam
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Posted in:stepLINKS