Everyone posted these pictures of Hayden Panettiere in a pair of short shorts showing off her shitty thick body and I wasn’t allowed to because they belong to my good friends at Flynet who are emailing my host to shut me down for using their pictures. Just to let them know that I may not be allowed to post their shit, I can still get my point across and that point today is that Hayden’s pretty much nothing much to look at but here are some Hayden Panettiere’s Proving She’s Got a Vagina With Her Vagina Huggin’ Shorts to make up for my inability to post the new pics thanks to the big bad paparazzi machine that hates me.
Rachel Bilson obviously got a new role playing someone who has no sex appeal and proves that the whole blondes have more fun expression isn’t the case for everyone. She’s more like blondes who mistakenly got their hair dyed in hopes of having more fun, but shit backfired and now she’s stuck hiding out at home or wearing hats out in public because her hair dresser said if she dyes her hair again it will all fall out….
I had a little altercation with a fake blonde Jewish girl the other day. I feel like I wrote this story out yesterday about running into her on my daily coffee excursion but I can’t seem to find it anywhere, so maybe I didn’t. I’ll keep it short.
So I’m getting my coffee and these two Jewish twenty somethings are talking about how great their lives are. They are talking about their weddings and how amazing the honeymoon was, and pretty much being competitive in their boring married by 25 way. They started talking about how happy they were for following the suburban template where you marrying after university and have kids after working a few years and realize that it sucks and raise those kids the same way they were raised with vacations, private schools and summer camp.
I didn’t really pay attention, but about 5 minutes into their conversation I could tell that they were being cunts towards mutual highschool friends who to them weren’t up to par. Some were still in University after 5 years, some dropped out to go to trade school or work for family, others fell off track because of boyfriends, others who were into partying and living off their trust funds and would never amount to shit and that’s when I got annoyed. I hate people who think they are better than other people because they followed the traditional boring path in life and have no concept of having a little adventure or creating their own destiny. I also hate people who are boring and have boring conversations about how great they are because they followed the traditional path in life all while doing it loud enough for me and everyone to hear, like we weren’t even in their self absorbed world revolves around them coffee shop…
I decided to chime in and said something along the lines of “Shit, I didn’t realize that Jews had their own Mother Theresa and that she should really become a life coach because her life is so fuckin’ great, but be sure to not teach shit about lookin’ good in those courses because you look like something scraped out of the Holocaust oven that shouldn’t have been salvaged”. They didn’t laugh and tried to get my name for a hate crime, but I told her I am not anti-semetic, I just hate annoying cunts. That’s when I walked out flustered and realized that I may be a little too high strung or bitter that my life was more of a nightmare than a Fairytale like theirs was….that’s when I started to cry.
Either way, here’s Rachel Bilson lookin’ like shit.
I’ve never watched The Hills, but I fucking hate that shit more than I hate myself, in fact, I hate that shit even more than I hate my wife and that’s one thing I hate more than life itself.
The reason I hate it is because it’s crap. It’s some staged bullshit that’s meant to be “real” and all these fuckers are watching it to see what happens next in the lives of total fucking assholes, who don’t deserve to have a life, let alone have people watch and care about it. The worst thing about this scripted bullshit is that it’s popular. People obviously have miserable lives and turn to this to escape or to feel better about themselves but in doing this, they are contributing to the success of shitty shows, making the lives of the people involved in the show substantially better lives than they deserve, like a false sense of celebrity, money and relevance to the world. I can only assume that giving someone more self esteem and confidence than they should have is the same reason why you see fat chicks on the beach in bikinis or walking down the street in fucking spandex. It’s all because some asshole told her she was hot and it stuck.
These pictures are some bullshit day spend by bullshit couple Heidi Montag and Spencer because couples only climb up on each other’s shoulders for bullshit photo ops and not when just hanging out with each other because no matter how in love you are or how much you don’t care about the outside world because you’re fully absorbed, you still have enough pride to never put your girl up on your shoulders. Plus, we all know that when Heidi is alone with her boyfriends, they are the ones strapping the saddle on her back and riding her because anyone who gets with her has to have some kind of equestrian fetish . The only thing realistic about this whole stunt is when Spencer feeds Heidi Montag’s father a carrot as a token of gratitude for letting him fuck his daughter because his suit isn’t the only thing classy about him….
I am sure these pictures of Paris Hilton in a see through have done their rounds already since they are a couple days old and that you’ve probably already forgotten about them and moved on, a lot like Paris Hilton’s vagina in everyday life, but her vagina always manages to find willing penis, so I figured these pictures would too.
I like how Paris Hilton is wearing a shirt that says Paris Hilton to remind everyone who she is. She’s like branding her nipples so that everyone remembers what she’s packing since the sex tape sales dropped the last 5 years when we all realized that we don’t give a fuck and that there’s a lot better amateur porn out there, porn where the girl knows how to fuck. Either way, the Paris Hilton shirt reminds me of the time I smeared shit all over my body in the shape of a T- shirt so that it looked like I was trendy in an earth tone Polo to remind everyone that I smell like shit and that I’m fucking disgusting…..it worked but I think I got the flesh eating virus because of it….I guess those are the consequences of playing with fire….kinda like the sensation every man has felt after having unprotected sex (the only kind of sex) with Paris.
I feel like I am slow moving today because my computer is slower than my wife’s metabolism, but I figure I’ll catch up eventually. Stay Tuned.
Here are some pictures of Miranda Kerr posing with underwear and not without underwear and some Victoria’s Secret launch. It seems like once the people at Victoria’s Secret comb the world over to find hot young pussy, they put these girls to work, making them do catalog shoots, store appearances, fashion shows all in exchange for a lot of money to not get fat and lazy. Sure they milk these poor girls like crazy and only compensate them with a ton of money and a life of international fame and fortune instead of their miserable lives as a married housewife to the highschool quarterback who’s now a drunk trucker had they not signed with Victoria’s Secret, but you’d milk them too for a lot less money had you accidentally crossed paths with them in a back alley before they were using their looks to get famous, and back when they were using their looks to get a pack of smokes.
I guess what it comes down to is that I hate underwear and everything it represents, I feel like my wife’s extra large, old, stained and permanent stinking underwear has turned me off that shit forever. If only my wife could have the same affect on my drinking, that’s way I wouldn’t die prematurely, but instead her disgustingness turned me back to the bottle when I realized I had to pretend I was in love with her….enough about me…look at this Miranda Kerr prostitute…
Forums are for losers and that’s why I have one. There’s constantly tons of action going on there thanks to the one dude who created 100 handles and talks to himself while uploading tons of shit for you to listen to, watch, get off to, or whatever the fuck you want to do with it. I figure I might as well showcase his hard work and hopefully find him a friend so that he can stop talking to himself and can start talking to other losers who like Forums….because just because you are a loser, doesn’t mean you need to be alone, the world is full of other losers and fat chicks who can link up with online and pretend you actually have friends..
Here’s some of the shit going down on the stepFORUM
The View is porn to me, but that’s just because I can’t help but wonder whether Whoopi Goldberg’s big dick smells Elizabeth’s Republican Good Suburban girl pussy, or if Elizabeth’s Republican Good Suburban girl pussy smells like Whoopi Goldberg’s balls. It’s these mysteries of life that leave me fat on the couch confused about whether to put a shirt on to eat my can of spaghetti or not.
Today The View got a little more pornographic when Jenna Jameson showed up and ran her mouth off about how her new piece of shit movie about Zombie Strippers has anti-Bush political undertones, about how she stopped eating because she was stressed and got skin cancer from her tanning bed, a divorce, sold her company and other retarded bullshit that lead her to anorexia like a crystal meth addiction but lucky for us she’s on the road to recovery and will take over the mainstream….like she was Pamela Anderson or some shit…so watch out….
I don’t want to ruin it for you but the big highlight of the interview was when she opened up about being raised without a mother and by a dad who wasn’t ever around leading her to a life of porn, something we could have never guessed considering it’s the same fucking story of every fucking slut in the world. She’s just smart enough to market herself properly and make money while trying to fill the void from her daddy issue, while other sluts just end up with STDs and abusive relationships….So if sluts with daddy issues are reading this, you should take Jameson’s lead…..
Here are some Pics of Jenna at the Zombie Stripper Premiere Lookin’ Like She’s in Character and Ready to Take Over the Mainstream, Just As Soon as She Comes Back from the Dead and Looks Less Like a Bitch Who’s been Taken Loads on her Face for Decades and More Like a 15 Year Old Virgin…..
When I first heard this song I thought it was some lesbian soundtrack shit that woulda been great for a Women’s in Song compilation that your mom would keep in her minivan that you drive because you can’t afford your own car, but the more I heard the shit, the more I wanted to remind the girl who sings it why she chose to be a lesbian by giving her my useless penis and showing her the worst sex in her life then saying something like “Yep, that’s what all the hype about penis was all about” so that she could go back to her lesbian life knowing she made the right choice without always having it chiming in the back of her head when her girlfriend’s pussy smells or when her girlfriend’s on the rag or when her girlfriend starts nagging about why she never takes her out anymore or when her girlfriend gets mad about her always forgetting to put the toilet seat down because she pees standing up or when her girlfriend complains about how she’s always out with the boys and never calls or some shit and she feels like she’s had enough of being a dyke and wants to throw in the fuckin’ towel. I feel like I’m a good asset to lesbians who are sexually confused, like the best way for them to really believe that they never want to deal with penis again….
Either way, I am posting this video because Tyra looks like a fuckin’ asshole when she mouths the words and dances around as Leona Lewis performs and I thought it was funny and that’s pretty much all it takes for me to throw something up here, while it takes me a lot of alcohol to throw up in everyday life. Both equally depressing.
I am hooked on posting morning TV clips of the day, I think it’s because I don’t have a TV and I am jonesing, but it’s also because pictures bore the fuck out of me. At least with videos, I can watch what a mess people make of themselves while trying to sing or while doing interviews and that’s a lot less interesting than just imagining their it my head while looking at a picture because in my imagination it always leads to a hardcore porno scene, but watching it play out on video is usually a lot less work for my hungover brain.
It’s kinda like when you were forced to jerk off to pics that took 4 minutes to load on the computer back in 1996, when you first got your internet and where you’d be up all hours of the night talking to 18 year old SxxyGrrl69 from New Mexico while jerking off to porn pics you found on SublimeDirectory just sitting there waiting 5 minutes for the good part of the picture with a little pussy getting fucked so that you could set the scene as it took forever to load so you could drop your load to the elaborate story you imagined…then one day discovering you can watch the sex clips instead.
Either way, here’s Fergie singing like an angel this morning and she sounds like she’s been up all night on a coke binge while singing some kind of Disney Cinderella bullshit in some kind of sleep deprived, drug induced hallucination and it brought sunshine to this glorious day but not as much sunshine as Regis brought when he pretty much apologized for the horrible noise when they came back from commercial before Kelly told him it was a Fergie sng. That’s the kind of honesty that makes Live TV funny…because even Regis knows Fergie sucks.
Bonus – Here’s Her Interview That I Didn’t Watch Because If She’s Not Naked, I’m Not Listening..
I actually got hate mail for yesterday’s post on Aubrey O’Day being a D-List nothing who no one will give a fuck about when Making of the Band 4 comes out but that she’ll have a good career of being a useless whore now that guys everywhere want to fuck her.
I admit that I didn’t do much research on the band or Aubrey before making those claims, but that’s just because I have better things to do with my time, like take shits, or wait until I have to shit, or pretty much anything involving shit, because this band is shit and I have made it a point to not bother with shit that I know won’t be around in a few months, because I just can’t handle the loss once I am emotionally attached. It’s kinda the same reason I dumped my girlfriend who was diagnosed with breast cancer, even though we were madly in love and talking about marriage and starting a family back when I was bright eyed in my early 20s and working a decent job with a lot of room for career advancement despite being uneducated, this was before I got into this whole mess with the bitch I actually married. It turns out I made a mistake in walking out because my ex ended up living, landing an great job and lives the life of luxury and won’t give me the time of day, even though I found her on facebook, I guess people don’t like it when their partners walk out of them in times of terminal disease, but that doesn’t matter.
What does matter, is that this asshole goes off on me about how Danity Kane have a number 1 song, about how talented the group is and how they have staying power, so when video came in, I had no choice but to watch it and post it.
This is not talent, this is not good, it is some garbage produced with a handful of wishful thinking talentless whores who don’t deserve success but answered a casting call on a dream and just happened to be the best of the shit and that’s the equivalent of fucking the hottest retarded girl at the retard home, bitch is still handicapped just a little less handicap than the others.
The fact that this works is a testament of how the public is easily manipulated by TV but the truth is they were promoting on Kimmel, so I guess that doesn’t really count, since it’s not real TV. It’s more like the Danity Kane of late night TV. I’d still fuck Aubrey and the rest of them, but I also fucked my wife recently, so I guess that proves I’d fuck anything but in my wife’s defense, the sounds she makes when she shits sound better than Danity Kane…..I’ll stop now.
