I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

12

Mar

Bijou Phillips is Excited of the Day

I found both Bijou Phillips and her boyfriend Danny Masterson from That 70s Show fame on Facebook around the same time someone emailed me these pictures of them at some fashion week event where Bijou is going fuckin’ insane, because she’s just that lively of a person. I guess you have to make the most out of life when you have a terminal illness.

Reality is, I wasn’t going to write about this HIV lookin’ hipster bitch, but I figured why the fuck not. I like rich girls with nothing better to do than develop drug addictions and fake modeling and acting careers because they are skinny enough and because their daddy’s have friends in high places, but I wanted to take a different approach.

So I reached out to both of them and told them I wanted them to write th posts about themselves because I had no interest doing it anymore and I got no response. So I am only doing this post to declare the war is officially on. This post may not reflect my anger, but I am still drunk from last night, but trust me, Masterson and Phillips…it’s on.

Posted in:Bijou Phillips|Excited|Upskirt

2008

12

Mar

Pink in a Bikini on a Boat of the Day

Here are some pictures of Pink celebrating being recently single by going out on a cruise alone and taking pictures of herself alone and getting her little hired homie to take a couple for her, because that’s what you do when you don’t have a husband to take pictures of you or with you anymore. It’s kinda like watching a recent widow accidentally buy two coffees at the coffee shop by force of habit…You do the same things you always did only you do them alone, like a self sufficient, empowered woman, who needs men kind of thing, even though Pink is kinda cheating the whole feminist movement by having a penis.

The good thing about Pink is that she can be your thinspiration. I went to the strip club with him last night and this anabolic fitness bodybuilder chick got up on stage. I am immediately disgusted by her 3 inch long clit that is bigger than your limp dick, but my friend tells me that she’s the reason he comes here 3 times a week because she has the body he’s been trying to get at the gym, so he takes her into the lap dance booth and she gives him work out tips.

I asked him if he’s going to get the implants by summer too, because grabbing her broad shoulders and chiseled biceps is pretty homo and getting implants would be the logical next step. He didn’t laugh, but between you and me, I hope he does because I’ll get to touch them whenever I want for free and even though touching my male friend’s fake tits seems gay, it’s way more fun than giving each other high fives or bro-hugs.

Either way, she’s in a bikini and some of you may dig that. It doesn’t make you gay, it just makes you weird.

Posted in:Bikini|Pink|Tits

2008

12

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

I got this email:

Dear Jesus Martinez,

You’re a dick.

Lots of love,

Your mom

This is what I wrote back:

Mom?!

Is that really you? Daddy told me you went on vacation and but you never came home? Part of the reason I started this site was in hopes that one day it would reach you. Not having you in my life all these years really created a void that I filled with self destructive behavior. I am so glad you wrote me…now we can start the recovery process.

So, where have you been all my life. Let’s meet up so you can give me all those outstanding birthday and christmas gifts. I will accept a lump sum payment if it’s easier.

Send Nudes, since I feel like I don’t know you, I think it’s ok to get off to you, even if we’re related.

Love

Your son, Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are my links:

Leelee Sobieski Has a Weird Fucking Fetish
GO

Become a Sexplorer:
GO

Some Dude Jumps Out of a Plane With No Parachute Insanity
GO

Here Are Sexiest Idols
GO

Her Name is Alba Parietti and this is her Nipple
GO

Britney Spears is a Cartoon in her New Video Which Makes Her Easier to Jerk Off To
GO

This Site Has A Lot of Sluts Posing in Lingerie
GO

Fuck With These Whores….
GO

Fake Tits at the Club
GO

An American Idol is Shopping Around Her Nude Pics Unfortunately
GO

Some Dude Gives Himself Liposuction
GO

Lohan Training Her Sister to be a Slut
GO

News Anchor Vs. Reporter Video
GO

Her Name is Catalina White…She’s a Roller Girl…This is Her Photoshoot
GO

This is Mischa Barton’s New Boyfriend
GO

Madonna Admits to Doing E
GO

Juliette Lewis is Dressed Like a Clown….I Guess She’s Been Hanging With Panettiere
GO

Mia Rocks Shows Off her Crazy TIts
GO

The New York Governor’s Alleged Whores
GO

Jenna Jameson for PETA Video
GO

Her Name is Mindy Vega and this is Her Showing Off her Body
GO

Funny Video of a Girl Waxing Off Her Cooch
GO

Pregnant Slut About to Explode of the Day
GO

2 Girls One Cup Meet Something Way More Vile….
GO

A Film Crew Gets Arrested for Trying to Kill Kate Hudson for Trying To Kill Owen Wilson by Breaking His Heart….
GO

Some Pictures of Some Dude’s Bachelor Party
GO

Jessica Simpson Live From Kuwait on the Today Show
GO

Morgan Fairchild’s Old Cleavage
GO

Miss Phillipines Girl Stumbles While Answering a Question
GO

100 Pictures of Hot Chicks Washing Cars
GO

Watch This Clip of Jamaican Dudes Talking About How They Hustle White Tourists
GO

Some Red Pepper Kinkiness
GO

Some Hot Chick Farting Video
GO

Who is the Pornstar in these Ads….I guess Both Are…
GO

Dave Navarro is Pushing Seasons Like an Asshole
GO

Weird Alien Rape Video
GO

I Beat Anorexia
GO

How To Get Tested for STDs
GO

How To Prevent STDs
GO

Letterman Asks Paula Abdul If She’s Drunk
GO

Tila Tequila’s 3 step sisters Try to Share the Spotlight by Being Sluts in this Video
GO

Janet Jackson Has Been Hospitalized
GO

Some Britney Skye Porn Star Pictures
GO

Some Girl Showing Off Her Tits at a Fast Food Restaurant
GO

Hilary Clinton Farts
GO

Jessica Simpson Rockin’ Out in Iraq
GO

Hot Chick Exercising
GO

Jenna Jameson Poses With Jenna Jameson
GO

Orange Coast College Cheerleaders are Sluts and I Like Them
GO

Slaw Wrestling Pictures and Videos Make me Hungry
GO

How to Tell If She is a Hooker or a Cop Video
GO

Some Crazy Retard Sex – NSFW – But Funny as Fuck…
GO

FROM PHOTOBUCKET:

Some of the More Hardcore Shit Found on Photobucket – Some Lesbianism, Some Flexible Mastubration, Some Sex…
GO

Some Fat Blowjob and Sex
GO

FROM THE FORUM

Pre-Release Portishead – Third
GO

Frou Frou – Details
GO

Lenny Kravitz – Time for a Revolution
GO

Zero 7 – Simple Things
GO

Hard-Fi – I Shall Overcome
GO

Soundgarden – A-Sides (Best of)
GO

Sparklehorse – Wonderfull Life
GO

Ghetto Fights DVD
GO

The Clientele – Strange Geometry
GO

The Blow – Paper TV
GO

Fight Club EBOOK
GO

Myspace is EVIL!
GO

Shay Laren
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Use this to Find Girls to FUck – Because Girls Make Sex More Fun
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

11

Mar

Kate Moss’ Nipples in a Photoshoot of the Day

Kate Moss did a topless photoshoot for some magazine and I figured I’d post them because I am a fan of Kate Moss. She lives a good life, she does drugs, she parties, she has a lot of money, she’s not a very involved parent, which is nice because who wants a bitch who is spending all her days hanging with her kid, when you’d rather be partying and doing drugs globetrotting…and she likes getting naked.

I remember the last mother I dated, I ended up marrying and everything became about her fucking kids. All the money she brought in went to buying them clothes and that only worked out in my favor when their purchases were bikinis or new panties and it involved modeling them for my opinion. They were practically 18, I’m not a fuckin’ pedophile. Asshole.

Posted in:Kate Moss|Nipples|Photoshoot

2008

11

Mar

Amy Winehouse’s Ass Crack of the Day

I am guilty of liking skinny chicks and appreciate any means a girl takes to get herself skinny. I am talking eating disorders, drug addiction, laxatives, extreme cardio, terminal illness, pretty much anything the world offers them to maintain their skinny bodies, because it takes some commitment, determination and it’s a lot better seeing a girl frail from starving herself, than watching a girl sit on her fat ass eating donuts. Maybe I’m crazy.

Unfortunately, Amy Winehouse just doesn’t do it for me. Lookin’ at her ass crack on a non-existant ass kinda makes me sick to my stomach and I don’t know why. I should be all over this, but I assume that she takes the nastiest cocaine fueled shits and doesn’t wipe properly because she’s too busy trying to get her next fix…but major drug addiction and bad hygiene hasn’t stopped me in the past, maybe I’m just an anti-semite and can’t stomach her buggy eyes on her droopy Jew-Face…..but the good news is that girl can sign.

I guess the real question is where was she when spirits needed to be lifted in the concentration camps in Nazi Germany? Just because she looks like she’s an emaciated Anne Franck relivin’ it doesn’t mean she’ was there for her people. Bitch.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Ass|Crack

2008

11

Mar

Liv Tyler in a Bikini When She Shouldn’t Be of the Day

Here’s something you’ve all been waiting for, Liv Tyler showing off her post pregnancy body in a bikini on the beach. She’s the pasty kind of slut you like cumming on because shit turns invisible against her white skin and that makes you feel like some kind of super hero, something you’ve wanted since you were a virgin with a huge comic book collection and an affinity for wearing tights in front of the mirror, because it gave you a boner.
I guess the closest you’ll get to fuckin’ her is jerking off to the high quality print outs on that expensive printer you bought for occasions like this. You’ve had a thing for Aerosmith, since getting down to “Dude Looks Like a Lady” because you used to lay in bed imagining it was written about you while squeezing your nipples, and wondering if you’d ever meet someone as sexy as Steven Tyler, but since that makes you gay, you’ll settle for the bi-product of an Aerosmith one night stand….
Either way, her sister is a plus sized model, I guess it’s genetic and I look forward to her future rolls in movies playing the Wal Mart cashier or maybe if she’s lucky, Roseanne in her biopic…it could be the role of a lifetime….

Posted in:Bikini|Liv Tyler|Plus Sized

2008

11

Mar

Patricia Heaton Puts on a Shirt of the Day

The good news of the day is that Patricia Heaton decided to put on a shirt at the beach like a fat teenage girl on summer vacation. After seeing her over-tucked tummy tuck that amputated her belly button, I think it was a good beach fashion choice, not that I know anything about fashion. She also decided to put on a pair of better fitting bikini bottoms that offer a little more support to her saggy vagina and I am all for girls strapping up when shit is clearly needed.

Kinda like the time this girl was acting up in my apartment, so I strapped her to my bed….it made having sex with her a hell of a lot easier because it took very little convincing and the sock I stuffed down her throat made her cries for me to stop sound a lot more like whimpers of pleasure, like she was actually enjoying it. I figure if I don’t hear “No” or “Stop” clearly, then it’s all fair game….or maybe like the time my wife put on some kind of corset and pantyhose to make her look skinny, when what she really needed to look skinny was a year membership at the gym and a serious diet.

Either way, here’s Patricia Heaton in action….

Posted in:Bikini|Nipples|Patricia Heaton|Shirt

2008

11

Mar

Ray J Tells Tyra About His Kim Kardashian Sex Tape of the Day

Ray J says that the whole reason he did the sex tape was because he was bored, something I’d expect when you’re stuck hanging with Kim Kardashian because big tits and a big ass is gets boring once you’ve already seen them a couple dozen times and she’s got about enough substance to entertain a 3 year old for about 2 minutes before it starts begging for the Teletubbies because her tubby ass isn’t even good enough for them.

So Ray J says that he watched the video to improve his sexual performance and Tyra asks about his big dick because her pussy is fuckin’ hungry for some cock and this video is about as interesting as spending a night with Kim Kardashian. So watch it.

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Ray J|Sex Tape

2008

11

Mar

Serena Williams in a Short Dress from HP of the Day

Serena Williams seems to be confusing being good at tennis with being good lookin’ enough to wear a miniskirt, I guess that’s the problem with being a champion, you’re ego and self esteem just go through the roof and you feel like nothing can stop you, at least I am assuming that’s the case, because I have never won anything and self-esteem has never really been my thing, I’ve preferred self medicating.

I can only assume that HP doesn’t want to sell many of these Notebook computers, instead they want to scare the public so that everytime the commercial starring Serena comes up we turn the shit off, change the channel, or start masturbating, since some of you are into that shit, forcing us to remember the product as visions of Serena appear everywhere we go, haunting out sleep, in magazines and on billboards until we buy the fuckin’ computer to shut the bitch up.

I guess what it comes down to, is that if I really wanted to see a big black guys in a short skirt, I’d just make my way over to my drag queen neighbor’s house. He always smells like freshly baked cookies and expensive perfume. I may not be into cross dressers, but they really do take pride in dressing up, like some kind of passion and you can’t turn a blind eye to passion, because it’s hard to ignore when there’s a dick in your ass.

I don’t know what I am talking about.

Posted in:HP|Serena WIllians|Short Dress

2008

11

Mar

Mischa Barton’s Sloppy Tit Shopping of the Day

Here are some pictures of criminal Mischa Barton out shopping with her dog. I guess the irony in this picture is that Mischa is the fucking dog and the dog is actually cute. Not that I know what irony is, but I assume it’s that.

She’s a sloppy mess who was at her hottest while playing a dead puking girl in the Sixth Sense that Haley Joel Osmond jerked off on and ever since then it’s all gone down hill for her, but I know some of you freaks like that smell, so here’s her tit busting out of her top.

This post may be shitty, but so am I. I don’t understand how fucking virginal the internet is for getting excited about seeing a bitch’s tit from the side. They’ve even go as far to call it Sideboob, like the fuckin’ thing’s got a name, and if that doesn’t scream, I’ve never felt tits in my life, I guess it screams I’ve also never watched porn, because I am so fucking desensitized from porn, that the only thing that turns me on is watching the fuckin’ news, or maybe sometimes when I see a dudes get shit on by a juggling midget, but that’s only because I want to hate fuck Hayden Panettiere.

Maybe I am weird, but I am also hungover, I just woke up and the last thing I want to be doing is writing about some useless bitch’s tits. So fuck yourself. I love you. I am bi-polar like that.

Posted in:Mischa Barton|Tit