I have a thing for Sophie Monk. She’s a tall blonde chick with a hot body and interesting lookin’ face and I am convinced she’s one of the hottest things out there. The only drawback is that she’s dating a gay dude, and as much as I turn to the gays to serve me coffee at Starbucks, or randomly give me uninvited advice about how I should dress when on the street, I get kinda thrown off when I find out they’re fucking girls I want to fuck.

Gay is trendy and every girl wants a gay, it’s like a fashion accessory every girl needs to have. What they don’t realize is that gay is a con being pulled on them because this whole gay thing gets pussy. First, by winning a girl’s trust so that they get naked or half naked in front of dude. Then by opening up and getting the girls to tell them about how they like to fuck and about their ex-bf’s cocks and all this shit that straight dudes are privileged enough to hook up, because they think straight dudes are predators and don’t realize that gays are too, they are just more smooth about things, until one night when they’ve both had too much to drink and feel experimental and the girl jumps on that gay dick as fast as she can, because she feels that she had the power to convert a motherfucker and that makes her feel good about herself.

Either way, I would still eat her shit, like we were in 2 Girls 1 Cup, even if shit tasted like Joel Madden’s cum, because he only slams her in the ass, it’s less “hetero” that way and lets him reflect on the years he shared a room with his brother when they were young, horny and experimental, while crying about how things will never be the same again….

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I was at the pharmacy buying my wife some maxipads because she can’t use tampons, they don’t touch the walls of her massive vagina, but you don’t care about that, so I started talking to some 20 year old girl in a mini skirt in the cosmetic section and I asked her to sit on my lap and tell me what she wanted for Christmas….she turned around and called me a pervert so I told her that I’m not the pervert – Santa is and if she hates Santa then she’s not welcome on my lap, because everyone loves him even the Jews.

Speaking of Jews, here are my links:

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My day is pretty incomplete if I don’t get to post on Hayden Panettiere. I find myself lookin’ at anything boxy from TVs to Buses to Heavy Machinery to men walking out of the gym and the only thing I think about is Hayden. Here are pictures of her leaving the gym in a pair of shorts, showing off her hot model legs, and by model legs, I mean short and ripped and modeling for midget fetish sites, leading me to believe that the last place this bitch should be walking out of is a fuckin’ gym, because although strong legs are good for bouncing on fat lazy man dick, they aren’t too nice to look at and since you’ll never fuck her, lookin’ at her legs is as close as you’ll probably get.

This post is fuckin’ amateur, but I can’t always be on. I am not a dancing monkey who performs on command, but I’d totally fuck a dancing monkey, but only if I dressed it up in a blonde wig and call it Hayden.

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Here are some more of the Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures that show her snacking. Now I know she made some statement about how girls should love their bodies and shit, but what kind of lesson is she teaching today’s youth who are already battling with obesity, when she sits on the beach like a lazy pig and stuffs her fuckin’ face. I guess the only good thing about these pictures is that she’s covering her fat gut because it shows that she knows she’s got a belly and she’s insecure about that shit, but also because it saves us all from having to look at the shit.

I feel bad for Jennifer Love Hewitt’s love. I don’t think dude knew what he signed up for and is already in too deep. It’s like when you marry the prom queen and after a couple of years and realization that her life is fucking shit and all she does is sit at home watching Soap Operas and emotionally eating, she packs on 50 lbs and isn’t the vagina you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. Only in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s love case, the shit has already hit the fan and he’s not even locked in, once the security of marriage hits, bitch is going to explode….and he’ll be stuck jerking off to old photoshoots of her from her prime, the girl he thought he was going to end up with and at the rate things are going….so will you.

Bonus – Some Jennifer Love Hewitt and Her Boyfriend Walking Together….She’s So In Love…He’s Planning an Escape…First Marry the Desperate Fat Chick Without a Prenup, Knock Her Up then Leave Her For The Younger Hotter Mistress and Get Half of her Party of 8 Money…..The Parrott is Just Thrown in There to Help Make His Story of Love for Jennifer Love More Believable….

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