2007
08
Aug
I know it’s wrong to make fun of fat people, but the only people who say that are fat people, and skinny people who make fun of fat people behind their backs. My favorite fat people are the ones who know they are fat and don’t give a fuck.
hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez
2007
08
Aug
Julien and I share alot of sex stories and he got a little pissed at me the other night when I told him about one of my recent adventures, and decided to write about it today.
I was talking to a Marie-Eve about this guy that she slept with the other night. He was going down on her forever and he wasn’t even close to getting her off. She said that he was actually pretty bad at giving head but he kept trying and trying. I asked her why she let it go on so long and she goes “Well, he was really hot.”
Now I’m far from being the cunnilingus expert. I mean I’m COMPLETELY on the other side of the fucking coin. I wouldn’t go down there unless I was fucked up on a cocktail of GHB, ecstasy and A LOT of alcohol.
And if she also had the body of man.
And a dick.
And didn’t have a vagina.
The point is though I don’t care how fucking hot you are, if you suck at something really important (like giving head) I’m going to fire your ass. If you suck, you are pretty much dead to me. This isn’t exclusive to head of course. Take Megan Fox. She’s all hot and shit and has a nice rack but she is awful. I mean she was the worst thing about that Transformers movie (the second worst thing was when I realized that there was NOT going to be a sex scene between Optimus Prime and Shia Laboeuf.) She is currently filming a new movie but I think she should save us a little pain and fucking quit now.
I bet she gives good head though.
Smooch!
Julien
2007
08
Aug
So you may have read in the stepLINKS yesterday that I am trying to figure out a way to ruin my friend’s wedding this Saturday, mostly because I know he doesn’t want to marry this bitch and is to chicken shit to say so. Some people emailed me in suggestions and I thought this one was quite clever, though I would have to practice peeing standing up, which when you are a girl, requires upper leg strength and excellent aim. Thats alot to master by Saturday
Bill S Writes:
You want to ruin it….. well then you should fuck the groom at the location of the wedding and then strip naked at the reception, on a table, preferably the one with the wedding cake on it and piss on the cake! 🙂 that should ruin the event
Here’s Jaime Pressly in a white dress that you can pretend is a wedding dress, since you are a virgin and will never get married anyways. Now print these out quick and go carry her over the threshold into your room to “celebrate your union” before your Mom comes up the stairs and asks you to drive her to afternoon Bingo.
Don’t forget the tissue, you don’t want to ruin that nice dress of hers.
hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez
I am – Jaime Pressly the Birthday Whore of the Day
GO
I am – Marisa Tomei Topless in a New Movie of the Day
GO
I am – Lohan’s Pot Belly Takes a Walk of the Day
GO
Posted in:Jaime Pressly|Unsorted
2007
08
Aug
All the trains were broken today (like your penis) and the buses were crowded as fuck. I shoved a nun to make room, reason #956 why I am going to Hell, but hell is probably full of some real fun assholes so I don’t care. What was really not fun was my night. I wore the world’s best short, boob dress with some pink bra exposed (tribute to Britney) which matched my hooker hot-pink heels. I showed up at my friend’s party and it was all skinny 22 year-old accountants with acne. I got wasted because there was nothing else left to do.
I tried to salvage the night by going to some bar this bartender i met in Chicago last November said he would be working at in January when he moved to the city, and told me i should pay him a visit. This bartender was fucking ripped and I wish I had remembered sooner because now it’s July, and surprise, he doesn’t work there anymore. To make things worse, everyone in the place fell out of Anne Taylor and J Crew catalogues and were all paired off like good little spoonfed WASPs. So I just sat there in my party slut gear, nursing a gin and tonic. The only guys that weren’t saddled with brides-in-waiting were really into the game, and I know nothing about sports, and sauntering up to them in my whore getup was just too much of a hooker flashback for me. Plus they were wearing chinos and loafers and I hate assholes in loafers. I finished my drink and went home, and got cat-called at by around 6 mexicans so I know I definitely looked like a hooker. I should have just gone to some bar in the East Village where I would have fit in better and gotten laid.
Here is Katharine McPhee flashing you her underwear on the set of some movie that is probably gonna be as good as that American Idol movie “From Justin to Kelly.” She is annoying and WASPy like all those cunts last night.
Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE
I am – Katherine McPhee’s Tits of the Day
GO
I am – Katherine McPhee’s Cleavage of the Day
GO
Posted in:Katherine McPhee|Underwear|Unsorted|Upskirt
2007
08
Aug
All the trains were broken today (like your penis) and the buses were crowded as fuck. I shoved a nun to make room, reason #956 why I am going to Hell, but hell is probably full of some real fun assholes so I don’t care. What was really not fun was my night. I wore the world’s best short, boob dress with some pink bra exposed (tribute to Britney) which matched my hooker hot-pink heels. I showed up at my friend’s party and it was all skinny 22 year-old accountants with acne. I got wasted because there was nothing else left to do.
I tried to salvage the night by going to some bar this bartender i met in Chicago last November said he would be working at in January when he moved to the city, and told me i should pay him a visit. This bartender was fucking ripped and I wish I had remembered sooner because now it’s July, and surprise, he doesn’t work there anymore. To make things worse, everyone in the place fell out of Anne Taylor and J Crew catalogues and were all paired off like good little spoonfed WASPs. So I just sat there in my party slut gear, nursing a gin and tonic. The only guys that weren’t saddled with brides-in-waiting were really into the game, and I know nothing about sports, and sauntering up to them in my whore getup was just too much of a hooker flashback for me. Plus they were wearing chinos and loafers and I hate assholes in loafers. I finished my drink and went home, and got cat-called at by around 6 mexicans so I know I definitely looked like a hooker. I should have just gone to some bar in the East Village where I would have fit in better and gotten laid.
Here is Katharine McPhee flashing you her underwear on the set of some movie that is probably gonna be as good as that American Idol movie “From Justin to Kelly.” She is annoying and WASPy like all those cunts last night.
Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE
I am – Katherine McPhee’s Tits of the Day
GO
I am – Katherine McPhee’s Cleavage of the Day
GO
Posted in:Katherine McPhee|Underwear|Unsorted|Upskirt
2007
08
Aug
I try not to report on to much actual news, even if it is celebrity related, only cause we aren’t a new site, and I’m not a reporter. But in a nut shell, there was this article in ELLE magazine where Lohan was talking about how she was actually so good, and how everyone just waits for her to screw up and how she wouldn’t drive drunk and violate her probation. This all being BEFORE her SECOND stint in rehab, she is now on her third after her recent arrest for drunk driving AGAIN. Fucking funny. She also talks about her new movie and how its “REALLY SCARY!!”.
LIKE OMG!!!
Anyways, this is video taken from the interview, so you can listen to her kiss Karl Lagerfelds ass and talk about her “style”, even tho she has a stylist and doesn’t choose anything she wears herself, except maybe the ring of cocaine around her right nostril, or the left one when she starts to get sores in the right.
hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez
I am – Lohan Arrested AGAIN of the Day
GO
I am – Lohan in a Bikini and Picking Wedgie of the Day
GO
I am – The Original Lohan Stalker of the Day
GO
Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted
2007
08
Aug
I had to transfer to another school halfway through my sophomore year cause we moved and they wouldn’t let me go to the same school. I don’t make new friends too well, so school basically became a day to day schedule me being picked on and getting my ass kicked, cause I wasn’t a loser-jock-girl-fuck who wore Sweatsuits to school everyday with the word JUICY blazing across my ass. There was this one asshole named Juan who fucked with me everyday and was basically the dude who lead everybody else in fucking with me and the other kids, and who everyone in the school hated him but never said shit to him about it.
Before the end of the year he was drunk and crashed his car, genius that he was, and fucking died. Low and behold, all the sudden everyone was so sorry he was gone, and there was yearbook dedications and days off of school etc. What pissed me off most was how all those fucks that said they hated him the day before were suddenly so sad he was gone.
Not me, I didn’t give a shitand told everyone so and even got in trouble because of it. But that asshole had it coming, and karma is a bitch. They gave us all the day off on his funeral. I went out and got drunk with my friends from my old school in the park and lit firecrackers while I screamed with excitement. I knew that asshole was the cause of my problems, and sure enough, I had no problems at school after that and finished the school year in peace. Ding, Dong, the witch was dead.
I always liked Christina Aguilera, not just because shes an amazing fucking talent (her music kinda sucks, granted, but fuck can she can sing) but because I once read that everyone hated her in highschool and she used to get the shit kicked out of her all the time. It gives me hope that my piece of shit life will one day turn around and I will be rich, famous and throwing eggs at the people I hate while I hang out the roof from my Limo with a bottle of vodka.
Okay maybe not the Limo, cause limos are for losers but you get the idea.
hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez
Related Posts
I am – Christina Aguilera at a Press Conference in China With Her Big Ol’ Tits of the Day
GO
I am – Christina Aguilera in Montreal of the Day
GO
I am – Christina Aguilera’s Tour Bus of the Day
GO
Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Unsorted
2007
08
Aug
I had to transfer to another school halfway through my sophomore year cause we moved and they wouldn’t let me go to the same school. I don’t make new friends too well, so school basically became a day to day schedule me being picked on and getting my ass kicked, cause I wasn’t a loser-jock-girl-fuck who wore Sweatsuits to school everyday with the word JUICY blazing across my ass. There was this one asshole named Juan who fucked with me everyday and was basically the dude who lead everybody else in fucking with me and the other kids, and who everyone in the school hated him but never said shit to him about it.
Before the end of the year he was drunk and crashed his car, genius that he was, and fucking died. Low and behold, all the sudden everyone was so sorry he was gone, and there was yearbook dedications and days off of school etc. What pissed me off most was how all those fucks that said they hated him the day before were suddenly so sad he was gone.
Not me, I didn’t give a shitand told everyone so and even got in trouble because of it. But that asshole had it coming, and karma is a bitch. They gave us all the day off on his funeral. I went out and got drunk with my friends from my old school in the park and lit firecrackers while I screamed with excitement. I knew that asshole was the cause of my problems, and sure enough, I had no problems at school after that and finished the school year in peace. Ding, Dong, the witch was dead.
I always liked Christina Aguilera, not just because shes an amazing fucking talent (her music kinda sucks, granted, but fuck can she can sing) but because I once read that everyone hated her in highschool and she used to get the shit kicked out of her all the time. It gives me hope that my piece of shit life will one day turn around and I will be rich, famous and throwing eggs at the people I hate while I hang out the roof from my Limo with a bottle of vodka.
Okay maybe not the Limo, cause limos are for losers but you get the idea.
hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez
Related Posts
I am – Christina Aguilera at a Press Conference in China With Her Big Ol’ Tits of the Day
GO
I am – Christina Aguilera in Montreal of the Day
GO
I am – Christina Aguilera’s Tour Bus of the Day
GO
Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Unsorted
2007
08
Aug
I lost my virginity before I became a hooker. I was 15 and it was to a local college kid that made my piss-poor fake ID, let’s call him “Jared.” I met him through my cousin who enjoyed romancing teenage girls with weed and then fucking them in the back of his jacked pickup. Jared and I started off as friends. He showed me the ropes, escorting me to seedy bars around town that didn’t care as long as you showed them something plastic with your picture on it. Looking back, Jared was a douche, but he knew how to play 15 year olds. I wanted him to like me, so I talked it up all tough, saying I had lost my virginity at 13 in the locker-room to my male PE coach, and I had blown my substitute teacher and nailed him in his Ford Torus.
After about three “dates,” Jared took me back to his dorm, which he shared with either a corpse or a comatose stoner. I was nervous as shit. I was pretty sure i popped my cherry when I jumped off a 30 foot cliff into a swimin’ hole and landed on my ass/vagina, so I was hoping it wouldn’t reveal my lies. We listened to some Gin Blossoms and Dave Matthews (yeah, well it was 1996). We started doing tequila shots: first off the arms, neck. He takes off my shirt, I take off his shirt. I unbutton his pants while he undoes mine. Shots off the abs, inner thigh. He removes my bra, does one off my nipple. Pretty soon were naked and he is flicking something in my wadge that makes my leg shake like when you scratch a dog on the stomach (I would have known it was my clit if I had stayed awake in sex ed).
Jared rammed me sideways, doggy, and with both legs behind my head (I am freakishly flexible). When it was over, I was so drunk I confessed I was a virgin. We smoked some weed, then he handed me my clothes, and I never heard from him again. And at 15, I realized that was just fine, because i liked sex, and there were plenty of other penises in the sea. And that is how the slut in sweet Nelly eventually gave rise to the ex-Hooker and party-whore that is Sugar Nell.
Here is Jenna Malone in a Bikini in Australia shooting “The Ruins.” She was in “Confessions of an American Girl” where she played some douche’s secret dork slut, and he knocked her up, and then she tried to off herself with a plastic knife in the bathroom of her dad’s prison on visitor’s day. The fetus aborted itself an hour later anyway. The douche reminded me of Jared. It was a great movie. Laura Ramsey was in “The Covenant,” which was so fucking stupid. Now wack off under the desk of your cubicle.
Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE
I am – Katherine Kelly Lang Bikini Pics of the Day
GO
I am – Monica Cruz in a Bikini of the Day
GO
I am – Tara Reid in a Bikini of the Day
GO
Posted in:Bikini|Jenny Malone|Laura Ramsey|Unsorted
2007
08
Aug
Britney has pretty much been my daily source of entertainment for the last little while. I am never surprised as what she does yet wait eagerly for each new days news in regards to her to come my way, much like when you sit and stare out the window waiting for the mailman to bring your monthly issue of SPANK (except I don’t hide this perversion from my Mom like you do). The only problem is since nothing is surprising me, I’m starting to feel like it’s not so special anymore.
Remember when you first got the internet and would see a picture of somebody shitting on someone else and be all like “Ooooohhhhh whoa!!” Then gradually, it didn’t surprise you anymore right? Then it got to the point where you had been to rotten.com and all those other fucked up sites so many times that you would see a dead baby with its head blown off off being held up by its mother while she was being fucked by her son, and it was just like “Meh, big deal”
Me and Britney are kind of like you and those sites, It still interests me, but in the end I’ve seen it all before.
You can bet your ass I’m still gonna look though!!
hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez
I am – Britney Spears Pillsbury Dough Ass of the Day
GO
I am – Britney Spears, Still Crazy of the Day
GO
I am – Britney Spears Tit in Public of the Day
GO
Posted in:Britney Spears|Trash|Unsorted|Upskirt
