I was sick all weekend, so I didn’t turn on my computer. I probably missed being the first person to post all kinds of great stuff, like all the Emmy Arrival pics, but I am not a reputable news source and I am never first on much. I don’t really even check out the other sites to see what they are up to as often as I should and I have horrible work ethic. My goal here is to post 4 posts and a link dump a day, I usually fuck that up, but at least I have some kind of plan. Speaking of plans, do you remember when I used to stalk Lohan, it never ended up working out for me. I thought about making another voicemail message but don’t really see the point. Bitch had a real stalker, that was actually crazy, taking all media attention away from me. That doesn’t mean that I can’t post some bikini pics of her to start this week. So that’s what I am going to do. Remember that Lohan is an unappreciative, unprofession, spoiled little cunt who doesn’t even look like she’s worth a round in a bikini. I hope her career takes a downward spiral as more and more people in Hollywood start to hate her as much as I hate her.

Since this post isn’t funny at all, and I like to think most of what I do makes at least one out of the five of you smile, I decided to show you a myspace message that I sent some cunt in efforts to get nude pics of her. My quest for nudes has pretty much been a bust a lot like my Lohan stalking so I guess I should just come to terms with the fact that everything I touch turns to shit.

This is what the bitch wrote to me:

Well of course you want to c me nude, get in line. hahahaaha

This is what I wrote the bitch back:

I just figured that you would get naked with less effort than the other girls because you have had a baby.

I didn’t want to see you naked for any reason other than thinking that you would get naked. I don’t believe that there’s a line-up of men wanting you, that seems like a standard cliche response that all girls, fat and skinny alike would say. Just like telling a guy who is trying to pick you up in a club that you and your friend are lesbians.

Remember – pregnancy means you fuck and let guys bust up in you.

that’s pretty slutty…

A lot sluttier than a couple of pics of your mangled box

With love

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Lohan is reading this bookInside the Mind of Gideon Rayburn by Sarah Miller. I was surprised she knew how to read too. If Amazon didn’t cancel my affiliate deal for being an inappropriate site, I would be getting 10 % of anything you fuckers buy, now I get shit. Typical.

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It is late and I haven’t posted yet. I have a good excuse for it though. I started writing this post a 2 pm. I wrote an amazing post about how I hate A-D lister people who pose for pictures but how I love E-Z listers. I wrote a sad story about bitches from all walks of posing for all kinds of pictures like the fat bitch who dreams of being a celebrity while scanning cans of soup at the local price chopper then going to Sears to get portraits done. It was fucking genius by my standards because I was trying to do something special for a Friday but it accidentally got deleted when I was uploading Alyssa Milano pics, I fucking hate that cunt and hairy stomach now. I am not re-writing it, it will not live up to the one I wrote, I will will just accept it as a loss but I am pretty fucking pissed off that it’s gone though, what a fucking waste of my time and my blood is fucking boiling from anger. Here are some pics of A thru D listers posing.

Eva Herzigova Deserves a Post of Her Own

So Milano’s Stomach Hair Deserves a Post of Its Own

Christina Aguilera’s Tranny Face in 2003 Deserves a Post of Its Own

Elisha Cuthberts Rack Deserves a Post of Its Own

LeeLee Sobiesky’s Nipples Deserve a Post of Their Own

Kylie Minogue’s Breast Cancer Deserves a Foundation of Its Own

Keira Knightley’s Nipples

Kirsten Dunst Doesn’t Deserve to be in this Post because She’s Ugly

Kate Hudson’s Panties

Collien Fernandes is German

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Photo Credit x17 (obviously)

My doctor told me that I am a wounded bird and that wounded birds do not attract a good women. He told me that good women go for guys without baggage and who seem in control of their lives. The women who go for the wounded birds usually have “daddy issues” and are trying to be maternal and controlling so going after a weak person makes them happy. I don’t know why he thinks I am a wounded bird or why he’s giving me relationship advice. I went to see him for a Hepatitis shot. I am married, I found my dream woman, and by dream I mean nightmare, but that’s technically a dream, just a scary one and more importantly, I am not a wounded bird, I am only weak when it comes to walking up stairs and any physical activity and I don’t attract any women period. Point of all this is to say that my selection of links today are like a wounded bird, but you can’t do better and if you think that you can do better, send them my way, you cocksucker.

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Like all good Mexicans, Rosie Perez is getting fat. Speaking of Mexicans, I just found my new favorite site and it proves that kids are fucking retards when it comes to sex and NEED to be taught sex ed in schools, possibly by me. I am not that I am against a nation of Pregnant Infected Teens, but I am against a nation of idiots, not that I am not an idiot. I just know that I can’t get pregnant from giving a handjob…I will admit that it took me a few nights at the truckstop to learn that though. Either way, I can’t really get pregnant from anything, I was just speaking as if I was a girl. It happens sometimes and I blame the impotency. It fucks with my head. So click on these links and remember although it may look like my stepLINKS of the day….But it’s not. I tricked you, Asshole.

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Like all good Mexicans, Rosie Perez is getting fat. Speaking of Mexicans, I just found my new favorite site and it proves that kids are fucking retards when it comes to sex and NEED to be taught sex ed in schools, possibly by me. I am not that I am against a nation of Pregnant Infected Teens, but I am against a nation of idiots, not that I am not an idiot. I just know that I can’t get pregnant from giving a handjob…I will admit that it took me a few nights at the truckstop to learn that though. Either way, I can’t really get pregnant from anything, I was just speaking as if I was a girl. It happens sometimes and I blame the impotency. It fucks with my head. So click on these links and remember although it may look like my stepLINKS of the day….But it’s not. I tricked you, Asshole.

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Penny Lancaster is Rod Stewarts Baby Momma. She’s just another tall blonde model who the little guy’s got with and impregnated over the course of his lifetime and there’s really nothing wrong with having a specific type of woman, especially when you’re a superstar rockstar supernova. Just because my specific type is anything with a vagina, or anything with a flesh wound that looks like and can double as a vagina doesn’t mean I am right.

Speaking of flesh wounds, here’s an update from Little Princess. For those of you who care. She is the girl all of you seem to hate and I don’t really blame you for hating her. I had no real opinion of her since I didn’t read her useless article, but I do get her emails 4 times a day, and they are starting to make hate her because they go on and on and on about nothing. I am not a fucking psychiatrist and I can’t help you through this fucking issue that is driving you to shove bottles in your bloody unemployed cunt. Anyway, she wants to send in more pics and write another post. I will probably let her because she makes me look better. Posting her shit is like a deuce who only hangs with 300 pounders to make herself look better. I like when you motherfuckers show me appreciation and puttng my shit up against worse shit makes my shit look golden. Point of the story is, I am easily bought with nude pics, even if you’re ugly, fat, scary or retarded. So here’s her email update.

From what i gather from this onslaught of hate mail and verbal historectomy

a. i should not refer to them as readers because they cannot really read
b. i am an ugly cunt who should sterilize and kill herself (which i agree with but not the ugly part, but i agree those are ugly photos of myself but they’re from three years ago and in person im a beautiful flower of a woman, but yea i should sterilize and kill myself)
c. i should learn how to write.
d. im not funny.
e. you should have cancer.
f. i managed to get a bigger reaction than a lot of things, and im really glad it was hateful, i like hate mail more than anything, it means people CARE.
g. i swear too much. (fuck that im not changing it, i like having the vocabulary of a 6 year old plus swears)

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Gillette Venus Razors get all “thas some next shit” on us in their marketing strategy by throwing some “legs” contest which I can probably means that bitches parade around with their legs that they just finished shaving with their Gillette Venus Razors, which has gots to be “the jam” because in 2007, legs are gonna be “what’s good”, replacing the standard Tits and Ass or Ass and Tits depending on what you consider “chickchismo”. That means that your fat midget amputee of a girlfriend with big floppy tits who only fucks you because no one else will talk to her and who you only fuck because no one else will talk to you, is out of style according to me. Either way, this bitch Kelly Monaco shows up in a skirt that goes down to her fucking ankles, I know she’s showin tit, but this is a Legs Event and at a Legs event, wearing an Ommish Dress is like going to a KKK meeting with an Adidas Tracksuit, a clock around your neck, boombox on your shoulder and Jordan’s on your Feet. At least her friend who I have never heard of, but may be the contest winner has the right idea. Slut’s got her shorts all in place and shit. It’s pretty obvious that next time Gillette pulls this shit off, it should be in collaboration with me and we will throw the Gillette Venus Too Cheap to Get a Brazilian Contest. There’s nothing I love more than a razor burnt cunt. Look at the fucking pictures and stop expecting quality out of me because this is as good as it fucking gets, and trust me it ain’t “SICK” or “Da Bomb”. Cuddles.

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The site got hit hard today and I don’t really understand why. My tech friend told me that the load on teh servers was like having 20 lanes of traffic merge into one lane or something like that, making the site all AIDS-Like. I also had some dude bug me about putting up a banner to his videos on the left hand nav bar, so it’s a test to see if you guys dig the content or not. IF you don’t, I’ll consider taking it down, but I am pretty lazy, sometimes just getting up to get another drink seems impossible. Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie is back from her world travels, if you don’t know who that is, read the archives. She stopped by yesterday to celebrate the non-cancer and even showed me some nipple, not that I am into that. My fridge of a wife was in the other room snoring, so it wasn’t as hot as you’d think.

Either way, I love my Harry Morton Retard pic, I think I will get it printed on t-shirts as soon as I have enough money. I have to pay my rent, food, internet, server for this site and pay off this fucking stolen lap top before I can do much. I guess what this site doesn’t bring me in dollars, it brings me in happiness, stress, ulcers and sense of failure and uselessness.

Click these fucking links, I found them for you, Cuddles.

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I pretend I have my finger on the pulse of what’s going on when I am talking to drunken people my age and older in the park and to them I know what’s up in pop culture, but that’s not the point. The point is that I can’t pretend that I know what’s up here, it’s pretty fucking clear that I am a total hack at this shit. However, I do know that this bitch Lily Allen is the next big thing to come out of the U.K. in music and everyone’s got a fucking boner for her. I know this cuz my stepdaughter rocks her album everyday, over and fucking over. This bitch sings bubbly ironic songs about not being able to cum with her bf cuz of his small dick, she sings about only being pretty if she fits into a certain jean size and looks like Kate Moss, she sings about her brothers beating a dude who tries fuck her, she sings about….it really doesn’t matter what she sings about, she will always fucking suck. But unfortunately for us, teenage girls everywhere decide how rich a bitch becomes, and I predict she’ll be around for a while. She’s already stirring up shit in the media. Here are some things going on in her useless life.

She has a lyric saying she wishes she looked like Cheryl Tweedy, and Cheryl Tweedy thought she was serious, so this bitch set the record straight:

She said to Fametastic recently: “I don’t want to look like Cheryl Tweedy! It’s tongue in cheek, it’s meant to be ironic.�

“I don’t have anything against her as a human being but I think the portrayal of her being the right thing for kids to look up to is wrong.

“It was a joke that not many people got. Of course nobody really wants to look like Cheryl, they just think they do.�

And she’s pickin’ fights with Madonna:

The Smile singer recently caused controversy by naming Madge as “the most overrated person in pop history” in an interview with GQ magazine.

Speaking to Virgin Radio, she insisted: “I did not really feel that I was offensive. Someone asked me a question and I answered it.”

And she’s realizes that she sucks:

Asked about how she is handling fame, Lily added: “While it’s lasting it’s great. I’m sure it will end some day, maybe one day soon.”

And she’s pickin’ fights with Peaches Geldof, Bob Geldof’s piece of shit daughter, he’s supposed to be a big deal in the UK:

The Smile singer allegedly confronted Peaches after hearing that she had branded her a “cokehead”.

An onlooker told the newspaper: “It was disgusting. Peaches was watching the Cuban Brothers with her boyfriend when Lily spotted her and stormed right over. She got in really close behind Peaches and gobbed on the back of her shoes before walking off.”

Lily accused Peaches’ father Bob of being a “hypocrite” on her Myspace page earlier this year.

Visit Her Myspace By CLICKIN’ THIS LINK and Leave Her Comments of HATE!!

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