DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2006

10

Feb

Post-Pregnancy: Britney Tit

I have said it before, I like to repeat myself, because I never remember who I said it to. It could have been on this site, but my archives got fucked in the move, unlike me, I never get fucked, and when I do, it’s by something you wouldn’t want to get fucked by and it’s really not by choice, but that’s no the point of this story. Pregnancy is the worse STD a bitch can get, I know all you anti-abortion jesus lovers are thinking “pregnancy is beautiful, it’s what keeps our religion alive”. But I come from a different school of thought and that is that kids follow you around for life, they mooch off you and cost you money, you have no control as to whether they are going to be cute or not, they never respect you and most importantly, they destroy your body, there’s no full recovery. I’m talking nothing ever fully whips back into shape, not the assaulted cooter, not the milk-bag feeding sack titties, not the belly or the ass…it may look like it does sometimes, but that’s just smoke and mirrors. Now, look at Britney’s nipple, the fucker is bigger than my head. You can’t tell me this shit’s sexy, in two years from now, she’ll write a memoir and in it, it will say “I wish K-Fed only gave me herpes, not herpes and a baby, ya’ll”. That’s my fucking story.

Posted in:Boob|Britney Spears|Pregnancy|Sex|Unsorted

2006

10

Feb

Tori Spelling's Large Nipple

No Comments »

Isn’t this bitch pregnant or something, oh that’s right, no one really cares about her and no one ever did. Everyone gave her slack for being the daughter of “Dallas” or whatever fuckin’ show made Aaron Spelling the biggest TV producer in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. It’s not that I give a fuck about spoiled bitches, I actually like how they let their angst dominate their lives, and think it’s the center of the whole universe. I also like the fact that they always turn to drugs, mainly cocaine, sometime heroin or scprits. I like that they are always the victims, meanwhile they had everything they want growing up. I can just imagine how much of a cunt Tori was to her latina maid/nanny. I can also imagine how much of a cunt she was when she demanded to be on daddy’s show. And it’s really turning me on. Unlike her tit, that she’s busted, the nipple’s too big for the tit, and I always thought she had implants, if bitch had implants, nothin’ would be aimin to the ground. Stop focusing on the tits, you useless fuck, and let’s try to have a meaningful conversation.

Posted in:Boob|Nipple|Tori Spelling|Unsorted

2006

10

Feb

Tori Spelling’s Large Nipple

15 Comments »

Isn’t this bitch pregnant or something, oh that’s right, no one really cares about her and no one ever did. Everyone gave her slack for being the daughter of “Dallas” or whatever fuckin’ show made Aaron Spelling the biggest TV producer in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. It’s not that I give a fuck about spoiled bitches, I actually like how they let their angst dominate their lives, and think it’s the center of the whole universe. I also like the fact that they always turn to drugs, mainly cocaine, sometime heroin or scprits. I like that they are always the victims, meanwhile they had everything they want growing up. I can just imagine how much of a cunt Tori was to her latina maid/nanny. I can also imagine how much of a cunt she was when she demanded to be on daddy’s show. And it’s really turning me on. Unlike her tit, that she’s busted, the nipple’s too big for the tit, and I always thought she had implants, if bitch had implants, nothin’ would be aimin to the ground. Stop focusing on the tits, you useless fuck, and let’s try to have a meaningful conversation.

Posted in:Boob|Nipple|Tori Spelling|Unsorted

2006

09

Feb

Madonna at the Grammys: Leotard

20 Comments »

I watched the Grammys, I had no choice. I have 2 channels and I live with 3 girls. I guess it wasn’t so bad because I had a bottle of Vodka by my side. I don’t really remember much about the actual awards, my wife’s fat breathing muffled the sound of the TV. I do remember watching Madonna open up the show in a body suit/leotard thing. Now I don’t know why, but for the last 7 months, this kind of outfit is the biggest turn on for me. They sell them at american apparel and hipster bitches everywhere rock them, and they are the new booty short for me. They remind me of my 20s when bodysuits were the biggest shirt product of 1993, They remind me of my flashdance and aerobic fetish. I think it’s because I get to watch the vagina in all it’s glory, like watching a girl in her underwear, only the underwear’s got suspenders ensuring snugness, and people say I am a pervert. Either way, I am glad hipsters and little Jewish girls wear these now, cuz motherfucker, this is one thing that may bring me out of my bout with impotence, if that is possible, I am not a doctor. Madonna didn’t get me hard, and all I could thing about was that babies have filtered through that cooter, which surprisingly remained pretty well contained. Here’s to bitches in leotards…that dance…for me… when I am drunk.

Watch Madonna’s Performance Here

American Apparel Leotard (turns me on)

Posted in:Grammy's|Leotard|Madonna|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Heather Graham's Stretch Mark and Nip

1 Comment »

Ever since I was little, I knew I would have a huge impact on society. I knew that I would find an audience and make a difference. If you are wondering what difference I have made in your life, it’s simple, nothin of substance or importance, nothing that will get you laid. I have just brought you my useless stories that you probably can’t draw much insight from, because there’s not a whole lot of insight there to begin with. But it doesn’t matter, some nice guy gave me photoshop and I cropped a pic of Heather Graham’s tits so that you can see Nipple and Stretch Marks. I am all for imperfections and nipple slips, that’s why I love Heather Graham and used to jerk off to her in Boogy Nights when my dick still worked. Yes, I feel like a loser for sitting here learning photoshop to produce these images, but I guess no one can really feel like a loser when they are in your company. You’re one of those ppl the losers hang out with to look cool….either way I know this was lame, but isn’t most of what I do??

Posted in:Boob|Heather Graham|Nipple|stretch mark|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Heather Graham’s Stretch Mark and Nip

1 Comment »

Ever since I was little, I knew I would have a huge impact on society. I knew that I would find an audience and make a difference. If you are wondering what difference I have made in your life, it’s simple, nothin of substance or importance, nothing that will get you laid. I have just brought you my useless stories that you probably can’t draw much insight from, because there’s not a whole lot of insight there to begin with. But it doesn’t matter, some nice guy gave me photoshop and I cropped a pic of Heather Graham’s tits so that you can see Nipple and Stretch Marks. I am all for imperfections and nipple slips, that’s why I love Heather Graham and used to jerk off to her in Boogy Nights when my dick still worked. Yes, I feel like a loser for sitting here learning photoshop to produce these images, but I guess no one can really feel like a loser when they are in your company. You’re one of those ppl the losers hang out with to look cool….either way I know this was lame, but isn’t most of what I do??

Posted in:Boob|Heather Graham|Nipple|stretch mark|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Paris Hilton Goes Home To Poon

12 Comments »

I guess the problem with being in the public eye is that you have no privacy. That’s what all these fucking celebrities complain about, but they don’t realize that they have created this world for themselves by accepting lots of money from all kinds of people. I just sold a post on my site for $50, I am not dissin’ anyone for being a sell-out, I am just sayin’ that being in the public eye can be really funny, especially when Paris is seen running out of a club with her ex-boyfriend Stavros the Greek heir. It’s pretty clear that when you run out of anywhere holding hand, and jump into a cab, you are setting yourself up for a serious poonin’. I have never really had an official ex girlfriend, girls usually hate themselves after they sleep with me, but I do know that it is bad news to revisit that kind of shit. I once had once bitch go crazy on me, cuz I fucked her once, and showed up at her doorstep 6 months later for another round. I didn’t realize her husband and kids were home/back from their trip to DisneyWorld, and this motherfucker got taken away in cuffs, by the cops….point of the story is once you’ve fucked it, it should be dead to you.

Posted in:home|Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

CasinoSmartBots.com Guy

3 Comments »

Some guy emailed this to me:

I’ll give you $50 or something if you talk about how shitty my site is. Google is pissing me off. They won’t index me because I don’t have any incoming links. How the hell am I supposed to get SE traffic without being indexed. Fuck man.

Payment went through today, so here it is. I would like to make it very clear that I have no problem taking someone’s money to put a picture of them pantless on my site. In fact, I will post anything for 50 dollars. So feel free to send in the crap you want peddled, cuz I am like Lohan’s mom, a glorified whore. Cuddles.

Visit his site: CasinoSmartBots.com

Posted in:casinosmartbots.com|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Lohan, the supportive sister….

9 Comments »

Lohan has one of those psycho mother, who had dreams of being famous but only landed a job as a Rockette, doing the fuckin’ Can-Can back in the 70s. Now I am not anti-showgirls, but I realize being a Rockette, is the equivalent of being an upscale stripper. It’s like when you look at the prostitution hierarchy, you have the streetwhores and the tranny whores at the 50 dollar level, you have the escorts that fuck you for 100 – 250 dollar an hour level, these are the ones advertised in the back of all the local papers and then you have the highclass bitch that cost 1000 dollars and hour and only escorts you to the Opera or dinner, only willing to put out if she likes you enough and thinks your worth it. So essentially you are paying a bitch for her company, with no guarantees of pussy, but that girls still a whore. That’s what Lohan’s mom is to the entertainment world, a glorified stripper, who doesn’t get naked. What good is that, so she settles down with some drug addict/boozer and has 14 kids in efforts that one will become famous. Now we all know what Lohan’s done for us, yesterday I posted on her little sister, well today I post on the brother, a striking young redhead, that Lindsay is pointing at and laughing at. He is the thirs Lohan to break into the industry, maybe he’s the one who will get it right. I am sure there are typos within this post, I know you hate my spelling mistakes. I guess you deserve an explination. I never went to post-secondary education and I am hung over. Last night I drank red wine. I felt pretty fuckin’ luxurious. Unfortunately, it was 7 dollars a bottle, which means it tasted like piss.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Dina Lohan|Lindsay Lohan|showgirl|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Angelina Jolie in Vanity Fair

11 Comments »

This is really not my style. I never post magazine pictures, because I find that shit lame. I leave that to the other celebrity bloggers, who feel all exclusve when they drop their photospreads of Mandy Moore or whoever the fuck they are in love with. I let them do what they do, and stick to what I do. The only issue is that I don’t really know what I do, other that tell stories. When I think of Angelina Jolie, the only story that comes to mind is one of this whore I used to know. She had an Aids baby too, only she didn’t adopt it, she gave birth to it. I remember the joke in the halfway house was that she was a philathropist/charitable person, you know helping the Aids baby out, but we were just doing that to take away from the depressing fact that she too had Aids and was gonna die. I guess that Aids baby story wasn’t so happy on a beautiful winter day, maybe I should tell the one about Angelina in Montreal before she went baby/UN crazy. It involves her buying a truckload of cocaine of this local dealer I know. She was a regular customer, I’m talking calling him at all hours of the night, for about 6 weeks she was here. You gotta love a cokehead turned world’s most inspirational big breasted woman.

Here are some pics of Angelina when she was 18, filled with teenage angst, before this Mother Theresa kick. You’re still that bright eyed, relatively fresh vaginally, addict of a whore to me, Jolie.

Posted in:Unsorted