DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2022

07

Feb

Rita Ora Bikini Tits of the Day

I just saw Rita Ora announced that she is starring in some Beauty and the Beast origin story series for Disney Plus, which we’ll assume she’s either playing the beast or Angela Lansbury, who for whatever reason, I remember being in the original cartoon, even though I’ve never seen it, because I am not a fucking weirdo….

I guess the lesson in all this is that if you go to enough parties, meet the right people, get kicked out of your initial record deal only to get paid off so that you can socialize with the right people, going to events 3-4 times per day to get seen on the red carpet, using the rockin’ big Albanian Refugee tits to get seen for what must be a decade now….EVENTUALLY someone will feel sorry enough for you and give you that chance…you know acting doesn’t require talent, it’s a who you know situation, a social game that I guess Rita Ora has gamed…

All the NAYSAYERS who called her a bootleg Rihanna, or a virtual unknown party girl with a budget, or an international success thanks to tricking international people into thinking she was an American success, so they followed the lead….even though you wouldn’t even notice her at a GRAMMY party waiting in line for a free drink if she was in front of you….

I like to chalk this up as a WIN for hot tits, right before it’s too late, because she’s getting old as shit….and you know how that goes for tits.

It’s a titty win for us titty lovers that have been by her side online or every inch of cleave she’s ever shown…

In a way, I feel like her wins are our wins, even though she’s the only one getting rich off it, and the idea of jerking off to Disney Plus is a weird one, unless you’re in Canada, where you can see Pam and Tommy dick and fake tits ALL day….next to Duck Tails….or whatever else is on that fucking sinister app.

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Posted in:Rita Ora

2022

07

Feb

Lili Simmons Sex of the Day

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Lilli Simmons is a 28 year old who was in a Cinemax series called Banshee, which just reminded me that Cinemax still exists, because I remember when it was one of the only places you could get lame ass nudity on Cable…all softcore but easy to jerk off to because it was as simpler time when you’d jerk off to music videos or Baywatch….seeing full tit was almost as hype as seeing a blue tit in the corner of the screen and penentration in the middle of the screen, back in the scramble porn days….where you’d tell yourself as you were doing it “I can’t believe I am jerking off to this puzzle piece sex, but it’s PORN….and the audio works”….we’ve all been there…

Anyway, Lilli was a model for JC Penny and now she’s in a sex scene from one of her acting jobs…and I’ll assume this is lesbian sex, but I wouldn’t want to misgender anyone and get CANCELLED….right?

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Posted in:Uncategorized

2022

07

Feb

Medical Worker Monday of the Day

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There’s a hilarious story going around at the TRUCKER CONVOY revolution that is taking over Canada and the world an that will end when the Government who work for the people realize their mandates are not what the people want…because we are grown ups and don’t need sugar daddies who take our money, instead of give us money…

But the story that was in the news along with the truckers being violent racists and white supremacists, when race isn’t even a factor in fighting for freedom for all people….along with it being a Russian created attack on democracy…they pull any fucking angle they can to trigger the retard fan bas that is against freedom…but the story was that the Truckers were targeting people in SCRUBS and being VIOLENT towards them, because the Truckers, fighting to end all mandates, including those on Health Care workers are just that EVIL and DEMONIC according to the news….

Really, the health care workers should and probably are aligning with them, knowing that there’s been a massive level of corruption that’s ruined all of our fucking lives the last 2 years..

Anyway, when health care workers are not hiding from Truckers fighting for their freedom, they are producing smut for the internet…a thrill, a revenue stream, an escape from the stress of COVID, or a new JOB because they didn’t believe in taking gene editing shots….and despite being grossed out by the NURSE outfits of the era…BRING BACK 1940s Skirts….not Orderly Scrubs…and despoite being grossed out by hospitals and antibiotic resistant bacteria climbing up cunt….I’ll back these HEROES being exhibitionists because as a voyeur, I need exhibitionists to VOYeur proper.

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Posted in:NURSES

2022

07

Feb

Farrah Abraham Backdoor of the Day

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I am a big fan of Farrah Abraham. She’s a reality star done right.

I don’t even know why I like her as much as I do, maybe it’s the fact that we were technically business partners when her sex tape came out and I had the squirting clip, only to be linked on GAWKER and basically reach 1,000,000 people in ONE day, it was the biggest traffic day in the history of the site and it has been progressively downhill ever since, which some would argue was the same fate for Farrah Abaraham, you know the fade into OBSCURITY, BUT clearly they haven’t seen what she’s up to, with amazing spreading of asshole pics.

Clearly she knows the asshole is the window, or gateway to the soul…and this is her way of letting you into her life….which for those of you who don’t know…is the best way to be welcomed into her life…just ask the pornstar who fucked her up the ass for her movie…HE KNOWS.

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Posted in:Farrah Abraham

2022

07

Feb

Iskra Lawrence Bodysuit of the Day

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If she’s not eating a donut or racing to the all you can eat buffet that’s recently opened up after COVID lockdowns, you know really committing to the plus sized life, since I am convinced she’s a fat faker, which is not so much a faking being fat, that shit’s real, but rater strategically getting fat to be labeled plus sized so that you don’t have to struggle to get regular model work, you know by starving yourself….which means being a plus sized model, especially in an era that fetishizes or at least endorses unhealthy fatness, in efforts to keep the fat people of the world consuming, which is the majority of people in the world thanks to amazing and responsible governments and evil food corporations and streaming and laziness….if the ladies promoting the bullshit look like them then it’s easier to bust out the wallet…even though everyone knows people want what they can’t have and if skinny chicks were promoting the products the fatties would probably buy double hoping to get skinny…since no one likes being fat..except for Iskra, her career and existence depends on it…which is why everything she does should involve EATING large quantities of food with the fat lady tits, or what I call, THE ONLY THING FATTIES HAVE TO OFFER….hanging out….

I don’t hate Iskra for opportunistic plus sized fat cosplay by getting actually fat instead of wearing a fat suit….I just think fat kills, and it is irresponsible to normalize that shit in the media…UNLESS killing is their objective….SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT…..

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Posted in:Iskra lawrence

2022

07

Feb

Milf Monday of the Day

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The word on the internet is that MILFs Matter…and I know what you’re thinking “NO THEY DON’T”….the whole idea of a MILF is only a positive experience when realizing that MILFs are easy because they view their kids like you view their kids….STDs that destroyed their cooter on the way out….and EASY is good…despite all those motivational speakers saying the easy road is NOT the best road, it’s the lazy road for the low ambition loser…which I guess MILF fuckers are…

Luckily, ladies my age are menopausal, so the whole MILF thing is a generation younger than me, so I can stare at these ladies for their bad decisions, not that having kids is really a bad decision, it’s sort of the way life is supposed to pan out, it’s kind of why we are all here….PROCREATION…the whole getting naked on the internet is probably the bad decision since it’s the internet and your nudity is a scared thing that shouldn’t be given out for free for some kind of cheap thrill when you feel that you can compete with gutter porn chicks out there…because they are gutter porn chicks and you can…

NOT THAT I WOULD EVER complain about nudity on the internet, it just amazes me that this is what so many middle aged moms do for fun..whether their mom pussies look like regular pussy or not….I guess the MILF tag makes the imperfections, the stretch marks, the sags justified so it’s easier to put it out there…even though them putting it out there is wild in the first place.

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Posted in:Milf

2022

07

Feb

Ariel Winter Bikini Tit of the Day

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Here’s a pic I never posted from a few weeks ago of Ariel Winter trying to lick her own tit now that she’s had at least one breast reduction that we know of.

The TITTY KILLER Ariel Winter, who we’ll assume got the breast reduction because her big tits that kept growing looked like shit, or made her look fatter than she was, or more depressingly, was an attempt to de-sexualize herself after being sold to a pervert industry at a young age to be sexualized….

I don’t know about you, but some of my best times were trying to get girls to prove to me that they could suck their own nipple, or lick it….because with the right challenge, that resonates with a girl’s soul…you can SEE tit…depending on how drunk she is…and “can you lick your own nip” is the one that has proven to work…10 years ago…before everyone went full MENTAL…and the nerds you ignored became the voice of POP CULTURE…

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Posted in:Ariel Winter

2022

07

Feb

Courtney Stodden Booty of the Day

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I know looking at the thonged ass of an angel sent from heaven, who was the teen bride of some creeper, that the media decided to drag instead of protect, allowing her to end up selling sex tapes after a series of silly unnecessary becasue she was hot to begin with surgeries….is kind of irrelevant, or idiotic, since you can google her inserting things in her vagina, as she’s done…

But I think she’s great…

Plus, the internet has proven me wrong a few times…the first that I remember was with TiNDER, I never thought girls would subscribe to a hook-up app like they were gay dudes trying to bust nut…not because I thought girls weren’t horny, or sexually liberated but because I thought they had enough attention anywhere they went being girls to get dick without lame ass tech….OOPS…

The other is OnlyFans…I never thought porn chicks who you can see do hardcore shit would be able to do additional upsells on their nudes, like I never expected influencer chicks to dive into “sex work” that’s not real work but that makes real money…

Why would you care to see some girl who you can google fucking herself in a thong…because what the fuck else are we going to do with our time…PRODUCTIVE shit? Fuck that….like it was Courtney Stodden’s dildo…which is not making an appearance in this social media ass pic…..

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Posted in:Courtney Stodden

2022

07

Feb

Nadine Velazquez Ass of the Day

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Nadine Velazquez is now 43 years old and like most senior citizens in the home, she struggles with keeping her pants on, some call it dementia, others call it opportunity….

I don’t know why the actress is walking around with her pants off, maybe she thinks she’s doing a favor for the fans, maybe she’s doing it for the views, maybe she’s just a nudist and thee fact she’s even in her bodysuit is in the way of her true self…you know exhibitionist, on a slippery slope of aging, so the ass is on the decline before it before it officially dies off…

In the event you didn’t know, I am not Nadine Velazquez. I barely even know who she is because I don’t watch dog shit movies on a regular basis, even though I think most movies are dog shit, just less dog shit than the stars in them when they aren’t in them….so I don’t know the reason, I just know 43 year old asses shouldn’t turn you on…but they do…and that’s weird…

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Posted in:Nadine Velazquez

2022

07

Feb

Tallulah Willis Bikini of the Day

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I don’t know about you, but whenever I run myself a bath in the cesspool I call a bathtub, where I light some candles to set the mood, maybe put in some bubble bath in to add to the romance…even put on some R.Kelly songs, because he’s still on Spotify despite being in jail for heinous sex crimes….maybe lather myself up in COCONUT OIL…to be nice and slick….for my masturbation…I think….”If only I had some pics of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore’s rich kid brat daughter, the one that isn’t RUMER, in her bathing suit, to humiliate myself to my dead ancestors to…..

Luckily, she produces the SMUT, as attention seekers do…..

It is near Valentine’s Day after all….ROMANCE NOT DEAD…

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Posted in:Tallulah Willis