DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2021

09

Apr

Sarah Beatie – Nacho Sarah Tits of the Day

There was a time I was not banned off Twitter for making fun of some low level celebrity….who was Brian de Palma’s stepdaughter cuz her mom was a whore…and who the mom said she’d get me deleted before being deleted for calling her a whore….these things happen.

During this time I was not banned on Twitter, I followed this Twitter celebrity called Sarah Beattie or Nacho Sarah who had massive boobs that she never showed well writing her comedy….she was a more interesting viral tweeter than Chrissy Teigen…which isn’t say much but that bitch became America’s sweetheart despite being a pile of shit because of her unstable twitter. and far bigger tits…and sure women being funny is always hit or miss in this patriarchal and misogynist world….according to unfunny girls who blame men for not succeeding…instead of just being fucking funny about it…and since I don’t have twitter anymore, I can’t really tell you the kinds of jokes she writes…I actually hate all jokes and feel like laughter is idiotic and best suited for retards in helmets drooling on themselves while jerking off at the public pool…as retards do….

I don’t remember if I found her funny, or if I was just waiting for her tits….and as it turns out…the tits have arrived because like other smart girls out there…she’s cashing in on the premium content thing as she fucking should because boobs this big need to be seen and she can still write her jokes and sell her boobs or whatever she writes her comedy for…it’ll just be more enjoyable for us now that we can see her tits…

Now I don’t endorse OnlyFans, but if it gets girls who otherwise wouldn’t get naked the opportunity to make millions of dollars getting naked, taking the whole “Show me your tits”…..”not for a million dollars…but maybe 1.5 million over the course of 3-6 months”…..official..

Everyone has a price and now the collective can pay it and all kinds of good stuff is coming out of the woodwork because Nacho Sarah had no reason to show her tits, now she’s got the best reason…MONEY.

So FIND HER ON TWITTER if you want to jerk off to her tits while reading her tweets about paying out her family for her getting naked on the internet…

can’t decide if I should apologize to my family for starting an onlyfans or give them a percentage for fucking me up

— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) April 6, 2021

Posted in:Sarah Beatie

2021

09

Apr

On/Off Flasher Fridays of the Day

No Comments »

I know they are talking VACCINE passports, but we need On/Off passports where each and every girl you walk by sets off a notification on your phone that allows you to see her On/Off pics..from that day…so you don’t have to bother imagining.

Any coders out there want to help me build this out?

Thanks…..

Here’s a bunch of On/Offs to inspire you…

(more…)

Posted in:OnOff

2021

09

Apr

Miley Cyrus Nude of the Day

No Comments »

Here’s some MIley Cyrus showing off her teeth, which are either a grill, or just mangled before the veneers are put on, and who fucking cares about her teeth, she’s n the bath holding her titties…bitch don’t need teeth at all…if anything no teeth would be more exciting….you know to relive the gummy blowjob your creepy grandpa used to give you back on the farm when growing up….a feeling that may have traumatized you your entire life…Grandpas aren’t supposed to to that to you…they’re supposed to give you Werthers Originals, not treat your dick like a Werthers Original…plus that’s queer…but a feeling you seek out…you know nostalgia…and he did teach you how to fish, hunt and take care of a horse…there were good qualities to grandpa….not all perverted and abusive…

Ok…

Miley Cyrus in bath, holding tit, giving you a big smile, nice….Disney Trained so this content is masterful and professional all while looking amateur…and authentic…when nothing anyone in Hollywood does is Authentic…it’s all contrived bullshit.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2021

09

Apr

Frog Butt Friday of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know if Frog Butts are the pose of the future, but I have a feeling they might be, since all humans are lazy fucks who sit in front of a computer all fucking day, so when taking slutty selfies of themselves they’re limited to only so many positions without having to actually use effort and stand up, you know they LAY ON YOUR BACK AND STAR FISH while you fuck cuz you think you are too hot for the guy you are fucking or because you don’t want to get off your damn phone while he fucks you…you know what I mean…

The Frog Butt allows fat girls to seem less fat if they arch their back enough, and it’s all done on their knees, no standin up required…and that’s a wonderful thing for you lazy fucks out there trying to make money in lazy ways like selling nudes…and good for us perverted who like ass looking it’s biggest and roundest….optical illusions or not..it’s the internet and we know it’s all fake…but we still believe…

(more…)

Posted in:Frog Butt

2021

09

Apr

Elizabeth Hurley Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

I am a firm believer that Elizabeth Hurley is deader than Price Philip and that they just keep her feed going with archived images of her and if she’s not dead…she’s white haired and playing bridge in some retirement community…they just understood the scam that is the internet and that if you have a big enough archive…you can be a bikini model forever even posthumously….

Speaking of Austin Powers, I saw people are trying to cancel Austin Powers, which you may remember Elizabeth Hurley from….because they had some Asian character named Suck a Fuck a Lot or some Cream of Some Young Guy…which could have been some other Asian Racism that I am sure Austin Powers himself really doesn’t give a fuck about as he polishes one of his 3 private jets because motherfucker got paid… RICH FROM RACISM…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Elizabeth Hurley

2021

09

Apr

Heidi Klum Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

Heidi Klum made it out to the beach with her young husband at the perfect golden light moment to wash out the 50 year old over botoxed face that she likely has, as all women, even 18 year old women, have….it’s a horrible trend…that could cause nightmares and severe trauma for all men who find those muppet faces terrifying…you know it’s like a zombie apocalypse but instead of eating brains they sell nudes, talk in up-talk while giving you life tits, and have porn sex with rich guys for purses…you know not quite the Jim Hensen Muppets, but still muppets….and I know when one of those muppet faces approaches me in person, unfiltered, I am scared of having my soul eaten up by them…and for the record…they look like beat up, swollen, flesh stapled to them in weird places that didn’t stick and that the body is rejecting and it’s fucking scary…

I don’t think Heidi Klum is that bad, I mean she’s been my evidence that Nazi Germany Eugenics worked, as she’s a German national would would have had Nazi relatives potentially involved in that kind of genetic research program….

At least that’s my theory, cuz she’s still hot….but you can’t trust anything you see on the internet…the internet is the hub of lies and fake news…so Heidi Klum could be th COVID PANDEMIC of old as shit models, if you know what I mean….but since we’re on the computer, we’ll run with it.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Heidi Klum

2021

09

Apr

Full Back Panties Friday of the Day

No Comments »

Full Back Panties because all panties are worth of jerking off to, or jerking off on….since it is less about the panties being worn and more about the person in the panties and how she is posing with said panties….as no man has ever been turned off by full back panties, unless they are married to the woman in the fullback panties and being turned off is nothing to do with the panties, but everything to do with being bored of your wife who let herself go….or maybe if pickings are slim on tinder or whatever app you’re swiping on and you decide to jump the grenade and allow a nasty ass girl even YOU find vile to come over…only to see her period and shit stained underwear when you’re already in too deep…only to question why she’d come over in panties like that…making you realize that she looks disgusting because she is digusting….but other than that….full back panties are still panties…with nostalgia and need to be reclaimed from the GRANNY’s who appropriated them when the panty industry was trying to push thongs on people cuz they are cheaper to produce….it’s all SCAMS…commercialized consumerism scams!

(more…)

Posted in:Fullback Panty

2021

09

Apr

Vanessa Hudgens Topless Swim of the Day

No Comments »

Here’s some Vanessa Hudgens looking like she’s about to get fucked by the Barstool Guy….I saw his sex tape and this was the extent of what the Topanga looking groupie he was fucking was doing in it…she’s just missing the leash…I mean…who fucks girls like that….they are delicate flowers…..angels sent from heavens…even this pieces of shit opportunist ones who are only there for clout or money….porn sex isn’t real sex and you should probably not use porn sex in real sex unless you want to look like some virgin who only gets laid cuz you’re rich as shit…and got all his moves from watching porn incessantly…but that’s got nothing to do with Hudgens…

Hudgens is a masterful creation from Disney, who is not afraid to leave her house due to Asian racism like Margaret Cho claims to be, when we know that’s just Margaret Cho trying to remind people that she exists and what better time than when Asian Racism is trending…

But yeah, Hudgens, the Filipino nanny that never was, got dumbed, got tits, got fun on social media and I am sure her career is rocking because of it…as we get to stare at her in slutty content…just a win across the board…

If you’re going to sell your soul to Disney and then the industry, you might as well do it in a way people can still jerk off to you, despite being old news, now that she’s in her 30s, which from everything I read is too old for the Disney Execs to bother hosting casting parties at the pool for her next role, so trend on social media and you don’t need those motherfuckers…and trending on social media requires…half nakedness…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Vanessa Hudgens

2021

09

Apr

Ashley Benson Titty Selfie of the Day

No Comments »

Ashley Benson, who isn’t that interesting of a celebrity, but who is super fucking famous thanks to some dumb show she was on that was a huge deal at the time instagram launched…securing her place in the world because people don’t unfollow…hence all these idiots like the Kardashians just won’t go away…

She hasn’t done anything since that show, at least not in terms of acting in anything memorable, but why fucking bother if you’re rich…what she has done since the show is a stint with lesbianism with what Cara Delevingne who looks like an AIDS patient, because I guess it’s the gay disease….or was…you can’t say that anymore….

She’s clearly working on making a comeback, using her tits for good…so stare at them…

Here she is in the Bath, preparing for her intramural Hockey Game where she plays the Goalie….

Here she is twerking, or jumping into a twerk where you can basically see her pussy print, or pussy from behind, in a pair of sweatpants, because no fabric is too think for that pussy to eat I guess….

Here she is in a bikini to getting a COVID test, looking like an instagram influencer, cuz she’s got that fucked up muppet filter on, which I guess is for all you COVID fetishists who get hard for COVID now that it is your fucking life…..I think all COVID tests are better with bikini tops on…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Ashley Benson

2021

09

Apr

Fishnet Friday of the Day

No Comments »

In Fishnet news, I heard that Jill Biden wore a pair recently and if that’s not a terrifying concept, you know old ladies living out their youth in Fishnets, cuz they are naughty, even when respectable high profile old ladies like the First Lady….rocking fishnets like they aren’t slutty….doesn’t mean they aren’t an amazing sex object, or tool for women to heighten their sex appeal..

Yes, like anything, they can get into the wrong hands, but that doesn’t take away from how good they look on a girl….and here are a bunch of girls sharing their best fishnet pics of the week cuz they know that even if old ladies wear them like they wear bikinis…that’s really just a misuse of them….and that this is how you reclaim their purpose..

Those “Fishnet” sexuality appropriators can try to de-sexualize the fishnet….but other girls are keeping the sexualizing alive….and I support that mission…it’s the important work we need.

(more…)

Posted in:Fishnets