Britney Spears Archives - Page 34 of 34 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

30

Apr

I am – Britney Spears Ass Crack or Something of the Day

Britney is pushing this comeback harder than she pushed her kids out of her womb, which isn’t saying much because she got 2 C-Sections, but you know what I mean. She’s calling the media and letting them know where she’ll be, she’s going to some dance studio trying to be all like Stella and trying to get her grove back and she’s doing in in fishnets, booty shorts, and a bra. I am not really complaining because she looks like most strippers I watch strip and I have a thing for watching strippers strip, even though the whole strip club scene is pretty dull to me. I am not saying that I don’t like watching girls get naked, but when I start talking to them and have to hear stories of how some of their clients take them out on dates and buy them expensive thing, or how they spent the last 4 nights high on E in some lavish hotel room with those clients, I am reminded that they are all a bunch of whores. I like going into the shit thinking they are just teenage mother’s who have deadbeat baby daddies, or that they are exhibitionists who get turned on by dancing for a room full of men, or that they are in med school trying to pay their way, when the reality of it is that they are just whores who like Gucci.

The only real reason that pisses me off is because the strippers I see in action aren’t even that hot. They have tits that anyone with a credit card could have, but walk around like they are fucking Britney Spears and are doing me some kind of favor by offering to let me touch their tits for 10 fucking dollars. Don’t think I am going soft on you here, I am just encouraging you to no fall for their game and when you have enough money in your bank, ask them how much for a blowjob, because when you take stripping to prostitution, you’re pretty much a success in my mind, and I am really the only person you should want to impress. Send pics, asshole. Cuddles.

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2007

19

Apr

I am – Britney Spears Likes to Dance of the Day

1 Comment »

I am all about bitches in dancing gear, I guess that’s why I used to sit inside American Apparel watching girls try on leotards until the fuckers caught on to what I was doing there. What they didn’t know was that I used to go to dance schools and sit in watching the 17 year old girls bend all kinds of ways in their little leotards like I was researching which school to send my stepdaughters to, until I overstayed my welcome after 4 hours a day for 3 days straight, saying I was being thorough didn’t really fly. I guess there was also the time that I’d hit up every dance recital until I was known in the local dance community, I told them I was a classically trained dancer but due to injury had to retire but could never retire my love for the art, but that didn’t last too long, when they invited me to perform for their school and I pretty much embarrassed the fuck out of myself, kinda like Britney has been doing the last 2 years of her life.

I like to think that connects us on so many fucking levels and not only on the slutty dance outfit and ripped fishnets with her ass hanging out to make me smile one. Cuddles.

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2007

17

Apr

I am – Britney Spears Upskirt of the Day

13 Comments »

There’s nothing more exciting than seeing a crazy girl who has had 2 babies flashing her panties. Actually, that is a lie, there are a lot of things more exciting that that, but I can’t seem to find them now. Britney’s been getting shit on pretty hard by everyone for the whole being fucking insane but I am okay with it. I am more into a girl who has completely lost her mind because they are usually easy to seduce, not that I’d want to be alone with this psycho for fear of being stabbed, but there’s no harm in thinking about it…

I was talking about Britney earlier today with some homeless motherfucker who seems to think she’s fucked up. I think being called insane by a guy who smears his shit all over bus shelters every night at 4 am is probably a bad sign. I told him that this was a whole scheme for her comeback, but he seemed to think that her little girl fans were probably scared of her, before showing me pictures he had taken of his shitty bus shelter art. If he is right than seeing her slutting out on stage probably won’t happen unless that stage is in a mental institution and it’s for their Christmas pageant. Either way, I don’t care, as long as her demise involves lots of nudity, upskirts, sex tapes and throwing her feces at the paparazzi because feces is the theme of this post.

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2006

10

Feb

Post-Pregnancy: Britney Tit

1 Comment »

I have said it before, I like to repeat myself, because I never remember who I said it to. It could have been on this site, but my archives got fucked in the move, unlike me, I never get fucked, and when I do, it’s by something you wouldn’t want to get fucked by and it’s really not by choice, but that’s no the point of this story. Pregnancy is the worse STD a bitch can get, I know all you anti-abortion jesus lovers are thinking “pregnancy is beautiful, it’s what keeps our religion alive”. But I come from a different school of thought and that is that kids follow you around for life, they mooch off you and cost you money, you have no control as to whether they are going to be cute or not, they never respect you and most importantly, they destroy your body, there’s no full recovery. I’m talking nothing ever fully whips back into shape, not the assaulted cooter, not the milk-bag feeding sack titties, not the belly or the ass…it may look like it does sometimes, but that’s just smoke and mirrors. Now, look at Britney’s nipple, the fucker is bigger than my head. You can’t tell me this shit’s sexy, in two years from now, she’ll write a memoir and in it, it will say “I wish K-Fed only gave me herpes, not herpes and a baby, ya’ll”. That’s my fucking story.

Posted in:Boob|Britney Spears|Pregnancy|Sex|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Britney’s Parenting Techniques

14 Comments »

This is all over the internet, I saw it on TV already, there’s really no point in me posting it because I have nothing interesting to say about it, but I generally don’t have anything interesting to say about much. I guess in Britney’s defense, I will say that my mother was a whore, as in a prostitute and not a whore as in I am a spoiled little rich kid and I hate my whore mother. Anyway, the point of the story is that she used to make me watch her get fucked by random men, I guess they were paying customers and she just wanted to show me what fucking is all about, I was lucky that the few times she did use condoms. She didn’t make me put them on for her, like her own personal condom applicator. I used to smoke cigarettes and drink booze with her when I was 5, and she was between jobs, she treated me like I was her useless slave and made me fist one of her friend’s in some on-stage performance. I think she made 10 dollars or something from it. I had no idea what I was doing at the time and in retrospect, one would find that a little disturbing, but I found it hot, and still do. We were in Mexico and we needed to eat.

All this to say, if driving with your kid on your lap is so bad, you should look at what your neighbors are doing to their kids behind closed doors and more importantly, Britney is rich, and nothing bad ever happens to the rich people.

Posted in:Britney Spears|kids|parent|Slut|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Britney's Parenting Techniques

No Comments »

This is all over the internet, I saw it on TV already, there’s really no point in me posting it because I have nothing interesting to say about it, but I generally don’t have anything interesting to say about much. I guess in Britney’s defense, I will say that my mother was a whore, as in a prostitute and not a whore as in I am a spoiled little rich kid and I hate my whore mother. Anyway, the point of the story is that she used to make me watch her get fucked by random men, I guess they were paying customers and she just wanted to show me what fucking is all about, I was lucky that the few times she did use condoms. She didn’t make me put them on for her, like her own personal condom applicator. I used to smoke cigarettes and drink booze with her when I was 5, and she was between jobs, she treated me like I was her useless slave and made me fist one of her friend’s in some on-stage performance. I think she made 10 dollars or something from it. I had no idea what I was doing at the time and in retrospect, one would find that a little disturbing, but I found it hot, and still do. We were in Mexico and we needed to eat.

All this to say, if driving with your kid on your lap is so bad, you should look at what your neighbors are doing to their kids behind closed doors and more importantly, Britney is rich, and nothing bad ever happens to the rich people.

Posted in:Britney Spears|kids|parent|Slut|Unsorted