Pool Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Pool Category

2009

Aug

The McCord Sister at a Pool Party in Vegas of the Day

I hate these sisters, but at least they get half naked for attention, because despite it not being as exciting as fullynaked, it is a hell of a lot more interesting than fully clothed and in all honesty, based on Annalynne McCord’s mouth, I think her pussy may be a disgustingly large, and meaty thing to look at, that may or may not have a set of horse teeth growing in the shit.

Either way, here are the sisters trying to live it up as much as they can before the rest of the world realizes they are a waste of fucking space and not nearly as hot or interesting as they think they are….
But then again, what do I know, I’m just a writer of blogs.

PICS VIA INF

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Pool

2009

Jun

Simone Lambe and Michael Ballack at the Pool in Miami of the Day

2 Comments »

Her name is Simone Lambe, she is dating some footballer from Germany named Michael Ballack. She was smart enough to get knocked up by the motherfucker in 2001 and keep the baby, because apparently he’s some kind of superstar over there, and as a groupie, who’s been through the hoops before knows, just fucking the motherfucker won’t keep him around, you need a tangible thing to keep him coming back, and usually groupie pussy isn’t enough of a tangible thing, but for most people babies are. It’s that whole guilt of having them show up on your doorstep 18 years down the road and all the headaches that come with that, so it’s easier to just suck it up and show up and be a dad, I guess.

Anyway, since that first baby they’ve had two more, and even got married in 2008, so her plan fuckin’ worked, it just took 8 years and here is her mom body in a bikini in Miami by the pool…and I am posting it because I am all about posting bikini pictures even if I’ve never heard of the people in them….

Posted in:Bikini|Michael Ballack|Pool|Simone Lambe

2009

Apr

Some Slut Named Ana Obregon at the Pool of the Day

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If you don’t know who Ana Obregon is, you’re a piece of fucking trash. Your life is void of any culture or class and you just live in your dirty, tunnel vision, cookie cutter, suburban whitebread life.

IF you took a second to step out of you’re sheltered Garth Brooks obsessed smalltown life, and maybe picked up a book every once in a while, or even enrolled in a night class, or cooking class, or any class to expand your fucking mind a little, you’d know that this haggard, weathered, Goddess is well known to American audiences because she was on an episode of Who’s the Boss. Yes. Who’s the fucking Boss, as Tony Danza’s relative from Italy. A career some people may laugh at, something I can related to.

I guess you could have just used Wikipedia for that, I know I did…..

Posted in:Ana Obregon|Bikini|Pool

2009

Apr

Kelly Osbourne Makin’ Out in the Pool of the Day

7 Comments »

Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. That’s really all I can say, because it is all my desensitized stomach feels in seeing these pictures, I assume that’s how the chair she’s sitting on feels too, you know all that and confusion, you know why is a gay dude up rubbin up on a cow, but more importantly, why doesn’t the cow have an actual bathing suit, but only frolicks in the water in what seems like little dresses. Is it because they don’t make bathing suits in cow size, or is it because the cow is insecure about its cow body, that’s can’t be possible, cows don’t feel insecure, they’re too busy being jacked on hormones and milked 24 hours a day….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know these pictures are disgusting and disturbing, I guess she’s just trying to live up to her dad’s horror / morbid / scare expectations.

Posted in:Kelly Osbourne|Making Out|Pool

2009

Mar

Mélissa Theuriau Topless and Frisky by the Pool of the Day

13 Comments »

Here’s French newscaster Melissa Theuriau in her bikini, showing off some tit, with some pregnant lookin red nipples, and I figured I’d post it because French girls are sluts and I like sluts. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, they are the kind of girl you pick up in a bar, will get wasted with you, makeout with her female friends and let you fuck her up the ass all within knowing her ten fucking minutes and then she’ll leave like nothing happened and be cool with you like you never fucked her up the ass on the first date, and if it was good enough time, will do it again, while other non french girls make shit awkward or try to date you before ever getting near their ass. So that’s why this breed, despite their rumored hairy cunts, need to be celebrated.

Here’s the boners….

Posted in:Bikini|Boners|Melissa Theuriau|Pool|Topless

2008

Sep

Bridget Marquart and Kendra Wilkinson Hit the Pool in Vegas of the Day

5 Comments »

Since being kicked out of the Playboy Mansion or whatever the fuck happened to Kendra Wilkinson now that Hef’s other girlfriends/live-in prostitutes who are a little more enterprising than the prostitutes I get with or have gotten with, not that I’m the kind of guy who would pay for sex, well actually I am, but have no money and that’s got nothing to do with this post what I am trying to say is that this Kendra Wilkison bitch doesn’t need Hef’s payroll to make her a whore, she’s doing an great job of it since she’s broken free from that polygamous sex cult that is the Playboy Mansion and here she is in Vegas enjoyin the single life from this past weekend with some other whore named Bridget who I’ve never heard of.

Posted in:Bridget Marquart|Kendra Wilkinson|Pool

2007

Jun

I am – Natasha Hamilton Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

I know you probably don’t know who she is because I don’t know who she is and despite having no interest in these people and just use them to lure idiots like you into my site, I still have been doing it 2.5 years and that makes me a bit of an expert. I don’t think being an expert in identifying useless celebrities is something to be proud of, it kinda categorizes me into the worlds of virgins and people who cut out pictures of bitches from magazines to put in my magical box that I keep under my bed for lovemaking purposes. I am talking about the losers who identify with celebrity vagina because they can’t get vagina of their own and in their fantasy world the characters these bitches play in the movies are their dream girls and one day when they make it rich they will win them over and end up marrying them and living happily ever after. What they realize is that no matter how much money they make, they can’t erase the fact that they are socially awkward creepy chronic masturbaters and girls don’t like awkward creepy chronic masturbaters, not to mention you don’t get rich living in your mom’s basement playing role playing games and poking girls your don’t know on facebook. That said, I have no idea who this bitch is, but rumor is that she’s in Atomic Kitten and that’s some UK girl group you probably want to fuck….

The real reason I posted these wasn’t because of the white bikini, even though I love white bikinis because they get see through and everytime I’ve seen a bitch in you, I’ve been able to make out what her pussy looks like, and despite that sounding creepy as shit, reality is it’s not my fault a bitch is showing her junk to everyone at the public pool I sometimes sneak into..so stop judging.

I wanted to write about redheads and how I was always scared of them growing up. I was born in mexico and spend a solid 10 years of my life there. I had never seen a redhead before and when I did for the first time when I was moved to Texas, I thought they were the spawn of the devil. I admit I was living with crazy Jesus people and I thought that everything was evil because that’s what they beat into me, but these pale faced, freckle covered weirdos with fire colored hair made me feel fucking uneasy. Later in life, I became a little more obnoxious and started asking the redheads I knew if they had fire crotches, they never wanted to answer me so I just assumed they were. I think I probably traumatized them and gave them a complex, but I was 15 or some shit, I hope they got over it, because I don’t want a group of redheaded weirdos I once knew holding meetings on how they want to kill me for ruining their sex lives, because redheads are naturally really strong and could hurt me. I figure they are strong for the same reason retarded people are strong, their gene pool evolved over the generations to deal with dickheads like me who would tease them for being different, so that we couldn’t lock them in lockers and shit. Someone once told me that redheaded kids were left in the woods to fend for themselves as babies in the middle ages because having a redheaded kid was considered a bad thing. So the ones who survived were obviously the ones who could deal with the elements….making them a superior race of humans….

Either way, what I am getting at is that the though of these pale spotted people with bright red lips and what I assume big red cunts with orange fucking pubes used to make me fucking sick to my stomach and I couldn’t grasp why Archie from the Archie comics always wanted to get a piece of the redheaded girl…that was until I started seeing seeing hot redheads, ones who didn’t look like they were genetic accidents that would have been left in the woods in the middle ages. They looked like hot fucking pieces of ass that I wanted to go down on for fucking hours. Now it seems that every time I leave my house, I see at least one redhead I’d like to fuck, red pubes and all. Maybe it’s become a fetish because I’ve never had one, but I am thinking that for all those years I was just prejudice and missed out on fulfilling this dream and now it’s too late because I am married and can’t get boners.

This post was really long. I bet it was boring to read. Good thing you didn’t bother. Asshole.

2007

May

I am – Danielle Lloyd Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

I know that I dropped a like to some of these pictures last night, but I figured I should do a post on them because that’s how obvious I am. I like to tip you fuckers off to posts I am going to do the following day just to keep everyone on the same page. Fuck surprises, I can’t compete with the speed of some of these virgin bloggers who have some keen ability to land all the fucking paparazzi pictures first. Sometimes I think they are out there taking the pictures themselves, but realize their acne, overbearing mother and social awkwardness prevents them from leaving the house too often. Either way, they make me look like a shitty blogger, because most of the celebrities I post about I’ve never heard of while these fuckers have their life stories, bra size and current relationship status branded on their brains.

Either way, here are the pictures of Danielle Lloyd, I am not sure who she is and I was going to go on and on about how bad I am at this blogging gayness but since I am up against a group of people you probably made fun of in high school, giving them a complex and leading them to this as a job, I’m pretty sure I’ll come out on top. I may not have been the virgin loser who chronically masturbated, was scared of girls and who everyone laughed at for dressing up like a Star Wars character for the high school dance because I was the slacker who no one really liked, who dropped out of school at 16 but still got pussy because I started drinking at a young age. No one wanted to be me, but no one picked on me and being too cool for school is way cooler than the school being too cool for you…

I should write an after-school special, I’ll cast Danielle Lloyd as the teacher who gets knocked up by a 15 year old gangster from her English class who sells weed. Seems like she’s into that whole Blacks on Blonds Business….or what I like to call BBB, at first I thought she was too skinny for that, then realized she’s planning for the future by the looks of her body, her budding cankles and double chin, I can tell you she’ll be a fat mess in a few years…that doesn’t mean stop eating girls….I like fat chicks, I married a fat chick, I was just making conversation. Cuddles.

Now With Some Shorts On….