Tits Archives - Page 66 of 79 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

17

Aug

I am – Hayden Panettiere Gets a Ticket of the Day

So people say that this bitch is the next Lohan. I say she’s the next Roseanne Barr. She’s like the girl who’s okay looking in high school but when you see her i few years later she’s about 40 pounds overweight and has 2 kids with 2 different fathers and you’re just like “what the fuck happened to her?”.

I guess I am kinda like Roseanne Barr too and I am sure if people from my highschool saw me today, they’d think the same fucking thing, but I guess the reality of it all is that I am not relying on my looks to get me ahead in life, but I am pretty sure Hayden is.

Either way, this is an email I got yesterday from some creepy Lohan fan….

Subject: Big fan of Lindsay Lohans

I was just interested in how you got her phone # I am not a stalker I have just been trying to get ahold of her through her people and nothing has worked I am disabled and simply want to meet her that’s all.

DJ Cochran

Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere’s Tits Getting a Ticket…..

Related Posts:

Hayden Panettiere Eating
Hayden Panettiere Pickin’ Her Wedgie
Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures
Hayden Panettiere In a White Robe

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Tits|Unsorted

2007

17

Aug

I am – The Uncensored Vanessa Minnillo Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

Do you remember when Nick Lachey and his girlfriend went to Mexico and frolicked around naked and fucked in the hot tub and it was all caught by some photographer that they had the Mexican government kill and forced all the pictures that were released off the internet so that in a couple months time it would be like they never happened because we would have all forgotten….it turns out that they weren’t forgotten and these pictures surfaced recently in some Spanish Magazine.

I am not an expert at spotting fakes, but these are pretty believable to me. I would assume that this Minnillo slut has a solid bush and I am okay with that because I am a fan of bush. I can never tell whether I am a legitimate fan of bush because I haven’t come face to face with one in years, not because waxing and shaving is what every 14 year old and her mother does now as scheduled as brushing their teeth, but because I am a married man who doesn’t ever look at his wife’s cunt. That said, I think girls with bush are breaking down the mainstream, they are saying no to the Chachi way of bald and owning their natural state and when some girls tell me over the internet that they have never shaved before, it reminds me of some kind of magical forest that the building developers haven’t started building on, or like a deserted island that no one has ever visited and that shit is hotter than razor burn.

Either way, I don’t want to get sued so I am going to just link this site that has the pictures loaded. Although I like seeing celebrities naked, I don’t like when they use some of the money in there huge bank accounts to get their revenge on me…..Even if they could be fake.

Vanessa Minnillo Full Nude Picture With Fat Tits Bush
GO

Vanessa Minnillo Side Tit
GO

Related Posts:

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Banging
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Naked in Mexico
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo at the Pool

2007

17

Aug

I am – Mena Suvari Bikini Pics of the Day

3 Comments »

The first time I was into girls with a shaved head was when I was about 14 and I met this girl with Alopecia. The thought of her never having any body hair just really got me going on and trying on all her wigs made for a good time.

The second time I was into girls with no hair was when I was about 16 and a girl I was friends with got cancer and thought she was going to die. As part of the process of not wanting to die a virgin, he weak frail, chemotherapy-ridden body came to me for help. Not because I was someone people wanted to fuck but because I was someone who would fuck someone with cancer. I am sure the whole experience was humiliating and we ended up getting caught by the staff at the hospital and it lead to me being admitted to some psych ward for a while, but I’ve blocked it out of my memory. She lived and I like to think it was my gift of life that helped her through it, or that my dick cured cancer but it was probably her need to get past the cancer, grow some motherfucking hair back and find a real guy who could please her, but I guess my poor performance played a part in curing cancer and that is good enough for me!!!

The third time I was into girls with no hair was a long time after the cancer sex, was many years later, well after I blocked out the whole chemo experience and it was while working at the porn company and seeing some slut with a shaved head get a load dumped all over her bald head, and I knew it was something I needed to do, so I spent months looking for someone to fill the part, I even offered whores some money to shave their heads for my needs, but they weren’t to into the 50 dollars I managed to save up from collecting cans and would only do it for 1000 which was out of my budget for cumming on a sluts head.

I was tempted to go back to the cancer ward, I was tempted to shave girls heads in their sleep like my weird friend whose mother used to make him brush her hair every night, but eventually I just got over the whole thing…..

Here are some pictures of Mena Suvari, in a bikini, with her shaved head that I would cum all over if I wasn’t impotent, not because she’s hot, but just based on principle. I guess the real interesting thing in all this is that when Britney shaves her head she’s having some kind of meltdown and when this bitch does it no one cares….I guess that probably doesn’t help Mena Suvari’s cry for help so much does it. She was probably sitting at home, realizing that her career was garbage and was looking for a way to sort it out, saw Britney on the news and was like “I know I’ll shave my head”, only no one even noticed…..Shed a tear for this girl, then rub one out….it’s what she wants you to do.

Related Posts:

Mena Suvari Bikini Pictures
Mena Suvari Showing Her Ass Off
Mena Suvari Topless Beach
Mena Suvari Got Gas and an Ass

2007

15

Aug

I am – Ashley Scott Bikini Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

I don’t know who Ashley Scott is, which is surprising since I’ve been doing this site for so long. I can only assume that hard drinking for so many years has made me lose anything that resembles a memory and that I am just a high-functioning retard at this point. I don’t need to be in a home but I do catch myself sitting in the park hitting 2 rocks together for hours on end while rockin’ back and forth. I like to think it’s part of my charm.

The reality is that I am too ugly for a girl like Ashley Scott to ever considering getting naked for, so I rely on these pictures of her to make me believe that my life isn’t destined to some fat middle-aged whore who made my stop working, taking every bit of masculinity I ever had away from me leaving me nothing more than a fat dude with tits. I was trying to talk dirty to this slut on IM in hopes of bringing some level of my spunk back and she was into cybersex. She wanted me to virtually rape her but I couldn’t pull through. I knew that even in fantasy a rape scene headed by me would end up with my limp dick trying it’s hardest to make it’s way into the promised land, leaving her bored of the role-playing, and leaving me on the corner of the bed limp dick in hand, head bowed in shame and embarrassment possibly with tears of frustration dripping down my face.

I guess that doesn’t really matter to you, I was just saying you should take this pictures to a private part of your mother’s house, like the bathroom, lock the door and rape yourself, because let’s face it, she’s a hell of a lot better than anything you’ll ever land.

Related Posts:

Ashley Scott’s Panties of the Day
Uma Thurman Bikini Pictures
Celine Dion Bikini Pictures
Serena Williams Bikini Pictures
Britney Spears Bikini Ass

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn't Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn’t Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

14

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway's Boobs and Boyfriend of the Day

No Comments »

When I was 5 I was best friends with my rich cousin Peter, who lived in a nice house because his Dad spent the day at work instead of sucking down scotch in the garage. I consider Peter rich because he had an illegal cleaning every day who brought along her 4 year-old kid, Julio. I invented a game that involved a girlfriend, boyfriend, and a dude washing the car. Since Julio was Mexican, he got to be my boyfriend.

So I filled my shirt with socks for boobs, told Peter to start washing the invisible car, sat Julio down in the driver’s seat and put my head in Julio’s lap (just like Mom and Dad), and that’s when the housekeeper appeared and started screaming some shit in Spanish. I don’t know what her deal was. Bitch snatched up Julio, so Peter and I just moved our party to his playroom. I picked up this fancy Fisher-Price singing-machine. There was brown liquid all over the back. It had to be chocolate because Peter was rich and rich people have chocolate. I licked it. It wasn’t chocolate.

Let me put it in terms you can understand: battery acid in your mouth is like poison ivy plus Eastern-European Super-Whore-Herpes all over your dick. After my aunt called a doctor, she had a pow-wow with that bitch housekeeper. The cunt sent me home that day, and every day after that, but I kept coming back. Because that’s what future hookers are like as kids: strays who will eat anything that looks like food, teach porno games to your kids, and molest the help.

I don’t know what Julio is doing these days, but I do know what Anne Hathaway is up to. She is living in a magical land of pretty fireworks and fancy clothes. Here she is on a boring date with her euro-trash boyfriend who is being sued for allegedly spending money from the charity he owns (and she is on the board of) on her and their ritzy Manhattan lifestyle, instead of on starving kids in Venezuela. Go ahead, throw your head back and laugh at the hungry poor people, eat some South American babies for supper, and then make out with your queef-faced swindler, cuz he’s the most exciting thing about you. She does have nice boobs though, i guess, i saw them in “Havoc.” Julio probably grew up to be like the gangbangers in “Havoc.”

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Bonus – Anne Hathaway is Totally Unsexy on Her Romantic Getaway with her Jewish Boyfriend as She Kisses Him in Some Bed Sheet Dress….If I Was There, Bitch Would have to be Topless if She Wanted to Board My Ship…

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Cleavage of the Day
Brokeback Mountain is not Gay

Posted in:Anne Hathaway|Making Out|Tits|Unsorted

2007

14

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway’s Boobs and Boyfriend of the Day

10 Comments »

When I was 5 I was best friends with my rich cousin Peter, who lived in a nice house because his Dad spent the day at work instead of sucking down scotch in the garage. I consider Peter rich because he had an illegal cleaning every day who brought along her 4 year-old kid, Julio. I invented a game that involved a girlfriend, boyfriend, and a dude washing the car. Since Julio was Mexican, he got to be my boyfriend.

So I filled my shirt with socks for boobs, told Peter to start washing the invisible car, sat Julio down in the driver’s seat and put my head in Julio’s lap (just like Mom and Dad), and that’s when the housekeeper appeared and started screaming some shit in Spanish. I don’t know what her deal was. Bitch snatched up Julio, so Peter and I just moved our party to his playroom. I picked up this fancy Fisher-Price singing-machine. There was brown liquid all over the back. It had to be chocolate because Peter was rich and rich people have chocolate. I licked it. It wasn’t chocolate.

Let me put it in terms you can understand: battery acid in your mouth is like poison ivy plus Eastern-European Super-Whore-Herpes all over your dick. After my aunt called a doctor, she had a pow-wow with that bitch housekeeper. The cunt sent me home that day, and every day after that, but I kept coming back. Because that’s what future hookers are like as kids: strays who will eat anything that looks like food, teach porno games to your kids, and molest the help.

I don’t know what Julio is doing these days, but I do know what Anne Hathaway is up to. She is living in a magical land of pretty fireworks and fancy clothes. Here she is on a boring date with her euro-trash boyfriend who is being sued for allegedly spending money from the charity he owns (and she is on the board of) on her and their ritzy Manhattan lifestyle, instead of on starving kids in Venezuela. Go ahead, throw your head back and laugh at the hungry poor people, eat some South American babies for supper, and then make out with your queef-faced swindler, cuz he’s the most exciting thing about you. She does have nice boobs though, i guess, i saw them in “Havoc.” Julio probably grew up to be like the gangbangers in “Havoc.”

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Bonus – Anne Hathaway is Totally Unsexy on Her Romantic Getaway with her Jewish Boyfriend as She Kisses Him in Some Bed Sheet Dress….If I Was There, Bitch Would have to be Topless if She Wanted to Board My Ship…

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Cleavage of the Day
Brokeback Mountain is not Gay

Posted in:Anne Hathaway|Making Out|Tits|Unsorted

2007

14

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie's Sheer Maternity Top of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of a pregnant Nicole Richie wearing a sheer to to show off her new gut and to remind how much of a slut she was to get in this situation in the first place….I have mixed emotions about pregnant chicks dressing like sluts.

I remember a time when being pregnant meant wearing these big housecoat style dresses that looked more like aprons you’d see the housekeeping crew at a shitty charge by the hour motel than what you’d want your wife to wear. Even thought when your wife is carrying your child you don’t always want her on all fours rockin’ thongs that make you nervous about your future babies life, unless of course you got manipulated into this whole mess by a crazy girl with a sewing needle and your box of condoms, but I doubt that because no one would want to be locked to you for life. But that’s not the point.

The point is that the housecoat maternity wear is definitely not the hottest thing for a woman to wear, even though the immigrant housekeeping staff at a charge by the hour motel usually offers full service, but it is a little more conservative and respectable and allows the world to know that the girl has given up on the party life and is ready to strap the fuck down and be serious.

I guess Nicole Richie, being a rich girl who never had to have any real level of responsibility and who was loose enough in the motherfucking hips, or at least loose enough to not use a condom with some scumbag from some shitty band that would have been better off if their tour bus accidentally drove off of bridge leaving dudes writing hand mangled and his voicebox ripped out…proves that old habits die hard and in about 10 years she’ll be showing her baby girl the best way to smoke heroin.

I am not even going to bother mentioning Mischa Barton in all this, because she’s out of work, not pregnant and not hot enough to bother with today.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie May Be Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie Hiding Her Rat Face From The Camera
Nicole Richie Bikini Throwback

2007

14

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie’s Sheer Maternity Top of the Day

10 Comments »

Here are some pictures of a pregnant Nicole Richie wearing a sheer to to show off her new gut and to remind how much of a slut she was to get in this situation in the first place….I have mixed emotions about pregnant chicks dressing like sluts.

I remember a time when being pregnant meant wearing these big housecoat style dresses that looked more like aprons you’d see the housekeeping crew at a shitty charge by the hour motel than what you’d want your wife to wear. Even thought when your wife is carrying your child you don’t always want her on all fours rockin’ thongs that make you nervous about your future babies life, unless of course you got manipulated into this whole mess by a crazy girl with a sewing needle and your box of condoms, but I doubt that because no one would want to be locked to you for life. But that’s not the point.

The point is that the housecoat maternity wear is definitely not the hottest thing for a woman to wear, even though the immigrant housekeeping staff at a charge by the hour motel usually offers full service, but it is a little more conservative and respectable and allows the world to know that the girl has given up on the party life and is ready to strap the fuck down and be serious.

I guess Nicole Richie, being a rich girl who never had to have any real level of responsibility and who was loose enough in the motherfucking hips, or at least loose enough to not use a condom with some scumbag from some shitty band that would have been better off if their tour bus accidentally drove off of bridge leaving dudes writing hand mangled and his voicebox ripped out…proves that old habits die hard and in about 10 years she’ll be showing her baby girl the best way to smoke heroin.

I am not even going to bother mentioning Mischa Barton in all this, because she’s out of work, not pregnant and not hot enough to bother with today.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie May Be Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie Hiding Her Rat Face From The Camera
Nicole Richie Bikini Throwback

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