There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to realize that they are no longer that cute little 3 year old on Full House anymore. They have to realize that although they may have all the money in the fucking world and the luxury to do whatever they please, they can’t change the fact that they are fucking ugly. Now you could say that plastic surgery is an option, but unfortunately we’d have a Michael Jackson on our hands, not that Michael Jackson’s ugly, I would rather get into bed with him that this bitch anyday but that’s only because he has a petting zoo and I fucking love petting zoos. My suggestion for this Olsen twin is simple, just get yourself bigger sunglasses, ones that cover your fucking disgusting mouth, you look like my 90 year old grandmother who spent 65 years sucking tourist cock in Tijuana. I am thinking a helmet with a visor will do, and on the positive side, if you trip and fall from heat exhaustion on a day that you skipped your toilet paper and water meal, you will prevent head trauma. See bitch, I am always thinking about your best fucking interests.
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Being on a reality TV show is always a good way to pigeonhole yourself. People all think that their 5 mins of fame on one of these shows will end up giving them so many more oppotunites that will make them the next Tom Cruise, but the reality of reality TV is that you play yourself, you are edited to shit, everything is skewed to have a dramatic effect and you walk away from the experience humilated and hated by the rest of Society. The best concept for a Reality TV show is Big Brother, it’s all about locking motherfuckers up in a house and seeing how they interact after providing them with a bunch of booze to get the party started and make shit interesting….all while cameras are installed in every room of the house allowing average hillbilly trash watch the dynamic of the human experience. The good thing about the human experience is that it always comes down to sex, and on big brother we get to see the sex so it’s amateur porn in full effect, but it’s okay because it’s reality TV. These 2 Russians get caught on camera gettin down after a night of drinking…the good news for them is that by doing a reality TV show in Russia is the 3 people own TVs so the chance of running your life is a hell of a stetch. The reason only 3 people have TVs is because of communism. Embrace your freedom you dirty Americans.
I think that people who fuck fleshlights are funny because they are clearly people who can’t get real pussy, but try to pretend that they get so much pussy they need to use a Fleshlight in between all the pussy to keep them ready for the pussy that throws itself at them later that day. I like the way these virgins pretend to know what a real pussy feels like and constantly talk about how real the fleshlight is in comparison to real pussy, all the while not knowing what real pussy is….because if they knew what a real pussy felt like, they would know that a fleshlight although mimics a pussy it sure isn’t the real fucking thing….the problem with the fleshlight is that it implies that most men only care about the pussy and other orifices like the ass and mouth, without including the emotional attachment we all deeply crave. Fact is a rubber pussy is never a real pussy and that you have just read a post that broke the record for using the word pussy the most….that leads me into the Fleshlight post of the day:
