DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2020

07

Jan

Sara Sampaio Might be Tom Hanks in a Bikini of the Day

Sara Sampaio is some fisherman’s daughter from Portugal, who instead of choosing a life of making custard tarts in her beach community, has decided to book Victoria’s Secret, despite them being an evil sweatshop owning, sexual predator funding, mall brand that produces over priced dog shit panties, because models have no souls and will go to the highest bidder any chance they get…..it’s sex work on a mainstream and corporate level really….sex work that they turn into actual sex work because it leads to rich as fuck boyfriends who finance their lives, even though they got money of their own, if anything that money of their own is what they use to bait the rich guys into funding their lives, because the rich guys can “believe” that they aren’t in it for the money and can pretend that the bikini model is there for the love…and not because she’s a wallet fucking puppet…

POINT being, she’s got a sunburn and some serious fucking teeth….watch out dicks paying to enter that mouth, it could be hazardous but also exciting if you’re into that kind of dick abuse porn that’s out there…and you probably are.

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Posted in:Sara Sampaio|SFW

2020

07

Jan

Ireland Baldwin Bodysuit of the Day

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To be Ireland Baldwin is to be posting some unflattering half naked selfies to remind everyone that you are no Kim Bassinger, despite your name and the womb you crawled out of.

When I see her content, it’s just unfortunate that she didn’t stick to her original “california child of celebs living at the beach house” narrative, but instead stopped showering, got prison tats, gained 20 lbs, coming in at 300 lbs because she’s 6 foot tall, dated some dyke rapper and is still lower on the totem pole by uglier, less relevant, girls who don’t have dad’s who are Alec fucking Baldwin.

I do think that she could turn this whole thing around if she hired me as the IG Model coach I was destined to be, but that no one will give me the chance to do….because broken rich girls who don’t play the broken rich girl…but who look too much like a broken rich girl have potential…but are throwing it all away…

We get it your dad likes his new family better than you, get over it, and take a damn shower.

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Posted in:Ireland Baldwin|SFW

2020

07

Jan

Emmy Rosum Big Tits as Angelyne of the Day

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The real Angelyne..

So Angelyne, the legendary famous for not being famous, buying her own billboard, driving around in her pink corvette, becoming an LA meme before there were memes…is being made into a Mini Series and all the other bottom feeders out there like Phoebe Price who no one cares about…must be MAD….but not as mad as they should be since they decided to book the wet rag Emmy Rossum to play the Blonde “bombshell”….or trainwreck depending your opinion of Angelyne…

I will say that I have someone’s streaming account and that I have been watching this Season of Shameless after writing it off back in Season 2 for hating Emmy Rossum…she was the worst thing to happen to that show and I decided to show my support of her firing by tuning in, even if I find the show stupid…it’s far better than it was with Rossum on it. The kind of girl who makes everything shit…so unfortunately the industry hasn’t realized that and are still giving her and her tits work. TOO bad.

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Posted in:Emmy Rossum|SFW

2020

07

Jan

Adriana Lima Big Tits on the Beach of the Day

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Adriana Lima was a Victoria’s Secret for far too long, I mean literally far too long. She extended her career for about a decade longer than she should have but I guess their website analytics stated that she was still an earner, that her celebrity still pushed panties, and they weren’t going to let her retire and live that good life in Miami she wanted, they were going to keep her slaving away like some kind of banged out sex worker who can no longer walk thanks to all the sex she’s been paid for, only the bikini model version.

So here she is looking like shit, still busy, but not nearly the Adriana Lima she was, more a shadow of what she was…declining faster than a gay with AIDS in the 80s…the bikini model version.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

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Posted in:Adriana Lima|SFW

2020

07

Jan

Sophie Mudd Big Tits of the Day

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Sophie Mudd posted up a titty big, because she’s got DDDD sized tits, which is why she is followed on Social Media, and which is why she’s done anything in her life and career, because big tits on a small frame, that get half naked on social media are important. At least to me. Big tits on a small frame are my holy grail and I am sure other dudes feel the same way. The girl doesn’t even need to be hot and she’s a win.

ANYWAY, since everything is about mindfulness, sustainability, empowerment, feminist rights…these girls are showing their real self, that is just a fabricated lie of their real self, it’s their curated real self while showing their tits.

Sometimes that is in the form of them talking about their flaws, or their periods, or their bowel issues, or their sexual assaults…and sometimes their flaws they talk about are their monster tits.

So Sophie Mudd, who made a name for herself on IG, doing SHARE FOR SHARE with other whores, because of her tits….posted a titty pic that she’s positioned as “empowerment” of those tits and that’s just fucking hilarious.

No one judging you here big tits. Just stop going off course with the non titty pics now that you have the followers and are trying to secure corporate gigs.

That’s all I have to say about that.

For as long as I can remember I have been extremely insecure about my body. I would cover my self up because I was ashamed and embarrassed to have a bigger chest. I constantly felt like I wanted to apologize for my body. I always ask my friends before I post a photo “is this too much” and I’m truly sick of it. Why am I thinking about how to make other people feel comfortable with MY body? To me there is nothing more beautiful than the women’s body. Curvy girls, skinny girls, and everything in between! Life is to short to care about other people’s judgment and it’s taken me sometime to accept this (don’t get me wrong I’m still working on this everyday). Next time you look in the mirror try pointing out the things you love about self instead of the things you hate. Your mind, your body, and your power. I love you

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Posted in:SFW|Sophie Mudd

2020

07

Jan

Jess Glynne Bikini of the Day

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I have no idea who Jess Glynne is but I thought this was the girl that played John Ritter’s daughter in 8 Simple Rules (Amy Davidson) the other Kaley Cuoco….the one who didn’t kill Jon Ritter. I was wrong.

Apparently she’s a singer from the UK, but I’m still not convinced that this isn’t Amy Davidson the 8 Simple Rules girl but maybe ALL GINGERS LOOK THE FUCKING SAME with their terrifying fiery hair and their pasty white skin….

She is wearing what looks like men’s underwear on the beach and be happy that she is, since ginger’s have some of the weirdest cunts out there. All bright rosy pink with an angry looking bush….. What is this animal. I almost want to apologize for posting her.

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Posted in:Jess Glynne|SFW

2020

07

Jan

Kaia Gerber Nips for Fashion of the Day

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Kaia Gerber has her tits out, she’s 18 and been waiting for this since her mom decided she was going to be a model before she was born, grooming her to have her tits out for as long as she can remember, so that when that MODEL time came, which I think happened a few years ago, when she wasn’t 18, because hollywood parents are weird and like throwing their kids into degenerate industries with degenerate people who happen to have a lot of money and cocaine….which I would consider child abuse, but what do I fucking know…nothing…nothing is what I know….

But I’m all for young rich kid playing a model when she’s from Cindy Crawford’s twat and not some troll Kardashian…so keep it coming girl…

She was also in a sports bra…

The rumor is that Kaia Geber was getting lectured last week by her parents for dating Pete Davidson, the pics of RANDE Gerber impersonating Pete Davidson’s crazy face to Cindy Crawford were pretty good.

I guess Pete had a mental breakdown at Kaia’s NYC apartment and she called her parents to come over and help her because she’s still basically an infant.

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Posted in:Kaia Gerber|SFW

2020

07

Jan

Line Brems Skinny Model of the Day

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Line Brems is a Danish model who you’ve probably never heard of and who I am only posting because she’s skinny, so skinny you can see her heart beat through her ribcage and this is a FUCKING picture not even a video, and whether some of you feeder fetishists think that thin is disgusting or unhealthy, I say the opposite….more people die from being fat than from being skinny…I also feel passionate about the need for skinny in pop culture to keep things operating in a way it has always been, in a way we all know and trust, and we shouldn’t fold to girls whining about unrealistic body image, because it is realisitic if you try, lazy bitch.

I am campaigning for a skinnier pop culture. So in doing that I celebrate all the young and skinny coming up even if they aren’t the hottest or most interesting, at least they aren’t fat.

Call me nostalgic. Here’s Line Brems. At least she’s not fat.

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Posted in:SFW

2020

07

Jan

Margaret Qualley Crochet Panties of the Day

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Margaret Qualley shot by Juergen Teller for that W Best Performers Series or whatever.

Juergen Teller is one of those legendary “Fine Art Photographers” who takes a lot of nudes. He’s from Germany and they are weird at least sexually. Just ask Heidi Klum’s vagina that’s been banged out FAR too aggressively by SEAL.

Margaret Qualley is Andie MacDowell’s ugly kid, in a “if you look at her face, you’ll know that she’s gotta be someone’s kid to be here, or maybe just one of the last girls to fuck Weinstein before he was brought down, thank’s for the career old man”…

They say that Margaret Qualley grew up in ASHEVILLE, so I’m not sure how her wanting to move to LA to be a celebrity happened, but I guess growing up in ASHEVILLE as Andie MacDowell’s ugly kid means there’s probably an LA house and an NYC apartment. Asheville is just her mom’s attempt to keep her wholesome…and it worked out well seeing as she’s in W magazine in her underwear.

Here she is at the Golden GLobes

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Posted in:Margaret Qualley|SFW

2020

07

Jan

Mary J Blige Bikini of the Day

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Check out Mary J Blige in a bikini, something you never wanted to see in a bikini but that is wearing a bikini because the world is a changing place and bikinis come in all sizes for all age groups.

But it takes all kinds and from all my research the last 15 years, people get weirder and weirder in what they jerk off to. Fat girls are now considered hot and are paid for being hot, something I only thought happened in strip clubs for obscure fatty lovers, but now fetishes become mainstream.

So who am I to discriminate against this, when someone out there loves it, like this is the HOLY GRAIL of their jerking off.

I am a nice guy, despite being alienated for being an asshole online and in life, so this one’s for you, cuz it sure ain’t for me.