DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2016

15

Feb

Whitney Port in a Bikini of the Day

Check out the Pussy hang on this bitch…

Whitney Port may remind you of when pop culture was even more horrible as it is now because we had no choice in the matter of who became famous…

The people we were forced to talk about and pay attention to or read about in the media were these garbage idiots that the networks pulled out of casting couches and created storylines around…

Instead of us choosing our youtubers and instagrammers to follow….defining AND curating our own pop culture experience….

There was a show called Laguna Beach and The Hills, that paved the way for shit like Jersey Shore and The Kardashians, you know the early to market scripted reality garbage used to dumb down the youth with vapid cunts talking about nonsense that doesn’t matter. The addictive storylines pandering the basic human condition for idiot kids, making garbage people famous…..in what I guess is just some silly soap opera….

Well she reminds me of broken dreams, now that she’s a mom, and you can check out the Pussy hang on this bitch…

TO SEE THE REST OF WHITNEY PORT IN BIKINI
CLICK HERE

Posted in:SFW|Whitney Port

2016

15

Feb

Scary Spice Mel B in a Bikini of the Day

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I tell you what I want – what I really really want…I want Scary Spice in more bikini pics because she was the Spice Girl I used to jerk off to – what 20 years ago now…that’s sounds pretty fucking crazy until you look at how her body has aged and then you realize “yep that would take about 20 years to happen”….not that I am hating on this, how could I hate on a set of hard nipples in a green tank top in an era when we didn’t have porn…yes we actually jerked off to music videos…not together but everyone did it…we had limited fucking options…

I don’t know why she’s covered in sand in Turks and Caicos with a dude who she’ll probably marry, she marries everyone, except Eddy Murphy but that’s because he’s more into pretending he never knocked her up…

She’s thick,..and she’s old and for some reason I call #blacklivesmatter… I like it..

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Melanie Brown|Scary Spice|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Jojo Bra Top of the Day

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Jojo Levesque is the mystery Jailbait who is no longer jailbait…but she’s obviously back on the scene trying to get some attention, unless wearing a bra for the paparazzi has nothing to do with trying to get attention and everything to do with style…

You know this is just her look, it’s what she likes to wear, wrap her up in fishnet everyday of the week, it’s how she goes to the fucking grocery store…and is not about her showing off her fitness body or any of that shit thirsty bitches do….

She’s Jojo, she doesn’t need to be famous because she’s got talent and a history…you know with her body of work, that was also a body grown men wanted to have sex with because she was in the media and underage and that’s enough for grown men to want to have sex with a girl….unless they are in canada, where they can have sex with the girl but choose not to since 16-17 year olds are fucking crazy and even 18 is too fucking young…

Oh and she fucks very fucking black dudes…which the same pervert fanbase probably can’t handle..

CLICK HERE

Posted in:Jojo Levesque|SFW

2016

15

Feb

UK Fame Whore of the Day

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I don’t even know who this girl is, but I like her hustle. She knows that when she is to leave a club or party where the paparazzi are present, to flash and strip down however much clothing she can manage to rip off before exposing herself, in order to ensure being talked about in the tabloids, because to some people, being in the tabloids is a stamp of approval that they matter or exist, and without that coverage, they are just slutty girls past their prime, but those same people are the kind of people who behave like this in public and it is glorious enough for me….being the pervert that I am….

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Famewhore

2016

15

Feb

Christina Milian’s Big Cleavage of the Day

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I am not a fan of Christina Milian or her comeback tour. Where she’s managed to leverage everything she can doing the low level tricks of fame whoring to get followers and attention…

She was a one hit wonder, who had a kid with this dude who is a very famous producer and has song writing credits on major hits, so many that when they were together he was able to get her on some, because he probably knew the residuals would mean less alimony since bitch doesn’t work….

She’s a second tier host on a singing show that is hugely successful, working as their social media person, but only this past year has been able to get a following because she gets more and more aggressive with her pics..because tits get his..

So if it’s not some pool party, see through shirt, bikini paparazzi pics, it’s cleavage…as she knows how to get talked about…since we’re all as basic as she is in her hustle…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Christina Milian|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Elle Fanning for Vogue Australia of the Day

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Elle Fanning is the sister of creepy Dakota fanning…

She’s 17…

So I guess Vogue Australia thinks it’s ok to dress up 17 year olds in lacy outfits…which isn’t as bad as you jerking off to 17 year olds in lacy outfits….who I guess don’t count as 17 because they are from Hollywood and in movies and thus have no parents or souls…having sex at 12 with creepy perverts because it’s the Wild West with no rules..they are the fucking rules…and they distract their vapid and disgustingness with morally sound movies…

Oh wait, she does have a dad, his name is Steven J. Fanning, who played minor league baseball for teams affiliated with the St. Louis Cardinals and now works as an electronics salesman in Los Angeles..

I guess at 17, it’s grey area legally, but knowing you – you’ve been a fan since “I am Sam”…

Posted in:Elle Fanning|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Hannah Ferguson’s Twerking of the Day

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I think you can see her asshole…

I spent an hour doing some Sports Illustrated Coverage – because I don’t bother producing my own content that often and would rather point and laugh at the lack of creativity from my soiled poverty stricken couch…it’s the life of a loser critic….

When Sports Illustrated pops off every year, there’s hours of footage and outtakes for each of these girls they use…so for the next year random shit they do will come together and be promoted…their brand depends on it almost as much as most of the girls depend on SI promoting them to get work…

Here’s Hannah Ferguson….doing a stripper dance twerk – which is not all that far off from where she probably should be working – but thanks to SI 2014, doesn’t have to…

Shoutout to Bob for sending this in…

Posted in:Hannah Ferguson|SFW

2016

15

Feb

Bella Thorne’s Tits in a Bikini of the Day

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Some dude was ripping into me on twitter yesterday because he finds me a pussy bitch who writes pussy bitch commentary about girls like a pussy bitch….or something equally well thought out…

He was really mad, despite claiming to not know who Bella Thorne was, that I call her 40 years old, every single time I post about her….like a bad joke I keep killing over and over again…despite how he doesn’t read the site, because I am a pussy bitch of the internet….

The reality of it, is that Bella Thorne probably isn’t 40 years old, but I keep telling the same story about her being 40 years old, because I only have so much to say about a vapid little self absorbed girl in the entertainment industry…that bros and frat boys and dads are into because they are perverts or are forced to know..because she’s the hot pussy in the shitty shows their kids make them watch…

I mean this girl posts compromising selfies on the regular..more often than actual substance…so the repeating the same story – comes hand in hand – with her repeating the same marketing tactics…and really, I am not a comedy writer, trying to be funny, but rather an angry pervert who thinks telling the same joke over and over becomes awkward and thus hilarious over time…

You just gotta let it simmer, while Bella Thorne simmers her pale skin in the sun, on vacation because life is rough for a 40 year old pretending to be an 18 year old…because pervert dudes buy into the lie…because they want to believe it’s real…

Now when someone takes that premise and makes a Judd Apatow movie – 40 year old stage mom can’t handle her daughters being hipster anti-stage kids, so she takes it upon herself to get BOTOX and make it happen

Or maybe it’ll be the next Elizabeth Smart Pitch Perfect franchise…

Either way, I won’t get credit or paid for it..

All while Bella Thorne will continue to to self promote herself aggressively, maybe even getting the part, thanks to the perverts…because the perverts will continue to buy into it….keep her going…and well…believe the lie…

Posted in:Bella Thorne

2016

15

Feb

Xenia Deli Eats Herself Out of the Day

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Xenia Deli been around for a while, but I saw her big break while getting a lap dance at a strip club a few weeks ago, when their background video wasn’t the usual porn, but rather music videos set to the song they were playing…and Xenia Deli’s song happened to be one of Bieber’s songs….and she’s pretty much fucking him in video, which would make it safe to assume she’s fucked him in life…and when you’re some immigrant model naked after a place where meat runs rampant…in what could be your big break piggy backing on the massive pop star…you do what you gotta…

You see, she’s from a place where hotter women then her are sold and traded for less than she makes an hour, making her a bit more grateful in her life, being the different kind of prostitute, the better kind of prostitute…who does it on her own terms because she is considered a model…which to rich guys, is interchangeable..and when it looks like this, it should make you want to be a rich dude….

Posted in:SFW|Xenia Deli

2016

15

Feb

Sara Jean Underwood Has Figured Out Instagram of the Day

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I think we should take a minute to give Sara Jean Underwood some credit – where credit is deserved….

You see, we know that instagram is a place where pretty much every girl with an instagram is using it as a platform to post sleazy pics of themselves…but we have to remember there was an evolution to this.

There was a time when only the real strippers and bar maids, before bottle service girls even existed, would use Myspace to post cheesy half naked shoots…but the average girl would debate or even be reprimanded by family for posting anything remotely sexual…

They worried about “career as politicians” or “professionals” or whatever…

While this Sara Jean Underwood – was like – I want to do Playboy, I’m hot, I’m 18, fuck school, let’s get fucking naked…

She knew the dream, the fame, the possible fortune all for getting naked was the fucking answer and didn’t worry about what anyone thought…

She went onto fuck Seacrest up the ass for a while, TV host for the nerds, but now…now she’s on instagram in what some could see as “doing what the insta whores are doing”….but for the old timers like me…she’s doing what’s always been hers to do…

Here she is some video

Posted in:Sara Jean Underwood|SFW