DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2016

10

Feb

Ashley Benson in Health Magazine of the DAy

I’ve been making fun of Ashley Benson and her extreme fame for as long as I known she’s existed, because she’s consistently been 15 pounds overweight, which isn’t entirely obese but if it is what you call Hollywood fat…and with a huge audience she has a responsiblity to be fit, with a lot of Pretty Little Liar famous as fuck money she can hire the best trainers and chefs…so the only excuse is lazy.

I like that her team has decided to rebrand her as a fit and healthy person, despite looking sloppy as fuck, because just yesterday SHE WAS DOING FITNESS ON HER SOCIAL

Today she’s doing Health Magazine…seems like some weird Hollywood wizardry…trying to trick us into thinking she’s just muscular or some shit…

It’s coming at us from left field…

Posted in:Ashley Benson|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Dree Hemingway for Playboy’s Nudity Free Issue of the Day

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I know there isn’t any hype whatsoever about the new Playboy Issue and their ill-advised attempt to generate advertising and PR by taking out obvious nudity, even though dudes like labia, but instead using implied nudity, because dudes love implied nudity on instagram….

I wrote my shitty 5 reasons not to buy PLAYBOY < a href="http://drunkenstepfather.com/2016/02/05/5-reasons-not-to-buy-playboys-non-nude-issue-of-the-day" target="blank"> HERE ….I didn’t put much thought into it, but we all realize we can access porn and more compelling self shot photoshoots of girls more relevant than Dree Hemingway on instagram….

When I saw the pics from the shoot, I realized the magazine is fucking doomed. I can’t imagine this working or this selling issues.

What I do know is that when you’re a billion dollar brand, the whole point of your content production should be doing stuff that the average dude with an iphone can’t do.

If that’s paying bitches enough to spread eagle…or whatever it is…it’s gotta be better than this.

We live in a world where fashion magazines for women and gays have more tit than this…

What a fucking fail, it’s like Lesbian porn. I need the climax.

Posted in:Dree Hemingway|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Rita Ora’s Sloppy Tits for L’Official Russia of the Day

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Rita Ora bores me, but she is really getting herself out there. She’s attending all the key worldy events, like fashion week bullshit in DUBAI….

She really loves using her tits….to get noticed…for the paparazzi or really for anyone – just hoping that one day – she’ll be Rihanna…. (TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE )

She got fully naked for LUI…like she was Rihanna….because all she wants…so bad..is to be Rihanna…

And now she’s in L’Official Russia. I guess she figures the more exposure, the more people will care, because people are lazy and if they see a bitch over and over and over they’ll just assume she matters and at 25, it’s not too late for her to be an actual popstar, even though we can’t quite figure out anything she’s done up until this point, or why she even exists….

I mean she did fuck a Kardashian (the brother) to get some exposure, and then Calvin Harris of Taylor Swift fame…she fucking works the scene aggressively…and maybe, just maybe it will finally hit for her…in the mean time…here she is flashing her bra…

Posted in:Rita Ora

2016

10

Feb

Anna Herrin by Ben Watts for TREATS! of the Day

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I like Anna Herrin…she’s some LA catalog model….who does a lot of eCommerce shit…getting half naked isn’t enough to differentiate yourself from all the other hot chicks on instagram with great bodies who don’t fucking matter but who are doing the exact same thing as you….

So get naked with the Treats! Magazine crew of Rich LA guys, who helped create Emily Ratajkowski, but who have not really caused any real impact since, cuz everyone is caught up in themselves with their own willingness to get naked…I am talking everyone who is decent looking at best is willing to try to be a model…once they figure out their angles.

I come from an era where models were pulled out of grocery stores, bus stops, the farm and didn’t know their tall lanky and insecure look was marketable…where the fame built up organically as their careers ramped up …when famewhore sluts didn’t have a vehicle like instagram to ended up in porn and Playboy…or nude for rich guys…and in magazines…..but more interestingly…when famewhore sluts didn’t feel like they deserved or that they were already famous, before doing anything to justify or warrant that…

We live in a weird era of kids who can’t fail in school, it’s not inclusive…that lacks any edge….and here are some nudes by Benn Watts is a iconic Victoria’s Secret photographer from Australia, who has been doing this photo thing for a long time and his pics are always great.

VIA TREATS

Posted in:Anna Herrin

2016

10

Feb

Keat Mel Twerks of the Day

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KEAT MEL is the kind of girl you’d want to hire to perform at your kid’s birthday party, you know to distract you from the fat and old moms, and to give you an affordable performance, because twerking contests or pro twerkers isn’t really that big of a business, like amateur magician or the guy with the petting zoo, only in booty shorts….and these people need the work…and I guess in Keat Mel’s case, they may also need the greencard with the whole being Russian and by default a mail order bride, just ask Irina Shayk….

This girl is a professional twerker and that alone will revolutionize your day…

Posted in:Keat Mel|SFW|Videos

2016

10

Feb

Irina Shayk’s Creepy Workout Video of the Day

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Here’s a robotic Irina Shayk, who was rumored to being dumped by Brad Cooper last week, only to be a story that made no fucking sense, because there is no way this robotic soulless woman, would throw away that kind of opportunity, you know to carry his baby and allow her to monetize while continuing the good life she deserves because she’s so fucking hot, like so many Russians…some of whom you can buy, while others have already been sold off…like this one…

I don’t know what this fitness pose is – but it’s magic. She’s my favorite.

Posted in:Irina Shayk|SFW

2016

10

Feb

In Bed With Caitlin Jenner Porn of the Day

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There is something terribly disturbing about Bruce Jenner lying in bed in drag, drinking his drink, in what seems like he’s either drunk or medicated, while his daughter films him….making it seem as though he may just be an unstable housewife who medicates her sadness while sitting on her pile of money….that’s why she kills people in car accidents…

This family is dark, soulless, fucked up and twisted…but brands love to hire them…so I guess they matter…

Maybe he’s just dealing with his period cramps or is it menopause…either way…there’s mental disorders going on here…and I am sure it will fuck up his girls – who are already so fucked up – leading to what may actually be an interesting storyline…

Here are some pics of Kylie’s possible panties – because why the fuck not..I like sloppy 18 year olds who look like muppets

: AKM-GSI 9 FEBRUARY 2016 To License These Photos, Please Contact : Maria Buda (917) 242-1505 mbuda@akmgsi.com or Steve Ginsburg (310) 505-8447 (323) 423-9397 steve@akmgsi.com sales@akmgsi.com

Posted in:Bruce Jenner|Caitlin Jenner|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Kate Upton’s Throwing in a Football of the Day

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When you’re built like a linebacker, don’t let your massive fat girl tits get in the way of your dreams of being the football player you were destined to be, and grab that football and throw it as hard and as far as you can, which in your case is really far, due to the weight you can put into it….

I am not sure if Kate Upton still does Sports Illustrated, but I assume she’s over it, and this is how you “throw in the towel” in a sporty way…throwing in the football…partially because those days are done, she doesn’t need to be in a bikini for anyone but her immediate family and black guys who love her thickness….

People thought they Replaced her with skinny big tits Charlotte McKinney, who just posted this naked pic of herself to say “Look I have tits”…

But the real girl they replaced her with some other fat chick, body positive fat chick, who is still a fat chick, named Ashley Graham and really may even be as fat as Kate Upton and weigh less than Kate Upton, named Ashely Graham who we can all collective find disgusting if we had standards and who we can all see as the “jumping” on a trend by Sports Illustrated hoping they stay relevant..or at least get press…even though no man anywhere wants to see this, not even BBW fetishists….

So these fat girl models are for other fat chick who are in the media not dudes…who you’d assume Sports Illustrated is trying to sell subscriptions to….WEIRD.

Posted in:Kate Upton|SFW

2016

10

Feb

The Reason Lindsay Lohan Doesn’t Have an Oscar of the Day

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I used to be a believer that a broken Lindsay Lohan, who was so fucking famous after her parents sold her to Disney and monetized the fuck out of her, despite robbing her of her soul….would one day win an Oscar…

My rationale was that she’d make a good story of overcoming all odds, you know since she hasn’t died yet….coupled with the fact that I don’t think acting requires any actual talent, just ego and willingness to not feel like an asshole, when clearly you’re being an asshole…

I though that her extreme training as a young kid would allow her to dial into that part of her brain and get it…but then she puts out this shit..and I think…”God she’s terrible”….

I guess despite being a believer I am pretty sure Lohan is done….all based on her Dubsmash she felt the fans needed to see.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|SFW

2016

10

Feb

Bella Thorne Ass + Serena Williams = Aubrey O’Day Ass of the Day

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Bella Thorne just keeps on going, this girl is working it as hard as she can, and I’m convinced she’s in her 40s and a mom…I keep saying that and it is ok because no one reads the site….if she’s not 40 and is actually 18…I would be forced to question genetics and hormones in the food…either way I can’t be too sure because I don’t care…just keeping the booty coming, skinny fit white girl booty…

Booty that I think I should contrast with Venus or Serena who are also using social media for their booty, because I figured why not contrast a white ginger “18” year old girl…and whatever the fuck this is athlete thickness is…it brings me joy…because I don’t need to do a dedicated post for each….

Fuck it, while I am at it, why not post this Aubrey O’Day who is really just a hybrid of a Williams Sister and the Bella Thorne, only less relevant but just as thirsty with the ass and titty pics…maybe one day someone will care about her fatter than Bella Thorne, less fat that Serena Williams ass…but I doubt it.

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW