DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2015

26

Jan

Fitness Lessons with Sara Sampaio of the Day

Here’s a little fitness program with Sara Sampaio.

Sara Sampaio is a Victoria’s Secret model, who barely anyone in Portugal has ever really heard of, but who is from Portugal…and most importantly skinny as fuck…so if you’re going to take any advice from her, it would probably be better suited being her diet plan, you know starve yourself, but I guess her workout is important too…I’m just surprised she didn’t pass out from exhaustion due to not eating….but maybe I’m skinny girl shaming, even though I love skinny girls, the skinnier the better, I just prefer my skinny girls not kicking ass, but struggling to stand after one drink…due to liver failure from starvation…it’s so much hotter…and they can’t really fight you off when you want to cuddle them in a back alley…because you’re a romantic…and Valentine’s Day is around the corner.

Part 2

Part 3 –

Posted in:Sara Sampaio

2015

26

Jan

Kate Upton Rebuilt for a Campaign of the Day

No Comments »

This photoshoot makes me laugh because I spoke to someone in Miami who was involved in it, and she kept going on and on about how nice Kate Upton was, but how fat and amazed she was that she was there doing a campaign….you know the kind of model who requires serious photoshop and staging so that her belly doesn’t split the sample sizes they’ve already taken out to fit her massive body…

Now I don’t hate Kate Upton, I don’t care that she’s a rich kid who had the right support, I don’t care that her dumpy body and sloppy tits went viral to the Nascar / Carl’s Jr / White trash male crowd….I actually like the stories I hear about her being an exhibitionist, who loves being naked on set, and loves fucking everyone…

But I do find this a funny way to use her, knowing she made 100k or more for this…it’s like a girl posed as unsexy, unrevealing as possible…because she’s no Victoria’s Secret model….

Either way here are the pics:

Posted in:Kate Upton

2015

26

Jan

Single Irina Shayk in a Shitty Music Video of the DAy

No Comments »

Irina Shayk is recently single. Her 5 year relationship with Ronaldo, that everyone made fun of, because we all know Ronaldo is gay and that she was just in contract to beard him, in exchange for international bikini modeling fame and a salary…was in her lingerie in some Marc Anthony and Friends latin song for the latin crowd…that is actually a massive proud market that probably still buy CDs…and I refused to watch it, because I hate this shit….

I just like pointing out that when played properly, life goes on after sugar baby-ing properly, you just get thrown into the right circle and other rich dudes want in on it, the published work helps…and what it comes down to is whatever her hustle is or was…she’s pretty fucking hot…Here are some of her instagram pics….

Posted in:Irina Shayk

2015

26

Jan

The Official Gigi Hadid Guess Campaign of the Day

No Comments »

Gigi Hadid recently won some model of the year award that probably doesn’t matter, and that was probably paid for, because she’s a rich girl and that’s how rich girls get everything in life, including but not limited to this Guess Campaign, for a company owned by her father’s best friend, someone he calls a brother, who has been using GIGI since she was 6 for the brand…reminding us that everything is positioning, because she’s not all that hot, and that everything in marketing is bullshit selected based on social media following and who her celebrity friends are, it sells products, and less about her look….meaning the world is now all about the spokesmodel you’d see at the tradeshow booth as the model in all the marketing, and I guess when she’s half naked, when she doesn’t have to be half naked, but because she wants to be half naked since it is easier than getting her Ivy League schooling she can afford…you know since everyone wants to be famous…she looks ok.

TO see her at an event CLICK HERE

Posted in:Gigi Hadid

2015

26

Jan

Kelly Brook’s Trying to Seduce You of the Day

No Comments »

Old and tired Kelly Brook looks like she’s thrown in the towel on this get famous in America shit. I’m thinking that her work visa may be expiring and she’s trying to pass off the big titty torch to her roommate, NATALIE LOREN , by plugging the shit out of both their tits on instagram for attention, because attention may lead to a job, when sex tape is the only angle they should be taking….and I guess she’s either taken the den mother position, to help misguided titty models get ahead, or MAYBE, she’s taking the latch onto something hotter than her to get attention, or maybe girls with big tits who get attention for their big tits have a bond and understanding for each other that people who don’t have big tits just never understand…

Here’s their instagram pics…

Posted in:Kelly Brook

2015

26

Jan

Petra Nemcova Not Retouched for Ultimo Lingerie of the Day

No Comments »

Petra Nemcova is a Czech model who must be in her late 40s, because I feel like she’s been around forever. She’s been part of every underwear campaign the last 2 decades, from Victoria’s Secret, to La Perla, to Victoria’s secret, to whatever the fuck Ultimo is…and she probably booked the work, because she’s tall…And unlike other Czech Girls, she didn’t have to work in the sex trade because they are hot and more affordable than American porn chicks, because Czech girls are always willing to fuck on camera for money….at least it seems that way if you watch porn…and they are the only hot ones doing it…but she’s still getting half naked for fashion…

I think the most interesting thing about this babe, is not that she’s a babe who doesn’t need to be retouched, you know since that’s the whole fucking point of using models and not fat actors as spokespeople to push the brand, the whole retouching thing makes no fucking sense…but it is that she survived the Tsunami…and that’s a pretty gangster thing to survive…and thank god she survived, so that we can stare.

Posted in:Petra Nemcova

2015

26

Jan

Natasha Galinka is Magical of the Day

No Comments »

Natasha Galinka is a Russian born American model who you may or may not remember from being robbed during one of the seasons of America’s Next Top model, because I guess she wasn’t born in America, and that disqualified her from being America’s Next Top model, especially when up against a latina, who being latina meant raging fans of their own kind on TV, it’s what they cleaned hotel rooms for….because when it comes to these kinds of all-American things, like the presidency or reality shows…you best be born in the USA…not be arab…and if you’re latina…you’ve got a competitive advantage…

Either way, that was years ago, she’s still around, and she’s looking amazing, and I can’t figure out why a body like this isn’t on TV, in Movies, or most importantly…in my bed…she’s magical…and I’m not just saying that because I love Russians for their princess attitude and no soul…I’m saying that because…look at the fucking pics.

Posted in:Natasha Galinka

2015

26

Jan

Full House Cast Reunion Sing the Theme Song of the Day

No Comments »

If you didn’t want to kill yourself already, you know after watching the Miss Universe girls answer stupidities when asked stupid questions, or when Tom Petty got 12.5 percent for the Sam Smith Song that as clearly a rip off of his song, or some Sarah Palin speech that called Obama a boy, like we were back in the south in the 1890s…..

Here’s the cast of Full House making a spectacle of themselves, without the Olsen TWins, because the Olsen Twins are billionaires, in what I assume is a reunion and stunt to try to get some buzz for the Netflix redux with the original cast that you know is about to happen…

They called it Jeff Franklin’s birthday, but we all know Hollywood people only get together when they are paid, meaning get ready for it…so you can kill yourself…it is time.

Posted in:Events

2015

26

Jan

Mara Teigen in Lingerie of the Day

No Comments »

Mara Teigen is an instagram model…and like all instagram models…no one has ever heard of her, no one kmows that she exists, but for some reason, a reason I call getting half naked on the interent, she has 350,000 followers, making you think maybe she’s relevant and you’re out of touch, before realizing that she gets naked or half naked to get followers…and I figure thats newsworthy enough to post…even if it isn’t news at all…because of the thong.

Posted in:Mara Teigen

2015

26

Jan

Lady Gaga Looks Like Fun of the Day

No Comments »

Lady Gaga is a consistent attention seeker and I guess her hugely popular act proves that attention seeking, if done right works….

Based on how abrasive and annoying her act is, I just assumed that she had no childhood friends, but I guess with every weirdo loser no one liked because of her mangled face, there’s another girl who thinks she’s awesome and believes in her, but then again, they did go to catholic school, and she could have the cool one…but is definitely the cool one now…cuz people fucking love celebrities…so even if they weren’t friends, the second she got her record deal, they sure as hell moved in on her to make sure they would be…not that I know anything about Lady Gaga…

That said, she was at one of their bachelorette parties, where they did pole dance like a lot of bachelorette parties, there were strippers, there were blow up dolls…and most excitingly, she did Yoga in a thong the next day..

I am not a fan, but I am not not a fan…figure that one out, while I go take a shit, cry myself to sleep even though it is 10 am, stare at myself in the mirror, all while eating my feelings, because I am an unemployed woman….or man with low testosterone who might as well be a a woman who doesn’t shower….

All this to say, I grabbed her ass before she was famous, and as much as I hated it, it was good.

Posted in:Lady Gaga