DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

29

Dec

Salma Hayek in a Bikini of the Day

Why is it that most Mexican women in their 40s look like little Mexican trolls, all full of corn tortillas and babies…living in some mud hut, when not trying to jump fences into the USA to work in California or Texas as cleaning ladies…and not like Salma Hayek, because I can assure you, that if they did look like Salma Hayek, I would revisit my half Mexican roots, and move there to hire a different one each night for 20 US dollars, like my friends do when they go to CUBA or South East asia…

I mean sure, Salma Hayek isn’t looking her best now that she’s old and tired, but she’s still pretty fucking fantastic and that’s coming from a self hating Mexican, because my Mexican mom was a hooker who neglected me…leading me to this horrible existence…where I take out all my issues on Mexican woman…except maybe for Salma Hayek …because I want to breast feed and call her mommy…she’s the right age for that…and her tits look perfectly suited for it…I guess this is the opposite of Daddy issues.

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Posted in:Salma Hayek

2014

29

Dec

Nicola Peltz is Hot as Fuck in a Bikini of the Day

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Nicola Peltz is a billionaire, or her father is, which makes her a billionaire…with all the right morals and values in place like wanting to be a model, actress and famous…because the masses sucking up to her is better than just her immediate circle but more importantly…she’s skinny and I like it…enough to think she’s hot…and to encourage the public to buy into her nonsense egotistical attempt to feel complete, valid, appreciated, love her daddy never gave her…because he was too busy making billions…because I’d rather look at her than other rich trash pollution our lives thanks to the media…because she’ hot.

Posted in:Nicola Peltz

2014

29

Dec

Khloe Kardashian Has No Pants On for Cosmo of the DAy

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Khloe Kardashian has taken Kim’s lead and found a scientist, doctor, or different beautifying techniques to take her not hot everything, in fact bitch was so fucking busted, she was a fucking ogre peopled called the shit-colored Shrek….in a fake it cuz you’ve made it kind of way….I call an optical illusion that took work, but that we know beneath the surface still lives a monster….and I guess Cosmo decided to do the big reveal…like that show Disney used to put out before the realized it was terrible called Extreme Makeover, where they would rebuild beast women and reveal them to their kids, to which their kids would cry no recognizing thing new version of their mother….

All this to say, this can’t be Khloe, but it is Khloe, thanks science and a family of vapid, vain, hairy monster cunts who have mastered the art of getting work done hard….like it was black cock…something they’ve also mastered.

Disturbing.

Posted in:Khloe Kardashian

2014

29

Dec

Chloe Green in a Bikini of the Day

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My big break was when billionaire Heir to a bunch of retail empires Chloe Green, reached out to tell me off for calling her a dumpy fat pig who should use some of her daddy’s money on a trainer and chef, instead of lavish birthday parties where they book people like Beyonce to perform…

I really thought we had a connection, before she blocked me on twitter, like a “I tease you because I like you”, kind of thing, or negative hit, that would end up with her having sex with me so that I could K-Fed her.

Instead she turned to Mark Anthony, post J.Lo, because fat chicks love skinny dudes, it’s a thing…

Leaving me alone and forgotten…but remarkably…her ass stayed the same…fat…not that that’s a bad thing…especially when you’re a billionaire and who gives a fuck #yolo

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Posted in:Chloe Green

2014

29

Dec

Selena Gomez’s Slutty and Weird Polaroid of the Day

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Justin Bieber’s sex offending molester, Selena Gomez, who was 18 when he was 16, but still fucked him even though it was a against the law, because these kids are so spoiled, entitled, and rich due to parental exploitation, that involved praising them so that they would perform like dancing monkeys on command so they got the big pay day… are above the law…

Well they aren’t above trying to be high concept, because Selena posted this picture of a picture, with a vague caption…of what looks like it could be 1970s style erotica, ass out, skirt up…but that I can’t really figure out, because in her artistic, high concept hustle, she used flash…intentionally, because that’s how high concept artists do…and for some reason, a reason I call you being a weirdo pervert, I believe you can totally masturbate to this…because porn is boring, while scrambled possibly erotica…is just something different…

Posted in:Selena Gomez

2014

29

Dec

Samantha Gradoville for Transmission Magazine of the Day

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Samantha Gradoville is one of the last standing American models. All the other would be American models are fat on Genetically modified foods and refined sugars while sitting in the trailer park watching Honey Boo Boo and other mindless shit to make their existence as depressing as their credit card debt…

She’s been NAKED FOR FASHION , which is code for she’s got naked for a photographer who had some connections with either a magazine or a client and who would only shoot her if she got naked, because that’s how girls break into the industry and she obviously wants to break into the industry, otherwise she wouldn’t be getting naked in pictures for what I assume is free, because people who get naked in pictures usually do it for money unless of course it’s to get herself to the next level…and she’s doing it again….because it is a commendable way to get ahead…because her tits, like all tits, even bad tits, are awesome…

This kind of work has got her into Victoria’s Secret….filling their US quota, as to not outsource talent too much…so I guess when you look like this…it works…

Posted in:Samantha Gradoville

2014

29

Dec

Kat Graham for GQ Turkey of the Day

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Kat Graham is some Tween actor in her 20s, like Luke Perry on 90210 when he was in his 40s, giving every 16 year old a complex, because they didn’t have beards or a weathered face that seduced high school girls like that, because they didn’t realize he was just a fucking pervert with a fake ID who enrolled back in high school to fuck teen pussy legally…

She’s Liberian and she’s jewish…and her dad is best friends with Quincy Jones….which makes us all wonder how she got into the industry…I mean it must be due to her raw talent and struggle, like so many other Hollywood starlets before her..

I guess ehs’ doing music now, which isn’t that interesting, and in doing Music, she’s also doing Press, like GQ Turkey, where they got her doing the Nicki Minaj…because that’s what white people like to see….with their racially ambiguous rich girls doing music because that’s what everyone their age is doing now….

Fun..but not really.

Posted in:Kat Graham

2014

29

Dec

Rhea Durham’s in a Bikini of the Day

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I don’t know who Rhea Durham is…I am just happy she’s not Lena Dunham, because seeing Lena Duham’s sloppy and disgusting ass that she pretends is a feminist movement…when really it is just an entitled spoiled connected cunt who doesn’t deserve her own show…would be upsetting, like everytime we’ve seen her naked….while this Rhea Durham is not upsetting…well not that upsetting…considering she’s 36 and 36 is pretty much like being 100 fucking years old, at least in sex appeal…until you ask a 36 year old who still thinks she’s hot thanks to Yoga and old rich dudes who constantly throw money at them like they are strippers…when really they are just gold diggers…

Either way, Rhea Durham is a model, I’ve never heard of her, maybe she was pre-2004 when I started the site….you know in the game long enough to marry rich…and this is her ass in a bikini…

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Posted in:Rhea Durham

2014

29

Dec

Kendall Jenner Baby Cameltoe of the Day

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New trend…pose your cameltoe next to a baby…not that this is an actual cameltoe, but with a little pulling on the front of her pajama pants, totally could be, because she’s a Kardashian or whatever the fuck the Kris Jenner’s maiden name is, and genetically, built so that their vaginas eat anything their vaginas face that offer any level of opportunity or money….be it black cock, rich cock, athlete cock…or in this case Pajama pants…

Nothing this 19 year old “it” girl, thanks to the world being a horribly place, and the media sucking, is wholesome “look at me on christmas fodder”…it is all designed to monetize…making her the fucking worst…and giving us all hope for a family trip that ends in Natural Disaster, or Air Asia level missing plane, because it’s always the people who need to die, who don’t die.

Posted in:Kendall Jenner

2014

29

Dec

Jessie J Does Instagram Bikini Pics of the Day

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Jessie J is some bisexual pop star from the UK. I don’t think I’ve ever heard any of her songs, and that is probably a good thing…because the UK has a whole pile of shitty pop music that we are never exposed to…it is part of their culture, I blame the Spice Girls…

The only reason I know Jessie J, is because she performs in leotards, back when only a handful of these popstars were wearing leotards…I also know that she moved to LA because America appreciates her voice, while the UK just appreciates gossiping about her, because her voice doesn’t matter…I also know that she’s got some weird trashy tattoo that looks like she got in the housing projects in Atlanta one night before going to work at the stripclub…I also know that she’s built bottom heavy like she belongs in a hip hop video…with Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalea because that’s the trend….make black dudes fuck you and white suburban kids who wish they were black will love you…and here she is in some self shot bikini pics for instagram…because it turns out America doesn’t care about her enough to send the paparazzi.

Posted in:Jessie J