DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

18

Sep

Anastasia Ashley for Galore of the Day

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Anastasia Ashley…but I have…in fact I have probably done at least one post defending her as a surfer…and probably 50 on various sex acts, some of them criminal, that I would do to her if she didn’t have that restraining order against me – because some girls don’t see love when it is parked in a van outside their house…and don’t feel romance…when they find strange men in their bathtub filled with dirty bikinis…

Either way, she’s in this lovely shoot, that should have a lot more pictures than this, for my good friends at GALORE MAGAZINE …it reminds me of the good times…filled with lemonada and broken dreams of conjoined twins…

All this to say, if this is what surfing looks like…I wish I was a shark so that I could eat it all up…

Posted in:Anastasia Ashley

2014

18

Sep

Lexi Thompson Half Naked Golfer of the Day

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I don’t know anything about Golf. It’s a boring and stupid white person sport and not just any white person sport…middle manager and suburbanite white person sport and that shit is the fucking worst.

So anyone I know who loves it, I generally delete from my life and my opinion on golf will not change now that I know this girl Lexi Thompson exists…I will not watch her stupid little golf outfits…unless the little golf outfits become bikinis…

But I will wonder why TIGER WOODS fucked with some of the hookers TIGER WOODS fucked, when he could have just lured in a young Golf groupie trying to make her way into the golf world…like this Lexi Thompson girl…because clearly she’s down to get half naked for cameras…which means fully naked when the cameras are off…

And I guess the life lesson in all this is everything is better when there’s a fit girl in a bikini…

Posted in:Lexi Thompson

2014

18

Sep

Shanina Shaik TITS for GQ Russia of the Day

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Shanina Shaik is a nice enough set of Australian tits, doing the GQ Russia, showing off her nice enough set of Australian tits, because like most models, landing a Russian billionaire is a pretty much the best gig you can get, way better than the cover of Vogue….not because models are hookers, I would never imply that, they are talented individuals who spend years learning the craft of just showing up on set and letting people take pics of them for a lot of money…

She’s Half Pakistani, obviously not the half that works my convenience store. She was a reality show contestant. She has modelled for pretty much everyone probably best known for Victoria’s Secret….and that’s enough of a recap of her career you don’t care about – because you’re just into staring at her GQ Russian tit…and I’m with you on that…her bio is only interesting to the weirdo fans and I don’t endorse that kind of behavior…but I do endorse tits.

Posted in:Shanina Shaik

2014

18

Sep

Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss Lesbianism of the Day

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Some people like to think they are just Besties, you know straight up BFFs, but I like to think there is nothing straight going on here. I like to think that Taylor Swift is less about collecting models and hoarding them in her luxury apartment, in a room that apparently has pictures of Karlie Kloss all over it, like some kind of rich as fuck stalker who can buy anything she wants, even lifesize, living baries…and more about suffocating on their tall skinny girl clits…

It’s like sure maybe they just watch movies and bake cookies in their Pajamas, up on some Michael Jackson “I’m worth 100 million dollars and never had a normal childhood” kick…

But I like to think they sit on each other until one of them passes out or squirts…you know modern day schoolyard games thanks to the internet.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Karlie Kloss|Taylor Swift

2014

18

Sep

Caitlin Stasey Australian Ass of the Day

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Caitlin Stasey is some Australian on some show called Neighbors, that has been on TV for 50 years or more, and that has cycled through all kinds of low level actresses and made them famous in the native Australian land of trashy accents, despite how much money or class they may have…that’s not to say I don’t like trashy Australians, in fact I am in love with at least one Australian, but it’s not this Caitlin Stasey chick I’ve never heard of, who is putting her ass on twitter like some kind of common hooker, it’s some other Australian who when you get a few drinks in her all she wants to do is strip down, rail lines of cocaine, gamble and fuck whoever is around…and as long as I am the one who is around…that is a good thing…it’s a modern day love story…and you know me and my love for romance….

Posted in:Caitlin Stasey

2014

18

Sep

Emily Ratajkowski Skinny and Wet Pic of the Day

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Emily Ratajkowski posted this picture of her on her instagram looking pretty fucking skinny, and busty, which I guess is a good thing because that’s really her job description and if she was anything but skinny, or busty, she would have nothing but a giant, weird looking belly button to distract from her bird face that I think is overrated, but that I also think was maneuvered really well to to this level of fame.

I mean in ways she’s the Pam Anderson of this generation. Titty Model, to Topless Music Video Vixen, to getting cast in movies like she originally wanted to do….it’s like a modern day story of overcoming all obstacles she faced as a rich LA scenester with big tits..and fake lips…up against so many other rich LA sceneters with big tits and fake lips…

I don’t hate what she represents, tits get hits, tits lead to fame, if you got tits, show them to me, it may work out for you, I just kinda hate her.

Posted in:Emily Ratajkowski

2014

18

Sep

Chrissy Teigen is Fucking With Me of the Day

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Chrissy Teigen doesn’t like me. She even went to her blog to talk about how I am probably a rapist because I called her old, dumpy and a gold digger who should get knocked up to secure monthly payment the second pussy-whipped Jon Legend runs the fuck away from her washed up ass, and trades her in for a younger model, because he has options and she doesn’t…not to mention she doesn’t get much work..she’s more of one of those free models who just likes the status because it tricks people around her into thinking she matters…

That said…I called her a pug face, and now it all makes sense, because she’s apparently a bulldog owner, and I guess as you know – sometimes pet owners and their pets have uncanny similarities in their appearance…and sometimes, like this time, it’s fucking obvious…

So I was wrong in calling her pug face, I should have called her bull dog faced. NO wonder she was pissed.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Chrissy Teigen

2014

18

Sep

Ellen Page Erotica of the Day

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Ellen Page is a lesbian…

Posted in:Ellen Page

2014

18

Sep

Genevieve Morton For Instagram of the Day

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Here are some pictures I should have taken of Genevieve Morton making us breakfast, before hitting the gym, after I stuck it in her ass….but she didn’t invite me to participate, she had some other asshole take the pics of her while ignoring my attempts at seducing her by calling her mean names – or fat – thinking that it would make her love me. You know school yard games…when really…in my soul…while staring at her ass…I think she’s perfect enough to try to knock up…with my mouth…