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2014

11

Aug

50 Selfies to Save You From Premature Ejaculation of the Day

I am going to assume that you don’t fuck and when you do, you always cum yourself, because that’s what happens when your life has been devoted to masturbating as fast as you can when your mom is out of the house getting groceries.

It’s like look at a pic of a girl, and bust quick…only to fail every time you get with a girl…because you’re just too fucking excited that all your dreams of being with a girl are coming true…even if you are paying her….

So these 50 topless selfie pics, should put you over the fucking edge, but instead I am going tell you how to fuck girls proper, so that you don’t have to hide in your closet and masturbate fast so you don’t get caught to internet porn…

I know what you’re thinking…who cares what a girl wants in bed, you’re paying her by the hour and you don’t really care if she gets off or not.

But what you aren’t realizing is that the reason you’re paying a girl by the hour to get off, and not finding real life girls to get addicted to you and your dick is because you suck at life…but you don’t have to suck at life.…

Follow Tips and maybe you’ll save some money on the rub and tugs, that you can spend on girls who can’t get enough of having sex with you…buying them flowers and romance and shit .

It’s pretty fucking basic, you have to make her cum, and you know what, good consisted good sex from a girl who wants to fuck you because you make her cum will make everything in your life better. So you should listen….

1- WARM-UP

It takes girls 17 minutes to cum. It takes dudes 5-7 Minutes. In your case 30 seconds because the hooker gives you a discount. There’s a 16.5 minute discrepancy. One trick is to jerk off before she comes over to drop your first load, get that one of of the way, going in on your second load will buy you a few more minutes of fucking.

Athletes warm up before the game, you’re no athlete, but your body works the same way. Logic.

2 – FOREPLAY

You don’t really have much foreplay with a hooker, unless you’re a weirdo who does the whole Girlfriend experience, since your mom didn’t hug you enough as a child and you feel the need to cuddle. Seriously, who wants to eat out a hooker…I do…but that’s cuz I threw in the towel on life.

But the key to good sex is logical, foreplay. You touch, lick, rub, talk dirty, finger, eat out, stick things in her ass, role-play but not on the first date, she’ll think you’re a creep, I don’t give a fuck, just do what you can to trick her into forgetting that she’s given in and let you up inside her, do not let realize she’s even fucking you, and don’t touch your dick, just focus on her….and the longer you go – the closers she’ll get to orgasm…and the less you have to worry about busting in the first 2 minutes…

3- KNOW YOUR KRYPTONITE

If you get off by getting a finger stuck your ass, or her in doggy, or her breast feeding you like you were her child, or being shit on, or whatever other weird fetish you have, don’t bust it out until she’s done….because it’s only polite to let ladies go, or in this case cum first.

4- USE SUPPLEMENTS TO MAKE YOU LAST LONGER

To last longer in bed …you should try a use a numbing spray like Promescent , because it’s the ONLY Urologist Recommended topical spray that can help any guy last longer.

It’s fast-absorbing and your partner will have no idea that your pre-mature ejaculating sensitive dick is getting some help.

It doesn’t make you a loser to numb your dick, it means you want to maximize your fuck…

When I can’t get hard, I pop 1/4 viagra. When I can’t sleep, I drink a bottle of vodka and eat sleeping pills, when I get a headache from a hangover, I take a fucking aspirin and drink more. Scientists invent things for a reason..and in this case that reason is to make you last longer – she’ll appreciate it.

5- THE STOP AND START METHOD

The start-stop method can help you learn more control during sex. Stick it in, pull it out, go down on her, stick it in, pull it out, go down on her, whisper in her ear that you love her, tell you you’re her boss, who cares, an orgasm is about fucking with her mind, not her pussy, just know that if you cum in 5 minutes or less, no one is coming back for seconds, and really, who doesn’t want to have sex longer…it makes the whole listening to her talk about her feelings at dinner worth it.

And remember – cum in her if you’re not using a condom, cuz no one uses condoms….it is proven that unwanted pregnancy keeps her around for 18 years – even when you can’t stand her…I mean if you’re lonely..

SO TO LAST LONGER IN BED CLICK HERE

TO LAST LONGER IN BED CLICK HERE

Posted in:Lists|Sponsored

2014

11

Aug

Top 13 at the Teen Choice Awards Happend of the Day

The Teen Choice Awards happened last night – and I watched them. Not because I like teens, in fact it was actually the total opposite of that. I just wanted to see what the kids were into these days, and as expected, it was filled what must be brain washed from the media, really silly, not even good looking, young stars who all kind of looked the same, acted the same, and reminded me that we’re all fucking doomed…

Here’s the top 10 people I noticed there…but barely cared because I didn’t find any one of them hot…compelling or exciting. The industry has gone to shit, and I’m not just saying that as a jaded asshole. It’s just a bunch of fucking cheesy, uninteresting people and Shailene Wood-whatever the fuck her name is talking about cancer patients because she did a movie on cancer and now she’s in tune. Fuck off. Phoney.


TO SEE ALL THE PICS COMPILED BY THE ILLUSTRIOUS MADAMMEOW
CLICK HERE

1- Chloe Grace Moretz because you’re all perverts and loved her in Kickass

2- Jordin Sparks because she has Horrible Cleavage…and you love horrible cleavage on even the most irrelevant American Idol trash

3- McKaley Miller Cleavage because I’ve never heard of her, but her cleavage screams “I may end up in porn”

4- Bella Thorne because we always need a good fire crotch in Hollywood to balance things out, especially one that is becoming more and more famous due to limited options, who has a slutty naked hipster sister.

5- Cher Lloyd because she survived Demi Lovato’s ass rape…to be famous…and I respect any whore willing to whore to follow her dreams…

6- Sarah Hyland was the host, totally uninteresting, or funny, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re a fucking robot.

7- Lea Michele because she’s trying to be hot, and she’s so not hot, but no one is telling her, everyone around her sucks up. So here she is making a fool of herself and has no idea of it. Always a good time.

8- Hailey Baldwin because she’s doing the Baldwin Genes alright – thanks to an injection of Brazilian model daddy Steven Baldwin stuffed…She’s the Baldwin Ireland wishes she was…

9- Ariana Grande Leads With her Chin…because her speech on never taking no for an answer, because she’s never heard no, she’s a vapid spoiled cunt with an ego of a mother was as inspiring as her gay as fuck brother coming out on Big Brother…

10- Kendall Jenner was there with her big dumb ass sister because they won

11- Taylor Swift is Good and Skinny because she’s hanging with models, possibly lesbian with models, all those boys she went through has left her realizing that getting eaten out is where the orgasm comes from…so stick with a chick – it comes without all the headaches of being cheated on….

12- Shay Mitchell because she’s relevant on a Relevant show and probably the best looking of the bunch….

13- Haley Joel Osment in Drag – because being the cute kid growing up fucks you up when you hit puberty – which coincidentally is the time when any girl becomes cute – thanks to tits and dudes being perverts – she he did what needed to be done.


TO SEE ALL THE PICS COMPILED BY THE ILLUSTRIOUS MADAMMEOW
CLICK HERE

Posted in:Events

2014

11

Aug

Topless Girls Fighting in the Hood and Other VIdeos of the Day

Tony Stewart Hitting the 17 Year Old Who Jumped In Front Of Him – Because I Have no choice but to say – running in front of cars is not murder on a race track…

Naked girl in a Tree

Rott Saves Chihuahua from Coyote

Baby Shark Attacks!

US Postal Service Effective Delivery

Awesome German Porn Dialogue

When cops kill an unarmed Black Kid – Loot Your Local Store while people film.

Violinist Gets Arrested for Playing on the Train

Posted in:Videos

2014

11

Aug

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

I don’t remember what I did this weekend.

I either had a stroke, it was uneventful, or everything is just slowly blurring into each other. I do remember trying to steal a loaf of bread from some girl at the grocery store as a joke, she didn’t laugh. I remember talking to some baby in the park, in front of the mother, asking if it was a bastard and if mommy was a slut who can’t keep a man, because if so, I may be the daddy for him, I remember flirting with at least one waitress by discussing her pantylines, and I remember hiding in my house for fear the outside world would have it’s way with me, like I want to have my way with so man cute girls in the outside world…the rest of the time…oh and I drank a stupid amount.

Here are some morning links..

Girls Doin’ The Mirror Selfie
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Some Hot Slut in a Bikini
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Beyonce Reminding You She Still Loves Her Husband – It Is Good for Business
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Surfing Pig….
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Security Guards On Duty
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David Arquette Buys Crazy Girls in LA
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January Jones in Lingerie
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Lourdes Leon in a Bikini
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Adults Stuck in Playground Equipment
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Looting in Missouri over Race Wars
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Dogs Reacting to Levitating
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Dogs in Ninja Turtle Cosplay
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WATCH GIRLS – YOUNG GIRLS – ALL GIRLS – AMAZING GIRLS – NAKED GIRLS – MASTURBATING GIRLS – #GIRLS!
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Guitar Center in TImes Square HELL
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Posted in:stepLINKS

2014

10

Aug

Amy Willerton Topless on a Boat of the Day

I don’t know who the fuck Amy Willerton is. She’s some pageant trash from the UK which to me means she doesn’t really matter, but she’s topless on a yacht, which to me means she’s the single most important girl in the world…at least to the rich guy she’s trying to get impregnated by, I mean that’s the whole reason she did this Miss Universe shit to begin with…find husband, get reality show, win at life, make babies, get child support, win at life…

It’s a formula…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Amy Willerton

2014

09

Aug

stepLINKS of the Day

No matter how down and out you may be – I’m talking no matter how depressed and a failure you are – you’ll never be as low and depressing of a case as the legless immigrant mother in a wheel chair with 3 four year old kids in the other room crying – I just saw someone pay to pee on…

Have a good weekend…weekend…assholes

Here are some stepLINKS>..

13 Sleeping Security Guards
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Mirror Selfies
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Kaley Cuoco’s in a Flower Crown
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Kate Upton Won’t Get Naked And It’s Your Fault
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Adrien Brody as Houdini…
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Alessandra Ambrosio Ass Cheek Shorts
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Top Canada shirts Say Anal
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SLUT OF THE DAY
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Rachel Bilson’s Pregnant as Fuck
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Peta Murgatroyd Fitness for Attention
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Madonna Stripped Down in Cannes – The Way She is Supposed to be Stripped Down
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Dogs in Ninja Turtle Costumes
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Hottest Pic of Meagan Good
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Bloody Mary of the Day
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Kris Jenner and Kourtney Kardashian Naked and Prengnat
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Weird Fucking GIFS
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Alyce Crawford Seems Nude
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More Lourdes Leon in a Bikini
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12 GIFS of Disasters
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Miley Panties!
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Chrissy Teigen Hates Cats
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Emmy Rossum in a White Dress
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This Religious Dude Solicited Dog Sex…Weird.
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Black Dick of the Day
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Nina Dobrev in Short Shorts
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Millie Mackintosh Topless Candids
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Megan Fox Wants to Bang Shia LeBoeuf
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Danity Kane is Tempermental…
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Lohan is Still in a Bikini
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Nikki Reed in Fitness Gear
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Office Safari…
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Unused Jurassic Park Posters…
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From stepSMUT!! VERY NSFW!
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LAST LONGER WHEN YOU FUCK…
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Flexible Pussy Flash
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Hot Naked Model Named Solveiga Mykolaitytyeyesy
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Cosplay Babe of the Day
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Girl in Sheer Hipster Lingerie
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Today in Cable Nudity
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Some Slut in a Bikini Flashing Tits of the Day
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10 Things Jordan Carver Can’t Do Cuz of Giant Tits
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FIND COUGARS TO FUCK – BECAUSE COUGARS ARE HORNY AND READY TO TEACH YOU ALL THEY KNOW!!
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Girl Has a Seizure After Stupid Dare?
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Agent Provocateur Lingerie Campaign
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Huge Greek Tits
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WATCH GIRLS – YOUNG GIRLS – ALL GIRLS – AMAZING GIRLS – NAKED GIRLS – MASTURBATING GIRLS – #GIRLS!
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Weirdest Snorer Ever
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Hot Wet Panties
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Math Teacher of the Day
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Business Class Masturbation
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WHEN GIRLS SQUIRT – YOU FUCKING OWN THEM
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Old Lady Getting Down
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Drugged Fatty is the Best Thing Ever
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The Worst Thing a Girl Can Do to Her Vagina…
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My Official Instagram – FOLLOW IT!!
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Celebrity Porn!!!
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SEE CAM GIRLS AT STEPGIRLCAMS

Posted in:stepLINKS

2014

08

Aug

January Jones in Lingerie for Vogue Italy of the Day

I think the highlight of January Jones was that she got knocked up in a one night stand, or maybe by a sperm donor, because she’s never released the identity of her baby’s father, but rather plans to raise him in a single parent house, without a male figure, cuz she’s “got this handled”…

Leading to her throwing money at him in his teens to make up for not giving him a father figure, that will not make up for not having a father figure but that will lead to drug use and premature death due to entitled, broken, spoiled brat syndrome, smoking heroin with the other rich kids because that’s what happens when you go against the church…

Or maybe, just maybe it will turn out fine…but I like to think it all stems from her ego, all actors are narcissist…and more importantly, so do these lingerie pics…but I approve of these more than bastard babies…

Posted in:January Jones

2014

08

Aug

Ashley Benson Still On Set of the Day

Ashley Benson is a bit of a dump truck of a girl from Spring Breakers, but she’s very famous to young people and I guess that’s the market you want to be famous in, since they are the fucking future, as depressing or scary as that may be, if you’ve ever talked to a young person, you’ll get what I am saying…we are doomed. They are retards..

That said, I am not against Ashely Benson, she’s just a little on the chunky side and I don’t’ really get why she doesn’t just watch what she eats and maybe work out a little – it’s not like a fucking crazy formula to get fit…

She’s rich and has access to trainers and should probably quit fucking around…even if she still get cast in movies dressed in panties…like this…

I am a firm believer that her best work was TOPLESS SUNBATHING

I’m not hating her…she could just do better….



TO SEE THE REST OF THE ON SET PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Ashley Benson

2014

08

Aug

Anastasia Ashley Promotes Her Jewelry Line the Best of the Day

Anastasia Ashley is a magical creature sent from the beach, to the internet, via 1000s of bikini pics…who along with showcasing her awesome fit ass, like so many other girls try to do…is also a professional surfer…so she has a good excuse…and it also means she makes her living surfing…and that’s pretty fucking amazing considering how most of the world makes their living by not surfing but rather doing shitty fucking jobs that contribute to making some other asshole rich…

Well, it looks like Anastasia, as lovely as she is, has ventured out to start her own Jewelry line , and it’s safe to say that these pics are probably the bet way I’ve seen Jewelry marketed, not that I’ve ever seen Jewelry marketed, but you get what I am saying and that is that the Jewelry doesn’t matter…thanks to that ass.

See Her Jewelry HERE

See Her Jewelry HERE

Posted in:Anastasia Ashley

2014

08

Aug

Cora Keegan Slut Nipples of the Day

Cora Keegan is showing off her nipples…like so many models…because nipples aren’t a big deal, yet people like to make them a big deal, so that when they show their nipples they can pretend it’s all high concept and art…when really it’s just them showing their fucking nipples…and in Cora Keegan’s nipples are amazing…because I love her and everything she does is perfect…even when she has sex with other men…and isn’t thinking about me…because even girls who have sex with me don’t think of me…granted they are “asleep” at the time but still…

I would sing Cora Keegan love songs. Because when I look at her pics, everyone else in the world disappears…but that could be because I have a short attention span…

Either, she’s lovely as fuck…

Posted in:Cora Keegan