Reese Witherspoon is disgusting…so seeing her brat ass being flashed to the paparazzi like they were the Police and she was being arrested for hard drinking and driving and being an uncooperative cunt, is pretty much up her redneck new money alley, but it’s so unfortunate that it happened, I mean seeing so much lumpy flesh on the street is far past it’s expiration date. In fact, Reese Witherspoon, even at her peak, was a lumpy pile of fleshy shit, but the good news is that unlike sexy clothes on drunk or medicated women, this shit is a surefire rape deterrent, so I am gonna assume that’s what being done here…scientific research, like the clamp/claw/blade female condom that bites unwelcome cock, the hollywood bare ass edition.
Unfortunately, for this magazine shoot, she is not showing her tits, but she is in a bikini, and like sex with a tranny is the gateway to gay sex, the bikini is the gateway to nude modelling.
Even though, like with all models, she’s already modelled nude and that is why she’s even in this magazine to being with…but that doesn’t change the fact that I’d like to go on a bender eating her pussy like it was a drug…stuffing my face til it was no longer healthy and considered a problem I needed to go to rehab or have an intervention for….
I like Amber Heard and not just because she did some home wrecking better than Angelina Jolie, The Montreal Chick Who claims to have fucked Kanye, The Hookers of the Tiger Woods Scandal, because she broke up Johnny Depp and his baby momma with her amazing thin, hot, tight, half lesbian body on the set of The Rum Diaries, where she was in a bikini at least once, and that I’ve watched at least once, because I think she’s great to look at despite how low level and uneventful her fame is…I’d expect more from her!!
I like her cuz she is hot. Here she is in some magazine that doesn’t matter….
Anahi Gonzales is not a very famous commercial model who does shoots for bathing suit companies, that unlike most bathing suit companies, are not very hot bathing suits, in fact these are the kind of bathing suit you find on moms at the resort, designed to cover their problem spots like their raped from having kids and loving cake bellies, you know the one piece with extra SPAX elasticity through the midsection to give the boxy menopausal pig some sort of shape other than a square, but for some reason when a hot bitch is thrown in the shit, as uneventful as it is, it’s still a celebration, because it is no where near as ill-fitting and unappealing as when the saggy drunk mom in the bikini is begging the bartender to taste her 15 year old after birth….if you know what I mean…
Hot bitches in anything from diapers, to coffins, are still hot bitches.
What happened to this awkward nerdy hundred millionaire in her oversized clothes and sneakers making her long lean model-like body look like some kind of lanky character in a sitcom that always falls all over herself…
I just don’t know…
But I do know that I like it. It’s like the weird girl makeover that happened in every Teen Comedy of the 90s, only real life. Take off the glasses, apply some make-up, put her in a hot dress, let down her hair, and boom, all of a sudden babe.
I heard she’s gonna be in Canada this weekend, too bad I’m too lazy, cuz otherwise I’d totally stand out her hotel waiting for an autograph in the form of herpes…you know the real fan kind of autograph that you can’t frame, but you can remember forever.
Ali Michael is a Texan model who I have never heard of because girls don’t have names, they just have tits, but she’s best known for being sent home during 2008 Fashion week, when she was 18, for being too fat and having “legs that were too plump”, while weighing 106 pounds at 5 foot 9. What a pig. Disgusting. The Kate Upton of her generation.
She hasn’t done anything major, except maybe this shoot for Elle France, where they leaked this outtake, that is all full of nipples….fat chick nipples, gross.
One of Miley Cyrus’ hard ass rapper boyfriends 2 Chainz got robbed at gunpoint, and dude runs like a motherfucker, I mean it’d be easy to call dude a bitch from the comfort of my own disgusting home, not being robbed at gunpoint, but it is safe to say if anyone came at me with a gun, it would not be the time or place to really test how tough I was, even if my whole marketing angle was being a hard rapper, I’d have no problem throwing all 2 of my chains at the crazy gun wielding aggressor, because getting shot, even if it is good for business, sucks.
She was on the Howard Stern show, saying whatever gets her attention, because it’s all about selling the tapes people, you know you put yourself out there like that, you gotta make it count, otherwise you’re just a pornstar, and no one wants to be a pornstar, not even pornstars.
The hope is reality shows, public interest, Kanye West babies, etc.
The reality is more porn.
Either way, her narcissistic love for herself, took an interesting turn when she told the world she masturbates to her own porn.
HS: Do you masturbate to get through this?
FA: I masturbate to like…yeah…
HS: To what?
FA: I, like, watch my own video
HS: You do?
FA: Yeah
HS: You watch that sex video and masturbate?
FA: I do.
HS: Wow.
The interesting turn of events is that so do I, and so do most people I know who have clips of them fucking, because lets face it, sometimes your own sex, as bad as it is, is better than some ripped dude who looks like a male stripper fucking some implant bitch. You know cuz you can bring back emotions from that time and hate fuck yourself as you cry to all that went wrong.
All this to say, who doesn’t jerk off to their own porn. This isn’t shocking, it isn’t news, yet I’m posting it anyway. They have me trapped.
In other Farrah news you don’t care about…InTouch Weekly has done an exclusive expose on her much needed new implants because her tits that were the worst and now they are D cup but the pics are next level…..
Victoria’s Secret catalog pictures are the fucking worst. They fucking suck. They are boring as shit always the same, but they always win in a knife fight in my mind, because they feature hot half naked chicks, photoshopped or not, they are the girls all other girls aspire to be, and sure that may be putting the importance of a woman in her body, tits, and how she looks in a bikini, all thanks to aggressive marketing, but really, isn’t that all girls are good for anyway? At least ones who look like this Magdalena.
Don’t blame me, I’m not Victoria’s Secret pushing unattainable expectations on people, I’m just some dude with low standards who likes staring at girls who all girls should look like, but don’t because we didn’t kill off the uglies in the middle-ages when we had the chance. Or at least ship them off to some reclusive island to breed amongst themselves in their ugly person colony….oh right that’s how England came to be. It all makes sense now.
I spent my night having great conversations with a girl who whistles when she breathes through her nose thanks to all the shitty blow she’s done the last 16 years, and for some reason, it was a lot of fun, possibly because she was wearing a low cut dress, showing a little ass crack cleavage, but probably because she was a racist fireball filled with hate and anger who likes sucking dick and fisting girls til they squirt in her eye.
It gave me new found hope in humanity. I shoulda taken nude pics.
