DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

29

Apr

Kelly Osbourne in her Bikini of the Day

Remember when Kelly Osbourne almost died on set of some show she’s on a few months ago. It looks like the only thing that died was her sex appeal, no wait, that was always dead, maybe a product of being raised by her gothic parents, but probably more a product of being made by her gothic parents, with broken DNA thanks to hard fucking drug use. But I guess the starving herself and trying to be skinny thing is over, maybe the fainting was from starving herself, and doctor’s orders are to eat cake, something it looks like her fat ass has been embracing.

All this to say, the bikini was a horrible idea, she needs to plan better vacations, like one that involves a snow suit.

She scares me.

What a dump truck of a spoiled brat, but the good news is there will always be a man horny enough, or gold digger enough to bite the bullet and bang her and I guess that’s what matters.

#Cyberbully

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Posted in:Kelly Osbourne

2013

29

Apr

Nina Dobrev and Julianne Hough in Bikinis Together of the Day

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Nina Dobrev is some Canadian on some Vampire show. Julianne Hough is some professionally trained dancer, who shoulda been a stripper, but instead got on TV, fake dated Seacrest cuz he’s gay and is now single, because I guess their contract is up, allowing her to take her dancing body that doesn’t impress me, no matter how fit it is, she’s a fucking dancer and should be fit, but that I’ll still stare at while it is in a bikini, trying to visualize how big the strap on she fucked Seacrest up the ass with was.

You see, the world is filled with amazing pussy, why bother focusing and celebrating this one. It just doesn’t make sense to me, and that’s coming from someone who posts this shit all day…..it’s nonsense.

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Posted in:Julianne Hough|Nina Dobrev

2013

29

Apr

Bar Refaeli Bikini for Instagram of the Day

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Since Bar Refaeli was kinda fallen off the model map, you know back when Victoria’s Secret fired her, because everyone knows Victoria’s Secret is the only bikini company that matters, at least that’s what they want you to think, and that’s also what Bar Refaeli’s pretty garbage career since Victoria’s Secret would tell you, because no other bikini company, no matter how ghetto, really wants to hire someone the competition fired, they’d rather just go out and find hot no name bitches to make celebrities of instead, it’s like you don’t take someone table scraps, unless you’re willing to admit you can’t afford food of your own, and that you are second rate.

But the good new is, with digital cameras and cellphones, she doesn’t need paying jobs, she can be a bikini model, like all the girls on instagram, everyone’s a fucking bikini model now, and thank god for that.

Posted in:Bar Refaeli

2013

29

Apr

Doutzen Kroes in a Bikini Like It Is Her Job of the Day

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Doutzen Kroes is a mom and I generally hate moms, but she is also a bikini model and I generally love bikini models, or at least looking at their amazing bodies in bikinis, because that’s what they are designed, built, trained to do, in ways that make me ignore the fact that babies have crawled out of their womb, unless I am using it as a reference point to tell all the dumpy, loose stomach moms at the public pool that they are just fucking lazy bitches and I tell them to google girls like Doutzen Kroes to see why.

All this to say, she’s ripped, she’s good, she’s in a bikini, I am into stepfathering her black baby, if she wasn’t so smitten with her DJ husband, who probably bangs all the DJ whores on the road, cuz you know what they say, even if your wife is Doutzen Kroes, she still becomes a naggy cunt you’re bored of fucking, which makes me anxiously await her divorce….not because I think I’ll get with her, but because I frown on love and happiness.

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Posted in:Doutzen Kroes

2013

29

Apr

Courtney Stodden Amazing in Video of the Day

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She may be a useless, clown of a person, you know milking the tabloids being the child bride, even though she looks like she’s in her 40s, pulling off some platinum hair, fake tits shit that was hot in the 90s, back when she was graduating high school, despite her wanting you to think when she was born, but she produces these insane videos of her being insane, and I think the world needs to see her as less of a stripper, scandal, pornstar in training, and more of some performance artist on some higher plane, like some Andy Kaufman shit, pranking all of us while looking hysterical doing it.

I am a fan.

Posted in:Coutney Stodden

2013

29

Apr

Michelle Rodriguez in her Bikini of the Day

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Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t look so bad when she tucks in her dick.

She’s a dude right?

Or maybe she’s just the new generation of sexually ambiguous thanks to hormones in the food? You know eating all that jacked up chicken and dairy to make strong tall hitting puberty at 5

But then again, she is 34, so maybe she is just a lesbian, a hard nippled lesbian I am kinda willing to let rip off my dick like all lesbians want to do because the dick, even as non-threatening as mine, is the enemy.

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Posted in:Michelle Rodriguez

2013

29

Apr

Scarlett Johansson for Marie Claire US of the Day

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Scarlett JOhansson is overrated. From Ghost World to fucking whatever bullshit she is in now, she has never impressed me. She got marketed as this hot and glamorous piece, I just thought she was dumpy. I mean sure, she’s got full lips, but thanks to modern fillers and walk in plastic surgery procedures, so does every duck face bitch on the internet. I’m just not impressed, but I guess she takes a good picture, if you’re into fat, dumpy chicks with decent faces and good lips, who have won the lottery that is life, despite not really deserving it, because they have a personality of a brick wall, only with less texture and stability….maybe her personality is more of a pile of rotting vegetables in a compost heap, but then again I don’t know her, I just see pics of her, and know her body is.

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson

2013

29

Apr

Hot as Fuck Bikini Video of the Day

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I like girls in bikinis….it is videos like this, coupled with leaving my house, where I get to see a babe with big tits crossing the street on a bike, or in their bikinis at the park or public pool, or even at a club dancing, to remember, that celebrity pussy hasn’t got shit on some of the girls out there who are too busy being hot as fuck to waste their time being famous….

I am talking tight body bitches, ready to have a good time, without all the bullshit that comes with celebrity.

Hot video to start your Monday, even though Everyday is Saturday to me.

Posted in:Videos

2013

29

Apr

Sunday Night Panty Flash Vote of the Day

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#SNPF is probably the most fulfilling thing I do. Unfortunately, society or the rules of the internet, now that the internet has rules, don’t agree.

I lost 40-50 followers last night posting these pics, because I guess people don’t like panties, even though everyone’s doing it, under their pants, except for a few good girls, who can’t afford underwear.

I got banned on Facebook thanks to PANTY FLASH 1 for three days.

I am not ashamed, that shit makes me think it’s working, I’m punk rock like that, even if panty flashes aren’t punk rock at all, but are too intense for the general internet public, in an anti bully world. When I grew up on the internet, girls were shitting in each others mouths…and it went viral. Now it’s like one big Disney Channel after school special.

What a waste of an amazing technology.

PANTY FLASH 1

PANTY FLASH 2

PANTY FLASH 3

PANTY FLASH 4

PANTY FLASH 5

PANTY FLASH 6

PANTY FLASH 7

PANTY FLASH 8

PANTY FLASH 9

[poll id=”6″]

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Posted in:SNPF

2013

29

Apr

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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I crashed an open bar charity event, filled with amazing women, all done up and dressed in tight clothing, that I hardly noticed, despite some of the amazingly huge breasts busting out of said clothing, because it was open bar, and whether I am with prime quality pussy, or the gutter stinky back alley kind, both who normally excite me for different reasons, it doesn’t make a difference, when my true love is available to me in an endless river, directly via my mouth to my soul.

I’d give it my number, and take it on dates, and read it love songs but it’s already got my fucking heart…or more importantly, me by the balls.

Here are some morning links to celebrate life, happiness, forgiveness, and anal sex with girls who have a herpes outbreak on their cunts.

Bikini Ass Flash Of the Day
GO

A Whole Lot of Pics of Busty Chicks
GO

Jamie Fox Looks Hilarious on Spiderman 3 Set
GO

Little Kid Killing it on the Banjo in his Blue Grass Band
GO

Bikini Coleslaw Wrestling
GO

Hot Nude Chick Named Natasha in a Pink Hat
GO

The Celebs Who Attended the Surprise Stones Concert in LA
GO

Some Iron Man 3 Interviews if You Care
GO

Russian Vespa Fail
GO

Some Emo Chick’s Leaked Spread Asshole Nudes
GO

Spielberg’s Obama – Starring Daniel Day Lewish for the White House Correspondents Dinner
GO

Unlucky Thief
GO

GET INTO THE NETFLIX OF PORN IT IS WORTH IT
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS