DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Ozempic Katy Perry Finds the Only Audience Who Likes Her of the Day

Rita Ora in a Bikini of the Day

Jenna Ortega’s Ceiling Eyes Beetlejuice Promo Erotica of the Day

Dua Lipa in a Bikini with Balloons of the Day

Julianne Hough is a Mormon Gone Wild in a Tight Dress of the Day

2009

Sep

Very Pregnant Heidi Klum Nipple of the Day

11 Comments »

Heidi Klum and Seal are serious fucking breeders. I’ve heard about couples wanting to have a kid or two, but she seems to be constantly pregnant and lookin at the size of her now really scares me, not only because I can’t stand the idea of a baby growing inside another person like some kind of virus or STD, like the girl who makes me sandwiches who told me she had to take the day off to get pre-cancerous cells burned off her cervix because she had sex with dirty people in her youth and had HPV making me want to fuck my sandwich instead of eating it cuz it was just that fucking hot, only in Heidi Klum’s case shit does a lot more damage to her pussy…not that Seal hasn’t already done an amazing job massacring that thing, I mean she’s definitely not married to him because of his boyish good looks, since he looks like something out of a horror movie, which may be something German’s like since they are a sick breed of jew killing monsters, she’s married to him because of his massive dick.

Here are pics of her hard nipples and her massive belly that I am pretty sure she will bounce back from….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Pregnant

2009

Sep

Annalynne McCord Working The Camera Hard While it Still Cares About Her of the Day

2 Comments »

I saw two sets of pictures from last night involving Annalynne McCord in two different dresses at two different events on two different red carpets . This bitch is really working the scene, going to as many events as possible, making as many appearances as possible, trying to be on as many red carpets as possible, trying to get in as many publicity pictures as possible cuz she probably realizes just how shitty her show is and how likely it is that she’ll get sent back home on the bus she came in on, with no money and minor fame that everyone will forget about in a few years.

Unfortunately, I know that this pig of a girl will find a way to stay in Hollywood even if she lost all she undeservedly has, holding onto the dream, so this lifestyle she works her ass off for by changing into different dresses like some kind of nutcase, is pretty much for life, even if she’s hanging on by a thread, she’ll find herself a rich enough husband or do whatever it takes, to hold onto this fucking moment and drag it on forever because this is her fucking dream and there’s no fucking around….

I just hope she goes to bed at night with anxiety miserable and exhausted from all the running around from event to event in fear of losing it all because if she is actually enjoying this and loving every minute of her bullshit grind that upsets me…..

Here She is with Her Latch on Sisters at Some Macy’s Party…..

Here is Annalynne Workin the Camera While the Camera Still Cares About Her at the Macy’s Party

And Here She Is Working the Camera While the Camera Still Cares ABout Her at the Variety Party. Same Night, Different Dress….

Pics via Fame and Bauer

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Ass|McCord Sisters

2009

Sep

Stephanie Pratt’s Unfortunate Last Name of the Day

2 Comments »

I am not going to say that Stephanie Pratt is hot, because her face looks like a pile of fucking shit after I ate my wife’s make-up one night when I was fuckin’ drunk, but I am trying to ignore the fact that she is not only on the biggest piece of garbage to hit televison since Laguna Beach, I am also going to really try to ignore that she is only on the show because she is related to Spencer Pratt, and not the kind of related you don’t mind being, like second cousins or some shit, because this bitch fell out of the same fucking pussy as him. I am doing my best to appreciate her tight skinny body, because in this day and age, it’s a rarity because that whole obesity crisis is taking the fuck over, and girls who would have been hot are now fat and ugly girls who are skinny are considered hot just because we have limited options and take what we can fucking get and the way I’m doing that is imagining that if I was know I was going to fuck her, I’d go out and fuck the dirtiest street whore I could find a few weeks earlier, without a condom, in hopes of getting AIDS, that I can pass onto her and in turn the entire cast of The Hills because they use the same port-o-potty or some shit..pretty much saving the fucking world from the garbage these assholes spew.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Body|Legs|Stephanie Pratt

2009

Sep

Bruce Willis and his Fame Whore Wife of the Day

1 Comment »

You know that when this girl first got fucked by Bruce Willis and by fucked I mean when he hired her to be his escort for the night, not to say that she’s a whore, but to say that she definitely stuck around because he is a rich hollywood star, pretty much making her a whore, just not the conventional kind you find on the teeth begging to suck your dick for 5 dollars, she called everyone she knew and told them some “You’ll never believe who I just fucked” and from that day on she plotted how she was going to keep motherfucker trapped. She probably sat there and figured out strategy. First she put all her negative qualities, her neediness, her bitchiness and nagging that her last boyfriends dumped her over and decided that she wouldn’t let any of that shine, she knew she needed to be that perfect girl, that why he’d marry her and she’d never have to work again, so if anything, this would be her job, this would be her focus, all her energy would be to make this meal-ticket happen, and by the looks of it, it worked.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Bruce Willis|wife

2009

Sep

Gisele is Pregnant of the Day

1 Comment »

I guess these pictures prove that all those theories of this hard faced supermodel actually being a dude wrong. I would like to defend my stance for a minute, because I am one of the many who said that shit on the regular, because I was trying to fit in. The truth is that she was from Brazil and I know people who have gone down to Brazil and who claim the trannies are substantially better lookin’ than the regular women, leaving a whole lot of mystery and a whole lot of posibility, but logically, I knew that if she was actually born a dude, Victoria’s Secret would have dealt with that after kidnapping her and bringing her to America, you know with some bootleg surgery, but logically, why would they bother when they could just kidnap an actual girl from the third world who they don’t have to waste all that time, energy, money and recovery time on just to give her ladyparts.

All this to say, that I obviously knew Gisele wasn’t a dude, I actually found her hot at least once 10 years ago, but the dude angle made for easy jokes, but now I’m left with nothing but the hope that this is just some movie-magic like Lohan’s Labor Pains, or Schwartzneger’s Junior. You know fake pregnancy prosthtic to keep the lie alive, cuz until I see the birthing video, she’s got Balls to me…..

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Gisele Bundchen|Pregnant

2009

Sep

Kimberly Stewart is Real Ugly of the Day

11 Comments »

Hey Rich Girls….Kimmy Stewart proves that if your dad doesn’t give you much love or attention because he is too busy being a short rockstar marrying tall models pretending he’s not a fuckin’ fag, despite what his music would imply, then divoricing those tall models because they don’t have dicks and they give up on trying to convince him to fuck them for more than just the sake of knocking them up, cuz babies secure the lie since everyone knows that gay guys don’t have babies, forcing him to move on to the next tall model, leaving you without a father, but with a trust fund to do whatever the fuck you want with it, because he has so much money, he doesn’t care you burn thru, cuz he doesn’t really care about you as he never really got to know you since he has only really met you a handful of times, which may be a good thing for you, because after seeing the Mackenzie Philips incest lie, having a rockstar dad who likes you a little too much does just as much damage -leaving you self-medicating disaste with a serious drug addiction…. don’t fall into the trap, cuz by the time you turn 30, you’ll look like fucking shit.

Pics via INFphoto

Posted in:Devil|Kimberly Stewart

2009

Sep

Do You Remember Christina Aguilera of the Day

1 Comment »

Do you remember a time when Christina Aguilera wasn’t a mother with an ugly Jewish husband and a shitty body? Remember, back when she was a hot body with perky fake tits and a tight ass that was making music videos that were the closest thing to trashy gutter porn on TV? Well based on this pictures, we should forget those days, retire those memories and give up on her because it’s pretty clear that this bitch has and that means she doesn’t deserve our support. What a fuckin’ waste of a good pussy.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Retired

2009

Sep

Jessica Biel and Some Ill Fitting Pants of the Day

1 Comment »

I never found Jessica Biel hot. I wasn’t like those motherfucker who fell in love with her watching Seventh Heaven, who never fully let that celebrity crush go and move on with their lives.
She’s just a little too rugged and strong lookin for me. I like my women to look weak and frail to run from me, not like they can run a marathon, build a log cabin from scratch and wrestle a bear and win all in the same day all in efforts to escape my penis.
And I definitely don’t find her hot in this outfit, but that’s probably because she’s dressed like the 75 year old science teacher I had who took me bird watching in a pair of Knickerbockers before raping me back when I was 12.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Ill Fitting|Jessica Biel|Pants

2009

Sep

Hilary Swank Almost Lets Us Look Up Her Skirt of the Day

3 Comments »

Was it gay of me for jerking off to the scene in Boys Don’t Cry, where Hilary Swank a girl who dressed like a boy, was in the bathroom and a group of her friends ripped her pants off, revealing her bush, so the rednecks discovered their best buddy was a chick, figuring they should take advantage of the situation and fuck the shit out of him, like the pussy was a gift from fuckin’ god?
That is like you thinking “shit, I’ve known this dude for 8 years and we have so much in common, he’s pretty much my soulmate, but he was always a he and that would make me gay if I ever pursued it and I don’t want to be gay or admit my feelings to him, that would turn my whole life upside down and he’d probably drop me as a friend so that I’d have none of him” about your best friend, then you accidentally walk in on him in the bathroom and dude’s sitting on the fuckin’ toilet with a full fuckin’ vagina, making you think it must be a dream come true, so you decide to rape the poor fucker….
Yeah, it was pretty gay of me cuz the reason Hilary Swank got the gig was cuz she made a good boy no matter how big a vagina she has, and here she showing us some leg, maybe a little upskirt….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Hilary Swank|Upskirt

2009

Sep

Amanda Holden’s Got Shoes on Her Tits for Charity of the Day

1 Comment »

Her name is Amanda Holden, she is some Britain’s Got Talent judge or host who I’ve never heard of because I don’t live in Britain and even if I did, I seriously doubt that I’d care enough about the grey skinned, rotting toothed, overweight, ugly people from Britain’s level of fuckin’ talent, to watch this garbage, but it did give me Susan Boyle virginity to jerk off to, so I guess I shouldn’t fully discount its potential.

What I do care about is charity organizations, not because I like helping the world or saving whales, aids babies and breasts, but because some genius decided to come up with concept that really push people out of their comfort zone, not that this whore isn’t used to get naked, but you know what I mean, to get attention to their cause, guilting celebrities and women everywhere to get half naked and use a pair of heels to cover their nipples, because dude’s probably got some kind of heel fetish and this whole perversion is diverted by a good cause…pretty clever.

Posted in:Amanda Holden|Shoes|Tits