I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

03

Dec

Saxby Chambliss Thanksgiving Molester Of the Day

I was just emailed this commercial of Georgia Senator’s Saxby Chambliss giving the world a wholesome Thanksgiving Message, unfortunately it was a little too pleasant for him. If you scroll to the end, you’ll see him grabbing his grandaughter in a pretty unwholesome way. I’m sure it was accidental and not some subliminal need, because any molester in their right mind knows to keep that shit behind closed doors and not bring it out in front of camera crews. I guess “big daddy” shows his affection for his family with a pre-puberty titty grab, while other non-wholesome families just put their kids in front of the TV and not on their lap for a grabby horsey ride, I’m not going to spend much time on this since it’s a week old and probably totally out of context and probably something you’ve seen, and in his defense, he is from Georgia, where this kind of thing is encouraged. It’s a Southern thing..

Posted in:Molest|Saxby Chambliss|Thanksgiving

2008

03

Dec

Lindsay Lohan is a Snappy Cunt of the Day

Someone needs to get this bitch some serious dick. She’s acting like a little spoiled brat, probably because she is one, as she ignores the paparazzi when walking to her car and then bitches at them for being on her driveway when her and Ronson get home and the whole thing is fucking ridiculous. Sure the paparazzi invade privacy, they get in your face, they annoy you and all that shit, but they only do it when you are famous and accessible. If this bitch really wanted to get away from it all, she’d step down from the limelight, move to some small town or pretty much any city that isn’t New York or LA, but she likes the fucking attention. You know, maybe she could do what so many lesbians before her have done and cut her hair short, sign-up to University, major in Woman’s Studies or the Environment and have potluck parties where they all sit around drinking cheap wine and talking about sustainable building and eating fucking pussy when they aren’t eating organic cookies.

It’s one of those “you lay your bed situations” and her attitude and lesbianism is equally full of shit, if the paparazzi lost interest and weren’t on her doorstep one morning, she’d wonder why they all forgot about her and would probably end up killing herself, so despite her cunt behavior, she loves this shit. Other things she loves, cocaine.

Posted in:Cunt|Lindsay Lohan|Snappy

2008

03

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

So someone I was expecting to meet up with for a drink tonight never called me. I don’t entirely blame them because I am the kind of person I would cross the street to avoid if I unfortunately knew me, but I figured I’d let them know how I felt in an email….This is what I wrote….

Subject: Get Well Soon….

I wanted to wish you a speedy recovery from the  horrible car accident you were in, because that’s pretty much the only excuse I’ll be willing to accept for you not calling me to go out for a drink when you said you were going to. In fact, I hope you died in the accident so that I don’t have to make plans around you, only to get ditched by you ever again. I will spit on your grave you piece of fucking shit.

What are you up to tomorrow night?

Love Jesus

I wasn’t actually mad, I’m just trying to leave my mark and I was just concerned about her well-being, but I have a feeling this bird won’t get the joke like you won’t get these links….

A Predictable Table Prank is Always Good for a Laugh
GO

Naked Rock and Roll Daughter Prove That Drugs Fuck Sperm Count Up
GO

Aria Giovanni Teaches You How to Make a Grilled Cheese With Her Tits
GO

Learn About Tina Fey’s Scar and How She Got It…
GO

I Don’t Know Who Anna Friel Is, But This Is Her Pussy
GO

Some Chick Pretending to Amanda Bynes in This Video I Don’t Understand
GO

This Slut Eva is Glorious
GO

Britney Spears Would Like to Apologize
GO

Scarlett Johansson Covering Up Her Tits
GO

Kirsten Dunst has a Stalker and He’s Obviously Crazy Because He’s Stalking Her….
GO

Everything That Has Ever Come From Japan is Amazing
GO

Vin Diesel’s Wife is Way Too Good For Him
GO

Shauna Sand Got Beat the Fuck Up
GO

Pussycat Dolls Rocking Some Lingerie Cuz That’s Pretty Much What They Do
GO

Some Chick Opening a Beer With Her Tits
GO

Used School Girl Panties are Popular in Japan…Big Surprise
GO

The 12 Worst Mall Santas….
GO

Some Pictures of Chicks Beating Up Guys
GO

The Pussy Cat Dolls Performing at the Viper Room and the Sluts Who Went Out to See Them…
GO

The Evel Knieval Estate Auction….If You Were a Fan…
GO

French People Have the Biggest Dicks in Europe
GO

Some Angelina Jolie Gallery for Old Time’s Sake…
GO

Man, Ivana Trump Doesn’t Waste Any Time
GO

Your Tax Dollars At Work
GO

Gemma Atkinson in a Swimsuit is Fine By Me
GO

The 7 Hottest Scarred Women
GO

Miranda Kerr May Not Be Engaged, But That Still Doesn’t Mean She Would Fuck You
GO

Do These Bitches From Victoria’s Secret Ever Sleep?
GO

Victoria Silvstedt No Panties Upkirt Throwback
Because She Almost Sued Me Onces
GO

A Christmas Light Show Like You’ve Never Seen
GO

Jana Jordan is Hot
GO

Pussycat Dolls in Their Live Performance
GO

Jungle Jane is Lovely
GO

Penelope Cruz, WTF Are You Wearing?
GO

Fuck You Beyonce, BritNey and Xtina, TINA TURNER is Where It’s At
GO

Let’s Play Marathon
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Holly Valance Does German FHM
GO

Sickos Make Girls Puke
GO

Heather and Lela Will Make You Day Better
GO

Stephan Colbert Has a Dream To Bring That Bitch Kanye Down….
GO

Ashlynn Brooke is the Treat of the Month
GO

Monique Luchese’s Name Doesn’t Matter. Her Body, However, Does
GO

Barry is Man of the Year
GO

Sean Penn Likes to Be Gay
GO

Natalie Marie is Your Playboy Babe
GO

Square Dance Fun
GO

The Inner Demon
GO

Is this Kid Scared or Excited?
GO

Some Help a Brother Out Links……

Naked Girls on Webcam are Better than Your Mom Checking In On You on Her New Macbook Ichat Program….
GO

This Spray Is Proven to Get You Pussy
GO

Some Chick Does The Cat Fish Dance While Fishing With Her Fat Tits
GO

Seduce Local Girls Who Want to Fuck..
GO

Find New Porn To Jerk Off To
GO

Hamster on a Piano
GO

Some Rope Swing Disaster
GO

A Couple Tacky Vegas Whores…
GO

BONUS – Sean Avery Calling Elisha Cuthbert Sloppy Seconds to dis her Hockey Boyfriend Dion Phaneuf and it is Funny… Even coming from a Hockey Player…..and I Hate Hockey…and People Who Play It….

To translate his Canadian Accent….

“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada,” Avery said. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

02

Dec

Paris Hilton’s Push Up Bra Magic of the Day

The single Paris Hilton is really out on the prowl, you know with wearing latex every chance she gets, trying to convince us that she’s this outrageous fuck, but like every slut who dresses like she’s in some kind fetish club chained to a fucking wall getting gang raped, she’s just fronting for the laziness that we’ve all seen and know, because she’s the kind of girl who loves herself so much, that she thinks just being present while getting slammed is enough fucking effort in making the sex a good experience. The truth is, a lot of people have taken her on a ride, but just because she’s got herpes, doesn’t mean she knew what she was doing when getting it, like this dumb bitch I know who got drunk and let her first boyfriend go down on her when he had a coldsore, not realizing that coldsores are fucking herpes and can scab your shit up and was now tainted and still a fucking virgin and who didn’t get it by being strapped to a fucking wall getting gang raped, like a real sexual liberated deviant who earned her herpes would.

Either way, she’s really got some skills in making her tits look bigger than they actually are and I guess that should count for something, even if that something is trickery that pisses me the fuck off because I like knowing what I am getting myself into, even if it’s in my imagination, because I’d never fuck Paris Hilton, mainly because she’d never fuck me, but also because it’d end up being a story that inspires an episode of CSI, because I hate her and hate fucking usually ends up in a crime scene, and I’d just plead self defense, cuz that pussy is a biological weapon.

Posted in:cleavage|Paris Hilton|Push Up Bra|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Melinda Messenger’s Got Some Big Tits of the Day

This is some broken down UK slag, with the face a Thai discount plastic surgeon used to leaving surgical tools in patients would be proud of. She’s only in her late 30s, but still manages to look like the 50 year old rich mom’s with 75 year old husbands and 20 year old daughters, who spend their days getting their hair done while wearing their daughters’ slutty clothes and doing their daughters’ coke, while trying their hardest to get with their daughters’ male friends, because they can’t handle their husbands’ old limp dicks and hate themselves for leaving the party life at 30, to enter the fairy tale family life for security and because everyone around them told them it’d be a good opportunity. The good old days were their 20s, when they worked the dancefloor at the disco they worked at, fucking like there wasn’t a care in the world, being passed around like the whores that they are, before being swept off their feet by a doctor or lawyer who pursued them because they never had a girlfriend and were too busy making enough money to sway any desperate, money hungry slut with not direction to become their wife and baby mommas.

Either way, her cleavage is pretty insane. I wonder how many CCs she’s got in there.

Posted in:Melinda Messenger|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Beyonce’s Hairy Armpits of the Day

Beyonce’s been too busy competing with Rihanna to take care of the little things in life like hygeiene. When looking at the neglect she’s given to her pits, I am reminded of this hairy little troll of a girl I used to bang. It didn’t end well, but for the week that we dated, I did everything I could to get her to just shave her fucking armpits. I used to tease her and tell her that Richard Nixon’s not in fucking office, we’re not protesting a war and trying our best to be as liberated as we can by having unprotected sex with strangers, but we shoudl be, so the only excuse for this hippie bullshit is laziness. I even brought her a razor on our third date and that’s pretty much when the dating ended, I guess I wasn’t so discreet about my disgust, but trying to find her vagina hole was like a fucking South American safari adventure through the fuckin’ Amazon, only instead of dealing with getting attacked by deadly snakes and tribes peopel, I was forced to deal with a hairy mess with a rancid smell of dead fish, and really wasn’t surprised considering the condition of her arm pits.

That said, a girls arm pit condition is the window to her vagina maintenence and Beyonce’s pussy is obviously the real reason Jay-Z’s moved onto Rihanna.

Posted in:Armpits|Beyonce|Hairy

2008

02

Dec

Hayley Marie Norman’s Tits of the Day


haley marie norman in crash by mrstrongback

Her name is Hayley Marie Norman and I know pretty much nothing about her, other than watching her take a shower reminds me of the days I used to jerk off to National Geographic. Now I am not sure if that is racist, but it’s not meant to be, it’s meant to imply that those titties look like they’re straight from the tribe and have never seen a bra before, but have seen a lot of breast feeding in her 24 years and I’d say the same thing if she was white. If anything, she’s just perpetuating stereotypes, like this black neighbor I have who is lazy, smokes pot all day and tries to bang fat white chicks, or the Chinese guy I met the other day who owns a restaurant and likes computers, or the Jewish guy who has a big nose and doesn’t like tipping, so don’t hate me for saying it, hate her for living it.

Before getting married, I used to hate seeing nipples aim to the ground, but have since got over it because most tits that sag are hotter than the tits I’ve been milking the last 8 years and that’s the end of this post.

Posted in:Hayley Marie Norman|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Jessica Alba for Campari of the Day

As an alcoholic, I’ve made it a point to try as many types of booze as possible. You know, if I was working landscaping or doing construction on houses I’d always manage to find the liquor cabinet to sneak a swig or two to get me through the day while pretending I was lost lookin’ for the bathroom. Drinking on the job never got me fired, but being caught stealing booze has, and I think it’s been worth it.

From what I remember, Campari is some rich person grapefruit drink, that you’d need to either have a vag or treat you ass like it was a vag to really appreciate and in my time drinking, I have never heard anyone order the shit, but then again, I only go out in places that only sell vodka, rum, whiskey and beer, but I like to assume that with the economic crisis, people have cut back on these fruity drinks, and are spending their hard earned borrowed money on drinks that actually kill the pain. At least that would explain why they got Alba to be the spokesperson for the shit, because we all know she’s desperate for work and exposure since her baby making fiasco, and I am sure they got her on a fucking discount.

I guess it’s nice to see her getting work, you know since she’s pretty much ruined herself and I was convinced this pregnancy was going to be the end of her, not that doing a photoshoot for some alcohol company is really getting work as an actor, not that she’s an actor, because she is more of a whore milking out a name she created for herself by having tits than a true artist who values her craft and protects the name she’s created for herself. As long as you’ve got you checkbook out, she’ll be there, probably because she’s only got a small window of opportunity, and you might as well take what you get, at least that’s what I told myself when I married my disgusting wife, I figure, who needs dignity, when you can have free rent.

Posted in:Campari|Jessica Alba|Tits

2008

02

Dec

Helen Mirren’s Hot Ass on the Beach of the Day

I made the mistake of going to an old folk’s home for lunch the other day, because my friend hates spending time with his crazy mother and because I like free food and the opportunity to meet some decent old widows who have enough money to support me, like I was Anna Nicole Smith or some shit.

I worked in a ghetto Old Folk’s home many years ago, cleaning up old person shit and piss but never made it into the dining room to hang out with the Old people, I didn’t pass the psych test, so I wasn’t allowed to be near the residents, so I figured I was working my way up the ranks of society.

For some crazy reason, I didn’t think about the shit hole I worked at, because I assumed the government shut those fuckers down, but instead imagined some classy old person retirement community you’d see in Florida, where they ride around in golf carts and fuck each other because there’s really no reason not to, since they are all about to die and don’t really have much else to fill their days.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t this happy place you see on the commercials, but a place that smelled of death, where people were being carted around in their wheelchairs, where I’d hear screams of pain from the hallways and where the staff looked suicidal.

I walked to the dining room, where these women ran to me, probably trying to get me to help them escape and I’ll admit, I felt like a star, and liked the attention unfortunately, they were all grey skinned, their dentures on the table while eating Oatmeal and I almost lost my appetite.

I saw a tit fall out of it’s nightgown, I saw a woman who pissed herself getting her diaper changed, I had great conversations with what seemed like insane people, I was flirted with, in a way that only a lonely woman on her deathbed who had a few strokes but who wants one last cock would, and realized that despite the dryness, old pussy is amazing. So I ate my free sandwich and plan on going back next week, maybe I’ll even organize an Old Folk’s home tour, because they don’t seem to have any standards, and that’s something that works for me…

Here’s Helen Mirren in her bikini, showing off her hot body to celebrate my new love for grandmas.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Helen Mirren|old

2008

02

Dec

Britney Spears “Rocks” GMA of the Day

Britney Spears proves that after you have a spoiled rich kid tantrum that leaves you a mother of two paying some deadbeat to golf and party for the rest of his life, after shaving your head, giving up on yourself and pretty much almost killing yourself while the world watches, because you’re so dramatic and you take yourself too fucking seriously, even though you don’t even know what seriously means, you can easily pull it all together with a multi-million dollar team of PR people, record producers, personal trainers and marketing, so that within a year, you can have a best selling album, because everyone wants to support you, because they saw you turn your life around and feel like they are along for the fuckin ride, even though she’s got no talent, her lead single is shit and she’s pretty much past her fuckin’ prime.

Happy Birthday Britney, I think the world’s given you a pretty good birthday gift, because let’s face it you’re pretty much done, or at least you should be.

Posted in:Britney Spears|GMA|Womanzier