Scroll through to about 40 seconds, some crazy black homeless lookin’ crackhead wraps her arms around this bitch and starts wailing them around and yelling at the paparazzi. It’s really not half as bad as the shit I’ve had to deal with homeless crackhead people, like shaking hands with their black soot and shit covered hands because they had me cornered and liked what I was saying that they wanted to “give me some skin”, or the time some bum pulled out his long, bleeding, shit and soot covered dick to a group of us when we were drunk, about 10 seconds before going into the entire Puppetry of the Penis catalog of stunts because my asshole friend thought it would be funny to pay a bum a dollar to have him wail his dick out and perform tricks with it. It got a little messy when we offered him an extra 5 dollars to slap it against some random girls face while she was sitting outside the bar with her face between her knees, but that’s just because she tried to get the cops involved, but luckily was so drunk, we just kept telling the cops she was crazy and making shit up.

I am sure there are worse stories about me and the homeless, like the time this totally shaved pantyless 45 year old crackwhore was convulsing in the middle of the street and had a group of people trying to help her during her overdose/crazed fit and I totally got hard looking at the brown crusty shit that was oozing out of her box, and I am not talking about the box that she lives in…. I mean there are other stories because I am one step away from being homeless and the homeless are my people. They just don’t give a fuck about the suburban dream or fitting in, or making a living and being conventional and there have been times where I’ve had sex with homeless girls because they are easy, I’ve made out with them because it was funny, I’ve even fingered them to see if my finger would come out in one piece and while doing it, was pretty disgusted, because knowing how bad I smell combined with how bad they smell, it must have been sick for passer-bys….but that didn’t stop me.

I guess the real tragedy in all this is that this homeless chick didn’t jab Whitney Port in the leg with an AIDS needle and handing her a card welcoming her into the club, or even give her TB, Hepatitis, The Plague, SARS, Ebola or whatever the fuck else is going around the shanty communities of LA, because I figured if she did, it’d be one step closet to the show coming to an end, I mean I was hoping for a plane crash, but offing them individually, is also an option, or if MTV cared about us, they’d just end it and everyone could go to their mansions, develop serious drug addiction because they will realize their meal ticket and 15 minutes that has lasted a lot longer is finally up and they’ll be back to being irrelevant sluts, when we can go back to whatever the next piece of shit being thrown down our throats is…..

Posted in:The Hills