So this is some model named Jessica Stam who is supposed to be pretty popular now so I decided to try to find her on Facebook since seducing “it” girls on the internet is what I do, except for the seducing part because they usually just block and delete me. I tell them how I want to give them abortions and other retarded shit that doesn’t translate into funny online, kinda like this site.
Either way, I came across these pictures and realized that she may be a hot model in pictures and on the runway, but she’s not a hot girl at events and in candid pictures and figured I’d post them for you all to see and hopefully to get back to her because let’s face it, she’s better than anything I’ve fucked. So her crack addict bags under her eyes and her mustache aren’t really that big of a deal to me. The addicts I’ve fucked didn’t even have both their eyes, and it’s just nice to see that she makes enough money for me to wallet fuck her with my limp dick in hopes of K-Feding her to support my retirement plan, but then again the dude who just gave me a coffee a Starbucks makes enough money to support my retirement. I’m not very luxurious, despite popular belief.
Hayden Panettiere dressed like a skinny looking girl in a bikini for halloween, but we all know that hiding somewhere under that bikini is her stalky troll body…I guess she is hollywood and this is the magic of movie special effects make-up or some expensive bikini or some shit because I rarely see girls take off her clothes and look better than when she has them on, but when it does happen it’s magical. We call those kinds of girls “sleepers” because no one notices them, and when you get them and their over-sized t-shirt comes off and reveals perfect tits and a bangin’ body you ask yourself why you were wasting your time with the hot chick everyone else is trying to get their dicks inside because she wearing revealing clothes trying to get attention and it’s working…..and laugh when you decide to let them have the hot whore and not be one of the assholes trying to hook it up because you just won the fuckin’ lottery with this sleeper.
I did once knew this girl who was the girl everyone wanted to fuck and somehow I got her back to my place when wasted, not that I had a place at the time, but she was too drunk to realize we were in under an overpass. Either way, as the clothes came off and the padded bra turned her C’s into manly pecs, and her controlling underwear turned her booty into a sloppy bowl of corn pops and I didn’t wanna have my Pops like their commercial always told me I did. But then her hair extensions came off showing off her female-pattern baldness and her make-up rubbed off turning her into a fucking monster…and it wasn’t halloween….
I am thinking that’s kinda what’s happening in these pictures, only it happens everyday while Hayden puts clothes on. It’s like as the t-shirt goes on, her abs turn into a gut and as her slim fit jeans go on her legs get short and thinck. For the record, I still slammed the bitch, but that’s just because I have no standards and how often do you get a girl, even if she doesn’t really look like a girl under an overpass wanting your dick, and by wanting my dick I mean passed out and having no idea where she is….
So some dude who has a website called INeedDaneCooksCockInMe.com or some shit I don’t remember because it was lame, just added me to AIM to tell me that I am a bigger failure than Teri Hatcher. I told him that I know that she may be disgusting, but she’s on some popular TV show and that I don’t really take offense to being compared to her because she’s doing alright for herself, especially not from some dude who has a crush on Dane Cook and thinks he’s actually funny. The dude went on to try to convince me to kill myself because I guess that’s the type of shit he finds funny and was saying that’s how much of a failure I was in his eyes, but reality is that if the booze doesn’t kill me, either will I and I’ll just let shit ride its course even if it means running this deeper into the ground than I already have.
That said, maybe I’d consider doing it, if the person peer pressuring me to do it was someone who was less pathetic than I am. Maybe if a really hot chick was like let’s kill ourselves together and I’ll let you grab my tits, but even then I’d probably just go along with it to grab her tits then pussy out, because death looks boring. I feel like if I was to take dude on he’d have to be someone who doesn’t use the word “Douch Bag” three times on his Dane Cook fan site and who doesn’t drop jokes about jerking off to Llamas. So today’s lesson is to only take advice from people who are more successful and funnier than you, and not from some hack motherfucker who thinks he’s got all the answers hiding behind his computer making bad jokes.
Here are my links:
The Internet Pirate in the Forum Landed the New Jay-Z American Gangster Leak that is GO
A Hot Iranian Porn Movie…I Didn’t Think it Was Possible Either GO
Shauna Sand Dressed Half Naked and Classy for Some Event…Because She Can… GO
Her Name is Ellen Stagg and She’s an Erotica Photographer and This Will Lead You To Her Own World Artistic Sluts Being Sleazy GO
Who Would You Rather Have Sex With the Scary Edition GO
Kim Kardashian Talks About Being an Attention Whore Slut GO
Some Cheerleader Keeps Doing Her Moves As She’s Pulled Away on a Stretcher…Hysterical GO
Check Out Some Hot California Blondes Named Holly and Molly Being Hot California Blondes GO
Some Frat Boy Lookin’ Motherfucker Named Pittsburgh Slim Has a Lame Frat Boy Song Called Girls Kiss Girls…But the Video is Worth Watching….Seriously….Just Mute the Shit and by Shit I Mean His Song GO
Jennifer Ellison Showing Off her Tits on Rollerblades and It’s as Magical as it Sounds GO
Avril Lavigne is a Lame French Maid or a Totally Unsexy Something for Halloween GO
Here are some pictures of Elvira because it’s Halloweeen and being Elvira means that you can only work for this one week a year which works out nicely for her because she’s gotta be in her 60s and this shit is some semi-retired living in Florida career. All she has to do is squeeze herself into some kind of tight motherfucking outfit, show off her big tits and show up,
Speaking of squeezing into tight clothes, I was walking down the street today, and as you all know, leggings are all the fucking rage for young girls thanks to American Apparel. Well it turns out that fat girls with fat asses think that since shit’s in style, they have a right to offend all of us with their tight pants and big asses all hanging out all over the motherfucking place. I don’t know where I am going with this, because I am too nice to call a girl out for being fat and offensive, but I Elivra reminded me of what I saw and felt the need to drop it like it’s hot, when really it’s not hot at all, it’s the shit that’s turning all these young dude’s gay.
Either way, I know a lot of girls who would love to get paid for that kind of thing, but instead are doing it for free, or for STDs and babies, so in a lot of ways Elvira is living the dream and it’s really too bad that she’s not asked to attend more Christmas, New Years, Easter, Labor Day and Independence Day events.
Here are some pictures of Elvira because it’s Halloweeen and being Elvira means that you can only work for this one week a year which works out nicely for her because she’s gotta be in her 60s and this shit is some semi-retired living in Florida career. All she has to do is squeeze herself into some kind of tight motherfucking outfit, show off her big tits and show up,
Speaking of squeezing into tight clothes, I was walking down the street today, and as you all know, leggings are all the fucking rage for young girls thanks to American Apparel. Well it turns out that fat girls with fat asses think that since shit’s in style, they have a right to offend all of us with their tight pants and big asses all hanging out all over the motherfucking place. I don’t know where I am going with this, because I am too nice to call a girl out for being fat and offensive, but I Elivra reminded me of what I saw and felt the need to drop it like it’s hot, when really it’s not hot at all, it’s the shit that’s turning all these young dude’s gay.
Either way, I know a lot of girls who would love to get paid for that kind of thing, but instead are doing it for free, or for STDs and babies, so in a lot of ways Elvira is living the dream and it’s really too bad that she’s not asked to attend more Christmas, New Years, Easter, Labor Day and Independence Day events.
Teri Hatcher takes halloween to heart and shows up at some kids charity to scare the fuck out of everyone in the fucking place. I don’t think that was her plan but halloween is the time to celebrate death and she’s been doing a lot of celebrating for the last 10 years because bitch looks like fucking death and has for a long time.
I was at some fish market, not because I eat fish but because I like the smell and just can’t get enough of it. The Old Greeks guys who run the place were talking about Desperate Housewives and how much they love it and how they want to bend Eva Longoria and teach her the greek olive oil way. I realized that they would be better bloggers than me and had to leave even though it smelled like heaven and by heaven I mean like some washed up old hooker who had three days of cum still up inside her.
Either way, I like how she smeared her last period before she menopause that she kept in the fridge on her lips as some kind of ceremonial celebration sacrifice.
Finally, some pictures of Lauren Conrad that I can jerk off to because I find booze the hottest thing out there and it’s safe to say that I am in love with alcohol, it’s been the most reliable friend in my life and has never real done me wrong, other than all the stupid shit I’ve done while drunk, like driving, or having unprotected sex with sluts, but for the most part we’ve had a lot of good times. So seeing Lauren Conrad buying all this booze for her party makes me want to be on a shitty reality TV show so that I can afford my very own trip to the alcohol store like this. This is the shit that makes me want to win the lottery or rob some old bitch, because I never really cared about the nice cars or houses money buys, I just care about trips to the liquor store.
I can only assume that Lauren Conrad’s putting all this effort into stocking up her bar in hopes that this booze will make some poor fucker drunk enough to fuck her or at least think she’s worth a fuck.
Finally, some pictures of Lauren Conrad that I can jerk off to because I find booze the hottest thing out there and it’s safe to say that I am in love with alcohol, it’s been the most reliable friend in my life and has never real done me wrong, other than all the stupid shit I’ve done while drunk, like driving, or having unprotected sex with sluts, but for the most part we’ve had a lot of good times. So seeing Lauren Conrad buying all this booze for her party makes me want to be on a shitty reality TV show so that I can afford my very own trip to the alcohol store like this. This is the shit that makes me want to win the lottery or rob some old bitch, because I never really cared about the nice cars or houses money buys, I just care about trips to the liquor store.
I can only assume that Lauren Conrad’s putting all this effort into stocking up her bar in hopes that this booze will make some poor fucker drunk enough to fuck her or at least think she’s worth a fuck.
I was at some Halloween jam last night. I don’t really remember much about it because that’s what happens when I drink. I think it has something to do with the older I get the stupider I get or some shit, but that’s probably a good thing. I was actually pretty disappointed in the costumes, there weren’t as many vagina slips on my face as I expected, but I did get stuck talking to some dude about junk food for half the night and couldn’t escape. He was going on and on about how he distributes junk food and he was a nice guy. I had to tell him that I had to go look for pussy and as much as I look like a fat guy who loves junk food, I am really a fat guy who likes creeping hot sluts in costumes out.
It’s nice to see that the creative process that Paris and Nicky went through in coming up with these costumes was a matter of walking into a sex shop and choosing whichever costume spoke to them. I am a lot more into whores who can at least come up with something inspired with the whore clothes they have lying around and it’s safe to say that Paris would have been a lot more ironic if she went out as a herpes scab, but I guess she realizes that I am the only person who finds herps scabs hot.
So it looks like the Germans are like Paypal and don’t like me very much.
it seems like the ISP AliceDSL (www.alice-dsl.de) blocked access to www.drunkenstepfather.com
Since a week a two, I am not able to access one of my favorite websites and it’s only your website. I can perfectly access it through anonymizers such as Tor or by using other ISPs but this certain ISP blocks access to Drunkenstepfather.com.
Maybe you want to investigate further or make it public somehow…
I thought German’s were into shitting on each other and beating each other up. I didn’t realize that they were still Nazis, only instead of hating the non-aryans and fags, they hate me. Here are some pictures of Lohan leaving some dance studio prepping for some tango movie, because she probably hates me too, even though I plan on knocking her off the wagon with my dick. It may be small, limp and useless but that just means it’ll take more effort.
