DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2007

Nov

I am – Gossip Girl…Girl of the Day

6 Comments »

Her name is Blake Lively and she’s the chick on Gossip Girl, a show I’ve never watched but probably should, because ever 18 year old chick is watching it and it’s nice to keep up with what’s going on if you ever want to stick your dick in them

A couple of years ago when the OC first hit, I made a point of watching that shit every thursday night because I used to have a shitty TV and I got it on my one channel. Every time I’d go out to be the creepy old guy at the college party, I’d talk about what happened on the OC and chicks would open up to me and make out with me and all that shit and it was easy fucking research.

I know Gossip Girl is about some NYC socialite rich kid bullshit where everyone is fucking everyone and there’s all kinds of drama on the shit and it’s poisoning every young girl out there and raising the next generation of sluts to love designer clothes more than they already do…..

Here’s a couple episode breakdowns for you to use when out and trying to score young vagina.

Seventeen Candles

Blair is devastated by the current state of her relationship with Nate and the guilt from her recent indiscretion. But she manages to put on a happy face for her 17th birthday party and attempts to hide her feelings from her friends. Hoping to ease the tension between Serena and Vanessa, Dan takes Vanessa to Blair’s party so the girls can bond together, but this ends up making Serena more uncomfortable. Jenny brings her mother home as a surprise visit, but Rufus isn’t ready to forgive and forget. Finally, Nate’s parents ask him to make a huge sacrifice to save his father’s business as he faces charges of embezzlement and fraud.

Victor, Victrola

Serena and Dan finally accept that they are crazy about each other, despite that they come from polar opposite worlds. Chuck thinks of investing in a club trying to make his father Bart Bass proud of him. Nate confronts his father, about the drugs he found in his house but he denies having a problem. Jenny discovers a secret that her parents have been keeping from her. Finally, Blair is devastated by Nate’s actions when Jenny reveals that Nate kissed her by accident thinking she was Serena.

The Handmaiden’s Tale

Dan is torn between two girls when his childhood friend, Vanessa, returns home and declares her feelings for him, just as he and Serena are trying to figure out what they mean to each other. At the infamous masked ball, Blair sends Nate on a scavenger hunt, but Nate is ultimately still distracted by his feelings for Serena. Although Blair makes it perfectly clear that outsiders are not welcome, a disguised Jenny and Dan sneak into the ball. Finally, Lily asks Rufus to accompany her to an Eleanor Waldorf event in order to make Bart Bass jealous

That’s enough of that….This Blake Lively chick is the new Mischa Barton on the new OC and she plays the girl Serena and she’s in her school uniform and you like that. Now use this knowledge when you’re standing outside your local private schools looking for love and send me pics of the outcome….

Related Posts:

Mischa Barton’s Tit Slip
Mischa Barton’s Got a Dumpy Ass
Mischa Barton Smokes for Horny Lohan Wanker

Posted in:Blake Lively|Gossip Girl|School Uniform|Teen|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Elisha Cuthbert in Stupid Pants of the Day

6 Comments »

I met a homeless looking guy who claimed he dated Elisha Cuthbert when she was in high school, because she’s from Montreal. He was telling me everything about her, from what her tits looked like, to what her pussy smelled and tasted like. He claimed that he knocked her up and she got an abortion and that letting her do that was the biggest mistake he ever made, because now his living on the street and he’ should be in a k-fed position. When I told him that if she had kept the baby, she would have never got work in LA, she’d be too busy trying to make ends meet..and by making ends meet, I mean suckin’ dick in back alleys and working the pole like all good teenage mothers.

The good thing about being impotent is that the less complicated things in life are amazing to me. Because the second you stick your dick in a girl it’s like you’ve locked yourself into some kind of problem that will present itself down the line, in my case it was just dealing with the rejection of them not wanting to fuck me again, and obviously the trying to cum during sex while they were crying, which is always hard to do because I am a nice guy.

Either way, I know that if I could get it up, I’d probably be fucking hookers every chance I got, and if I wasn’t fucking hookers, I’d be trying to fuck every little slut I come across, and that would make me a pretty bad husband, and since keeping up this husband of the year shit that’s so fuckin’ important to the core of who I am, I only make out with girls and suck their tits and try to finger bang them or go down on them and as far as I’m concerned that’s not cheating…..So what it comes down to is that my sex life is one of a 15 year old kid but with a lot more risk of catching STDs on my face, or getting girls pregnant with my tongue.

Either way, at least homeless dude can sleep well at night in his box while coming off whatever drugs he was on, knowing that he got her in her prime and that aging is playing a pretty mean joke on her and it’s always nice to see your hot teenage girlfriend turn into a washed up 35 year old fat chick with 4 babies and a lot of misery because her husband cheats on her and she’s poorer than you are, hypothetically of course….

Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert Looks Like a Jewish Retiree
Elisha Cuthbert In a Bikini
Elisha Cuthbert’s Cleavage and Unlit Cigarette for Horny Lohan Wanker
Elisha Cuthbert Smokin’ For Horny Lohan Wanker

Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert|Hot|Mom Jeans|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Leelee Sobieski is a Clown of the Day

4 Comments »

I saw these pictures and wasn’t going to bother posting them, because they are dull as shit, but the joke in them is that she’s at a Cirque du Soleil event dressed like a fucking circus performer, but not the kind you’d actually see at Cirque du Soleil doing their crazy acrobatic dances that you find absolutely breathtaking because you’re a homo, or the kind you’d find in some freakshow, even though she’s tall as fuck, but because her hipster lesbian shoes look a lot like something her Polish grandmother probably wore in the 30’s where she picked up juggling and joined a traveling carnival. The same juggling skills she used to impress the the Nazis so they wouldn’t kill her, allowing her to come to America allowing Leelee to have such a prosperous career or some shit.

But I am just guessing here….me and Leelee aren’t as tight as her obnoxious tights, so I don’t know the real story, but I do know she’s got stupid fuckin’ shoes and that’s all that matters to me while dying on my computer today, even though I think I may still be drunk…and I love being drunk…

Related Posts:

Leelee Sobieski Tits at an Event
Leelee Sobieski Boring Halloween
Leelee Sobieski PVC
Leelee Sobieski Cleavage

Posted in:Clown|Leelee Sobieski|Legs|Tall|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Lindsay Lohan’s Nipple of the Day

6 Comments »

I got these pics off some virgin’s site who thinks there’s nipple in them, but I don’t see nipple, maybe you have to have some virgin super desperation “computer eye” to see her nipple, kinda like a homeless man who thinks he finds a thanksgiving feasts in the dumpster when shit’s just garbage or a how a drunk horny motherfucker thinks the bitch he’s talking to is worth fucking when she’s really got testicles or maybe how everyone on welfare goes to the casino on welfare check day in hopes of winning big but instead end up broker than when they walked in ….if you know what I mean, which you probably don’t because you’re already jerking off to these because you think you see nipple.

In reality, I am more concerned with her legs being wrapped in Christmas Wrapping paper, shit makes me want to unwrap her with my penis but that’s just an old Martinez family tradition….At least I know I’d be getting her herpes, because I hear it’s the gift that keeps on giving, which is a lot better than the can of creamed corn my wife got me last year, when I clearly asked her for a divorce and a couple younger hotter girls to replace her.

But that’s not the point, I am fucking hungover, I think I drank enough to kill a cow, too bad I didn’t bring my out wife with me….get it…cuz she’s fat…and I hate her, yeah this is what happens when I’m licking my vodka smelling sweat in hopes of making this alcohol withdrawal less shaky.

Related Posts:

Lohan’s Got Hot Tits
Lohan Touching Her Toes
Lohan Parties Like a Lesbian in Japan
Lohan’s Tit in a Bra

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

It’s finally happened. I have fallen in love with one of my readers, that header picture isn’t of her. The only problem is that her email has the word tranny in it, but she is hot, 18 and from Poland. She’s a virgin an told me she wants to have my baby. I don’t know if trannies can have my baby, but I am willing to try because she looks so good that even if she was a tranny, I could look past that. I keep having visions of me living in a shit whole in eastern Europe, rockin’ a wife beater and listening polka music, eating potatoes, while she does my laundry in the sink and we talk about how the war has changed us….

Either way, my site and my computer have Aids. I haven’t figured out who gave it to who, but I can only blame Magic Johnson.

Here are my links:

O Face or Dancing With the Stars Face?
GO

Amanda puts her legs behind her head…Because she can!
GO

Watch the New Kim Kardashian Trailer then Buy the Movie with 1 Hour More Footage of Her Getting Fucked
GO

Some Dude Cums From a Lap Dance Video
GO

Kate Moss in a See Through Dress
GO

Britney Buys a Benz in a See Through Shirt
GO

Dog the Bounty Hunter’s New Job
GO

Miranda here is trying to “make it” in the modeling industry…
GO

Some Hot Chick Named Juliana Martins Does a Photoshoot for Zink Magazine…This is the VIdeo
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Hayden Panettiere in Some Yoga Pants….
GO

Some Amazing Teen on Camera
GO

Some Dude Gets His Eye Tattooed
GO

A Book Oprah Recommended Turns Out to have Been Written By a White Supremacist
GO

Goldie Hawn is a Fucking Wreck Who I’d Still Fuck
GO

J.Lo’s Pregnancy Confirmation Video Because You’re a Closet J.Lo Fan….
GO

Justin Timberlake Singed This Youtube Singin Slut to His Label, She’d Be Better Off Doing the Soulja Boy Dance, Like Everyone Else…I Wish My Life Was That Easy….
GO

Some Arab Driver Rolls Down the Highway on 2 Wheels
GO

Nicole Kidman is Pretty Scary Looking…
GO

Gemma Atkinson has Huge Tits in Lingerie
GO

Some Alessandra Ambrosio Lookin’ Good in some Ad
GO

Some Male Phone Sex Operators Viral
GO

Kellie Picker’s Fake Tits at the CMA’s
GO

Some Christina Ricci in Red Lookin Good
GO

3 Chicks Take a Bath Together
GO

Amazing Race Star Naked!!!
GO

Some Chick from the Office Singing About Pussy and Posing in Vintage Lingerie
GO

Rumer Willis Lookin’ Ugly with Cleavage Because That’s the Only Look She Knows….
GO

Irv Gotti Runs a Record Label and Talks About How The Internet is Fucking Him Up the Ass
GO

Jay-Z’s Roc Boys Video
GO

Exclusive Pics of Conan Hanging With His Stalker
GO

Remember Kim Kardashian is in Playboy
GO

Nothing Says Classy Like a Champagne Cork to the Balls…
GO

Drunken Bellyflop Off The Roof and To The Ground
GO

The Whore Stewardess Who Banged Ralph Fiennes in the Plane Got Cast in “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”…So Remember Girls, All It Takes to Be Famous is to Bang an Actor in a Plane
GO

Tom Cruise Paid Katie Holmes 600 Million Dollars to be His Wife…That’s Not a Very Good Deal….I Think She’s Only Worth About $5
GO

Shakira Lookin’ Hot and Showing Off Her Ass When She Was 16
GO

Some Asian Girl Does a Booty Dance in Booty Shorts
GO

Crackhead Sex Picture of the Day
GO

A Plastic Surgeon Confirms that Jewel Has Not Had Implants
GO

Some Made in China Toys Have GHB In Them….You Coulda Used Them To Get Your Next Date. Creep.
GO

Lohan Lookin’ Hot in Boots
GO

Some Kids Blow Up a Pumpkin
GO

Some Photobucket Nudity
GO

Lesbian Porn Moment With 2 Hot Chicks Goin’ At Each Other
GO

Spy Cam Massage Doesn’t Do Too Well
GO

From the Forum:

Download the Bee Gees Greatest Hits
GO

Download the Mickey Avalon Self Titled CD
GO

Download Korn Live and Rare If You’re Into Korn….
GO

Download Some Killers Albums
GO

Download Some Collective Soul Album Cuz You are Gay
GO

Download – Stephen Colbert – I am America (And So Can You)
GO

Some Chick Named Claudia Lizaldi’s Spread in Some Magazine Lookin’ Hot
GO

Some Hot Sluts Dirty Pictures
GO

Chicks Getting Crazy on a Lake
GO

Some Chick Named Beatrix’s Personal Naughty Pics
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Trying to Entertain Karter the Party Slut of the Day

3 Comments »

So I read my comments on the Jordan winning the ultimate woman post, which if you didn’t want to read, it said that it gives party sluts dreams to work towards instead of the unwanted pregnancies, gang bangs and winning the wet t-shirt contest they are used to.

Anyway this bitch wrote this comment:

Guess what?
Im fucking drunk and your not entertaining me so that fucking gay. whatever

So I checked out her myspace and wasn’t too surprised to find that she was an aspiring party slut and Jordan was probably one of her idols. I am sure she puts in a lot of her heart into this and predict that in about 25 pounds she will be one. Her passion to the cause is making her make all the right moves of getting drunk and ridiculous while showing off her tits and acting like a trashy slut. Unfortunately for her, she’s too drunk too realize that she doesn’t really have it going as much as she thinks she does, so the beer will keep being drunk and that 25 pounds may turn into 50, and that the only reason dudes talk to her is because she overcompensates by showing off with her big tits McDonalds gave her.

I am happy she loves herself so much that she is an alcoholic because I heard most alcoholic’s are really happy in their skin and they only drink to celebrate that fact and not to forget all the demons that rape them everyday. But remember eating disorders were invented for a reason, even if they may take away your number one asset, it may be worth looking into. I hate to rip on a bitch for being a chubby girl in slutty clothing, because let’s face it, she’s not nearly as fat as my wife, and I’d totally raw dog her, but I have no standards or money to afford a box of condoms to double up on that shit like I should.

Either way, I read this on her myspace and I assume this is what she reads to herself every night, it’s some positive affirmation shit of of a party slut that they use to convince themselves that they’ve got it going on:

Getting naughty with my body like a hottie should

Don’t call me ghetto gangsta cause Im from the hood

Thrownin down swift swagger with an attitude

If you had this kind of pimpin you would do it too

Here’s one of her third grade level poems, because education and reading isn’t something party sluts do:

choke

Remember that time
when I started to cry
not cause I was sad
cause you wouldnt die

you thought I was crazy
and I didnt deny
and you still stuck around
cause your a dumb guy

remember that night
when I tried to drug you
the fear in your eyes
you love the abuse

you thought it was funny
and it was just a joke
You liked all the pills
I dropped in your coke

you see that knife
and you know what it means
Im taking your life
Im crushing your dreams

the slashes look cool
like your someone special
how could someone you love
make you feel awful

stick around stick it out
next week will be better
I will be up
and you will be deader

Party slut Karter, I know you are drunk, but hope you entertained, because I’m workin’ for you here. Oh and remember that I just made you famous, Bitch.

Related Posts:

Check Her Out on Myspace
Some of the Other People I’ve Made Famous

Posted in:stepFAME|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Jewel has Some Weird Cleavage of the Day

No Comments »

Jewel is from Alaska. She is a woman of the wilderness, she lived in a log cabin and hunted bears. She fished and ran around in the snow barefoot. She climbed mountains, rolled around in the snow, her first boyfriend was a salmon who swam upstreamâ€¦she took him under her hairy armpit and he made her cum harder than the ice dildos she was using before he came into her lifeâ€¦.after Sammy the Salmon died, Jewel, in an emotional rage took a walk to California, where she launched her tree hugging, woman of the wilderness with an acoustic guitar in song career, that makes for amazing masturbation music, but apparently didn’t make her enough money to fix her disgusting teeth. Now she’s gone and married some Country Music Star and that motherfucker has ruined the one thing this woman of the wilderness had going for her and that’s her tits.

Like Sammy the Salmon, the fuckers have decomposed and have been given back to the land where they came from, which isn’t that big of a deal, because small tits are hot, but by the look of these fuckers, they are just empty skin sacs that hang off her body, like my wife’s clitoral hood that we haven’t been able to locate in 5 years because shits fuckin’ buried deep.

I guess the point of all this is to say that tits don’t make a woman. Vagina does. So as long as she’s still got her box, and her acoustic guitar, the only foolish game tearing you apart will be the fact that she would never give you the time of day, because you’re not as cool as her Country Star husband, and that’s pretty fuckin’ depressing…just look at him and you’re understand why…..

Related Posts:

Jewel’s Happy Marriage of the Day

Posted in:cleavage|Jewel|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Jessica Biel’s Got Some Lesbian Dogs of the Day

2 Comments »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

There’s this really mean bull dyke that lives around the corner from me who is always out playing fetch with her 200 pound german defense dog….when I say playing fetch, I mean bitch is in the park wrestling the motherfucker like she’s training it to kill any man that they cross paths with. I can tell every time I walk by them and smile at her lesbian haircut and her lesbian denim and her lesbian combat boots and her lesbian tattoos and her lesbian piercings and her fat lesbian ass, and both her and her dog snarl at me, that she would just love to watch that dog rip my penis off my body and probably the body of every other man in the world so that she can have the girls all to herself. Lesbians are so selfish.

Either way, I wasn’t surprised to see that Jessica Biel has lesbian dogs, mainly because she’s a dude. So she’s just training her dogs to rip her penis off, because she hates it for fuckin’ up her act and it’s time to get rid of it, instead of the penis of every man in the world like the bull dyke who lives in my ‘hood.

I like how she’s not making eye contact with the paparazzi, like pretending they aren’t there and it reminds me of every girl I’ve ever had sex with and that totally turns me on. Does that make me gay?

UPDATE – I HAD TO REMOVE THE PICTURES BECAUSE THE PAPARAZZI ARE FUCKING LEACHING MOTHERFUCKERS WHO WANT TO EXPLOIT PEOPLE AND MAKE TRUCKLOADS OF MONEY……AND ME POSTING THEM TO THE 6 OF YOU IS APPARENTLY ILLEGAL, BUT TAKING THE PICTURES AND SELLING THEM ISN’T. COCKSUCKERS

Related Posts:

Jessica Biel Fighting Back in a Non-Lesbian Way
Jessica Biel’s Dog is a Man’s Best Friend, and by Man, I Mean Her
essica Biel Wearing What She Wore to Prom
Jessica Biel in Her Underwear from That Shitty Adam Sandler Movie

Posted in:Dogs|Jessica Biel|Man|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – Jordan is the Ultimate Woman of the Year

3 Comments »

I think the Ultimate joke of the day is that Jordan won some Cosmopolitan Best Woman award. I am guessing their criteria is to be a total party slut with no self respect and big fake titties that married dudes want to fuck because their wives are fat and disgusting and she’s some kind of object of their masturbation fantasies.

I think it sends a good message to the kids though, kinda like the Paris Hilton sex tape that made a generation of teens addicted to sex and cocaine, which is a lot more fun than my generation of teens who were addicted to knitted sweaters and panty rules. The truth is that there still aren’t enough drunken girls flashing their panties and letting dudes tag team them after a night of drinking. There are a lot more than there used to be, but there are still some girls with morals left and maybe this will encourage them to drop studying and to take on drinking, because I don’t remember the last time a Doctor won the Ultimate Girl award.

This also gives the girls who are party sluts saving up for a set of fake tits so that they can win the Spring Break wet t-shirt contest this year something else to work towards, because after the wet t-shirt contest there only other goal was just getting so many abortions that they can’t have kids anymore so they don’t have to bother spending a lot of money on condoms they never use and the birth control pill they always forget to take.

Related Posts:

Jordan Promoting Her Signature Line of Hair Products
Jordan’s Drunken Panty Upskirt
Jordan Topless on the Beach
Jordan Pregnant Bikini Pictures

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – UFO Sighting in Canada of the Day

2 Comments »

This was just sent into me and I decided to post it, since the last alien I wrote about was Hayden Panettiere and figure it’d be nice to switch it up. So this exciting video is of a UFO sighting in Canada and all I can do is laugh at the dude’s funny accent. I am pretty desensitized to all this paranormal shit, because I don’t give a fuck whether ghosts or alien exists and there’s all kinds of documented sightings from weird people who I wouldn’t trust baby sitting my kids and I don’t even have kids, so that’s how weird the fuckers are. It’s like whenever I tell dudes who have sisters that if I had a sister I’d totally get down with them all through my teens and that they wasted prime opportunity of having them sneak into their room at night,. They always get disgusted, but to me she’s just another chick that’s more accessible since you live in the same house an it’s not like she’s going to tell anyone because society is totally against that kind of hookin’ up, but if she does, they’ll be taking you away.

Either way, if we exist, then the chances of aliens exist are pretty fucking high based on common sense. To say that God put us on this earth to do our thing and is going to blow us up because we are sinners makes a lot less sense than the concept of Aliens existing, unless God was an alien and this shit is like the science fair project I made in the fifth grade that was on sewage. I basically shat in a box and failed, even though I made that shit myself, unlike the annoying rich girl who made some elaborate hydro-electric dam.

So here’s your UFO Sighting in Canada. Maybe it’s a military test, maybe it’s Paris Hilton coming back from the future like Marty Mcfly since she is getting cryogenically frozen and by the time they figure out how to defrost a herpes ridden whore, they’ll probably have invented a time machine that they probably didn’t use too often, because otherwise they’d know what the fuck they were getting themselves into and they’d keep the bitch on ice and maybe it’s actually aliens but I just think it’s a bunch of inuits having a good time eating a raw seal and huffin’ some gasoline.

Posted in:Aliens|Canada|UFO|Unsorted