DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

17

Aug

I am – Hayden Panettiere Gets a Ticket of the Day

So people say that this bitch is the next Lohan. I say she’s the next Roseanne Barr. She’s like the girl who’s okay looking in high school but when you see her i few years later she’s about 40 pounds overweight and has 2 kids with 2 different fathers and you’re just like “what the fuck happened to her?”.

I guess I am kinda like Roseanne Barr too and I am sure if people from my highschool saw me today, they’d think the same fucking thing, but I guess the reality of it all is that I am not relying on my looks to get me ahead in life, but I am pretty sure Hayden is.

Either way, this is an email I got yesterday from some creepy Lohan fan….

Subject: Big fan of Lindsay Lohans

I was just interested in how you got her phone # I am not a stalker I have just been trying to get ahold of her through her people and nothing has worked I am disabled and simply want to meet her that’s all.

DJ Cochran

Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere’s Tits Getting a Ticket…..

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Hayden Panettiere In a White Robe

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Tits|Unsorted

2007

17

Aug

I am – Pink is a Man in a Leotard of the Day

4 Comments »

There was a time when I was really into leotards. I am not talking about when my stepdaughters were five and taking dance classes because that’s not the kind of guy I am, I am talking about when they started to hit the scene in the last couple of years. I remember in the 90s girls would wear these things called body suits that had snaps in the crotch and would pretty much be these tight fucking shirts that made a nice change in scenery from bitches in over-sized t-shirts. I was always fascinated by an article of clothing that touched the ass, pussy and tits all at the same time and I guess I carried that over into my life today. I remember convincing my stepdaughters to wear leotards and walk around the house in them because despite not being able to get hard, my love for clothing that touched tits, ass and pussy at the same time never changed…and as American Apparel started pumping more and more of them out and girls from all walks of life started wearing them daily, I became a happy man….

That was until today, when these pictures of Pink wearing a leotard pretty much disgusted me. Her broad manly shoulders and the penis bulge that I can only imagine she’s hiding behind that skirt thing of hers is about as sexy as prison rape and that is why I am posting them for you, because I know you have a fantasy for prison rape. Don’t worry, it doesn’t make you a fag if no one knows you get off to men shoving their dicks in you violently….well, maybe it does…but just a little.

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Pink Likes to Fly
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Pink’s Nipple Piercing
Pink’s Nipples
Old Pink Upskirts

Posted in:Leotard|Man|Pink|Unsorted

2007

17

Aug

I am – Hating Mimes of the Day

1 Comment »

Every city I’ve been to in the last 3 years has had at least one of these fuckers. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t travel that much, but it seems like this is the trend in street performing. There are motherfuckers who spray paint themselves gold and pretend they are a statue or an Academy Award. I saw one motherfucker who covered himself in plaster to look like a real statue. I saw another fat lazy dude in Chicago once who was sitting there with his gangster buddy smoking cigarettes in preparation of his stupid street show that consists of him standing still until someone throws money in his bucket, where he will change positions and freeze until some other motherfucker gives him money then he’ll change positions again. I

I remember trying to make one of these motherfuckers dance because he was creeping me out with his no moving bullshit and I took a pocket full of nickels and threw them in his bucket one by one, so he’d switch position and I’d throw in another one and he’d switch positions again….it lasted for about 1 minute and then he got mad at me and stopped moving again…

I realize now that trying to look up this mime’s skirt is the easiest way to break her character. Or I guess you could grab her titties or really any form of sexual harassment will get her moving. The sad thing is that I’ve had women in bed who moved less than this, and yes they were still breathing and yes they were roofied up, but that’s only because that’s how I seduce women….it’s easier than going to the gym or having good conversation or buying them drinks…

Either way, here’s the video….

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

17

Aug

I am – The Uncensored Vanessa Minnillo Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

Do you remember when Nick Lachey and his girlfriend went to Mexico and frolicked around naked and fucked in the hot tub and it was all caught by some photographer that they had the Mexican government kill and forced all the pictures that were released off the internet so that in a couple months time it would be like they never happened because we would have all forgotten….it turns out that they weren’t forgotten and these pictures surfaced recently in some Spanish Magazine.

I am not an expert at spotting fakes, but these are pretty believable to me. I would assume that this Minnillo slut has a solid bush and I am okay with that because I am a fan of bush. I can never tell whether I am a legitimate fan of bush because I haven’t come face to face with one in years, not because waxing and shaving is what every 14 year old and her mother does now as scheduled as brushing their teeth, but because I am a married man who doesn’t ever look at his wife’s cunt. That said, I think girls with bush are breaking down the mainstream, they are saying no to the Chachi way of bald and owning their natural state and when some girls tell me over the internet that they have never shaved before, it reminds me of some kind of magical forest that the building developers haven’t started building on, or like a deserted island that no one has ever visited and that shit is hotter than razor burn.

Either way, I don’t want to get sued so I am going to just link this site that has the pictures loaded. Although I like seeing celebrities naked, I don’t like when they use some of the money in there huge bank accounts to get their revenge on me…..Even if they could be fake.

Vanessa Minnillo Full Nude Picture With Fat Tits Bush
GO

Vanessa Minnillo Side Tit
GO

Related Posts:

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Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Naked in Mexico
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2007

17

Aug

I am – Mena Suvari Bikini Pics of the Day

3 Comments »

The first time I was into girls with a shaved head was when I was about 14 and I met this girl with Alopecia. The thought of her never having any body hair just really got me going on and trying on all her wigs made for a good time.

The second time I was into girls with no hair was when I was about 16 and a girl I was friends with got cancer and thought she was going to die. As part of the process of not wanting to die a virgin, he weak frail, chemotherapy-ridden body came to me for help. Not because I was someone people wanted to fuck but because I was someone who would fuck someone with cancer. I am sure the whole experience was humiliating and we ended up getting caught by the staff at the hospital and it lead to me being admitted to some psych ward for a while, but I’ve blocked it out of my memory. She lived and I like to think it was my gift of life that helped her through it, or that my dick cured cancer but it was probably her need to get past the cancer, grow some motherfucking hair back and find a real guy who could please her, but I guess my poor performance played a part in curing cancer and that is good enough for me!!!

The third time I was into girls with no hair was a long time after the cancer sex, was many years later, well after I blocked out the whole chemo experience and it was while working at the porn company and seeing some slut with a shaved head get a load dumped all over her bald head, and I knew it was something I needed to do, so I spent months looking for someone to fill the part, I even offered whores some money to shave their heads for my needs, but they weren’t to into the 50 dollars I managed to save up from collecting cans and would only do it for 1000 which was out of my budget for cumming on a sluts head.

I was tempted to go back to the cancer ward, I was tempted to shave girls heads in their sleep like my weird friend whose mother used to make him brush her hair every night, but eventually I just got over the whole thing…..

Here are some pictures of Mena Suvari, in a bikini, with her shaved head that I would cum all over if I wasn’t impotent, not because she’s hot, but just based on principle. I guess the real interesting thing in all this is that when Britney shaves her head she’s having some kind of meltdown and when this bitch does it no one cares….I guess that probably doesn’t help Mena Suvari’s cry for help so much does it. She was probably sitting at home, realizing that her career was garbage and was looking for a way to sort it out, saw Britney on the news and was like “I know I’ll shave my head”, only no one even noticed…..Shed a tear for this girl, then rub one out….it’s what she wants you to do.

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2007

16

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

I was very hungover today. I don’t really know what happened last night but I know it ended with me passed out on the floor and that’s always a sign of a decent night where memories of whatever happened will be easily forgotten by me and probably not so forgotten by the poor people I came in contact with.

I ran into some dude who’s girlfriend I offended on myspace. He wanted to punch me in the face but ended up being cool about the whole thing because he dumped her for being crazy. I guess it’s a little lesson that fucking with people online can hurt their feelings, make them want you dead and the whole not knowing who a person is can make the obsess over finding out, making the confrontation a lot more passionate than if you just told his girlfriend what you said online to her face. I can’t really help being what I am on the internet, it’s like I channel some fucking bullshit that makes me try to poke fun at everything, but the average person just doesn’t get it.

The lesson of the day was to not tell people you run a website because it may leave you dead in the gutter.

Here are my links…Enjoy while I go drink again in hopes of killing this 12 hour hangover…

Amy WInehouse’s Hot Thonged Ass
GO

Britney Spears’ Cellulite Ridden Legs Hates her Kids
GO

Some Drunk Chick in a Short Skirt Makes A Fool Of Herself Because She Has to Pee
GO

The Girls of Moto X Teach us a Physics Lesson in Bikinis….
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Shakira’s Sexy Bikini Photoshoot Video
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Topless News….By Some Chick Named Tera Wray…Topless
GO

Britney Spears Topless Allure Magazine Outtakes.
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Sex Scene or Murder Scene…
GO

Adriana Karembeu Naked in Photo Magazine
GO

Some Hot Slut Teaches Us How to Iron….With Her Great Tits
GO

Isabella Ferrari Nude on Some Yacht…
GO

Shannen Doherty Topless in Some Movie
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Some Slut Tells Us What’s New On RipeTV
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Katie Lohmann Lookin’ Hot….
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Nicolette Sheridan Out and About Lookin’ Hot
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Some Goth Dude Let’s His Friend Bang His Gf’s Ass…NSFW
GO

Angelina Jolie Fucking in Some Movie
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The Weirdest Condom Ad I’ve Ever Seen – With Full Vagina
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Hilary Duff and Her Killer Legs Performing
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Dudes Do The Invisible Rope Prank to Cars
GO

Do You Know What Your Daughter is Up TO
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Lookin Good Beth Ditto
GO

Dudes in Wheelchairs Beat Each Other Down…
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This is one of the stimulating conversations that happen on my forum that no one visits….
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Insane Webcam Ass
GO

Pam Anderson’s Tits Grocery Shopping…
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Some Weird Sex Ed Video Someone Sent Me
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True Porn Clerk Stories
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TIna Fey is Ugly but Was Even Uglier…Throwback Pics
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Some Miss Teen USA Contestants Lined Up in Bikinis
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Man Vs. Wild Bear Grylls is a Phony and Here’s the Proof…
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The Lohan Lost Dog Poster Wasn’t Done By Paris Hilton…So I take Back Calling Her Clever Yesterday…
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Who Says Hip Hop is Dead Video…Is Fucking Hilarious….
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Some Dude Puts His GF’s Hot Pics On His Photobucket…
GO

Angelina Jolie Performing Some Stunt For You To Jerk Off To…
GO

Amanda Bynes Has Hot Legs in This Short Skirt…
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Adrian Grenier is Banging Paris
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Vanessa Anne Hudgens Looking Good in a Red Dress
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

This Crazy Kid Roller Skates Under a Bunch of Cars
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Bearforce Video because You Are into Bears…Homo.
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Nicole Scherzinger Lookin’ Hot At Some Event…
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Gisele Looks Hot on Vanity Fair Cover
GO

Some Idiot Vs the Treadmill
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Drunk Nip Slips
GO

Keeley Hazell Naked in Cashback
GO

Some Old Alex Trebek Outtake…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

This Spray Will Get You Laid…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

16

Aug

I am – Lily Allen Shops for Lingerie of the Day

7 Comments »

There are girls out there who I just don’t want to see get fucked and one of those girls is Lily Allen. I am usually up for seeing anything with a vagina getting down with whatever they get down with, naked or half naked, but sometimes a girl turns me off so much that I filter them out of my mind.

Lily Allen is one of those girls and I don’t know why. I am sure I have banged way uglier chicks than her, but for some reason, when I look at her, I just think of her as some kind of a-sexual beast. To me she’s built like a Barbie with no genitals at all, so seeing her at one of my favorite lingerie stores buying what I assume is sexy lingerie reminds me that bitch does have sex, that bitch does have a vagina and that underneath her oversized fat chick clothes is a girl who just wants to be sexy and I hate every second of it. Shit’s totally giving me a mind fuck so to make you feel my pain with me, I am posting these pictures.

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Posted in:Lily Allen|Lingerie|Unsorted

2007

16

Aug

I am – Nicolette Sheridan’s Red Lycra Pants of the Day

3 Comments »

I am pretty sure these are old, but they were sent into me and I had no choice but to post them because her ass looks amazing and they remind me of some chick that I just saw walking with her annoying 15 year old son. I assume that she was a trophy wife who has some really rich husband and spends her days at the gym fucking the fitness trainer, at the hair salon talking to her fag stylist about giving blowjobs, at the day spa yelling at her masseuse about rubbing her down harder, at home yelling at the maid about cleaning better and at the cook about using more low-fat ingredients because the shit he’s cooking doesn’t fit in with the South Beach Diet her nutritionist put her on. The benefit of making a life out of being vain and self absorbed and superficial was that her ass was probably one of the most solid asses I’d ever seen and I tried to let her son know that he should be jerking off to her while she’s out at the pool and not trying to land blowjobs at his Jewish summer camp because she is that good.

When I finally made eye contact with the kid, I pointed to his moms ass and gave him the thumbs up hand signal. He just gave me the finger and went back to his phone conversation. I guess he hears about how hot she is everytime his friends tell him how bad they want to fuck her, or how they end up hanging out with her instead of him anytime they go over. The reality is that she is probably the only reason he has friends.

So seeing Nicolette Sheridan’s fit ass is just an extension of this celebration of bitches in their 40s who still have it going on enough for you to rub one out to, even though your desperation leaves you rubbing one out to pretty much anything with a vagina, including your fat neighbor who likes to garden in short shorts…

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2007

16

Aug

I am – Nicolette Sheridan's Red Lycra Pants of the Day

No Comments »

I am pretty sure these are old, but they were sent into me and I had no choice but to post them because her ass looks amazing and they remind me of some chick that I just saw walking with her annoying 15 year old son. I assume that she was a trophy wife who has some really rich husband and spends her days at the gym fucking the fitness trainer, at the hair salon talking to her fag stylist about giving blowjobs, at the day spa yelling at her masseuse about rubbing her down harder, at home yelling at the maid about cleaning better and at the cook about using more low-fat ingredients because the shit he’s cooking doesn’t fit in with the South Beach Diet her nutritionist put her on. The benefit of making a life out of being vain and self absorbed and superficial was that her ass was probably one of the most solid asses I’d ever seen and I tried to let her son know that he should be jerking off to her while she’s out at the pool and not trying to land blowjobs at his Jewish summer camp because she is that good.

When I finally made eye contact with the kid, I pointed to his moms ass and gave him the thumbs up hand signal. He just gave me the finger and went back to his phone conversation. I guess he hears about how hot she is everytime his friends tell him how bad they want to fuck her, or how they end up hanging out with her instead of him anytime they go over. The reality is that she is probably the only reason he has friends.

So seeing Nicolette Sheridan’s fit ass is just an extension of this celebration of bitches in their 40s who still have it going on enough for you to rub one out to, even though your desperation leaves you rubbing one out to pretty much anything with a vagina, including your fat neighbor who likes to garden in short shorts…

Related Posts:

Nicolette Sheridan Buying Panties
Nicoletter Sheridan is Michael Bolton’s Fleshlight
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More Nicolette Sheridan Bikini Pictures

2007

16

Aug

I am – Day Dreaming of my Internet Girlfriend of the Day

No Comments »

It’s always nice to be able to take time out of your day and sleep wherever you happen to be, but I am too paranoid of being attacked by a crazy person to kick back on a park bench and really let loose. It’s also nice to have dreams of the girl you love, even if she’s someone you’ve never met and only know through her myspace profile or extensive IM chats that you run home to have with her when you’re busy day of being a virgin is over and your lame social life leaves with you nothing better to do.

I am all about the dream, because sometimes reality is pretty fucking shitty and without dreams of a better tomorrow, you might as well just kill yourself. So what I am getting at is that even if this dude is a virgin and can’t get laid, he probably doesn’t realize it and either do you. Until Now…

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted